Kids in school and change

[CovidStopping]

Ok, so my kids are the lucky ones - they've been in school throughout as DH and I both key workers. We r very lucky and I'm not disputing that at all.

However, I was reflecting today how hard it's been for them.

Their best friends left in March to be home schooled and they were both placed in bubbles with kids from other classes they didn't know so had to make me friends. Then old friends came back and they were separated from new friends in September. Then in January (or whenever - lost track!) old friends went off again and they were both in new bubbles again (but not same kids as last march), so had to make a bunch of new friends. Now next week old friends are coming back and they won't be allowed to mix with the new friends they've made.

I just feel.so sad for them. My kids had already had school changes prior to all this, as well as class shuffles mixing up the kids in the year.

I just feel.like they are learning that whatever friends they make will only be temporary so they better not get too close.

They've been great, but it's pretty hard on primary age kids to have to keep making and losing friends. :(

Just felt sad for them today that's all :(

I feel for the kids who won’t have any summer holidays this year as their parents will be clawing back their jobs, business and livelihoods from the brink of total destruction. I feel for the kids who haven’t played with a single child (friend or enemy or anyone) for almost 3 months. I feel for the kids hiding away as their parents are ill and shielding and waiting for a vaccine. I feel for the kids who’s parents are suffering horrendous mental illness caused by the combined stress of losing work AND being ill, with no end in sight. Do I feel for the kids of key workers who’ve attended school and whose parents have both kept their jobs and their income as a result? Not really.

My 6yo only child has only played with other children when we have genuinely bumped into them at the playground. We don’t have family nearby and anyone I’d be willing to be in a childcare bubble with is already bubbles with others (family usually). This whole thing has been really unfair on only children.

The primary mums on my street have been picking up a child so theirs have a child to play with outside and they aren't breaking the rules. They other mum returns the favour at a later date. Is that an option for anyone? It's basically an outdoor play date so the other mum doesn't have to stay.

My 8 year old has been in school in the key worker bubble. Yes hes had to be with different kids but hes made new friends- had new experiences. Your kids really are the lucky ones. Its not ideal but spare a thought for those children who have had no children to play with at all. My 6 year old son is at a different school and hasn't been in at all and hes been much more negatively impacted.

@palacegirl77

I’m not sure why you are getting a hard time on here.

We have an 8 year old only child. She has not been at school bar the random one day after the Christmas hols in January.

Like you, we have stuck to the rules and not met up with anyone. Most of her friends have been in school which has been hard. She has done a weekly FaceTime with 3 girls from her class which has helped.

Only this week has she actually played with another child - we went to our local park & she played with a random little girl that she didn’t know. It was lovely to see.

In response to the OP - I’m afraid for those that have been stuck at home with wfh parents, no friends to play with, no school structure, very little education (due to home learning being a bloody uphill struggle most of the time!) and very little interaction with anyone outside of the household; I’m afraid my sympathies wear thin in regards to changing bubbles & transitory friendships.
As you said at the start of your post, you are lucky. Hold on to that.

But in the back of their minds children know it could all be snatched away again at a moment's notice. I worry about what effects this will have psychologically - I don't think it's been properly thought about.

This is so sad, the change and upheaval isn't great for kw children but at least they are getting to see other children. Frienship groups are very fluid at primary age anyway.

I'm in Scotland where children under 11 don't need to social distance and don't count in the numbers so my dc have been seeing friends outside throughout all of this. I feel very grateful the scottish government has prioritised children's wellbeing.

When I'm not working I take my 6 year old to the park most afternoons to meet his friends, when I am working sometimes a mum friend will come and collect him and take them. My 10 year old meets his group of friends everyday after homeschool is finished and comes home at dinner time.

@Shrivelled

I feel for the kids who won’t have any summer holidays this year as their parents will be clawing back their jobs, business and livelihoods from the brink of total destruction. I feel for the kids who haven’t played with a single child (friend or enemy or anyone) for almost 3 months. I feel for the kids hiding away as their parents are ill and shielding and waiting for a vaccine. I feel for the kids who’s parents are suffering horrendous mental illness caused by the combined stress of losing work AND being ill, with no end in sight. Do I feel for the kids of key workers who’ve attended school and whose parents have both kept their jobs and their income as a result? Not really.

This!!!!!

@scrivette

OP I understand, my DC have been at school and are not looking forward to returning to their normal class as it's yet another change.

I am surprised that some schools have been having Zoom meetings showing the children in classes as well as the children in schools. Our schools have an online class and a separate Lockdown class with different a teacher each, but I suppose that's down to the amount of children available. It does seem unfair (both to the children at home wanting to be in school and the children in school wanting to be at home).

Our infant school decided (after a week) to send the class teachers home and only have support staff in the school. Main reason was because we could see the kids in the background during the Zoom lessons. It was bothering/distracting some children and the weren't any private spaces to conduct the lessons. Several parents of the children at home complained. I don't blame them.

Mine have been in as key worker children this time round- last time u could WFH, but had to go in to work this time round.

They have found it hard. More than I expected them to. It is obviously easier than being home schooled, but the idea that this hasn't also been damaging to the key worker children is just not true, its just not been quite as hideous as what we've done to the majority of kids.

Luckily, our school isn't trying to keep classes in the same year separate so they're going to be able to see their new friends.

Op - do you have contact details of any of their new friends' parents? I'd be arranging to bump into them at the park.

Also this week, can you arrange a zoom / face time with any friends from their normal classes to get them excited about seeing each other again?

over My teens haven't seen any friends since they broke up in December either.

Sorry OP, but I find your post incredibly hard to read. I get that it’s been tough for everyone, but your kids are beyond lucky to have been in school during this time. My daughter (8) is an only child who was on a waiting list to get emotional support with friendships about this time last year, and it never happened because of covid. Last year, like countless others, she ended school on March 20 and the had 2 days of actual school at the end of the summer term. That was it. Then this year, nothing since January 4th. We’ve been following the rules so she’s not played with another child since then. On our morning walk we go past her school (her choice, not mine) and today she saw the key worker kids going in and said “I hate seeing people in school uniform”. Then she saw a friend, who is a key worker child and at school with DD’s best friend in the world. DD is worried about being left out and about her best friend preferring this other girl when they go back. She lacked confidence before and this is just so heartbreaking to see and hear.

We’ve been following the rules because we think it’s important. Because it’s been illegal for us to meet up with more than one other person. It drives me nuts that some folk have just decided they won’t bother anymore, because sometimes when we’re out and about we bump into these people, and their kids, playing together.

So whilst I’m sure it’s been difficult for your kids to have adapted to different bubbles or whatever you have got to understand that they are beyond lucky to have had that social contact and face to face time in school. Others are not so fortunate.

My 10yo hasn’t seen or played with any other children since 18th December. Their social life is online with a couple of friends that are not local anyway. They have no interest in returning to school in person.

I know they submitted maths and English on the online school portal, but hasn’t done anything like geography or languages. They are hoping that homeschooling will return very soon. I have no idea how it will pan out next week.

@mrsknottschicken

Sorry OP, but I find your post incredibly hard to read. I get that it’s been tough for everyone, but your kids are beyond lucky to have been in school during this time. My daughter (8) is an only child who was on a waiting list to get emotional support with friendships about this time last year, and it never happened because of covid. Last year, like countless others, she ended school on March 20 and the had 2 days of actual school at the end of the summer term. That was it. Then this year, nothing since January 4th. We’ve been following the rules so she’s not played with another child since then. On our morning walk we go past her school (her choice, not mine) and today she saw the key worker kids going in and said “I hate seeing people in school uniform”. Then she saw a friend, who is a key worker child and at school with DD’s best friend in the world. DD is worried about being left out and about her best friend preferring this other girl when they go back. She lacked confidence before and this is just so heartbreaking to see and hear.

We’ve been following the rules because we think it’s important. Because it’s been illegal for us to meet up with more than one other person. It drives me nuts that some folk have just decided they won’t bother anymore, because sometimes when we’re out and about we bump into these people, and their kids, playing together.

So whilst I’m sure it’s been difficult for your kids to have adapted to different bubbles or whatever you have got to understand that they are beyond lucky to have had that social contact and face to face time in school. Others are not so fortunate.

@mrsknottschicken

Gosh I really feel for your daughter and I completely understand where you are coming from. As a fellow mum to an 8 year old only child, it has been so hard to witness people (often those that we know) meeting up in large groups without a care in the world.

Even my DD’s teacher is concerned about the divide between the home schooled children & the key worker children when they return next week. She is aware that friendships and cliques will have changed & established amongst those attending school & that those that have been at home may find it harder to slot in where they left off.

It’s very different to September when they all returned after the summer break to a Jew class & new teacher and we’re all in the same boat.

This why I hate the path this country has chosen so much- the OPs children are "beyond lucky" that whole their situation is shit, its not as shit as most other children- who the adults in charge of this country have spectacularly failed.

OP - its ok to be worried about your dcs. That other people have it worse does not mean that your dcs' problems shouldn't be thought about.

All children have been let down. Some more than others.

Not all children are the same and keyworker provision is hard for some. I’ve had the daughter of two doctors in my bubble, she has hated coming to school as all of her friends are at home and they are meeting on zoom without her. The bubble is very small, she doesn’t have any friends and hasn’t been able to make any, despite all our best efforts. Her parents know she is unhappy and would love to keep her home but they can’t.

Then I also have children in my class who are at home and really struggling with that. It’s not a simple situation.

At my DDs school, the KW children have been in their normal classrooms, with their normal staff, having their normal lessons. Playing in the playground. Having lunch with their friends.

The ones at home, have recorded lessons from things like Twinkl, White Rose and Oak. Most have been quite good. But it still isn't comparable.

@RedGoldAndGreene

The primary mums on my street have been picking up a child so theirs have a child to play with outside and they aren't breaking the rules. They other mum returns the favour at a later date. Is that an option for anyone? It's basically an outdoor play date so the other mum doesn't have to stay.

You must be in Scotland? In England that's not the rule no. Exercise meet ups must be 1:1 so a mum picking up another child with her child makes 3. It's a technicality I know but some of us what to adhere to the rules.

The primary mums on my street have been picking up a child so theirs have a child to play with outside and they aren't breaking the rules. They other mum returns the favour at a later date. Is that an option for anyone? It's basically an outdoor play date so the other mum doesn't have to stay.

I mean, it's an option, but unless one of the kids is under 5 it's illegal so... no.

I'm in England, so kids count as people. One person from household A can meet one person from household B. The scenario you describe is two from A and one from B.

We can't form a childcare bubble with another house as we have a childcare bubble with my parents (very fortunate to have this) to allow us both to work.

Honestly OP I’m not sure why you started this thread.

You’re not looking for advice, and you’re unlikely to get sympathy. As you say, your kids have been the luckier ones.

What responses were you expecting?

Thanks all for your responses.

Just to reiterate...I know we are very very very lucky and I feel deeply for the children (and parents) at home.

I, in no way think my plight or that of my kids is worse than yours. We r very lucky. We really are extremely lucky.

That said, while most people are acknowledging how horrendous it might have been for kids at home (though we do know some that are flourishing), I don't think the government and schools have given much thought to the (albeit small compared to others) difficulties key worker kids might also be facing with making and losing friends and change. It is also quite hard to explain to primary age kids who don't like school at the best of times, why they have to go to school when their friends are at home (and in their opinion therefore playing computer games, lying around in PJ's, and seeing mummy or daddy everyday). I think mine sometimes think I don't want them with me, or don't love them as much as their parents friends do because I'm sending them to school.

...I do really really know we r lucky . I tell my children that EVERY day. Not sure they can understand it at this age though.

Someone asked why I posted this - just because I was feeling sad really. DS has just made some good friends in his new bubble and was told today that from Monday he'll not be allowed to see or talk to them at all at school :(

Sorry if I offended anyone. I really do know I'm lucky and so are my children

Making and 'losing' friends (to be replaced with the existing friendships they had previously) really isnt comparable to losing friendships and 23 weeks of education. Im sorry youre feeling sad and I do get that, but honestly, you kids will be fine.

My children are older, neither have seen another child since school closed for them. We live in a small village with lots of elderly people. I've seen a lot of comments on here recently berating parents for not taking kids to the park to socialise with other kids. For us that would mean driving 8/10 miles which is against the rules! My eldest child doesn't really have any friends to meet anyway which is really, really sad. Starting a different highschool to primary friends was hard enough but to then go into lock down 1 when he just starting to settle wasn't great. Just starting to branch out and find new friends after going back in Sept and 4 months later wham school closed again. Not a great start to highschool in the slightest.

Same as @MrBullinaChinaShopr with our five year old. Also remember that we've had months of mud and rain so even if we could find a parent who was willing to break the rules and wasn't working then they'd need to be willing to stand in pouring rain in a freezing cold field.

I get you OP. My dc have been in school 3 days a week as we are keyworkers. I do know they are really lucky and so do they, but dd 7 has had a lot of anxiety around school and friendship groups with all the different groupings, different kids every day, different teacher every week, and switching between home an learning and school. She was previously very robust and now has a stomach ache every day which seems to be anxiety about things changing again next week. Dd 9 has ASD and also struggles with the frequent changes. I don't expect sympathy because I KNOW we are lucky, but that doesn't change the fact they find life difficult and I worry about them. I am doing my best to raise them as resilient children. It has been a tough year for many children and it's not as simple as who's at home / school.