How are you ? Honesty - how are you doing?

[24601mary]

To all the parents out there- how are you? How are you coping with lockdown / the past year ? How are your relationships at home ?

Myself and my husband have a 2 year old little girl. My husband has been self employed working from home until he recently (and so very luckily) got a permanent job for a very big company where he is continuing to work from home. I work from home twice a week and have my in-laws watch my daughter during this time. On paper , we are doing alright and are in such a fortunate position I would never want to seem ungrateful .

Mentally though, we are struggling , and we have only realised so tonight after admitting our feelings to one another . We've been living and working under the same (small) roof for a year now. We've had no escape from one another and ironically we see each other so much and yet we spend no 'quality' time together.
I have been getting frustrated about things my husband is or isn't doing around the house , without even considering the things he has been secretly worrying and thinking about .

I read somewhere ages ago that said we are all in the same storm but sailing different boats , and it's so true ! But I wondered , how is everyone else coping!? How is your mental health holding up? I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for those in a similar situation to ours PLUS having to homeschool .

So, how are you?

I am totally fed up of the people I live with.

I love the people I love with...luckily 😊

*live with ☺

Honestly I'm struggling massively. I appear to the people I see with my job and others as ok and try mostly to put a brave face on for my kids who are teenagers. But reality is for the last 2 months in particular I feel desperately fucked and am either crying, angry, miserable as hell or sometimes ok. Happier moments still occur but it only takes 1 little thing and I either sob or fly off the handle. I've left the house several times on my own recently to just sit and cry. If it wasn't for my family I could walk under a bus. Then I get a grip of myself after the sobbing and think wtf am I doing. Apart from that I drink far too much wine/gin/eat shite and am ok 🤔

I have gone full circle now and I'm genuinely happy right now at this moment in time.

I just need to see my sister and my mum and I would be great. I met up with my mate for a walk last week and it honestly lifted my mood insanely.

The kids are failing at school. Two are in because of SEN / vulnerable, two at home that have mostly just given up.

Knowing they will be back soon in education keeps me going. I think my expectations have become do very low I'm finding pleasure in the tiny and dull. Life has shrunk massively so the prospect of better days has cheered me up.

I had a week or so last month what the point was in getting up in the mornings any more. Hopefully my good mood will last

I would say that generally we are doing ok. I live with DH and 4 children, 4, 8, 13 and 16.

I have been furloughed from one of my very part time jobs and not working at the moment at my casual job. As I don't work often, we don't use my wages to 'live' so don't have to worry there and it means I can do homeschooling with my 2 middle children while looking after the youngest. DH works from home most of the time too but he has an office that he is in a lot of the time so he can be uninterrupted.

Yes we do occasionally get sick of each other but my middle 2 are getting on way better than before lockdown and we are lucky that we have plenty of room for us all to have our own space if we want. My eldest is probably the worst as she missed out on her final days at high school, college has been very strange and she misses the going out with her friends.

Most of the problem is my health anxiety so mentally I'm not doing so well at either lockdown or the thought of the outside world.

Not so good. But thank you so much for asking and for sharing your story. It's great that you and your husband talked openly about how you're feeling.

I'm struggling with the fact that I became a mother for the first time just before everything kicked off. I have found it very challenging and sometimes I doubt whether I'm a good mum and I feel very weak. I don't know how much of it is lockdown / pandemic and how much is actually just being a mum. I guess I will never know.

My husband works out of the home and it's been a lot of long days alone with the baby. I've been back at work a few months too and that's another stress.

In any case, I'm fortunate to have a roof over my head.

My MH is absolutely fine I’ve never been so stress free as being able to combine wfh/ work. Much more time with my dc which I’d never have had, less commute and being able to pay off debt as enforced into nowhere to spend/waste my money.
I do miss seeing my friends and family but we face time/text/talk frequently. My dc are doing ok one under 12 so they can still meet up with a friend to play.
I’ve not got my knickers in a twist about home schooling as I work f/t and accept the limitations on what I can do.I’ve advised dc schools to not send me text reminders of what they’ve not done unless they are going to provide 1-1 teaching or do my job for me. also very much in the camp of we are all experiencing normal emotions to an unexpected set of circumstances none of which I can change therefore I just accept it and do my best.
I accept that I have a regular wage coming in but have worked my single parent butt off the last year and having to carry annual leave over as been unable to take it all. If anything I’m tired but also don’t expect to be having much of a holiday this year either as I don’t think it’s wise to travel abroad.
There’s loads of really good online support available for those struggling.

Awful

Awful this weekend - single parent and on my own this weekend, as DS is with his Dad. I just feel anxious, bored and lonely.

Tomorrow I have a list of stuff to do, so hoping that I am occupied. In the scheme of things I have lots to be grateful for - however right now I am struggling to stay positive.

Honestly very badly

Work in healthcare so it's been the worst year of my professional career by a country mile. Have to keep carrying on as no choice really. NHS bloody heroes and all that crap.

My lovely mum died young of cancer in lockdown so couldn't grieve her loss properly or be with my family for support.

All my usual coping strategies are cut off. No gym, no yoga classes (home workouts and online not the same) no massages or music gigs or weekends away.

DH and I both had COVID in December although recovered now it was shit at the time and ruined any attempt at Christmas we might have had. Went back to work too soon out of guilt.

Plus the usual that everyone has. kids being homeschooled (didn't take the KW places because DH at home, kids don't want to and guilty), all of us sick of one another's company by now.

Try to count my blessings because mum would tell me to do that. DH is a good man and a good father and is my rock, I do have family and friends albeit online currently, we have secure employment and housing and no money worries which is a huge blessing many don't have. Kids are not in crucial exam years or big milestones.

I've been vaccinated and I assume DH and I are both immune although there's nowhere to go and no-one to see even if we were tempted to trade on that so it does us no good.

I would say I am generally a resilient person but this year has been the closest for many many years I have felt to just totally losing it.

Struggling big time

I have 2 DC age 8 and 6 and WFH 4 days a week in a pretty full on position which is a lot of calls / meetings all day. There's barely time to make a sandwich / go to the loo never mind homeschooling. Luckily my DH has a more flexible job and has taken on the majority of it but none of it has been ideal.

Nobody gets a minute to themselves, none of the time we spend together is of nice quality, a lot of the home schooling is fitted into adult schedules rather than when suits the DC best, there's been a lot of screen time, everyone is bored of walking, it feels like the house is actually a B&B and there is a relentless amount of tidying up to do! Our eldest DD is really struggling with night time sleeping, she was fine and going to sleep around 8:30pm but now can still be up at 11:30pm, which really has an impact on her ability to learn and remain patient the next day.

BUT we have jobs, we haven't had covid, we have got a support bubble with Grandma who has DC 1 afternoon a week and this makes a huge difference to us all.

Mentally we are finding the Groundhog Day of it all the hardest, every day feels the same and so repetitive, it's hard to keep motivated. Schools closing in January was quite a surprise and I think emotionally we weren't very prepared for it, looking back it was obvious but I think we spent Christmas not wanting to face the reality it might happen. We feel excited for the DC to go back to school but we're also mindful that we're definitely not out of the woods with this yet. It's been the most intense and weird experience ever, I read a meme recently that said "we are not home schooling our children, we are taking our children to work" which stuck with me, so ludicrous in many ways!

In another twist, we feel a bit edgy about returning to 'normal' . . . prior to covid we were ferrying DC round all the clubs, play dates and parties etc and our weekends were always full of activities / socialising with family and friends. We don't want to go back to that life of rushing around from A to B with everything mapped out weeks in advance.

DH and I have both at different times struggled with our mental health throughout the last year, but we're trying to be supportive and understanding of each other.

Hmm, I don’t know... I haven’t had time to give it a much thought. I’ve been doing about 20-25 hours a week for DH’s business wfh and 12-24 hours night shifts as a nurse, plus homeschooling (didn’t want to use the key worker place as I’m home in the day). Plus keeping vaguely on top of feeding kids/ house stuff/ dog walking etc. I’ve had about 5-6 hours sleep a night on non-work nights, and a 2 hour nap after work on work nights/ days. I’m exhausted. But I’m happy with how my dc are coping: they miss face to face contact with friends but are in no rush to return to school and are on top of work. DS15 needs constant motivating, but that’s him anyway. DD13 works hard as always. DS7 and DS8 are doing so well their teachers have commented on their progress and attitude (they obviously have no idea how it looks day to day!) DH is stressed due to covid effects on business etc.
I tend to gauge how I’m doing by how my DH and DC are doing... I’ve lost me! I guess im on top of things, but it is likely to be unsustainable. In terms of my own emotional well-being, it would benefit from a week alone with no demands on me (but I’d probably spend the week worrying about DH/ DC!)

I considered driving my car into a wall this morning after my night shift. The only thing that stopped me was the fact an ambulance would be sent and I'd have to see even more of the uniform than I already do.

Homeschooling 2 young ks1 children as the cases in our area our still very high and between us historically we've worked in a way that means one parent is always home.

Relationship broke down in october and he moved out, in the main due to some MH issues.

After securing a promotion to help with his living costs now that we're running 2 separate households, one particular manager is insisting we work back to back, handing our children over in the work car park and resulting in me needing to stay awake for up to 48 hours at a time.

I'm done tbh.

Everything's getting worse, not better.

I’m OK. I’m in the US and my state came out of lockdown last June. We’re still being careful ie mask wearing, distancing etc which seems to have worked pretty well. We can eat out, see dentists and doctors, get haircuts etc.

My kids are doing hybrid school and so far they’ve had no closures and only a few days quarantine. They’re happy to be seeing friends and getting out of the house regularly.

We’ve had a couple of family holidays here in the US which really really helped.

None of us have had Covid - as far as we know. We’ve had fairly regular tests.

Mostly we’re working from home but work travel is starting up again which involves flying which is a bit nerve-wracking. I’ve done 3 flights in the last 3 weeks.

DH and I are due to get vaccinated in April - I’ll feel happier when that’s happened.

I feel very sad about all the things my kids have lost as a result of Covid, and I miss my family (most of them abroad) so much. That’s the hardest thing.

I'm fine to be honest, just bored and I can deal with that. I've been lucky during this lockdown.

to everyone struggling. Hopefully we are at the beginning of the end.

We're very fortunate, DH and I have secure jobs (I work in Pharma so we've been recruiting like crazy over the last year), we have a nice house and garden and the DC aren't in important exam years. We have 3DC and being together all the time has been good for their relationship. Home schooling is tough, DH and I are doing shifts round each other to support the DC but we have the space and devices so they have the best possible experience. But I haven't seen my family since the summer of 2019 because they live so far away and I'm not sure if we'll be able to see them this year so there's a constant low level grief about that.

Struggling. I am by nature a home lover, a very positive person and a coper. All those things do apply, I’m coping, I’m just not very happy. The constant low level stress is getting to me. My jaw is all tensed up and my body just aches. I have no patience left. It’s getting harder and harder to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I'm not in the UK and my situation is really pretty easy compared with the UK situation, and i'm still struggling. I feel tired all the time and have to really force myself to keep going with things. Lots of stress headaches. The mixture of boredom and uncertainty is a killer.

i am concerned for my adult dc
i am unhappy with my relocated job
i am happy that spring is here

i gave up my part time caring job due to covid but i miss some of my old ladies, i am, not sure i would tolerate working with a mask on. so my life is pretty boring.
i have my dog and my family and my dm, my ds took my dog out for a very long walk on saturday and i missed her

I worry about DH a lot - he has depression which used to be well-controlled by medication but isn't anymore. There was a point back in the summer when I didn't like leaving him alone in the house, but he does seem slightly better since DD was born.

I also worry about DD more than I need to because I'm not seeing other mums to talk things through with. So I'm just hoping I'm not about to develop anxiety disorder or anything!

I have a dying relative I desperately want to see (and can't because although technically legal, the restrictions make it impractical), but I manage to not think about that too much.

So I myself am more or less ok, but I'm not sure how the various coping mechanisms I'm adopting may affect me long term, when I stop and think about it.