How are you ? Honesty - how are you doing?

[24601mary]

To all the parents out there- how are you? How are you coping with lockdown / the past year ? How are your relationships at home ?

Myself and my husband have a 2 year old little girl. My husband has been self employed working from home until he recently (and so very luckily) got a permanent job for a very big company where he is continuing to work from home. I work from home twice a week and have my in-laws watch my daughter during this time. On paper , we are doing alright and are in such a fortunate position I would never want to seem ungrateful .

Mentally though, we are struggling , and we have only realised so tonight after admitting our feelings to one another . We've been living and working under the same (small) roof for a year now. We've had no escape from one another and ironically we see each other so much and yet we spend no 'quality' time together.
I have been getting frustrated about things my husband is or isn't doing around the house , without even considering the things he has been secretly worrying and thinking about .

I read somewhere ages ago that said we are all in the same storm but sailing different boats , and it's so true ! But I wondered , how is everyone else coping!? How is your mental health holding up? I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for those in a similar situation to ours PLUS having to homeschool .

So, how are you?

@mellongoose thank you. Ditto - I’m completely in awe of the NHS. Utter heros. This is a great thread - really supportive. My ideal now, going forward - would be to ditch Tescos , Amazon, polluting transport - and to live off the land in a small holding with the people I love. I’d love a more commune type of life, where I have my elderly relatives near me - and can care for/support them as they grow old. I want to strip back on what I think I need - to what is best for me/best for the environment. Interestingly, the happiest nations in the world are those that live more as an island community. Nature is utterly beautiful, and having access to a large park close by where we’re climbed hills/been out in the snow has really, really helped.

I do think our excessive consumption and convenience culture has caused this pandemic. And this is the thing that troubles me the most - the long term impact for my children. Not necessarily from Covid - Covid is a reaction to what we are doing to the planet, and this is what needs to be addressed urgently.

Fine financially so far.
But mentally not so good.
Cried over the holiday being canx. We really needed it, it was a cottage in the U. K for a week.
New houses being built next door mean horrendous noise and dust whilst trying to wfh. Detached house and have to adjust to builders prospective neighbours.
DD came out as trans male. I'm devastated and look at others her age all happy, laughing, hair swishing and make up.... Then my child with hood pulled up (if she ever leaves her room) looking miserable and awkward. I feel sad for her and her future. She wants to be called a boys name and male pronouns at school. So I'm dreading all the bullying when she returns to school physically.
She may be autistic or something, I don't know. I'm undiagnosed Aspergers and life has been fucking difficult so I just fear she'll have an even worse time.
I've declined calling her boys name and said no to binderso s

It's a slog.

This month will be difficult psychologically because it will have been a full year of restrictions.

Anybody else feeling worse since Roadmap was announced?

Yes, but only because I live in Wales and we don't really have one and what we do have is all about businesses etc. I want to know when I can see people!

On the plus side, they've just brought in new parent support bubbles, which we do qualify for, so hopefully that will help.

I have come to the conclusion that nobody actually gives a shit about me.

It hurts like fuck but I have to pick myself up
Off the floor and carry on.

I have no choice no matter how I feel

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

@CheeseJalapenoBread Just to say don't make any decisions about your marriage in the first 18 months to 2 years of having a child. It's a massive period of adjustment and it ends. If you still feel the same then, maybe it's time to separate. But chances are you won't.

I'm struggling tbh. We are in a fortunate position. We both have secure jobs (dh supermarket, me nhs admin) and get to go out to them everyday. We are lucky.

But both our jobs are hard and a bit manic at the moment. I am doing a day of supervising homelearning for 4 dc and then off to work. The house is a mess and my stress levels are high. I'm worried for the future especially for my older dc (yr10 and yr12) as its all been so disrupted. My 8 year old needs my input for her homelearnig too. At this point I think we are all a bit fed up of each other and we have no where near enough space.

I have felt very low recently as it just feels like constant stress but with dc going back to school things are starting to look up. I'm trying to make time to look after myself more even if it's just a bit of cross stitch to help me relax.

I feel guilty for finding things hard as we do not have it that bad. No working from home thankfully and when we needed extra equipment for homelearning we could afford to get it

@Pissedoff1234, you are my doppelgänger!
Four kids, 5, 7, 14, 18. I am at home, DP is self employed, so sometimes works from home, sometimes goes to his (empty) office. We have lots of room, so lucky that kids can run it off and spend lots of time out.
My health means when kids go back, I’m moving into house 20m along road for three weeks until my vaccine kicks in properly. It would be just my luck to catch it in the final risky weeks, and I’m at reasonably high risk of complications. I am secretly overjoyed for myself after a hellish slog I have some space to get myself together again. I feel bad for the kids and (mostly) DP though, who had three school runs and a job to deal with. I will cook from the other house and he can pick up ‘take away’ on the way home with the kids.
We have got on ok through this, we’ve been through some tough times so I think we knew we’d be ok. My health has been wobbly, but it is anyway. Kids have on the whole survived...my 7yr old is needing teachers, he’s a bit wild. I should be ok after some serious down time. I’m really lucky my DP can support that.

It's so nice to read so many responses to my thread, and whilst I am so sorry to hear that so many of you are also struggling (in what seems like so many different ways) it is somewhat comforting to know that our teeny little family aren't the only ones struggling . I am so hopeful that this will be the final leg of the covid battle , and whilst the news seem to love a good drama story , I have read a couple of reputable articles recently that actually put the U.K. in a really good light in the sense that we are doing incredibly well with the vaccine . I am clinging onto this bit of positivity as I just SO hope that by the end of 2021 we will be a really good position to get back to what we remember as some sort of normality

Big virtual covid friendly hugs to everyone xxx

Not great here either. Suffering from anxiety and a massive dose of imposter syndrome regarding my job. Convinced that I’m completely crap and don’t deserve it. I’m also feeling paranoid and isolated from my team, it’s like running through treacle every day...

Both of my kids have checked out of homeschooling, neither are engaging anymore and I don’t blame them. They’re bored and miss their friends. DS has a health condition which has flared up so he’s experiencing pain at the moment too.

I miss my family so much. They live 200 miles away, Dad is currently going through cancer treatment and found out recently that my lovely granny has cancer too. It’s so tough being so far away. This past year has been the worst period of my entire life.

I'm doing ok. It's just me and my two kids but I have a good job that I can do fine from home.
I'm worried for my kids and the long term impact of this on them.
I'm worried for my more precarious friends who have not stayed afloat, mentally.
I miss my friends, and physical closeness.
I miss my colleagues who are also good friends.
I really miss my folks, who I haven't seen since June 2020.
I miss my hobby
And finally I'm worried that this pandemic has taken away my chance to find another partner before I sail into the eye of the menopause.

I am great, I'm more physically active and I've loved the flexibility of wfh.
But. BUT. Homeschool has had me on the edge. And I am almost sure I have no future with my husband. I'm really worried about the effect on schooling (eldest SEN y8, youngest y3) and social development or lack of. And I'm worried about going to normal, will that out kids at more risk, I don't want to go back to commuting etc

Not great I am thoroughly hacked off with working in elderly care (office work but still mask all day and 3 tests a week)
I am tired wish I could have a few months furlough just to rest.
DD 1 has just gone on medication for OCD and other issues not caused by lockdown but certainly made worse.
DD 2 developed a severe vitamin deficiency as she wouldn’t go out in lockdown 1 but is now on the up.
I had Covid twice and feel a bit done in by it all. Scraping the very last of my resources now to crawl through to more positive times.
Sending to you all

Lovely thread op - well done and thank you

Like another poster said which I can relate to, I think I'm doing ok and then I can have extreme changes of emotions within seconds , from flying off the handle to an almost sinking feeling of loneliness and boredom and hopelessness all rolled into one. It doesn't last for long , but when it does it's not good.

I have massively struggled with home schooling my 8 year old. And I am very worried she will continue to be disengaged from learning even when she's back at school. I really really hope and pray she isn't and school can manage to motivate and interest her in learning again.

Dh has worked throughout this lockdown so it's been 100% me and the 3 dc battling through home schooling and the rest of the Groundhog Day.

I've shouted too much, I've been too angry with the dc, I've been too stressed about the school work, and I've just not handled myself well at all. I feel really guilty for all of it and it just adds to my sense of sadness about the whole thing. I didn't want my dc to have horrible personal memories of this whole situation but I do worry that they'll always relate the pandemic to a stressed out and shouty mum

I've tried to find time to do quality things like movie nights , crafts, etc but it's been few and far between. I just do not have the physical time to manage everything and everyone , the constant piles of laundry , constant feeding and cleaning and teaching all bloody day long.

I'm SO pleased and relieved the kids are going back next Monday - I'm sure they need a break from me just as much as I do from them!