I’m done. What the hell is happening!

[fireflylanegirls]

I’m done. I absolutely cannot take another second if this bullshit. I just can’t :(

My son turned 1 last week and there’s still family and friends who have never met him.
Most of my close friends and family haven’t been able to see me become a mother or share my experience with me.

I’m suffering with crippling anxiety. I’m petrified to leave the house. I’m even scared to go for walks because of how busy the local parks are and it’s hard to stay 2m apart from passers by.

I’m so down and miserable. I worry every day about Covid. I can’t sleep properly because I’m so worried and now they’ve just announced another new variant.

All those hopes of these vaccines are just going
.
What’s even the point anymore.

I can’t take this 😭

That's a shame then

There are free phone lines for anyone suffering with anxiety or low mood. It might help to offload on someone neutral so you don't feel you're being a burden, if that makes sense. It will help you to get out of your own head and verbalize all this with someone who can listen.

It would help you to have some coping techniques for your anxiety, and to be able to recognise when you're anxious and practical things to help control it.

I would also suggest giving yourself a "covid break". Avoid the news, or online corona virus topics for a week. If you want to stay updated, just look at the BBC news bullet points say once a week.

Remember everyone is struggling with our situation right now, you're not alone. Things will improve when we move into spring and summer. Allow yourself to feel optimistic and make plans for the summer that you can look forward to.

And give yourself a pat on the back for doing so well with a new baby in lockdown. It's been tough but you're now over the worst and everything will get better. Be kind to yourself; treat yourself to something new or just a long bath and a bit of self care.

@SmileyClare

Things will improve when we move into spring and summer

I really really hope so. I remember a lot of people saying the same thing last year and look where we are now 😭

Text your friends and meet for a walk. It’s light until later now so you can fit in half an hour after work hopefully-you could even meet them straight after work.
Or do weekends.
You are definitely young.
Bmi not ideal big it’s not going to come down if you don’t move.
Your mum doesn’t sound that helpful but maybe you have offended her a bit by not wanting to see her due to her job?
You need to reach out and make contact with some people. It’s hard but will get easier every time you do it.
Text someone now and make a plan

We are in a far better place now with a successful vaccination programme being rolled out. I would second the suggestion to read the Good News coranavirus thread on here (not sure if I've got that title correct but it's usually in active threads)
There's some very rational information about variants and no doom mongering or sensationalising of facts.

Now start planning your winter weather outfit and get out for a little walk! I'm going to force myself out after lunch despite dreading the rain and gales. You'll feel better for it x

You sound like you’re in that terrible grey fug of depression where it’s too hard to do anything. I get it OP. I was so there. You can change this but it will be baby steps and instigating habits.

What is the area you live in like? Is there a shop within walking distance? A local park? What can you walk around in half an hour or an hour? Looking at your day ahead is overwhelming.

What time does your son nap and for how long? Could you tell yourself when your son naps at lunchtime (for example) I will let him nap in his pram and for an hour I’m going to walk and listen to the radio/a podcast? then you’ve got a time limit and something to concentrate on in your ears, and I promise you that moving will help you feel better. Once you’ve done it three days in a row it won’t feel so daunting.

You seem to be focusing on your BMI, so would it help if it dropped below 40? No shade, like I said, mine is 37.4, but I bet if you did a good solid hour walk 5 x a day, you could get your BMI to drop below 40 in 2-4 weeks. Psychologically that might help you.

Also, would it help if posters were willing to form a bit of a community here? We could post a picture from our daily walks.

@AlohaMolly

You sound like you’re in that terrible grey fug of depression where it’s too hard to do anything. I get it OP. I was so there. You can change this but it will be baby steps and instigating habits.

What is the area you live in like? Is there a shop within walking distance? A local park? What can you walk around in half an hour or an hour? Looking at your day ahead is overwhelming.

What time does your son nap and for how long? Could you tell yourself when your son naps at lunchtime (for example) I will let him nap in his pram and for an hour I’m going to walk and listen to the radio/a podcast? then you’ve got a time limit and something to concentrate on in your ears, and I promise you that moving will help you feel better. Once you’ve done it three days in a row it won’t feel so daunting.

You seem to be focusing on your BMI, so would it help if it dropped below 40? No shade, like I said, mine is 37.4, but I bet if you did a good solid hour walk 5 x a day, you could get your BMI to drop below 40 in 2-4 weeks. Psychologically that might help you.

@AlohaMolly

I feel like I’m in such a dark place. I can’t seem to see any way out.

I do have a shop within walking distance, we have a fairly decent sized coop, but I’m honestly too afraid to go.
And if I do go I will spend the next 10 days waiting for symptoms to appear. It’s exhausting constantly being on edge. I’d rather just stay in.

We have a local park that I can walk to and three really nice places around 10 minutes in the car.
My son will nap in his pram.
I think I’m just lacking motivation to get out right now. It feels easier and safer to stay in, but I know that’s not the right thing to do.

OP in the kindest way , if you are too scared to go to a shop, you MUST get help for your anxiety. This is not rational or proportional and it is very obviously having a massive impact on your life.

I have no idea how covid would affect you if you got it, but what I can tell from what you have written, the anxiety you are suffering is definitely having a considerably negative and serious impact on your health. You must get help., You deserve to feel better.

@fireflylanegirls - do you have a supportive HV or GP? I think you should make it a priority to have a chat with one or both of them about your anxiety. It will be impacting your little boy too... and your big boy aka your husband.

@OpheliasCrayon

OP in the kindest way , if you are too scared to go to a shop, you MUST get help for your anxiety. This is not rational or proportional and it is very obviously having a massive impact on your life.

I have no idea how covid would affect you if you got it, but what I can tell from what you have written, the anxiety you are suffering is definitely having a considerably negative and serious impact on your health. You must get help., You deserve to feel better.

@OpheliasCrayon

I had CBT last year. I don't know what anyone can do for me.

I live with the belief that Covid WILL kill me.

The fear is too much. 😔

OP you sound so frightened. It must be an incredibly difficult situation to be in.

Your thought process that Covid will kill you is really honestly incorrect. Lots of posters have said this- because it is true.

It's understandable that you feel this way. The best way to ease the fear that you feel is to get some help.

Please reach out to anyone that might help- husband, friends, family, neighbours, GP, helplines.

You honestly need to lean on anyone who can support you.

I know you've tried to get help before, and it's not been successful. But that doesn't mean there's no point in trying again.

Do you think you should see your G.P? Your fear and anxiety levels are very high and it sounds like you might need some help.