Forced to take the vaccine

[Craponacracker]

I feel like I’m being emotionally forced to take the vaccine- I’m not in a patient facing role but via work I’m eligible for the vaccine - think it’s the AZ one. Every meeting there is a push to take the vaccine- about how lucky we are to be in this position and how we should be doing the right thing. I get that but I don’t feel ready.
At home my husband is all over saying the same things and also how I’m putting everyone at risk when I can do something to avoid this. I’m having panic attacks because of this...I’m not saying I won’t take it I just need more time to prepare myself.
I’m also very scared of side effects and long term effects (if any)

@islockdownoveryet be prepared mentally so that I don’t have a panic attack in the vaccination centre- also prepare for any adverse outcome and just go with the flow. If I don’t make it I don’t but just want to be able to hold myself together until that point-

@jimmyhill it’s sort of a thing at work as they have lists of who has had it and who hasn’t - so becoming a ‘thing’

@Updatemate

Loads of vaccines cause mild side effects- the MMR can give you side effects for up to 6 weeks, typhoid vaccine can make you vomit and flu-like for up to a week and yet people gleefully get that just to go on holiday! Tetnus almost invariably gives you a dead arm or hot and sore spot.

The Covid vaccine q

This is true, my eldest came out in a full body rash after his MMR. Still had his boosters and his brother vaccinated.

Most infant vaccines make them feel a bit poorly, that’s why we calpol them afterwards. I’m not really understanding why adults can’t cope with a couple of minor side effects

Aw OP I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Anxiety is not logical and what you’re feeling is valid. You are between a rock and a hard place. Not having the vaccine has its risks, having the vaccine is comparably very low risk but your anxiety is telling your brain it is risky too and the pressure applied is amplifying it. Try and take the pressure off, don’t think about society or “duty” or anyone else. Spend some time when you’re relatively relaxed to think about you and what you want. You have had time to adjust to a world with Covid and I suspect that is making the status quo seem more comfortable but things are changing and will continue to change. Personally I think the risks are entirely in favour of having the vaccine but you may need more time.

@Sittingonabench your post has made me burst out and cry- you are one of the very very few people who seem to understand- I think that’s what I need a good cry to relive the pressure I’m feeling.

I understand the anger, sarcasm, down right rudeness portrayed in some of the other posts- we all are struggling with this scenario and the vaccine looks like the magic way out we all have been waiting and here I am questioning (daring to) my right for some time...

I'm in a job where I have to meet people face to face, but still not eligible and won't be for a while.

OP, I think you are quite naive if you are surprised by some of the reactions on here.

We need to get back to some kind of normal, everyone who doesn't get the vaccine (unless for health reasons) is going to hold this up.

I think it's selfish for eligible people not to have the vaccine, but that's my opinion and you are entitled to yours.

Wish I could have the vaccine

Sounds like you just need people to be kind and understanding. That is currently in short supply but that has nothing to do with you it’s all about them and their personal situation.
If you choose to wait, the vaccine won’t be wasted it will go to someone else and you will be able to access it later- no big problem (although your personal risk may be increased). You having vaccine in a few months time will not impact on society getting back to normal and it is unfair for people to put that on you, it’s simply untrue.
Take time to think and most of all be kind and patient with yourself, there will be many people feeling the same but without the courage to be honest and reach out for help

Thank you @Sittingonabench - yes I suppose it was silly of me to expect many people to understand- learnt my lesson. Would never come here looking for support or advice. I’m very grateful for the few like you who had it in themselves to be kind to another human being..thank you.

OP, I sympathise as I suffer from anxiety a lot.

One thing I've gradually learned is to look on the anxiety as another thing I'm experiencing that can pop up by itself and isn't always a sign that something is actually wrong.

Right now I suspect you're struggling and going round in circles because you're looking for a way forward that doesn't come with any anxiety attached. It might help to accept that no matter which choice you make (and it is your choice), there's still going to be anxiety.

It might feel as though, if you say no to the vaccine, you can then relax, but the covid anxiety won't go away (and I do agree with previous posters that statistically your risk is much greater from covid itself than with the vaccine).

If you do have the vaccine then you might feel more anxious in that moment, because it feels like a deliberate choice (and that extra element of choice seems to go with more anxiety in my experience). Almost immediately, though, you'll probably feel much lighter and less anxious if you do have the jab, because you won't be agonising over the vaccine decision any more (because it'll be in the past) AND you'll be protected against covid itself.

It is really hard and I do sympathise. It's exactly the sort of thing I agonise over, but in this case I'm more than convinced that the risks from covid itself are worse than the risks from the vaccine. There are still unknowns (even the ADE thing - but as I understand it this is not looking likely to be an issue at the moment), but of the two choices facing me - go forward with a vaccine or go forward with no vaccine - right now the vaccine choice is looking the much, much less risky of the two.

I’m very anxious about Covid and he sees this as I’m not doing something which I should be doing

I agree with your husband. Why wouldn't you want to get it if you weigh up the risks?

@Craponacracker

Thank you *@Sittingonabench* - yes I suppose it was silly of me to expect many people to understand- learnt my lesson. Would never come here looking for support or advice. I’m very grateful for the few like you who had it in themselves to be kind to another human being..thank you.

It's pretty much lockdown fatigue I think OP. Everyone's fed up and don't have much patience left for people who would prefer to prolong this for whatever reason. It's more frustration than anything else.

I know, if my husband refused the vaccine because of anxiety and then actually got covid. I'd really struggle to have any sympathy for him. He would have made a conscious decision to get the virus for the sake of a minute in a chair in my head.

Don't let a bunch of strangers on the internet get to you. It's your life, you make your own choices you feel most comfortable with. But I agree with PP, you can't escape the anxiety, meet the bugger head on I would advise.

OP, anxiety or no anxiety, of course you have the right to decide over your own body and take as much time as you need

No one should be pressuring you (let alone your husband)

I don't feel 'anxious' about these vaccines, rather I'm making a rational assessment and will probably wait for a few months (I'm not CEV and I'm not on a front line role though).

It's encouraging to see that the Oxford-AZ vaccine appears to be effective and safe. I hope I can be vaccinated in due course but I will not let others bully me into it.

I had the vaccine last Tuesday (AZ) along with my entire team. I'm not going to lie, Wednesday was rough but we all made it into work, shared a box of paracetamol and wallowed in our misery! Between us we had aches and pains, headache, sore arms and fevers. We ranged in age from 30 to 60, male and female and diverse in our ethnicities. By Thursday we were all feeling absolutely fine apart from a slight tenderness in our arms, and a feeling of hope, that may very well be misplaced, but it felt like we were making progress, and the news today that AZ may reduce transmission feels like the icing on the cake, I may no longer present a risk to them or to my husband by carrying the infection from home to work and vice versa. I completely understand your anxieties, particularly the ones about side effects and wish I'd had enough notice to be able to book Wednesday off, but it really only lasted 24 hours for any of us. The longterm risks of the vaccine aren't known, and in that respect we're all Guinea pigs, but the effects of long covid are now being felt by 1000s in this country and I know I wouldn't want those, I fear those more than hospitalisation/death from covid as they are far more likely to happen to me. My decision was right for me, but everybody is different, and anxiety is completely understandable, i hope you can come to a decision that you are happy with, and that everybody else respects it

Thank you for your account and balance post @muddledmidget

Thank you @muddledmidget - that really helped. I’ve been having panic attacks every time I try to book myself into a slot- I do feel pressurised. I really could do with a few more weeks -

@Chailatteplease

Also, just to add I have CFS/ME and was very worried the vaccine would worsen my symptoms but it hasn’t. 3 days later and I was back to normal. Relieved to have some protection now.

That’s good to know. I will happily be having the vaccine as soon as I’m offered it. The thought of long Covid on top of ME has been my biggest concern.

@Craponacracker

It my husband saying that I should be minimising the risk where possible by taking the vaccine- I’m very anxious about Covid and he sees this as I’m not doing something which I should be doing

I'm with your dh. If you are that anxious about catching it, why would you not do something which may prevent it or serious consequences from it. Others taking it nay reduce your risk of catching it but not to same extent.

OP, I am 100% supportive of choice and no one should feel pressured into any medical procedure that they don't want. However my concern here is that you are being led by your anxiety rather than informed choice which is problematic. Doesn't make things any different from your perspective of course. Only you know what helps your anxiety, can you work hard to employ all your strategies to reduce your anxiety, then try and do some research around the vaccine to try and rationally think it all through? If you can rationally reach the conclusion that the vaccine is not for you, then I think that is fine. But currently anxiety is ruling your decision making and that is dangerous to be honest and I can see why your DH is frustrated.

@Craponacracker

Thank you *@muddledmidget* - that really helped. I’ve been having panic attacks every time I try to book myself into a slot- I do feel pressurised. I really could do with a few more weeks -

I'm glad it helps, the only thing I'd question with what you've written here, is what do you think will have changed in a few weeks? When I have something like that in my mind, it's because I'm hoping the decision will be taken out of my hands, either someone will do it for me, or I won't need to have it anymore. I'm just wondering if your brain is working the same way as mine, where if I really don't want to face it I do a v good impression of an ostrich. I'm not sure that the pressure is going to ease for you by leaving it a few weeks, it's just going to grow in your head overwhelming you, and will be 100x worse than you imagine it's going to be. Why not set yourself a reward for when you've done it, go online and book it for when you've got the next day off, and then give yourself a massive pat on the back for facing all your fears? The fear is only your anxieties talking, and it sounds to me like you would like to have the vaccine, and it's only your anxiety that is stopping you.

@muddledmidget yes I absolutely want to have the vaccine- it a no brainier. But cannot muster the courage to do it due to my anxiety ruling over me. You are spot on. The few weeks is to possibly talk to others who have had it at work to reassure myself re side effects but you are again right in the fact it might make the whole thing 100 time’s worse.

@Craponacracker I had similar feelings but they were over ruled but my fear as a cev shielder. I was scared of a reaction, scared of having a panic attack, I have a history of anxiety towards medication despite a history of needing lots.

I went on Tuesday for mine, I was anxious but it was actually very calm in the centre, everyone was smiling and happy, very reassuring and it was over and done with very quickly. No panic attacks, you just bobble along the process and don’t really have time to overthink as you go through, plus lots of people to watch and a quiet buzz of joy and being in it together. (Although I was getting a lot of curious looks, easily the youngest there by 30 years but look younger and fit and healthy).

I felt tired on the way home and I will be honest I did have quite the side effects, I’m in bed watching crap tv, taking lemsip and keeping my fluids up, it has been a rough day or so but I’m feeling much brighter this morning and imagine I’ll be up cooking dinner later ready to get on with the weekend.

What really stands out is the relief, you mentioned that you’re anxious of covid, the thought that’s gone through my mind whilst feeling rough is how much worse covid would be, I know why I feel poorly and it’s for the greater gain, if I had covid I’d be bloody terrified not just fed up. I’m so happy to have had it done. I feel like a weight has been lifted, I feel so much better.

If you have anxiety around these things it is bloody hard to make the step. I may be out of order for saying this and I apologise, the last few weeks waiting for my turn I’ve had this fear I’d catch it first and all this would have been a waste yet I’d gotten so close has taken a toll, I just couldn’t imagine how I would have felt. Personally I say just push yourself a little, explain to the staff you’re anxious but go for it.

Thank you taking it in the way it was intended, I'd hate to be putting more pressure on you but could recognise the same voices as I get in my head. If it gives you any more reassurance, I've since worked in another 4 pharmacy teams (locum pharmacist), all of whom had AZ the same week as I did. The team I had mine with were definitely the worst affected in terms of side effects they experienced, most of the other 30 people only had a sore arm or felt a bit headachy. I only know of one person who was due to work the day afterwards who didn't feel they were well enough to work the whole shift, but if I could have stayed at home that would have been my preference!