Today I "attended" a Covid funeral.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

I followed all restrictions and guidelines.

My friend's dad died of Covid. It was all quite sudden. The family is devastated and in shock. A couple of weeks ago, their dad was fine and today they buried him.

This was my first funeral since the pandemic and it was so strange. Everyone was socially distancing and most were double masked. People were respectful and careful. And it struck me, not only did this disease rob my friend of her father, it has robbed her of the traditions that bring comfort and help healing. No hugs. No gathering and sharing stories. No being looked after.

This is such a cruel fucking illness.

I hope that today was my last Covid funeral.

I’m so sorry for you and your friend @DioneTheDiabolist. What a traumatic experience to go through, and one that has been shared by far too many.

It's awful isn't it! I've attended 3 virtual funerals in the past couple of months :(

So sorry about your friends dad 😞 I attended my cousins Covid funeral and as there was only a few people allowed inside the crematorium I waited outside and we watched it on the screen, it was so sad not being able to do the traditions like you mention

It’s crap isn’t it. I attended a zoom funeral for my friend’s mother. It was surreal. My poor friend had no one there to comfort her.

I’m so sorry.

I’ve also attended virtual covid funerals and they just aren’t the same.

I 'went' to my relative's funeral last week on zoom. Was heartbreakingly shit.

It’s awful isn’t it. I watched a livestream relatives funeral back in April. We still haven’t been able to commiserate/celebrate his life together.

I'm so sorry to read this.

My beloved mum's funeral was yesterday and it was just the hardest day. 24 people including immediate family, all seated 2 metres apart.

We came home after the service, which was as good as it possible could have been given the circumstances, and we just felt shell-shocked. I've always felt funerals should give some sort of closure but my poor mum's life just doesn't feel respected and celebrated as it should have down as she was such a popular and loved person.

We will have a big party for her one day in the future when this is all over, perhaps your friend could do the same for her dad?

I have found the support of my friends so invaluable these last few days; they're always there to pick up the phone and talk. It sounds like you are a very good friend, I'm sure your friend will be comforted by how much you care about them.

The council in my area have been saying that funeral directors could be fined if the public stand along the route to pay respects, which I think is unbelievably cruel. For months now I have seen people stand at the end of their lanes or driveways whilst the hearse goes past and they could not possibly be spreading the virus by doing so. I have accepted all rules and guidance for the past 10 months, have accepted that the experts know better than I do. But I read that today and just thought it was ridiculous and pointless too.

My sister died this year and we were allowed 10 including the celebrant.

I had to stand as far away from my family as I could as I watched my mother pass away recently. Prior to this I couldn't visit in person until she was in her final hours.
I then couldn't hug my father and my brothers and sisters, or shake anyone's hand at her funeral. I couldn't do a reading at the funeral. I couldn't attend the very small post funeral family lunch.

She didn't die from Covid. In the end we were all there. As utterly shit as it was we were luckier than many are right now.

There is a bloody great wake planned at some point in the future!

My aunt died at the weekend and I'm abroad. I've been quite honest with my cousins that I cannot be there no matter how much I want to be. It will be streamed I think. It's beyond awful. We all need a hug at the moment.

It's utter crap isn't it. I lost my mum in December, trying to plan a funeral taking covid restrictions into account. Having to choose who to invite and creating seating plans was just the hardest thing. It broke my heart that we chose not to have a wake but when your numbers are already restricted to 30 people and you then have to cut it down again for a wake and then you can't even sit together. Everyone sat at different tables in their bubbles looking miserable and you can't just go to your family members for comfort.

You're right in what you say about being robbed of the traditions and how important that is to start the grieving process.

I'm very sorry that your friend has had to go through this, I hope she can take comfort in knowing you were there for her xx

I had to virtually attend my grandmothers funeral today, it just didn't feel real.

I'm glad things seem to have changed. My children's father died last March and we could only have his parents, his sisters, the kids and me. That was it. Everyone else had to watch online. One bouquet of flowers and because the director was working a skeleton staff we couldn't even have him dressed in his clothing. It's a very strange time and it's extremely difficult to grieve in normal times let alone in a pandemic.

So sorry AuntieMarys

Sorry for your loss

My Dh is a funeral director and I know it gets to him that people can’t have the sending off they should at the moment. I know they’re doing all they can to make it as meaningful as possible and he’s come home in tears a few times.

My FIL died in October. We were unable to say goodbye to him in person when he passed away from covid. We had to settle with a video chat. The funeral was so hard on my DH and his family. We could comfort DH's auntie (FIL's sister) as she is our support bubble but I couldn't hug my nieces and DH couldn't hug his sister. We brought DH's auntie back to ours for a lunch as our version of a wake. It was shit all around, not just because we couldn't pay respects to FIL but also it couldn't fully help DH and his family grieve.

It is just the worst, isn't it?

I've not been able to attend 5 funerals this year, that I would have attended in any other year (oddly, none of them anything to do with Covid). Yes, I was able to watch the streaming of two of them, but even when you can go to the service, you miss what I believe is a crucially important part of the grieving process - the get together afterwards, when you have a cuppa and a cake and share all the lovely memories of the deceased, and all gain comfort from that coming together, laughing, and just sharing time together.

From March of last year I attended a funeral every month . Including my fathers ( covid ) and mother in law ( not covid related ) I pray I never see a year like it again. Ever ...

I take funerals.

The first one I did under Covid back in April, they were only allowing four mourners. In the event, there were only three - the 94-year-old widow, and her daughter and son-in-law. They travelled in their own cars and were not allowed to sit together.

It’s marginally better now - up to 30 depending on the capacity of the venue, one of the crem chapel holds 28 and the other 16. And nobody polices the no mixing afterwards - that’s up to them.

At the start of this I was talking to families about having a memorial service in church “when we can”. But to be honest, so much time has passed I don’t think most of them will want to.

My father's funeral was last week. I didn't get to say goodbye. I had to tell him I loved him over the phone but he was no longer conscious. I hope he could hear me; they say hearing is the last sense to go. We had to drive to the funeral in separate cars. Couldn't sit close to each other. Couldn't hug. The guy conducting the funeral was amazing and it was special but my Dad deserved a send off with all his friends there.

Oh cloe. If I were dying I'd want my dc to know I loved them and I knew they loved me, no matter how long it had been or how infrequently we said it.
I'm so sorry.

My condolences to those who have suffered this way. My friend couldn't hug her siblings either. I can't imagine how hard that was for her or you. It is so inhumane.