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Original poster

Going to be flamed but just asking

88 replies

swinglowsweetchariot12 · 18/01/2021 16:57

My mum died a few weeks ago, she always wanted her ashes scattered in Devon on a special date coming up soon and wondered if it would class as an essential visit or would we get risking a fine. We are travelling an hour and a half away.

Please be kind I've just lost my mum and want to carry out her wishes

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 18/01/2021 17:00
Flowers I would do it. You wouldn’t need to stop on the way or way back.
GirlCrush · 18/01/2021 17:02

i don't think is essential. my friend had to postpone her doing this with her sisters and family

FlibbertyGiblets · 18/01/2021 17:04

I would do it, too.

I am so sorry.

MagentaRocks · 18/01/2021 17:05

It isn’t an essential visit I’m afraid. You would be risking a fine. You might have to postpone. I know that isn’t nice for you though.

Northernsoulgirl45 · 18/01/2021 17:07

Sorry for your loss.

Blue565 · 18/01/2021 17:08

It's not essential, but I'd do it anyway and just factor in the possibility of a fine

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 18/01/2021 17:08

I don't think it would be essential, I'm sorry. Do you have her ashes yet? I only ask because I'd planned to scatter my Dad's, in the location he'd requested, quite quickly but once I had them found I wasn't ready to, almost 3 years on & I'm still not.

NastyBlouse · 18/01/2021 17:08

@Blue565

It's not essential, but I'd do it anyway and just factor in the possibility of a fine
Ditto
RedskyBynight · 18/01/2021 17:09

From the coronavirus guidelines:

Funerals can be attended by a maximum of 30 people. Linked religious, belief-based or commemorative events, such as stone settings and ash scatterings can also continue with up to 6 people in attendance. Anyone working is not counted in these limits. Social distancing should be maintained between people who do not live together or share a support bubble.

So it sounds like it would be allowed ... but it it's an hour and a half journey, perhaps it might be worth considering whether you could scatter your mum's ashes on a different special day? Or wait until next year?

PanamaPattie · 18/01/2021 17:10

It’s not what you want to hear but the police are fining people that travel out of their local area. If you don’t mind the fine then go ahead - or try again next year?

sittingonacornflake · 18/01/2021 17:13

I'd honestly just risk the fine and do it.

Caswint · 18/01/2021 17:14

I think you may find a fine and an argument with the police really upsetting on a day of remembrance for your Mum? Would having a small ceremony near home and then scattering her ashes next year work? Flowers so sorry for your loss.

Annoy · 18/01/2021 17:14

Do it next year

cadburyegg · 18/01/2021 17:14

I’d risk the fine tbh

PachinkoFreeFood · 18/01/2021 17:16

I'd do it too, and risk the fine. I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Honeywort · 18/01/2021 17:16

I am so sorry Flowers. I think this is a personal decision for you, but just to give you another perspective my mum and I didn’t scatter my dearest dad’s ashes until almost a year after he’d died. There were various logistical problems but tbh I think mum just didn’t feel ready. And it was fine. I’d found the funeral hard and really wasn’t looking forward to this but actually it was hugely helpful - and for me (again this is a personal thing that won’t be the same everyone) part of this was due to the time that had passed. I could see things in more proportion - I was saying goodbye and celebrating the whole of a wonderful life, not concentrating on the horrible last few months. It’s hard to explain, but I just wanted to say that if you decide to wait until the same date next year, it can still be a very significant ceremony.

NastyBlouse · 18/01/2021 17:16

Well it would seem that it's allowed, according to the guidelines, provided there's six or fewer people in attendance.

Regardless of what you decide, I'm sorry about your mum. Flowers

EBearhug · 18/01/2021 17:17

I'd wait. It was years for both my parents before we scattered their ashes. I don't yhinknit made it less special.

Bubbles1st · 18/01/2021 17:17

If it really is her wish for a specific date and your ready and don't feel the need you need to hold on to her for a year I would go.

faerin · 18/01/2021 17:18

I am so sorry for your loss. This is absolutely essential. I'd do it.

Arobase · 18/01/2021 17:21

I'm afraid not. I don't see how this could trump the need to avoid spreading infection. Is it one specific day that is special, or would the same date next year or even in, say, 5 years' time be equally special?

OverTheRainbow88 · 18/01/2021 17:23

I’m sorry for your loss.

I would go and do it, may get a fine, most probably won’t.

Original poster
swinglowsweetchariot12 · 18/01/2021 17:26

No it's nothing something that can wait until next year. Seems pretty 50/50. I may ring local police station and ask for their stance

OP posts:
Caswint · 18/01/2021 17:29

Just to add that I think the trip is essential. However if you'll be worried about getting pulled up, it's going to hover over your day like an extra dark cloud on a day that will already be tough.

Bluntness100 · 18/01/2021 17:32

I’d do this is as well. I would class it as essential for your mental health. I’m really sorry about your mum 💐

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