I actually dislike my children

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

Iv had enough. I’m done parenting. I feel like I’m having a breakdown.

3 Dc aged 12,11 and 4.

All been arguing and just little shits for weeks. Trying to home school etc. I’m exhausted.

I said I was going to wash my hair which I haven’t done in over a week because Iv been feeling so depressed. As soon as I get in my middle child is screaming hysterically (he always fucking does it!!!)

I get out and they are all fighting downstairs. Apparently middle child was winding oldest up so they both sat on him.

I’m fuming and Iv lost it. Told them that I can’t stand them atm and I’m so disappointed that I can’t even have 5 mins to myself.

I’m so mentally drained.

@HT7654

If I had known how hard kids were I wouldn’t have had any.

Yes yes yes. I realised after my first that I had perhaps made a mistake but my second came unexpectedly ( 10 years of infertility before my first) when my first was only 6 months....

OP, you're certainly not alone. My DS8 has been a complete nightmare. Screaming at me because he didn't want salmon for dinner was the final straw....

Mind you I'll be the one who sodding suffers trying to WFH tomorrow as he has a 24 hour iPad ban now

I think sometimes as a parent you have to be “selfish” and make sure you have time for yourself . I know this often goes against the whole devoted mother who doesn’t have time to even go for a piss alone thing I see on here but honestly iv been a single parent for most of my parenting life and if I wasn’t selfish with my time sometimes I’d never have any . Set boundaries and consequences

Also standing shoulder to shoulder with you and sending sympathy. I have two, 4 and 1. They are delightful, lovely children. I like my DH mostly too. But my god, I would pay quite a sum for them all the feck off for a few hours (and for someone to come and clear their toys / food / generally trail of destruction) so I didn’t have to. It is relentless, exhausting and demoralising. I am sick of the sound of my own whiny, telling off voice.

But we will continue to get through.

I think many people just have less to give this time round and the weather doesn’t help. Today is usually my non-working day and a chance to spend some quality time with my 1yo, sort out the house etc. Instead my two have driven me mad today. The constant bickering and moaning. I can’t do homeschooling while the little one is awake so nap time is now home schooling so no down time and my husband had important meetings so trying to keep them quiet didn’t help. My 1yo has seemingly hit the terrible twos early and just spends most of her day screaming at me irrationally. In normal life Mondays are my favourite day. Today I was stressed out and wishing I was at work (and then feeling guilty for that).

My 3 kids are also driving me and DH mad. I am worried that DC2, age 6, is actually depressed. She's manic, one minute wailing about nothing particularly, the other minute tearing about like a mad thing. Won't go out or get dressed, won't sit and do any work, screams, but then goes off and gets beautifully dressed and completes all her maths. She seems so confused about all this instability in her little life.

DC1 is autistic and hates change. He is loathing school via Teams and is having frequent meltdowns.

DC3 is a gorgeous little toddler but he is Just. Into. Everything. Thank fuck he is in nursery 3 days a week or I think I would have had a full on breakdown.

Not even mentioning the fact DH and I are both trying to work stressful jobs.

I'm with you OP. I get why this is all required but I've had enough.

Sympathies, OP . DS is a lovely, sparky 3 yo, but god do I wish he had an OFF button sometimes! He's too little and too energetic for me to lock myself in my bedroom...needs constant supervision.

I am so past my tolerance levels atm. Normally, if I felt like this, my DM would come to stay for a few days and be "super-granny" or we'd invite a friend over for the day to hang out. Nothing to do now but plod on...It's going to be a long couple of months.

Home-schooling sounds appalling.

The oldest two are old enough to know better. I know you know that. And I appreciate they are struggling too. But they are old enough to understand and respect your needs as equal to their own. Can you have a family meeting where you each say what you would like to make the days easier?

Can the oldest two be given chores to do together. Yes they will bicker and maybe scrap but they will resolve it. Are they taking themselves out independently for exercise once a day? Either together or separately. I agree with the quiet time suggestions. Can you create 'a do kind things jar'? With something for each person in it they enjoy.

Are the eldest given enough responsibility? Mine behave so much better when they are treat as 'grown ups'. Are they making you a coffee? Clearing up after meals or helping prep. It might help foster a sense of team 'or in this together'.

I'm with you today. I just want to cry. All I've done is shout. My boys are 4 and 8. They just want to play on tablets. Oldest one has played up all day because he wants his tablet and he's been told he's not getting it until he's done some school work. They fight and bicker or wind each other up all the time. They are tired and too much energy but refuse to get dressed. I don't particularly want to go out in the pouring rain either.
I tried to send them to bed at 8. They are still awake tormenting each other. I'm still not getting a minutes peace and my partner is working away so we're on our own until Friday night 😩😩😩😩

I’ve had a headache every day for the last week too, it really hurts :(

I’m so fed up. Dh just walked in early from work and him and dd12 are so close they just sit talking and looking on the Internet etc and I’m just ignored. Like there is literally no point being in the room.

I feel so unappreciated and unloved too on top of the kids being little shits.

Iv honestly had enough, I feel so depressed and down.

@Givemethechocolate more like too many walks in the sodding park!

Honestly, reading threads like this makes me even happier to be divorced (and I was already very happy about that). EOW I get 48 hours of peace and quiet and the DC get a change of scene. Utter bliss in this crappy covid world.

OP if you're struggling to this extent and you have BPD then it might be worth begging the schools for places so you can be mentally healthy.

My lovely dd.

I tried to get my ds into school but they were over the limit. :(

For those suffering the talkative, play this at them until they retreat to an acceptable distance

Singing it yourself is the nuclear option.

I have a 10yo who channels Victor Meldrew.

My 7yo's behaviour changes in lockdown and he regresses and acts younger. Every time he walks into the kitchen, he's just gratuitously loud, and silly. It blocks my ability to think and winds DS1 up massively.
The real problem is that DS2 has no social outlet to just be a silly, loud 7 yo with other silly loud 7 yos.

It's hard for us all when our needs clash.

So I had a breakdown last night and this morning.

I rang my psychiatrist, they can’t see me until 1st March. I rang my doctor and they got someone from the mental health team to ring me. She was so bad. Just recommended me a book and told me to find a therapist.

I feel so depressed. I haven’t stopped crying and feel like such a failure. My mum had mental health problems and I didn’t have a very good childhood, my fear is I’m going to end up like her.

I managed to get a normal appointment for tomorrow at 3.30 but last time I rang for help he told me to go for a run so we shall see what they say.

Who is your appointment with tomorrow afternoon, is it someone from mental health? Couldn't quite work it out. I hope you can get across how low you are feeling right now

Sounds like you need a general 'MOT' in terms of general health as well as mental health. My mum was very unhappy and unstable when I was about 12-13 and looking back I think she needed health support (to check her hormones, thyroid, etc) not just to be told she was 'miserable' and 'mental' and my dad could and should have done a lot more to support her.

I wouldn't even answer a message from your DD again if she's going to be rude. Not for a while.

Op I am so sorry you are suffering like this, and I hope this thread is helping a little bit, that you have posts on here that care about you.

I too had a mother whom had a number of nervous breakdowns, and I know that is the last thing I want for my dc, so I feel your pain.
As a minimum your dh needs to take some time off, even to call in sick to support you? If you are completely burnt out and running on empty, this can not be fixed without some rest, some time to recharge. He can take the kids to the park, for walks and out of the house, so you can hear the sound of silence and have a bath, and decompress. He can take over home school and do some cooking.

Honestly op you need a break, some support from MH team and a combined effort to help you through.

You do definitely need a break.

Are you in agreement with your diagnosis? I’m just saying as I know lots of women who’ve been diagnosed with bpd but later reassessed as autistic.

Try again to get a school place for any of your children. Tell them you have bpd and are under the mental health team and are having a breakdown. Schools are telling parents that bubbles are capped to try and put off the piss takers but actually it is their responsibility to accept vulnerable children without capping the numbers. I work in a school and my job is to fight to get vulnerable children in. If you called me and explained what you've said here I would make an exception for your child.

Agree with pp with regards to implementing quiet time. My meal times are MY time. I'll feed them, sit with with them so I'm there if they need anything. Then, when it's my turn to eat no one is allowed to disturb me unless there is blood, fire or flood. I take my time, watch TV. I get between half hour to 45 minutes.

@Annabellerina

Try again to get a school place for any of your children. Tell them you have bpd and are under the mental health team and are having a breakdown. Schools are telling parents that bubbles are capped to try and put off the piss takers but actually it is their responsibility to accept vulnerable children without capping the numbers. I work in a school and my job is to fight to get vulnerable children in. If you called me and explained what you've said here I would make an exception for your child.

That is good to know.

@JamieLeeCurtains this would apply only to truly vulnerable children though and the schools generally know who their vulnerable kids are.

My son is driving me insane. 14 with ADHD.
Constant silly voices mimicking whatever he has watched on you tube. Can't play at a reasonable voice volume with his friend on playstation. No awareness of how it's affecting me and his dad. Totally self absorbed and so so slow

That’s exactly how ds is. I’m 100% sure he’s on the autistic spectrum.