I actually dislike my children

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

Iv had enough. I’m done parenting. I feel like I’m having a breakdown.

3 Dc aged 12,11 and 4.

All been arguing and just little shits for weeks. Trying to home school etc. I’m exhausted.

I said I was going to wash my hair which I haven’t done in over a week because Iv been feeling so depressed. As soon as I get in my middle child is screaming hysterically (he always fucking does it!!!)

I get out and they are all fighting downstairs. Apparently middle child was winding oldest up so they both sat on him.

I’m fuming and Iv lost it. Told them that I can’t stand them atm and I’m so disappointed that I can’t even have 5 mins to myself.

I’m so mentally drained.

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

I have borderline personality disorder and I ge help through my psychiatrist, my god I’m not going to murder my children.

But yes sometimes they are little shits, doesn’t mean I need bloody social services to intervene.

Yes my husband is aware I’m struggling and
Doing his absolute best to help but he’s currently
On day 7 of 11 days in a row. He finishes at 10pm today so can’t exactly help. He does when he’s home though.

I didn't say you would, but I do think that a parent having these thoughts is very concerning. As someone with BPD you are presumably aware of how the challenges with stress and emotional intensity can massively impact your experience of parenting, and your children's experience also. Hppefully your psychiatrist, if aware of the situation, will also be able to give you proper support. Is your husband able to take any time off work?

I too think your dh needs to cut down his hours and days to offer more support.

Does it matter if they sit on the middle child if he is being annoying, what’s the worst that will happen, he managed to get up, for 5 minutes whilst washing your hair can you not just ignore them and let them get on with it?

You are not alone I get no peace from the time I get up to the time I go to bed either my kids or husband keep talking

It is exhausting

I totally see where you’re coming from. I only have one child and for several years when he was younger I didn’t like him. He was just a complete tool. Fortunately he did improve as he got older.

Everything is out of context at the moment because of this shit show we are currently going through. People are under a massive amount of strain so I’m not surprised you’ve lost it with them. To be honest I don’t think it hurts them to see sometimes that they’ve pushed you too far.

It's so hard right now isnt it? I could cry at the thought of another day when I wake up in the morning. And the days are so fucking long. And bickering children is hellish..it drains you like nothing else

I’ve had enough today.

Monday, during normal times, is my day to myself.

I just want them all out of the house. I want to clean, walk the dog and have a cuppa on MY OWN.

I don’t want to argue over screen times, over how to do maths, over who hit who first.

I have had enough.

So much sympathy and empathy for you!

I just want them all out of the house

Oh god, me too. I miss the days when the dc would be at school and dh at the office. I'd clean the house, listen to the radio and not have to make endless snacks and meals for them all.

My entire day now seems to involve endless food prep and cleaning the kitchen...on repeat.

Had enough

Joining the had enough club. I don't know how long I can carry on like this.

I have been trying to home educate one child today. She has done one quiz and written 13 words on a piece of paper. Totally refusing to do it. We are on the road to a SEN diagnosis and has had issues at school too but I am so done. I have two other kids to manage too. One is doing fine but the other has SEN too so needs some support.
Actually feeling broken today so I feel your pain.

As someone who works in a school I can say with confidence that it is not just your children. Lots of children have mentally regressed and are behaving a lot younger than they normally would.

As for behaviour strategies, I've found these to be rather helpful in the time I have been teaching (over a decade).

1. Say thank you instead of please. "Tidy up your things, thank you."
   People find it really hard to be disagreeable when you're being kind and polite to them. Thank you is more authoritative and kind of places them into a mind trick trance. Normally people only say thank you to kids when they have done something they've been asked to do, so when they hear you say it, they feel like they ought to do it because you've already said thank you. It really messes with them lol.

2. Avoid power struggles and give natural consequences if you have no choice.

"I don't want to wear my coat."

"You need your coat on if you want to go outside, otherwise you will be choosing to stay inside."

"I don't want to brush my teeth."

"That's fine, when you decide to brush your teeth we can buy you sweets, until then you won't be able to have any." etc.

Also, lastly, be a vending machine not a slot machine. The analogy goes like this. If you put £1 in a vending machine and your drink / snack gets stuck, would you put in another £1 or give up and go and get someone? Most people would give up and would certainly not put in more money. Why? Because we know there is no point.

A slot machine, however, is different. Why do people keep putting money in slot machines even though the chance of winning is tiny? Because when you win you win big. That's why kids whine and complain and drag their heels. They're testing you to see if you're a slot machine. Keep paying out and they'll keep doing it. So be a vending machine and not a slot machine.

@Randomschoolworker19

As someone who works in a school I can say with confidence that it is not just your children. Lots of children have mentally regressed and are behaving a lot younger than they normally would.

As for behaviour strategies, I've found these to be rather helpful in the time I have been teaching (over a decade).

1. Say thank you instead of please. "Tidy up your things, thank you."
   People find it really hard to be disagreeable when you're being kind and polite to them. Thank you is more authoritative and kind of places them into a mind trick trance. Normally people only say thank you to kids when they have done something they've been asked to do, so when they hear you say it, they feel like they ought to do it because you've already said thank you. It really messes with them lol.

2. Avoid power struggles and give natural consequences if you have no choice.

"I don't want to wear my coat."

"You need your coat on if you want to go outside, otherwise you will be choosing to stay inside."

"I don't want to brush my teeth."

"That's fine, when you decide to brush your teeth we can buy you sweets, until then you won't be able to have any." etc.

Also, lastly, be a vending machine not a slot machine. The analogy goes like this. If you put £1 in a vending machine and your drink / snack gets stuck, would you put in another £1 or give up and go and get someone? Most people would give up and would certainly not put in more money. Why? Because we know there is no point.

A slot machine, however, is different. Why do people keep putting money in slot machines even though the chance of winning is tiny? Because when you win you win big. That's why kids whine and complain and drag their heels. They're testing you to see if you're a slot machine. Keep paying out and they'll keep doing it. So be a vending machine and not a slot machine.

I love this post.

I'm a big fan of natural or logical consequences but often there isn't one and I'm stuck.

Like the OP. Middle child being hysterical. What's the response to this ? (Regular occurrence in my house )

@DustyVenetian

"Like the OP. Middle child being hysterical. What's the response to this ? (Regular occurrence in my house )"

"Oh dear, I can see you look really tired and cranky, you'll have to go to bed and have a nap until you have calmed down and are ready to join us."

Just the threat of a nap for an older child is usually enough. I've taught Y6 a number of times and the threat of having to hold my hand works wonders.

@randomschoolworker
Love your 2 posts..

If I had known how hard kids were I wouldn’t have had any.

Thank god my children are 29 and 15, I could never have coped with just 1 young child in lockdown never mind 3. I could never cope with bickering, that’s why I left 14 years between having a second one.

I take my hat off to all you mums with young children at the moment, I would’ve gone nuts by now.

Same. Teens who fight (DD starts everything) and don't go to sleep until late.

Sick of them. I'm just a cleaner, chef and bill payer.

It’s ridiculous isn’t it.

I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and they were arguing because dd12 said to dd4 that dd wants to take her bed tonight (they never do it lol) and he started shouting that he didn’t.

It’s constantly bickering. It’s ridiculous

It's very tiring. I feel like I've run a marathon on days like this.

Hope things settle down a bit later and you get some down time.

Zoologist😂

Parenting isn’t what people say it is. It’s largely thankless drudgery. Women should be more honest like this as a warning to others to think twice.

OP, I feel for you. What we’re doing now is just a shit way to live.

No respite, no time away from each other, no friends to break up the drudgery, nothing to look forward to.

Most people are depressed to some degree. That includes the kids.

I’ve all but given up on home schooling.

If we can get through the day without tears we are doing well.

I think you need to give the OP a break! Most parents are feeling this way, including me. We are not going to murder our bloody children.
Of course it's a depressing time! Who wouldn't be depressed stuck inside with lack of daylight, no where to go, kids screaming, trying to home school, do chores, feed everyone, maybe even work.
It's no walk in the park!

That was for @OverTheRubicon