Thread for anyone who is just totally miserable and fed up

[YouBoughtMeAWall]

Have a whinge, let it out, no judgement.

I’m not doing well. And I don’t feel like I should say that because others are doing far worse but I am sodding miserable. Every day feels pointless. I feel completely stuck and I know things are going to be hard for a long time. They were already hard before covid. It’s worse now.

I don't have big problems, but trying to homeschool a DD in reception and another in y2 while both I and darling partner wfh ft is making me lose the will. I feel like I'm failing constantly. I shouldn't berate myself because what's being asked of us is objectively impossible, but I feel like every choice is poisoned by the three other things I should being doing with the time. I need this to end.

Thanks user.

Thread will inevitably get hijacked being in this forum but yes, it is shit, it went beyond shit some time ago.

My mental health now is destroyed (it has always been fragile but functional) - now I have a permanent stress related stammer (it's always popped up when I was REALLY upset but now it's bastard always here), I have anxiety so bad I can struggle to swallow, I'm getting panic attacks and just feel so bloody low.

The kids are just worn down by it - even DD1 can't muster the enthusiasm up to get stroppy with it anymore - she's just given up after this batch of school closures and a week of online learning... and she is normally a... "spirited" child who doesn't squash down lightly. DD2's anxiety is starting to rise, my degree marks have gone down the shitter - well I'm having to interrupt lectures to go sort out home education issues constantly - and I just think what's the point of getting out of bed on a morning.

I don't think my mental health will withstand many more weeks of living like this to be honest - I'm well into nervous breakdown territory and the poor GP said the other day, she wished there was something she could do as I was clearly suffering but I've hit the ceiling for medication doses now, and I'm on the waiting list for anything that can possibly help me.

@AcornAutumn - thank you so much for your reply. It is so nice not to feel alone with this.

@YouBoughtMeAWall
Thank you for starting this thread. Although I don’t know if it feels good to be able to relate to others going through similar things or depressing that there are so many of us!

It is depressing there are so many. But also good to know it isn’t just me. My friend works for a MH charity and she says they are just completely overwhelmed with calls for help since this started. She says theyve never had such high demand for their services.

OP I'd also like to say thank you for this thread

A source for venting is really important and - stating the obvious - a thread is good because people can just ignore it, whereas if I said this to my friends I'd just be bringing them down. Many are enjoying it and
I've no idea where those friendships will end up in future.

Actually, probably the bin!

I needed to start it because I just needed to get it out of my head. I was wandering round the house for days thinking “I can’t cope with this, I’m falling apart” but there was no one to say it too. I wouldn’t tell my DCs as that would scare them I think. I just needed to say it so it wasn’t just in my head anymore. Thanks for letting me vent.

To an outsider, I've got it all under control. But the reality is very different. I'm spinning plates all the time. Keeping both dc focused on home schooling, keeping on top of my own work (tutor but all online). Keeping chipper for my pupils to help keep them (and their parents) motivated. Keeping on top of the house so I don't scream. Keeping everything ticking over so that self employed DH can concentrate on his work to make sure we don't go under. Keeping my elder sister from slowly drifting further and further into a mental health crisis.

Keep on keeping on. That's it. I just keep going. As a PP said "same shit, different day". Grim.

Does anyone else feel like they have to keep it together and stay cheery for the family? And be mildly resentful about that? I can't 'lose it' because then everyone will lose it.

Spot on @Frequentflier. Spot on.

@Frequentflier

Does anyone else feel like they have to keep it together and stay cheery for the family? And be mildly resentful about that? I can't 'lose it' because then everyone will lose it.

Will they though? Someone might step up.

It's different because there's not kids involved but in wider family contexts, once I had a nervous breakdown and Lockdown 1 I nearly topped myself.

Suddenly people were more capable. Bit less apllicable in lockdown 1 because there's only mum to care for now.

Will they though? Someone might step up.

In my experience... nah they won’t :(

My husband just got more useless and flappy and asked me when I’d be going shopping next.

I'm feeling proper fed up today. Last year was as bad as it could get for me but suddenly I'm expected to be back to my normal optimistic self according to others in my life. I actually got told by one of my siblings yesterday "you can't be down, Trapped, you're the one that's keeping us going. We need someone to talk to." Well so do I but it seems like when I do it's an inconvenience.

Yes, I'm feeling particularly down this week. Nothing to do, nothing to look forward to, sleeping more and more, endless grind of cooking and trying to keep the house tidy, losing interest in food which I normally love. Nobody to talk to (although DH wfh, he is in his office ALL day) except the dog! I'm finding it really hard to motivate myself to do anything. The endless bad news and weather doesn't help, although the days are lengthening every single day and the bulbs are starting to come up, so that's positive! More than anything, I am just so scared of catching this thing.

I'm struggling with the feeling of hopelessness stretching off into the future. Even glimpses of spring make me feel fed up as I just think that's more hours to fill,

Am coming to terms with the fact that gigs and festivals probably won’t happen this year, and I’ll probably get another avalanche of “rescheduled” emails sometime soon. First world problem, but I don’t see why I shouldn’t feel deflated. Life is so grey at the moment. And it’s ok not to spend every minute feeling grateful that I haven’t got covid.

@trappedsincesundaymorn

I'm feeling proper fed up today. Last year was as bad as it could get for me but suddenly I'm expected to be back to my normal optimistic self according to others in my life. I actually got told by one of my siblings yesterday "you can't be down, Trapped, you're the one that's keeping us going. We need someone to talk to." Well so do I but it seems like when I do it's an inconvenience.

Refuse to talk to them.

@mummyoneboy19

Will they though? Someone might step up.

In my experience... nah they won’t :(

My husband just got more useless and flappy and asked me when I’d be going shopping next.

Take to your bed. Let the food run out.

Apart from anything else, there's not much to do, so now is the ideal time for an experiment!

Refuse to talk to them

As much as I'd love to do that, sadly, for reasons I won't go into, it's not an option.

Yeah I feel shite. Mum is shielding with step dad as he is clinically vulnerable. Our so called mate knows how sad I was at not seeing them at Christmas (tier 4 last minute). He also knew that his wife and my partners office had confirmed covid cases.
So what did they do? They drove 40 m each way to visit my mum. She was so desperate for company she invited them in for hours.
I sent "friends" a message saying I don't understand why you'd do that, and the cunt ignored it. He is my partners lifelong mate but I don't want him near me after this shit ends. Will cause friction as oh never takes my side.
Mum is buying a house further away so will see them less than never. I hope they've got adequate health care.
Hate my job and keep making mistakes plus struggle with ALL Relationships so dreading returning to an awful open plan hotdesk environment. I haven't missed the forced civility I had to adopt with rude social workers. Exhausting.
Normally spring would cheer me but they're building new houses right next door and the constant noise and stink of petrol generator means I'll let my garden go to ruin. And be stuck indoors.
DD says she's transgender, hates her female bits and online learning is shite. Only kid, so lonely atm.
I just hate it all and wish I was dead. But will wait until she's an adult unless nature chooses for me.

@Chimeraforce. Flowers seems such a useless thing to offer you but I have nothing else to give you. I’m so sorry youre in that situation and feeling as you do.