Thread for anyone who is just totally miserable and fed up

[YouBoughtMeAWall]

Have a whinge, let it out, no judgement.

I’m not doing well. And I don’t feel like I should say that because others are doing far worse but I am sodding miserable. Every day feels pointless. I feel completely stuck and I know things are going to be hard for a long time. They were already hard before covid. It’s worse now.

@YouBoughtMeAWall

Yeah, I’m not dead... but this isn’t really living anymore, is it?

This is how I feel. I’m not living any life. We’re not. I’m just feeding us all on repeat until such times as we can leave the house together and have a nice day out.

Same here too Feed /moan / feed / repeat

I’m so sorry about your dog. They really are your babies.

I worry about home when I’m in work, I worry about work when I’m at home.
I’m juggling home schooling 2dc and working on a manic ward with ever changing rules and procedures.
1 dc has ASD and is struggling with change but petrified to go to school. She’s also petrified of me working because she heard on the radio (thanks DH) that nurses are dying, she thinks I’m not going to come home. I’ve not seen adult dc for months.
Dh is working away.
Family all want support and lots of calls/video calls to ‘check in’. Apparently I’m the ‘strong one’. I don’t want to check in because I have to put on a brave face and tell them that we are okay. I’m not strong.
I’m so tired!

Ahhhh this is the most honest I’ve been! What a release!

@Robbybobtail

scared of the police on the Tube, to clarify. Haven't seen any yet but it's bound to happen.

Extremely unlikely and what do you think they’d do anyway? Go and stay with your mum - you are letting your anxiety take over.

It's okay, I don't have to stay the night to do the care

But it's d

Ruddy page keeps refreshing

I don't have to stay the night to provide care, I just like to do it because she has a house and garden and I'm in a tiny flat

But it's a massive risk. I have a friend in Melbourne and Dan Andrews said one morning
"Wherever you spent the night is where you spend the next six weeks". Yes, in reality there were adjustments for people who needed to get home, but what a thing to go through.

So far every fear I've had has happened. I've been in treatment for A&D for 15 years. It's not worth the stress.

The majority of the past 10 months have been a vacuous existance. A bit of reprieve through August to October, but half of mine and the family's structure has been on and off and the other half just off. We're fortunate to be physically comfortable, but it's the sheer, unrelenting monotony. DH WFH, DCs hanging around for 5.5 months and now off again, none of my voluntary or social stuff.

Even things I enjoy like running are tarnished. Too much rides on them. Currently home schooling consumes the daytime so I'm stuck with tedious night time runs at night rather than immersing myself in the countryside.

Never alone. Very little external company. I love DH and the DCs, but goodness I need some change of topic and fresh input.

Friends/ family didn't make the most of
what we could do over the summer so it remained crushingly lonely.

Lonely and peopled out at the same time.

I've had big life crap happen, but you can distract yourself, have some degree of choice, but there is no escape, distraction or change of pace in this and it is crushing.

Reinventing "Apparently I’m the ‘strong one’. "

I would tell them how unfair that is.

My cousins up north have been in lockdown forever. They didn't have any mental health issues but I'm quite concerned about them now.

My 2 both have sn so one is at school (special schools still open here) the other "isolating" at home because he's sneezing and won't sit for a test. I just feel like I don't have a minute to myself, I have nothing to look forward to. I'm either run ragged after them or just sitting alone not doing much. There's just me and the kids. (they do go to their dads at the weekend) the first week i struggled to get out of bed.

@AcornAutumn I can’t.

Back when the first lockdown started and I stupidly thought it would only be for a couple of months I started a £1 a day chart on the fridge for DC so we could have something to look forward to. We were going to spend the money on a nice family treat after being locked down. I wish I’d never started it- We’re now on day 300 and something ridiculous, I’ve had no work since October, surviving on UC, I don’t have £300+ saved. I certainly won’t by the time this is over. I’m going to have to tell DC (he has SEN) that there won’t be a big treat once this is over. There’ll just be more scrimping. I know what’s nothing compared to what others are dealing with though.

OP I'm so sorry

@YouBoughtMeAWall, kids have no idea how much stuff is worth. Do something like drive them to a national park and have a picnic and games etc. Good idea and no way you could have known it would last this long!

Trying to be a bit more positive today - we’ve done sensory play and colouring and got out for a walk (it’s finally stopped raining).

We’re one day closer to normality. Sending love to you all today x

[quote LH1987]@YouBoughtMeAWall, kids have no idea how much stuff is worth. Do something like drive them to a national park and have a picnic and games etc. Good idea and no way you could have known it would last this long![/quote]
Thank you. He is 11 and has a good idea of how much things cost. Money is actually one thing he has a firm understanding of (unluckily for me!) I’m hoping that once things are opening up again some local places will have offers on that we can use. He understands I’m not working and money is tight, it’s just the thought of having to tell him that the thing I said would happen, won’t and that he’s been counting for nothing.

We’re one day closer to normality.
That’s a good way of looking at it.

I have been feeling the tears in the background and just started weeping on the phone to my mother. Why she thinks the ailments of other people are a good conversation topic when she knows how fragile I am, I will never know.

I think people just rabbit on for the sake of talking without thinking.

@YouBoughtMeAWall

I think people just rabbit on for the sake of talking without thinking.

Yes, that's probably true.

dp andi separated 2 weeks ago, I'm a teacher so that's all to shit too. Am feeling lonely, hopeless and like this is never ending. I just want to skip forward a few months when I'm content to be home, and not crying several times a day. This is the worst I have ever felt

I’m so so glad I’m not alone.. although I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. It’s utter shite..
Was at the end of my tether today with ds 13 months.. up every hour of the night with an uncomfortable erection.. I’m shattered.. trying to resist putting him in our bed which means rocking him in my arms.. then he whines all day and I feel like I’m starting to become fused to the sofa cushions in our lounge. I’m such a lazy cow.

Peachee I bet my bottom dollar you are not a lazy cow.

Yeah, shit time here too. MH in a nosedive the last few days. DH has been diagnosed with yet more (chronic) stuff and it just feels endless and like life will never be normal, I am taking on more responsibility again but my own health is precarious. I was excited about studying etc but I just want to hide now - spent much of the evening hiding under my weighted blanket watching Community

Yes, I hate it. I have been forced out of my retail job I was really enjoying because I'm pregnant and it's too high risk apparently.

Because I was casual staff and didn't have a contract I'm not getting any pay from that.

Would look for office jobs instead but nurseries are still closed here until at least the end of January and even when they do start again DS2 is still going through settling in so who knows how long it will take to get him in full time so I don't feel like I can apply for anything. Worried that by the time I do apply for anything I'm going to be huge and nobody will want to hire me anyway!

I wanted to do a language course if I couldn't be looking for work :( Can't do that either due to no childcare.

I am, just signed off with extreme anxiety which I’m horribly embarrassed and frustrated about, but my nerves are in fucking bits.

@Phyllis321

I am, just signed off with extreme anxiety which I’m horribly embarrassed and frustrated about, but my nerves are in fucking bits.

Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, anxiety is a complete fucker and you have my sympathy.