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Original poster

Should all people keep all kids off school if they absolutely can?

87 replies

Morph2lcfc · 10/01/2021 17:45

Schools are allowing/actively encouraging Sen kids into school this time which must be part of the reason for the large increase in kids attending. Obviously there are some parents who decide not to send their Sen kids in for various reasons of their own but for others should they keep them off unless both parents are a keyworker?

I have a child with asd and ehcp who wasn’t allowed in school first lockdown but is this time is and I’ve accepted the place but am now being made to feel guilty about it. have had a slight disagreement with a friend on this. She said it’s not fair that Sen kids are getting face to face teacher time when other kids aren’t and that it’s hard for everyone having kids at home abs that people sending kids in will be extending the lockdown for everyone else.

OP posts:
boomboom1234 · 10/01/2021 17:50

Just ignore your friend. Do what's right for you and your family. No one is happy right now, everyone is in a crap situation so just ignore. If the school have offered your child a place take it if you want to. I have stopped talking about this with people in real life as it's fraught and stressful and everyone thinks their situation is worse than everyone else's when the truth is it's shit for everyone. Just focus on yourself and your situation.

Givemeabreak88 · 10/01/2021 17:54

I don’t feel guilty, I have 4 children and a lone parent, there is no way I could get any homeschooling done, my oldest has autism, school have said all 3 of my children (youngest is only 3 so not her) can attend school. They actively encouraged me to send them all, I was surprised as only dd has an ehcp but the school said all 3 can come in.

Sockwomble · 10/01/2021 17:58

She can have my child's place if she is happy for her child to take my child's disability.

Justgivemewine · 10/01/2021 18:02

Absolutely do NOT feel guilty. I’m guessing your friend doesn’t have any children with Sen and therefore hasn’t got a fucking clue what she’s talking about.

FairyFairy · 10/01/2021 18:02

@Sockwomble

She can have my child's place if she is happy for her child to take my child's disability.

This.

Jouuuuuuuuule · 10/01/2021 18:05

She's no friend. Sad

Highway65 · 10/01/2021 18:06

It’s a tricky one! If ‘at all possible’ all children should be at home if they are safe there. School numbers are high, therefore staff numbers in is high. Those staff also have children that now need to be cared for. More contact, means more cases.

This is hard for lots of people.

Mylittlepony374 · 10/01/2021 18:08

Sockwomble has the appropriate response for your "friend" .

thefallthroughtheair · 10/01/2021 18:08

No, absolutely not.

Scaryprospects · 10/01/2021 18:09

I have a SEN child with an EHCP. I was told ‘I hope you are ok with having death on your hands sending dd in’

I sent her back last week and it was completely the right decision for us.

Original poster
Morph2lcfc · 10/01/2021 18:09

We didn’t do any home schooling last lockdown partly as ds wouldn’t engage and partly as I was wfh so didn’t want to spend what spare hours I wasn’t working arguing about school were, school were relaxed about it and said not to worry but this time theyve encouraged us to send in so far. Ds was also struggling with behaviour since the Nov lockdown started to the point where school were talking about trying to get me respite but since he went back to school last week he’s been a lot more settled. I was fine about sending him but comments from friend ready other threads on mumsnet has out doubts in my head as it’s hard for everyone and cus I only have an sen child and things seem hard I have no comparison to make to how hard things are also with an Nt child

OP posts:
LickEmbysmiling · 10/01/2021 18:09

I'd be doing this on a case by case basis, depending on need, child and whose at home.
I could send dc in but I absolutely will not because, although it's hard, we are working from home. It's not fair on teachers and school staff having to go in albeit with reduced class sizes.
However, it would be good if school came up with some support for parents if dc with sen etc or sn who are massively struggling.

Mousehole10 · 10/01/2021 18:11

I do think parents should keep their children off school if at all possible. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable if your kids have disabilities and need to be in school. I would class that as not really possible to keep them at home.

OhDear2200 · 10/01/2021 18:11

@Morph2lcfc

Schools are allowing/actively encouraging Sen kids into school this time which must be part of the reason for the large increase in kids attending. Obviously there are some parents who decide not to send their Sen kids in for various reasons of their own but for others should they keep them off unless both parents are a keyworker?

I have a child with asd and ehcp who wasn’t allowed in school first lockdown but is this time is and I’ve accepted the place but am now being made to feel guilty about it. have had a slight disagreement with a friend on this. She said it’s not fair that Sen kids are getting face to face teacher time when other kids aren’t and that it’s hard for everyone having kids at home abs that people sending kids in will be extending the lockdown for everyone else.

Take the place.

My DC is autistic. When schools closed again I got messages from parents saying how sad their child was and they had cried.

My DC had banged their head repeatedly for 20 minutes until I persuaded them to stop.

So though I replied ‘yes there are tears here also’ what I left out (for my DCs privacy) is the extent of distress.

Letseatgrandma · 10/01/2021 18:14

About 3% of children have an EHC plan-even if every one of those was in school (and a fair few will be in Special Ed schools), that isn’t going to account for the high numbers schools are having in!

That’s almost entirely to do with the government not allowing a cap on school numbers, saying those with just 1 Kw parent can have a place and saying if they don’t have a laptop or quiet place, they can come in.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/01/2021 18:14

"She said it’s not fair that Sen kids are getting face to face teacher time when other kids aren’t "

Oh man this pandemic and this issue especially is really showing people's ugly side.

OP, have no guilt and do not listen to her, she doesn't have your best interests at heart and has made that plain.

OrangeSamphire · 10/01/2021 18:14

I have two children with different SEN, both have EHCPs.

Last time, neither was offered a school place. We stayed home and struggled deeply. One became suicidal and ended up in hospital for weeks. That period of time absolutely destroyed our family.

This time, one of them had been offered a school place (not the one with poor mental health, sadly) so we have taken it up. We’ve got to get through this some how.

Sockwomble · 10/01/2021 18:23

Ds stayed home initially at the start of the first lockdown. He was constantly in distress; hurting himself and attacking us and when he wasn't doing that he was in a corner stimming and refusing to move even to eat. So he went back in and this time he has automatically stayed in. He does need constant care but we can manage that. It is his mental health when all the routines he is used to, disappear that is the problem.

inquietant · 10/01/2021 18:27

I dislike this attitude, children with SEN require more suppprt, so it is right they get more support.

I don't begrudge anyone their place on grounds of SEN.

My kids are at home and we are all aware we are fortunate they have nothing making it harder for them to learn, no dyslexia for example making it harder to access any written materials/read the tech instructions.

Original poster
Morph2lcfc · 10/01/2021 18:32

I was actually randomly selected to be part of an ofsted parents panel on Sen after first lockdown around august time(id added my email to something at some point and it had been randomly selected). It was a zoom meeting and some of the stories were absolutely heartbreaking, even though we’d found things hard I actually felt like we’d had good support as ds was allowed back last lockdown after the May half term so it was “only” about two months we had it tough . So many other kids were risk assessed out even when peers went back and no support at all. I wonder if this is part of reason why Sen kids are being encouraged this time as I’ve seen order reports in media

OP posts:
Petitmum · 10/01/2021 18:32

Ds attends a special school and could attend for 2 days a week. We are keeping him home as I have elderly vulnerable parents to support.

It is a matter for each family, but I strongly believe home is best right now.

KeyboardWorriers · 10/01/2021 18:35

My nephews have EHCP and as their main "respite carer" /auntie I completely understand why they have school places and I don't begrudge my sister for a second. She nearly fell apart during the first lockdown. If their school feels they need a place then people should respect that.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/01/2021 18:38

I'm not a key worker but I can't work from home, DS's dad is a key worker who also can't work from home. So DS is going to school.

I have no idea of the circumstances of other pupils at DS's school and it's not my business to judge.

TheGreatWave · 10/01/2021 18:40

There are many children without an EHCP who probably need one so that isn't a good measure.

DS isn't getting f2f teaching on the two days he is, he is doing his work, the work he won't do at home because it is school work and you don't do this at home. Any encouragement to work at home is met with full on screaming whilst lying on the floor.

Lougle · 10/01/2021 18:52

YANBU. I have 3 children, all secondary, 2 with SN. My middle DD has gone to school, as she needs to and I can't help her and her sister (who doesn't have her place at special school) at the same time.