Should all people keep all kids off school if they absolutely can?

[Morph2lcfc]

Schools are allowing/actively encouraging Sen kids into school this time which must be part of the reason for the large increase in kids attending. Obviously there are some parents who decide not to send their Sen kids in for various reasons of their own but for others should they keep them off unless both parents are a keyworker?

I have a child with asd and ehcp who wasn’t allowed in school first lockdown but is this time is and I’ve accepted the place but am now being made to feel guilty about it. have had a slight disagreement with a friend on this. She said it’s not fair that Sen kids are getting face to face teacher time when other kids aren’t and that it’s hard for everyone having kids at home abs that people sending kids in will be extending the lockdown for everyone else.

I wish my sons school were actively encouraging him to attend 😡
He's not allowed and it's a special school
With tiny classes anyway 🤷‍♀️

YABU

@FreshFreesias

YABU

Would you like to expand why?

I agree children should be kept at home if at all possible but in your case I think your child needs a place. It isn't black and white.

"She said it’s not fair that Sen kids are getting face to face teacher time when other kids aren’t "

Tell her it's not fair that Sen kids have Sen and find it much harder to learn in normal circumstances when other kids don't.

Life isn't fair. It's about trying to make up for the unfairnesses in a way that helps as many as possible without hurting as many as possible. It's never going to be perfect.

To clarify mine is in an Sen unit attached to a mainstream. There’s approx 12 in the unit but less than half in as some parents have decided to keep off mainly due to medical vulnerabilities of either the child or someone in immediate family. He used to be in a mainstream with a 1-1 but they couldn’t manage him which makes me think he must be harder to mange when home schooling than the average child but tonight he’s been sat watching the football and been no trouble at all which is prob part of the reasons why I’ve started thinking we would could prob manage Ok and I’ve had all this time to post on and read Mumsnet.

I am homeschooling my SEN child, its bloody hard work, last lockdown we did hardly anything but this time school are insisting we do all the work they are setting, I’m having to deal with daily meltdowns and refusing to do work whilst I’m trying to work part time. My DD’s school had limited places and I decided that I would keep her home, I’m already regretting it. No one should have to explain why they are sending their SEN child to school.

SEN is such a broad spectrum, some parents my be able to cope, especially if they don't work or are furloughed. Others wouldn't be able to cope and do not need to justify themselves to anyone.

Every action we take that mixes with others increases the risk of the virus and could lead to more illness or even death.

If your child needs to be in school for SEN reasons or another reason, they need to be in and there's nothing you can do about it. But you are increasing their and your risks. All we can do is try to limit transmission as much as possible outside.

Children should be kept at home if at all possible. However, SEN often makes this impossible and families with SEN kids should be supported.

There is a more general issue with people clambering for places, some just because they think they have it harder than everyone else. This is not the fault of those coping with SEN kids, but does need addressed.

santabetterwashhishands that seems to be the place with special schools though as don’t all the children there have EHCP my dd is in mainstream and the school senco actually came to my house to ask me personally if I would like dd to come in (and my other 2) my daughter is in mainstream and I’m glad now more than ever that she is as they’ve been very encouraging for her to be in school.

Tell your friend to mind her own business. Don’t feel guilty. There’s children in DC’s school that only have one keyworker parent and got a place yet vulnerable children have no provision.

Home schooling a child with sen is hard. Particularly if they are reluctant to do it like mine. My son gets 1:1 support. I’m not a trained teacher nor a TA and I just cannot motivate him. I’ve always been honest with the school and told them we won’t get it all done.

It's hard. People are too quick to judge and I kind of think the government like it like that - if we're all busy criticising each other, we're not noticing the massive gaping holes in the way that they are dealing with this pandemic.
As with so many things, it depends on the circumstances. In your circumstances, with an SEN child and especially if you're still working from home YANBU.

I think on the whole there do need to be less children in school, because that's how we're going to get the levels down, but I don't question vulnerable kids (including SEN and also any where there are welfare concerns) being offered a place. I do question those without a laptop or internet access being offered a place - if there are no other vulnerabilities, they just need to be provided with the IT and internet access and stay at home, not to attend school instead.
I also think the government guidance leaves a lot to be desired in terms of who is considered a key worker, and the lack of publicity about the fact that parents can be furloughed if they have childcare issues is an option available to companies (I know it's only 80% of salary but regardless some parents would choose this at the moment and are not being offered the option). I think places in schools really should be reserved for the vulnerable (including SEN where needed) and children of absolutely essential workers. But I don't blame the non essential workers for requesting a place in school if they still have to go to work. What else can they do? I blame the system for not being changed to accommodate and support them to keep their kids at home for now.
We do as a whole country need to reduce the amount of kids in schools (and the amount of people in work) for now. This will make it safer for everyone, including the keyworkers who have no option but to send their kids to school, the kids themselves, and the school staff. But that's on the government to strategically tackle this - they need to redefine critical worker definitions and provide support to businesses and individuals to make this work.
On an individual basis, we need to do what's right for our own families, that includes managing our children's care, welfare and stress on ourselves as well as managing our own paid work. There's a balance of the benefits of going to school vs the risks of covid that means that whilst levels are so high, it's better for the majority of children to be at home in the short term where we have that choice, but only individual families can weigh that up and decide. Some families of course don't have an option but to send their kids to school.
I think there needs to be less judgement of individual families and more pressure on the government to provide the support that families need to keep kids safe at home where possible for the short term (be that providing IT equipment or furlough to non essential working parents). Schools could also look to offer part-time places where this will meet families needs for some face to face time in school but a full time place is not essential (I think some are doing this).

Brilliant post @boomboom1234
Do what’s right for you op.

@catsarecute as it happens I actually do furlough claims as part of my job, I’ve done hundreds of them since last March. I think most employers are aware ppl can be furloughed for childcare reasons I think the main issues are

1. furlough now costs employers as they have to pay the er’s ni and er’s pension whereas in first furlough government covered all costs

2. employers claiming through cjrs will now be named publically so if it’s not an employer thsts seen as deserving this will cause them adverse publicity even if they are furloughing for genuine reasons

3. there is still work thst needs doing and no one else to to if staff are furloughed so business May be adversely effected to the point where ppl don’t have jobs to come back too.

It’s difficult with no easy answers

Thanks for all the posts by the way, after reading them all I think at least while school are actively encouraging I’ll keep sending in. If it gets to a point where they are asking us to keep off if we can I’ll have to reconsider and weigh up where we are then.

@Morph2lcfc

To clarify mine is in an Sen unit attached to a mainstream. There’s approx 12 in the unit but less than half in as some parents have decided to keep off mainly due to medical vulnerabilities of either the child or someone in immediate family. He used to be in a mainstream with a 1-1 but they couldn’t manage him which makes me think he must be harder to mange when home schooling than the average child but tonight he’s been sat watching the football and been no trouble at all which is prob part of the reasons why I’ve started thinking we would could prob manage Ok and I’ve had all this time to post on and read Mumsnet.

Old Mum hat on here. You know as well as I that one night of calm within a normal routine day does not equate to calmness on a day that is totally out of sorts. Send him in and don't feel guilty. I have no guilt in admitting that I need the two days he is in as does his siblings.

@Morph2lcfc

Thanks for all the posts by the way, after reading them all I think at least while school are actively encouraging I’ll keep sending in. If it gets to a point where they are asking us to keep off if we can I’ll have to reconsider and weigh up where we are then.

I had a really good chat with my dd’s SEN TA and Head teacher before sending her back. I explained that if they feel uncomfortable I would rather not send her back. We weighed up the risk and as my bubble and all of the teachers in her year has had covid we thought it was quite slim. My dd is taught 1-2-1 and her SEN TA said to me that she would really like to be in school for her mental health.

I ignored all the other parents from that point !

Thanks for starting this thread, OP. I've really struggled with all the threads on here criticising parents for sending their kids in and felt so uncertain about my choice to send mine (SN) in (as like yours, my DC have good and bad days). I'm not even particularly concerned about them falling behind in their academic work, they have significant SEN but are really bright so I know they'll learn alot whatever we do, but its the meltdowns and aggression and it's impact on the family that would be totally unmanageable if they weren't in school.

What a lovely friend you have, OP! Each child with SEN is completely different - for some, they may prefer being at home as social interaction and the school environment in general can be difficult to cope with. For others, they really need that school routine, as well as any additional support that is provided. Wishing you all the best 😊

Our school is also actively encouraging children with EHCPs into school. I work as a 1:1 and can honestly say that I was very happy indeed when I heard that the child I work with was going to be coming in.

Ignore your 'friend'.

Your ‘friend’ is a dick. Hth.

Your friend is an idiot. Ignore.

I would send them in OP. Huge numbers of people are in work and mixing. Very little of the spread of the virus is going to be a consequence of SEN children in schools.