Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Choosing to get pregnant during Convid

59 replies

Pan3 · 10/01/2021 09:51

Women complaining / can't understand why their DP can't be at both scans and the birth.
They are trying to find ways around it. Peoople are in intensive care / dying abs can't have family around them.

Infertility / accidents aside why would you plan to have a baby now? If you did / have just suck it up and understand this is how things are for now.

I know the maternity ward is separate and they probably aren't putting extra pressure on the nhs.

My DH missed a birth and all scans. Not a good situation but I knew with him working out of the country this was a possibility. It was either that or wait for him to retire to start a family. 10 years on I regret it but due to his risky job I thought that may have been my only chance to have a baby.

I've seen someone post that her sister and nieces live at the other end of the country and haven't been able to meet her 2 month old. This time last year we didn't know how long this would go on for I get that. Sad all around but when you deliberately fall pregnant during a crisis accept it. I've seen posts this week mentioning 12 week scans surely by then we had some idea of the scale of the pandemic.

Name changed on purpose.

OP posts:
Funkypolar · 10/01/2021 09:57
Biscuit

You can’t control what others think no matter how often you tell them to “suck it up.”

savethewales · 10/01/2021 09:59

I think you’re being a bit naive to think that life can wait because of a pandemic no-one saw escalating the way it has. If anyone had a 12 week scan recently they conceived in September/October - the second strain wasn’t announced then so I think people can be forgiven for thinking it’s over. The issue is that maternity units aren’t really affected in the same way, so I can understand why some women are put out their partners can’t go to scans or can only attend for active birth and then leave - surely if they’ve been in for active birth, the risk is already there, why not let them stay? I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant and to be honest didn’t factor in my appointments etc, but I was lucky and my husband could come. I’ve also never given birth before so have nothing to compare it to, if he can’t come in for it all, so be it. We got pregnant because we want to have a baby, as lovely as the pregnancy is, it’s just the bit that gets the baby to us.

Yaty · 10/01/2021 10:00

I was 4 months pregnant at the start of the 1st lockdown so didn't plan to have my baby during a pandemic. I have friends who got pregnant last summer(planned babies) and I do sometimes wonder what were you thinking. But I think unless you have experienced pregnancy and birth through lockdown etc it is very difficult to actually imagine how hard it is. Also last summer things were looking up for at least a brief while. If you're at a certain age or have been waiting for ivf or any other reason why you would want to plan a pregnancy I can completely understand why ppl have. You can't put your life on hold forever.

KylieKangaroo · 10/01/2021 10:03

I'm 6 months and to be honest I'm not bothered if my partner is at the scans or not, I'm probably in the minority here though. It would be nice if he's at the birth but even if he wasn't I would still manage. It helps that this is my second so I've done it all before. My main priority is getting the baby here safe and well.

Funkypolar · 10/01/2021 10:05

My husband came to my scans and can be there when I go in in labour.

I genuinely think some people on Mumsnet would like forced abortions of anybody daring to become pregnant during Covid.

DisgruntledPelican · 10/01/2021 10:05

Having experienced parenting in lockdown, although lucky enough to get the pregnancy and birth part over with just beforehand (I have a 11 month old), I’m inclined to agree in principle. However, some people just desperately want to get pregnant and have children, and won’t want to wait any longer. In some ways you cannot put life on hold forever, it will never be the perfect time to have a baby.

HungryHippo20 · 10/01/2021 10:06

Some people don't have the luxury of time on their side. I agree this means entering into pregnancy knowing the full implications but I guess it doesn't make it any easier/better. I fell pregnant early summer after two miscarriages and at the age of 40. I didn't feel waiting was going to be an option for me but have always been realistic about how the pandemic may/may not impact me. Now I am getting closer to due date I can see this might be a bigger impact than I had anticipated at various points but it is what it is.

The biggest worry I have is when baby is born and my family etc can't meet her, we can't attend baby groups etc. However we will have her all to ourselves for a while which will also be lovely (scary!😱) so I guess there's always two ways to look at the situation ☺️

Rainb0wDrops · 10/01/2021 10:08

I got pregnant in august when things looked like they were getting back to normal - right when we had eat out to help out and govt telling everyone to go back to work.
I'm not an idiot and realised things wouldn't magically be back to normal but I didn't expect them to be this bad.

Even if I had known I wouldn't have put it off. My age and the age gap between siblings was my main concern.

TonkinLenkicks · 10/01/2021 10:09

Eurgh show some compassion. Women can still find it difficult, they don't need the 'well you CHOSE to have baby in a pandemic' line to make them feel shit if they're struggling.

Funkypolar · 10/01/2021 10:14

This is Mumsnet. There is no empathy or compassion, just angry, miserable little people sitting behind screens trying to feel a sense of control by writing unpleasant comments.

SugarCoatIt · 10/01/2021 10:15

Coronavirus isn't going anywhere OP, even with a vaccine, I think it's going to be like the flu, in that it's always going to exist/mutate and there will be new strains of it, but we will never eradicate it, or at least not for the foreseeable, so why put things on hold?

There's never a right time to have a baby, but some people have time against them, or have had time to think and reassess their lives and what is important to them, they've changed their priorities, they've thought you're only here once or their contraception has failed.

I think it depends on whether it's your first or subsequent pregnancy as to how you feel about your partners missing scans, etc.

In Scotland, partners can still attend now, but under the first lockdown they couldn't.

You say yourself that when you had your DC you thought it would be your only chance and that you regret your DH missing the scans and birth, so I find your post to be a little bit of a contradiction in terms and to have an element of projection there.

Yes, it's tragic about those who are ill and in intensive care, I know people who couldn't be with their loved ones in their final moments over the past year, because of covid protocol, but whilst I have empathy for that I don't think this means that people aren't allowed to feel cheated or disappointed about other elements of life that are being impacted by the current measures.

It is what it is, and everyone is allowed to feel however they want to feel about the current situation and the impact that it is having on our individual lives.

Mrgrinch · 10/01/2021 10:17

I can't take anyone who refers to this pandemic as 'Convid' seriously.

Can you explain what exactly is a con about 1000+ deaths per day?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 10/01/2021 10:19

Given the appalling state of maternity care in the UK I dont blame them trying to find a way round it. You admit you regretted not having your dh there. But you had the chance to bring someone else. You had a choice. Having that choice taken away is disempowering.

Perhaps these women had faith in the govt? God knows why but some people do. Perhaps they thought the curve would be flattened rather than exploding.

And stop saying fall pregnant. It's so fucking passive.

autumncountryleaves · 10/01/2021 10:21

I agree with PP. I got pregnant in June, and it’s my second pregnancy so I am less fussed about my partner having not been able to attend any scans, but I appreciate how difficult this could be for a first time mum or someone who had experienced losses.

PurpleFlower1983 · 10/01/2021 10:22

I’m 11 weeks, 37 and our first beautiful DC took 3 years to conceive. We fell pregnant in October after 2 months much to our surprise, no moaning here re scans. I don’t think you should judge.

savethewales · 10/01/2021 10:23

@Mrgrinch

I can't take anyone who refers to this pandemic as 'Convid' seriously.

Can you explain what exactly is a con about 1000+ deaths per day?

Oh god I’ve just seen this! I wouldn’t have even gave her the time of day if I had!
Pan3 · 10/01/2021 10:23

@Mrgrinch Sorry I didn't even notice that mistake

I'm not talking about people getting pregnant just the ones I mentioned in my op

OP posts:
CatbearAmo · 10/01/2021 10:24

If everyone waits, there will be a massive nhs bill in years to come for all the women who need fertility treatment, having waited and waited for this never ending crisis to blow over. I already waited one year. Then once I eventually get a vaccine I would have to wait another 3 to 6 months then too.
I spoke to my doctor who encouraged me to ttc when I told her I had postponed ttc. She told me her duty is to her patient in question at all times, and that she didn't see any reason why I would need to wait, and that the pandemic doesn't change her advice to me as a patient right now.
If everyone waits, we are talking about a massive gap in the population in years to come.
In any of the covid advice to the population, I have not seen any recommendations that women should not try to get pregnant. Nowhere. In fact I have seen everywhere that people are encouraged to continue using the healthcare services they would need, aside a few that were named like dentistry. But getting pregnant was not on that list.
Everyone is saying what is right or not right for the nhs. What the nhs is saying is avoid going to your mates house, wear a mask, wash your hands.

Tier500 · 10/01/2021 10:25

@Pan3

Women complaining / can't understand why their DP can't be at both scans and the birth. They are trying to find ways around it. Peoople are in intensive care / dying abs can't have family around them.

Infertility / accidents aside why would you plan to have a baby now? If you did / have just suck it up and understand this is how things are for now.

I know the maternity ward is separate and they probably aren't putting extra pressure on the nhs.

My DH missed a birth and all scans. Not a good situation but I knew with him working out of the country this was a possibility. It was either that or wait for him to retire to start a family. 10 years on I regret it but due to his risky job I thought that may have been my only chance to have a baby.

I've seen someone post that her sister and nieces live at the other end of the country and haven't been able to meet her 2 month old. This time last year we didn't know how long this would go on for I get that. Sad all around but when you deliberately fall pregnant during a crisis accept it. I've seen posts this week mentioning 12 week scans surely by then we had some idea of the scale of the pandemic.

Name changed on purpose.

If they have a 2 month old then they didn’t “get pregnant in a pandemic” FYI. I have a 9 week old who was conceived in mid Feb. I had no idea this would happen. And tbh even if I did deliberately choose it, it would still be sad that my family hasn’t seen the baby. People are allowed to be upset. If you don’t like it just ignore them.
WankPuffins · 10/01/2021 10:26

I gave birth in August. So while I didn't plan to get pregnant in a pandemic, I was.

To be honest this was my third baby. Nhs care has always been awful in pregnancy. There wasn't much difference between last year and when I had my first 18 years ago.

I had good midwife care because after two shitty experiences, I paid for a private one for pre and post birth. But that was nothing to do with the pandemic and all to do with awful care in the past.

My Dh wouldn't have come to scans anyway due to work and other children.

I will say though that it was the best experience in the hospital after birth as the ward wasn't full of visitors.

Littlepaws18 · 10/01/2021 10:26

It's not a simple case of planning in a virus. Some people (like myself) have a lot of mitigating factors which result in time not being on our side!

It's posts like this that really irritate me. Just is there to cause confrontation. A blame culture and a total lack of empathy.

Next time you post op think before you type!

polkadotpixie · 10/01/2021 10:27

I'm planning to TTC DC2 as soon as I've had my vaccine (which should be very soon as I'm NHS)

I'm nearly 37 so time isn't on my side, especially as I had some fertility issues the first time. I'm not overly bothered if DH is able to come to scans etc and anyway that's not currently an issue as partners are allowed anyway

Also, women don't need permission from MN posters, it's no-one else's business

Pan3 · 10/01/2021 10:27

@Tier500 Totalky understand this post wasn't aimed at people in your situation

OP posts:
Pan3 · 10/01/2021 10:28

@Littlepaws18 hi the post wasn't directed at people in your situation either

OP posts:
Hoolahlah66 · 10/01/2021 10:30

Because people have other shit going on in their lives? Financially it makes sense for me and my husband to have a second in the next year if that’s what we decide to do. If we wait he will be in his 40’s and I may no longer be fertile also...

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.