Choosing to get pregnant during Convid

[Pan3]

Women complaining / can't understand why their DP can't be at both scans and the birth.
They are trying to find ways around it. Peoople are in intensive care / dying abs can't have family around them.

Infertility / accidents aside why would you plan to have a baby now? If you did / have just suck it up and understand this is how things are for now.

I know the maternity ward is separate and they probably aren't putting extra pressure on the nhs.

My DH missed a birth and all scans. Not a good situation but I knew with him working out of the country this was a possibility. It was either that or wait for him to retire to start a family. 10 years on I regret it but due to his risky job I thought that may have been my only chance to have a baby.

I've seen someone post that her sister and nieces live at the other end of the country and haven't been able to meet her 2 month old. This time last year we didn't know how long this would go on for I get that. Sad all around but when you deliberately fall pregnant during a crisis accept it. I've seen posts this week mentioning 12 week scans surely by then we had some idea of the scale of the pandemic.

Name changed on purpose.

If someone has a 2 month old then surely they didn’t know/appreciate the scale of the pandemic when they fell pregnant as they’d have fallen pregnant mid feb? At that point I only really remember it being in the news in wuhan.
Your post feels a bit like “I did it on my own so other people shouldn’t moan”. I think it’s a bit different currently with how bad things are but it seemed wrong that in the summer you could have people to your house but not a partner to your scan. People can’t always wait to have a baby; time not being on their side and this pandemic isn’t going anywhere. Just because you get pregnant knowing the situation doesn’t make it any easier and it can still feel unfair that you can’t have the things you always imagined when planning children. Life is hard at the moment and your attitude doesn’t help people.

What exactly are you trying to achieve here? Knowing something and then experiencing it are two different things. People might have known their DP's can't attend but that doesn't mean they can't be upset when it happens. Likewise are you saying no new mums can complain about how hard sleepless nights are? I mean we all know babies give us sleepless nights right, so why should we complain?

Come on, have some compassion! And saying people are dying is unfair. You can't compare everything to "oh but people are dying so why are you complaining". There will always be people who have it worse than us, that doesn't lessen our own pain or difficulties.

I have a 9 wk old, so pregnant before this shit- however given how never ending this is I would have asked myself how long would I wait to have my second baby. My eldest is 3yrs old and whilst lockdown when nurseries were shut almost pushed me to think I never want children (too late) not sure I would want a bigger age gap to wait for corona to pass. I never complained about my other half missing scans, in the grand scheme of having children it’s not that important.

@Funkypolar

This is Mumsnet. There is no empathy or compassion, just angry, miserable little people sitting behind screens trying to feel a sense of control by writing unpleasant comments.

This! MN turning less into a forum to support parents and more into a way for people to feel superior to others.

It’s scary how this pandemic has brought out the absolute worst in people - the lack of empathy and compassion is unbelievable (unless you are specifically suffering from covid!) Humans really can be horrible to each other!

People were constantly told “the virus is here, it’s not going away, we have to learn to live with it”. So people did, and carried on their plans for a family. Now “learning to live with it” is wrong now as well!

What a nasty post. No one owes you an explanation. Mind your own business

Mumsnet has become a very nasty place. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when this is over. Lots of name changing.

What I don’t understand is what these people expect pregnant women to do. Have an abortion to please an anonymous person on the internet? If I want to have a moan about being pregnant why does anyone actually care?

I have to have a glucose tolerance test - sitting in a mask in the waiting room for two hours. It’ll be hot and uncomfortable. I know why it’s necessary. Still annoying though!

You get better outcomes for mum and baby if there is a birth parter, even having a supportive partner throughout pregnancy shows benefits.

For the scan, of course people want their partner there, it's a special moment for Dad too? It's all very well missing scans in a pandemic when all is well but when it's not, that doesn't seem like good care. Can you imagine finding out your baby had abnormalities or had died and being all alone?

Private scanning places allow a partner so there are options if people really want an extra scan with their partner.

It is what it is and I think most pregnant women appreciate there will be changes to keep everyone safe but there is also the wellbeing of the women to consider.

I do hear where you are coming from. We’ve got A few teachers who are a few weeks pregnant and were refusing to come and teach in school (before they shut) which had a huge impact on the rest of us.

I’m currently wanting a third but am waiting.

Tbh given that I think nurseries will shut in the next week, right now being 35 weeks pregnant feels like an amazing stroke of luck - I couldn't be more relieved that I'll be on mat leave soon and we don't have to go back to both working full-time with no childcare for a toddler. I would happily pick giving birth alone rather than go back to that.

I have endometriosis. I have no bladder + a pelvis full of adhesions. We're TTC. Who even knows how long it'll take if it even happens.

@Funkypolar it's worth asking about the GTT. I had to have one but my trust scrapped the two hour wait glucose drink one to cut down on people having to hang around.

They replaced it with a single blood test taken with my 28 week bloods.

We're TTC during a pandemic because I'm 37 and we don't have the luxury of waiting it out. DP may not be able to attend appointments with me when and if the time comes and while we know and accept that it doesn't mean it won't be upsetting for both of us, nor that I don't think it's impossibly cruel that some women are receiving bad news alone, and then having to go relay that to their partners.

I'm currently pregnant (very much tried for and wanted), and while I appreciate that it's not an ideal time I couldn't put it off any longer due to my age.

I certainly won't be complaining that my partner can't be at the birth or scans though. If it's something that needs to happen to help stop the spread of the virus then I'm all for it!

Allowing thousands of extra people around the country up and down maternity wards isn't essential, and women are more than capable of doing it on their own (although it's not on their own - it's with midwives and doctors).

I know that it's preferable to have partners there and believe me, I don't want to do it on my own - I would much much rather have my partner there, but I won't complain about it if I have to. Other people have made much greater sacrifices in this shit show than that.

I also know how hard it is to go to the scans solo - I had a very traumatic miscarriage during lockdown 1 and couldn't have my partner at any of them, or at the hospital either. But again, it never even crossed my mind to try and have it any other way. Sometimes thing are just shit.

I spoke indepth with my GP before trying. She believed that worrying about the pandemic lasting a long time was a symptom of my general anxiety rather than a valid concern.

At my consultant appointment in late September my doctor laughed at my worry about DH being there for the birth because "it's bound to be better by February".

To be honest, I'm sick to death of all the smug twats people who 'knew' the pandemic was going to turn out like this.

The government and many medical professionals believed it would be over quickly... how can you blame normal people for not predicting the future?

I can't think why anybody would plan to get pregnant during a pandemic.

I’m quite excited about the empty postnatal wards to be honest. Do you mean you don’t understand the people who get pregnant and then complain about the restrictions? Or you just don’t understand why anyone would get pregnant at the minute?

I would imagine there are a lot of people who felt time wasn’t on their side to wait or else they believed the government when told Christmas last year would be much more normal etc.

Surely nobody is going to prefer a pandemic for their pregnancy and labour but there is also only so long (for some people) that many things can be put on hold for.

It’s not fair to have to attend appointments alone and it’s not fair people are dying in ICU alone.

A friend is currently on the mat ward having just given birth. She says it's bloody amazing compared to the last 2 times she was there due to the lack of other people's men hanging around the place, being noisy and generally demanding.

Swings and roundabouts, I guess

I'm due in 10 days.
The restrictions change every 5 minutes so anyone who is pregnant has a right to be anxious.
You were able to have someone at your birth as you had a CHOICE.
I am being told what to do. And thats also being changed.
This baby has two parents. Not one.
Imagine going to a scan and being told your baby didn't have a heart beat?
Imagine giving birth to a stillborn and your husband waiting in the carpark?
Your post is hurtful.

@Viviennemary

I can't think why anybody would plan to get pregnant during a pandemic.

There's plenty of examples in this post 👍🏻

Your post is confusing. Are you saying why would you willingly get pregnant during this pandemic then complain about partner not being able to join for appointments/birth etc?

Or are you just saying why would you willingly get pregnant during a pandemic full stop?

It’s important to make that distinction bcos those are two different points to make.

@Viviennemary, really? Is there is no way you can see why ‘anybody’ would get pregnant now?

I gave birth to my premature son early last year and he died not long after birth. So yeah, people like me and a lot of others who are getting on, have had miscarriage after miscarriage, fertility problems and so on.

And the advice midwives are giving (at least to me) is that we don’t know how long this pandemic will last so don’t put your life on hold. If you choose to do that, great, no one is creating a mumsnet post judging you so please keep your nasty judgmental posts in your dim head.

Try using some empathy.

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of the pandemic and attended my scans/treatment without my partner (I don’t think I complained about that to anyone so I’m ok by you OP )
Pregnancy is a time of uncertainty, how can you know how you’re going to feel going through it without the support you’d usually have?

I started trying before covid was even a thing. I continued to try all during 2020 and am now hoping to start IVF at the end of the month, privately.

I'm 37, my DH is 44, so we don't have time to wait. I think I will find it extremely tough if I do get pregnant but I want my son to have a sibling, so that's my priority.

I sort of understand where the OP is coming from. I have an almost 4 month old and had I known all this was going to happen when I fell pregnant (last Jan/Feb) we would definitely have waited (I’m very late 30’s).
I have a friend who is currently pregnant and keeps moaning about how her partner hasn’t been able to attend any appointments/scans etc to which I will admit I do roll my eyes. My DH couldn’t attend any scans either, I spent time in hospital alone and hardly anyone has met my baby but my friend willingly fell pregnant knowing the restrictions were in place. Saying that I don’t think any of us thought things would still be this bad almost a year later and not everyone feels they can wait to begin TTC

Our baby is due in March and we are delighted.

It is not our fault that a pandemic has arisen during a period where we were trying to conceive.