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Original poster

Trying for a baby in the Pandemic - careless?

65 replies

SaussyRoll · 08/01/2021 17:10

Hi team,

I have started trying for a baby but can't help but feel some guilt. When I watch the TV and the reports about the NHS in crisis, reduced services, stretched to maximum, the R number I think "oh gosh am I just adding to the problem if I become pregnant?!"

I know it could take a long time to get pregnant and that there is no "right time" but is it careless to try? Maybe even selfish? I just dont know but I centainly feel a little guilt.

I am aware I am posting in a "conception" forum so its a group of people trying but Id love to know your thoughts on it or if you feel the same.... its scary being in a pandemic and making the bighest decision of your life.

I dont know anyone in maternity services to ask really.

xxx

OP posts:
Plussizejumpsuit · 08/01/2021 17:23

I saw this in the active board and never post on the conception board. Tbh I don't think it's very sensible. Yes it could take you a while to conceive and be a moot point. But if not then I think it's potentially really hard for you, the baby and your family. I'm actually not sure it will make a significant difference regarding the NHS.

But there have been tons of posts on here by women who have very young babies and lockdown has been a nightmare. My sister had a very clingy baby who was 3 months old as we went into lockdown and has struggled with her mental health. Do what you want. But do consider this element of it. It would be a shame to make it any harder than it is already!

MisiSam · 08/01/2021 17:25

I do get what you mean, we started trying last year and are now due a baby girl in April. I didn't think things would be this bad still to be honest. I don't feel guilty as such but I am very accepting that things will be different and I might not get the care and attention I did with my first, I think this being my second pregnancy makes it a bit easier as it's not all new and scary, I've even had a few scares and had to go to London for special scans, but the care has been great and thankfully everything is okay.
I don't think we should feel guilty though, life goes on. I just think maybe instead of a milleniel I may now be reffered to as a boomer in the future Grin

Blackbelt · 08/01/2021 17:28

Circle of life! If you want a baby then have a baby x

toolazytothinkofausername · 08/01/2021 17:30

I think it depends on personal situation.

If you can wait, wait. If for one reason or another time is not on your side, then try for a baby.

littledej · 08/01/2021 17:32

We can't put our lives on hold forever.

I've wanted a family all my life, and I'm finally in a place where I am able to start that journey. It just happens to also be in the middle of a pandemic.

We don't know what's around the corner. We don't know how long it's going to take to conceive. We don't know what the world is going to look like in 9 months!

COVID is taking the joy out of so much. I can't see my extended family, I've not seen them since 2019 as I am in a different city. I'm allowing myself some joy by TTC and starting my own family, however long it takes!

minipie · 08/01/2021 17:33

I wouldn’t deliberately choose right now to have a baby (eg “I’m furloughed, why not get on with it early”) but if now is when you had always planned to TTC, then I would do so and not put it off. Any burden on the NHS during the first stages of pregnancy is pretty small and I genuinely believe things will be much better in 8+ months’ time.

RedskyAtnight · 08/01/2021 17:35

My DD has needed medical treatment this year. It's taken a long time to get any (as a reference point, she's in constant pain and the advice is just to take pain killers).

That would be my main concern. If you have a trouble free pregnancy and birth and baby has no health problems then great. Otherwise, you might be fighting to be seen by an overstretched NHS.

Sway19 · 08/01/2021 17:35

I think it’s extremely selfish and irresponsible if time is on your side. If for some reason it can’t be delayed then go for it

Dalmation15 · 08/01/2021 17:45

I think if it's what you want, then go for it! You can't put your whole life on hold!
I got pregnant September 2019, so had my baby during the 1st lockdown and it was extremely tough (both mentally & physically) as I had a complicated pregnancy and birth! It honestly put me off of wanting another baby in the future...
I would not want to be pregnant or give birth ever again during a pandemic, but obviously it was out of my control!
Also, taking care of a newborn during lockdown (1st lockdown we weren't allowed a support bubble) was absolutely horrible! No help, the health visitor didn't want to know and the doctors couldn't care less... I broke down on the phone to MIL and she decided to show up on our doorstep later that day and it was a MASSIVE help and she's been our support since!
Basically, if you know what your letting yourself in for, then go for it! Smile

Sunflowergirl1 · 08/01/2021 17:49

There was an identical thread in April last year. I said go for it and gi t flamed....lol
Irresponsible
Contributing to hospital overload
No idea what damage Covid does to the unborn

What we now know is Covid will never go away...the vaccine will reduce infections to a manageable level

My advice is go for it...some people have more time to TTC as well so good luck

EssentialHummus · 08/01/2021 18:02

It’s complicated for me.

All things being equal I’d suggest you wait (age and fertility being the main things).

I also remember with DD how much the social side of mat leave mattered to me - nct, rhyme time, meeting friends for coffee, random baby classes and picnics in the park. Some of those friendships have become really important and kept me sane. And none of that is available now, bar maybe online NCT. If I was TTC my first that would be a big issue. I’m sure some of that kept me from getting depressed and isolated in my first year.

You also have no idea what things will be like in 9/10/whatever months’ time. I have a few friends who are 7-9 months pregnant now and it’s not a brilliant place to be - worries about covid/hospital/jobs etc.

But - we’re ttc. I’m at the age where if we want another we need to get on with it. I had a loss last year. It goes against all my rational decision making to try, but if we want another we need to. So it depends for me. But if you’re in your twenties with no issues I really wouldn’t.

TTCbabytattie · 08/01/2021 18:03

I did think that. But I also know from having been in midwife care (I had a miscarriage in April 2020), they aren’t moving around to other departments anyway so there’s not a lot of strain just more precautions.

TTCbabytattie · 08/01/2021 18:03

Also, no one should feel guilty. Women have had babies during pandemics and wars and all sorts of things.

Original poster
SaussyRoll · 08/01/2021 18:43

Thanks everyone its really insightful! We are 30s so time isnt really on our side 😣 but I suppose we will get there and by god i hope were not in the same place in 9 months time!!!!

OP posts:
Emelene · 08/01/2021 18:50

I got pregnant in February (COVID was just spreading in China, on the horizon but we had no real clue!) We had a baby in the second lockdown in November. It hasn't been easy but he has been a source of joy to me and my family in this time.

I don't feel guilty. He won't remember this time. He's much wanted and loved. I think things will be better in 9 months, and it may take you longer to conceive anyway. Also the vaccine is now being offered in pregnancy and breastfeeding which is a major breakthrough and should make it safer. All the best OP.

Sway19 · 08/01/2021 18:53

@SaussyRoll

Thanks everyone its really insightful! We are 30s so time isnt really on our side 😣 but I suppose we will get there and by god i hope were not in the same place in 9 months time!!!!
It’s not about where we’ll be in ‘9 months time’, it’s about the pressure you’ll be putting on overstretched services over the course of the next 9 months, starting from your midwife booking appointment
Lemonpiano · 08/01/2021 18:56

I don't think it's careless or selfish. I do think it's naive.

It's not about taking up resources, it's that you won't receive good care and are at high risk of being left damaged with no help to recover.

The trauma that poor medical/hospital treatment causes can have life altering, life destroying consequences. And right now, trauma is being dished out all over the place to patients.

It's not a risk I would take.

Sway19 · 08/01/2021 19:00

I agree with you completely @Lemonpiano When I gave birth the birthing suite was completely over run (and that was pre pandemic). Fortunately my birth was straight forward and a couple of stitches and I was on my way. I can’t imagine the fear of doing it during a pandemic when things can so quickly go wrong with not necessarily the resources there to respond. I’ll be waiting until this is all under control before trying for baby number two

NameChange30 · 08/01/2021 19:09

I had my second baby in September 2020, so I was already pregnant when the covid news broke and it wasn't long after my 12w scan that the first lockdown was announced. It's been hard going through pregnancy, birth and the early months in this situation, but my baby has also been a source of joy for us (me, DH and DC1 but also wider family). I did/do feel for women having their first baby under these circumstances tbh. But I think things have already improved since I was pregnant - fewer restrictions at my local hospital with partners allowed to attend scans now - and I think they will continue to improve, especially as the vaccine is being rolled out.

I don't think it would be irresponsible or selfish; we can't put our lives on hold indefinitely, but I would possibly wait a bit longer if time is on your side. You said you're in your 30s; early or late? Are you hoping/planning to have more than one child? If early 30s and just wanting one child, you still have time. If late 30s and wanting 2+, you should probably get going.

PatchworkElmer · 08/01/2021 19:14

I personally wouldn’t, because it would be DC2 for us and I had a complicated pregnancy with DC1. I wouldn’t want to be in hospital whilst pregnant at the moment! I’d also need help from my Mum during pregnancy, but wouldn’t actually be able to have that because of her health issues- so we’d have no support system. DC and I also had a stay in NICU- which again, would be even more grim than normal at the moment. Chances are you wouldn’t have any of that, but it’s worth considering- I sobbed when DH had to leave me on the ward each night when I was in hospital- I wouldn’t cope now, with no visitors allowed.

I think if you’re happy to ‘risk’ it, and also accepting that you won’t get an Instagram pregnancy experience with in person NCT classes, baby showers, possibly partners at scans etc (depending on if the restrictions are levelled up or down), then crack on. And also accepting that you might get a more basic level of care and support.

TTCbabytattie · 08/01/2021 19:23

@Lemonpiano

I don't think it's careless or selfish. I do think it's naive.

It's not about taking up resources, it's that you won't receive good care and are at high risk of being left damaged with no help to recover.

The trauma that poor medical/hospital treatment causes can have life altering, life destroying consequences. And right now, trauma is being dished out all over the place to patients.

It's not a risk I would take.

Naw not naive. I go into this well aware and with open eyes. It’s insulting to say this to women.
TTCbabytattie · 08/01/2021 19:24

Also, I received full care when I had my miscarriage. They were cautious but on call constantly.

CaptainWentworth · 08/01/2021 19:27

We started TTC number 2 in December as we are both 37 and didn’t want to leave it any longer- we have DD who is 2 and didn’t want a bigger age gap than that, and also time is not on our side with my own age. I thought it could take a long time now I am older but amazingly I seem to have conceived at first go as have just found out I am pregnant. Not counting my chickens yet though as I had a miscarriage before DD so aware it’s extremely early days.

I had considered waiting until things were better but since it’s all still going on and I will be 38 in less than 6 months, that seemed a more important consideration.

LividLovely · 08/01/2021 19:29

I had my first baby in March as we went into lockdown after three traumatic losses.

I’m 40 with one Fallopian tube.

We’re TTC again because it’s now or never. It’s frankly terrifying, but if I don’t try now I won’t have a second baby.

If you’re young and fertile and sprightly, then please feel free to hang on a bit so us Last Chance Salooners can squeeze through Blush

stairway · 08/01/2021 19:38

I went for my 20 week scan today and it was really quiet. I think when this crisis is over there will be a proper boom and it will be then that matter services will be really stretched. I doubt hospitals will still be overwhelmed with covid in 9 months time when most people should be vaccinated by then, unless a new vaccine resistant strain occurs. It maybe sensible to avoid a winter birth then.