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Original poster

Trying for a baby in the Pandemic - careless?

65 replies

SaussyRoll · 08/01/2021 17:10

Hi team,

I have started trying for a baby but can't help but feel some guilt. When I watch the TV and the reports about the NHS in crisis, reduced services, stretched to maximum, the R number I think "oh gosh am I just adding to the problem if I become pregnant?!"

I know it could take a long time to get pregnant and that there is no "right time" but is it careless to try? Maybe even selfish? I just dont know but I centainly feel a little guilt.

I am aware I am posting in a "conception" forum so its a group of people trying but Id love to know your thoughts on it or if you feel the same.... its scary being in a pandemic and making the bighest decision of your life.

I dont know anyone in maternity services to ask really.

xxx

OP posts:

DuzzyFuck · 08/01/2021 19:41

People have had babies during world wars, famines, previous epidemics.

Personally we're TTC because we're in our late 30s and don't have the luxury of delaying. We've considered the potential for lockdown with a baby and accepted it.

Good luck OP x

calimommy · 08/01/2021 19:42

I'm expecting my 4th baby in March/April. I had a loss in May 2020 with D&C and now going through all the appointments etc again. Altogether I've had 7 pregnancies so I'm well versed in loss and frustrations ttc despite how lucky we have been. Plenty of people could say having another child at this time is unnecessary especially as we have children already. We have done our best to live within the guidelines, my husband is able to wfh so we are still contributing financially to society and by keeping ourselves safe and hopefully covid free we don't put pressure on those resources. Ultimately if we had waited until the pandemic is over then it would likely have been too late to comfortably keep trying. Who knows when this will end really. Everyone is different but I haven't found it to be difficult at all to access maternity care. The only disappointments have been my DH not able to attend any scans -I refer to the important ones such as confirmation of pregnancy and anomaly scans.
If time is not on your side and you are ready then I don't see why waiting will help the overall good when the main issue of this pandemic is peoples inability to follow a few guidelines and stop spreading the virus.

DisgruntledPelican · 08/01/2021 19:44

Honestly it would put me off. Both for selfless, greater good reasons and “selfish”, wanting good quality health care reasons.

mum2jakie · 08/01/2021 19:45

If you're early thirties, I'd wait until things start to improve. Late thirties, I'd crack on.

EagleFlight · 08/01/2021 19:46

TTC is a pandemic is fine but I would leave it a month or two to be over this wave if you can.

PurplePansy05 · 08/01/2021 19:50

OP, don't be put off. Some posts on here are awful.

I'm 34 now, pregnant. We started trying 22 months ago and I had 3 miscarriages. No reason for it, I had all the tests. Point is, you really NEVER know how things will go for you and if you're ready you absolutely shouldn't postpone. I had good care throughout the pandemic, in fact better than after my first miscarriage in 2019. Have two friends who gave birth in 2020 and they did find mat leave difficult and felt isolated, but if you go into this with your eyes open and you have a supportive partner, you will be ok. It may not be a picture perfect mat leave, but frankly, it really wasn't for a lot of my friends before the pandemic anyway. Be realistic. Good luck

Backbee · 08/01/2021 19:53

I wouldn't see it as ideal on a personal level due to restrictions on appointments etc, but don't not do it out of guilt. Yes work is harder than ever for midwives at the moment, with the additional PPE, testing and seperating positive cases, as partners can't always stay offering more support etc; but they won't be redeployed to covid wards as they aren't trained nurses (even the ones who are but have converted are unlikely to), and women will continue to have babies. We don't know how long this is going to go on for, go for it if it's what you want.

EssentialHummus · 08/01/2021 19:55

TTC is a pandemic is fine but I would leave it a month or two to be over this wave if you can.

This doesn’t make sense. Are you expecting this wave to last until December? The likelihood of needing emergency care in early pregnancy is pretty minimal, no?

Snufkins · 08/01/2021 19:57

I had my first baby during lockdown and will start trying again in a few months, lockdown of not. Life goes on.

PurplePansy05 · 08/01/2021 19:58

And it's NOT the case everywhere that there are restrictions re appointments. I had a scan two weeks ago and another next week on the NHS with my DH present. Read the RCOG guidance, OP. Things have changed since March 2020 and in any event, if you start trying now and catch immediately it'll be few months before your first appointments anyway, things will calm down by then and restrictions may not be as tight.

It's absolutely correct that maternity staff are not being redeployed to covid wards and they won't be as this would be unsafe for expecting mothers.

Do what you wish and best of luck

Bagelsandbrie · 08/01/2021 19:58

Personally I can’t think of anything worse than being pregnant or having a baby in the middle of all this. Healthcare is sub standard and over stretched. Post natal support is not great at the best of times. Can’t imagine how disjointed and awful it must be right now, not to mention the subsequent isolation afterwards / not being able to meet people or even go for a coffee!

Circumlocutious · 08/01/2021 20:03

Pandemics take two-three years to resolve, on average. Not everyone has the luxury of waiting that long.

Cheerios444 · 08/01/2021 20:06

I've even trying for a baby for three years and it's not happened so in our case we need a miracle....if I knew I was fertile I'd wait though. Good luck whatever you decide x

Cheerios444 · 08/01/2021 20:09

I meant I've been trying for three years....Just wanted to say if you depserately want a baby nothing is more precious in the world than that and I wouldn't put it on hold x

Funkypolar · 08/01/2021 20:11

We cracked on due to my age and our baby is due in the spring. I wasn’t going to put my life on hold for potentially years until this is over.

There was a weird post a few months ago which got deleted where a poster was shrieking that pregnant women should get abortions! As if you would get an abortion of a wanted baby just to please a random crazy person on a forum.

DH came to both my scans. He can’t come to midwife appointments but he wouldn’t anyway. My community midwife is really good, I had face to face appointments from 16 weeks. She has been very through doing repeat blood tests when she thought I needed them.

When I was very poorly with hyperemesis, my GP saw me face to face and sent me to hospital where I was very well cared for and admitted for fluids and drugs.

In my Trust, partners can come with you when you come into hospital in labour and stay with you. If you are admitted after birth, it’s 3 hours visiting per day.

I’ve done online antenatal classes, I’m not a very sociable person anyway. I’m WFH so can lie in bed every morning until 9am, no commute or office nonsense.

Fingers crossed for an easy birth! My parents are going to be in a support bubble with us.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 08/01/2021 20:12

I absolutely wouldn't wait to TTC if time isn't on your side. I have lots of midwife friends and while things are tough, they aren't currently all deployed on Covid wards. They're quietly doing their jobs as they've always done.

I would wait if time is on your side for the reasons some other pps have said - that actually it's very hard going through pg and early motherhood without the social support of other mothers/baby groups etc. I know I would have found it very hard to do the first year 'on my own' as it were. But not so hard that I wouldn't have had the baby either.

Circumlocutious · 08/01/2021 20:14

It’s no more careless or naive than meeting up with a ‘bubble’ on Christmas Day, knowing that cases are rising rapidly, there’s a more infectious strain going around, and that will hospitals will be fucked come early January. And yet 4 in 10 people did it. Both legally permitted.

Funkypolar · 08/01/2021 20:18

On other posts, I note it’s been mainly women who already have children saying how irresponsible pregnant women and “don’t you know there’s a pandemic on?”

I can’t wait until our baby is born, an anonymous person tutting on me on Mumsnet isn’t going to make me feel guilty or that I should have had an abortion for daring to get pregnant.

Doomsdayiscoming · 08/01/2021 20:32

I’d probably be more concerned about my child being 40 in 2061.

This will look like a picnic compared to what is to come.

dixiedo · 08/01/2021 20:38

I had a baby ten days ago.
I naively thought all through my pregnancy it would be gone by the time it came for me to give birth.
Pregnancy was tough I was consultant led so loads of appts and so many scans alone. Induction was alone. Staying in hospital after alone then coming home and not allowing visitors. Being made to feel guilty for keeping people away is tough and now home schooling and getting to grips with a baby all seems quite overwhelming.
I do have an age gap luckily which is a bit easier and I sympathise for those with other young children in the house but I do feel a bit gutted I'm not going to go to baby groups etc. I never did with my other children and really feel I missed out.
I almost feel like the mum I wanted to be this time has been took away.

On the other hand my midwife and care services have still been fantastic. I can't fault them. It may not be as much face to face but they are definitely there. It's also quite nice to be in a baby bubble but when DP goes back to work next week I'm scared of being lonely and stressed. Sorry if I have rambled.

Stumpedasatree · 08/01/2021 20:43

If time is on your side, I would definitely wait to try and conceive. Nothing in this world feels right at the minute and I would worry about bringing a new life into it. Plus how tough it will all be, and worrying.

PurplePansy05 · 08/01/2021 20:44

I completely agree with PP. OP, listen to your own voice and the experiences of those of us who are pregnant, gave birth and/or experienced early motherhood in the pandemic. The rest is irrelevant.

DenisetheMenace · 08/01/2021 20:44

Not at all. This will be under control by the time you have delivered. Good luck.

lunalucie · 08/01/2021 20:45

Some of the comments here are harsh. No one knows what will happen in the future and it seems cruel to have missed your chance because of this pandemic. It's easy for people with children already to say wait but for others the wait has been going on a long time before the pandemic started. Good luck OP, I hope you have no problems and don't let a few peoples opinions get you down.

Funkypolar · 08/01/2021 20:45

I dunno, the WEF and Bill Gates Foundation is telling us that the future is bright. 👍🏻

www.decadeofhealth.co.uk/

www.weforum.org/great-reset/

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