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Original poster

Trying for a baby in the Pandemic - careless?

65 replies

SaussyRoll · 08/01/2021 17:10

Hi team,

I have started trying for a baby but can't help but feel some guilt. When I watch the TV and the reports about the NHS in crisis, reduced services, stretched to maximum, the R number I think "oh gosh am I just adding to the problem if I become pregnant?!"

I know it could take a long time to get pregnant and that there is no "right time" but is it careless to try? Maybe even selfish? I just dont know but I centainly feel a little guilt.

I am aware I am posting in a "conception" forum so its a group of people trying but Id love to know your thoughts on it or if you feel the same.... its scary being in a pandemic and making the bighest decision of your life.

I dont know anyone in maternity services to ask really.

xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
SaussyRoll · 08/01/2021 20:47

@sway19 better read the messages prior because youll see i was responding to someone wondering if it would be the same in 9 months time. I am hoping not! Hope you are too!

OP posts:
ChocOrange1 · 08/01/2021 20:50

@RedskyAtnight

My DD has needed medical treatment this year. It's taken a long time to get any (as a reference point, she's in constant pain and the advice is just to take pain killers).

That would be my main concern. If you have a trouble free pregnancy and birth and baby has no health problems then great. Otherwise, you might be fighting to be seen by an overstretched NHS.

This would be my concern too, if you have any complications then you may not be seen promptly. Also your partner may not be able to come to your scans or the whole of the birth.
MoirasRoses · 08/01/2021 21:03

I know SO many pregnant people. There’s a huge boom among my friends/acquaintances. No-one seems to have been particularly concerned. Midwifery care is quite separate to medical care. I very much take the approach that you can’t put your life on hold for this. So much is on bloody hold that if you want a baby, then get trying. I had my second in March & she’s been the biggest source of happiness in 2020. Sometimes, one of the only sources. I’m so grateful for her everyday.

ChocChipPancake · 08/01/2021 21:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on OP's request.

Shaniac · 08/01/2021 21:14

Do it, its absolutely none of anyone else's business. As a pp noted it is always women who already have kids who tell women without not to bother. Who knows how long the pandemic will last? Who knows what repercussions will come after it or for how long? No one. So dont waste your fertility on other peoples opinions.

NameChange30 · 08/01/2021 21:20

I would just like to point out that not every woman with children is telling others not to try for a baby! I'm well aware that I'm lucky to have my two and have no right at all to judge others for wanting a child.

Original poster
SaussyRoll · 08/01/2021 21:20

@Funkypolar

On other posts, I note it’s been mainly women who already have children saying how irresponsible pregnant women and “don’t you know there’s a pandemic on?”

I can’t wait until our baby is born, an anonymous person tutting on me on Mumsnet isn’t going to make me feel guilty or that I should have had an abortion for daring to get pregnant.

Very good and accurate point! Congratulations xxxxxx
OP posts:
pjani · 08/01/2021 21:32

I had a baby in August and maternity services were a bit chaotic but I received good care (complicated pregnancy).

Some women maybe be waiting to conceive so there could be a baby boom up ahead. So maternity care could actually get worse, not better, if you wait.

I think things will look much better on the spring, once high risk folk are vaccinated and we move past winter. Personally I would go for it.

Dalmation15 · 08/01/2021 21:34

@Funkypolar

On other posts, I note it’s been mainly women who already have children saying how irresponsible pregnant women and “don’t you know there’s a pandemic on?”

I can’t wait until our baby is born, an anonymous person tutting on me on Mumsnet isn’t going to make me feel guilty or that I should have had an abortion for daring to get pregnant.

I completely agree!!

I had my first baby during the first lockdown and to be honest, the maternity services, even then, looked like they well coping quite well with the situation (I know it's different all over the place)! The hardest part for me was my partner having to leave 2hrs after I gave birth and not seeing him until I was allowed home 2 days later... But I have seen some hospitals in my area have currently relaxed this rule too!
I've lost my grandad during this pandemic and suffered massively with my mental health! BUT, my baby has gotten me through it all, so I think OP should go for it if they feel it's their time!

Astormofswords · 08/01/2021 21:39

If you are below 28 I would wait however closer to
30 I would crack on. If you want more than 1 child and you never know how long it’s going to take, if you will have problems or miscarriages. So trying to reduce the risks of not having a child past 35/36 doesn’t leave that much time in my opinion.

(Yes I know people have kids last 35/36 but it’s just my opinion i would prefer not to when I have reviewed the data)

Corilee2806 · 08/01/2021 21:47

I’ve seen so much debate about this since the beginning of the pandemic and often lots of judgement. Ultimately it’s a totally personal decision as everyone’s circumstances are so unique. I remember reading these kinds of threads last March/April when considering whether to try for our second, as I felt really torn on what to do.

In the end we decided to go for it - I’m 35, had a history of miscarriage and a complicated first pregnancy which both increased risk with age. At the time we didn’t know how long the pandemic would go on for and hoped it would be if not over, at least the worst past by the time we got pregnant and then nine months passed (my first baby took 18 months to conceive).

Fast forward to now... I’m 33 weeks pregnant and experiencing the same high risk pregnancy I did first time round, which means I have 16 hospital appointments in the coming weeks before I am likely to be induced at 37 weeks. I changed hospitals last week as mine had such a terrible policy on birth partners, but to a London one so no guarantees they won’t have to put increased restrictions in place meaning I could still face a long induction alone. Then there’s the risk of getting Covid and trying to avoid that. I am so stressed and anxious but keep telling myself I knew this could happen... it’s a bit early to say yet if I would have taken a different decision knowing what I know now. But I’m trying to have faith that I’m getting the best care and it will all be ok in the end. I think this is me trying to say in a long winded way that it’s not black and white and you’ve got to decide what’s right for you.

Sparrowfeeder · 08/01/2021 21:47

At 38.5 (him 39.5) trying to conceive #1 we don’t have any time to wait sadly so I don’t feel guilty. I think I might wait if I was younger. But we have the advantage of having private health insurance and being able to afford private care if needed, which gives a bit of extra reassurance in these times of an overstretched NHS.

Mishmased · 08/01/2021 21:51

Well I have two children already so doubly irresponsible on my part as I'm 34 and had my kids in my twenties 

We always wanted a third since 2018 but pushed it due to house sale in 2018 and job change in 2019 so 2020 was the year. We started trying in March days before the lockdown and I ended up in the pharmacy asking for the morning after pill as we weren't sure how it was going to pan out so we decided to wait. By June we decide to go ahead and I'm nearly 20 weeks pregnant. Maternity care has been fantastic so far, appointments are given in blocks so I can plan my time ahead. No one in the waiting room to take seats and crowd the place, no queues it is great!

With my previous 2 kids there were huge queues, partners taking up seats while heavily pregnant women were left standing.
For us this is a great time to have a baby.

My two kids are 5 and 7, we never had any family around us for support both times and we coped, I did baby groups and massages but not really my thing so won't miss it. I will get my breastfeeding counselor and my lactation consultant and my dentist to check for tongue tie after that I'm good.

I'm in a different hospital to my previous births and they didn't have my history I got in touch with my consultant in the previous hospital and her secretary got back to me a few days later and got in touch with the consultant in my current hospital as I'm deemed high risk. Will be sectioned so no laboring for hours like my last birth.

In summary maternity care this time has been excellent... maybe it's third time lucky Wink good luck whatever you decide @SaussyRoll

imwingingit123 · 08/01/2021 22:01

I'm currently 9 weeks with my second , it's took me 3.5 years to get to this point. I did think about stopping TTC due to the pandemic but I knew I'd always regret it.

You just don't know how long it will take, so I say go for it

CoffeeCreamandSugar · 08/01/2021 22:19

We stopped during lockdown 1 but I’m not willing to put my life on hold any longer. Mid 30s but husband is early 40s and this will be a much loved baby. Been trying on and off since my son was 2 and we are now three years later Sad

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