Can’t believe we are now living in a world where you need a ‘reasonable excuse’ to leave your house

[Despairandchocolatecake]

I do understand why but I still can’t quite believe it.
I feel extremely claustrophobic, the house is now a prison - and this could go on another six months. I now need a ‘reasonable excuse’ to step outside my front door. I don’t have one so that is it. We are locked up.
All that freedom we took for granted seems like a different lifetime.

Haven't seen a policeman for years .. no one is stopping anyone.

Please go for a walk. It’ll help you, I’m sure. Remember it’s just temporary. This is the darkness before the dawn.

@Despairandchocolatecake I’m sorry you feel like this but honestly most people won’t give a flying eff if you leave the house to go for a walk or to get groceries. If it’s really getting you down I echo a PP, go see your GP. Why can’t you attend counselling? Surely if your GP supports it it is essential?
None of us are locked in, we just have to be careful. Which means not going round Next for a coffee and a browse and not mixing with other humans like we did in 2019. We can still go get our food shop, we can still get fresh air, we can still volunteer, our lives can still have meaning. I’m sorry to sound bossy, but you need to snap out of it for your child’s sake. Get help, make a point of forcing yourself out the front door once a day for a walk. Do your grocery shop yourself if it makes you feel better (just wear a mask and be careful!) can you arrange Skype calls with friends? Skype play dates with your child and fellow Mum friend? Make a point of doing something nice for yourself in the evenings, have a bath, get stuck into a good book, start a series (or watch an old favourite box set??) prioritise yourself. Yes it’s shit but I’m in wales and we’ve been locked down since before Christmas you just have to find new ways to structure your life.

Do you need to give an excuse to someone in order to leave the house so that you can attend your counselling & solicitors appointments without people knowing?
Usually you'd say 'I'm just off to the shops or the gym' when in fact you're attending these appointments that you're keeping to yourself?
Is this where the problem is?
Counselling appointments come under medical.
Solicitors - well depending on the reasons you require a solicitor, it could come under family emergency issues?
The appointments will probably move online/phone consultation however if you don't want that, if you have to get out of the house to keep things quiet then yes, I understand that must be very hard & I sympathise.
I really I hope I've got the wrong end of the stick here.

I cannot attend appointments - even online - because I have my dc all the time and my dh is here. I don’t want him to listen to what I’m saying and he will. He doesn’t even know I’m having them. I was just going when the dc were in school and saying I was going to the shop.
Now I am trapped. There’s no reason for me to leave the house so I cannot.

How old are DC and why can't you leave them with DH and go for a walk?

I’ve heard lots of people having counselling sessions/chatting to solicitors in cars to get away from DH. Can’t he watch the kids for 30 mins and you say you’re popping to meet a friend?
How old are DC?

It sounds tough. It they’re under 5 they don’t count in the meeting up rules.

@Despairandchocolatecake in wales we are allowed to use childcare e.g i can take my ds to my parents for childcare purposes. Can you do that? Then have appointment online or by phone or real life?
Or - can you not get dh to look after the child while you have your appointments in the car (I mean if you have a smartphone and data on your phone??) say you’re off to do food shop and just sit in the car in Tesco car park?

One is under 5 but the other isn’t.
And most of my friends have children aged 5/6/7 anyway.
I’m not able to leave them with dh in the day because he’s at work and at weekends he doesn’t like it. I wouldn’t be able to have an appointment then anyway. Last lockdown I had no time to myself at all - not one single minute on my own and I nearly went insane.

It sounds like the thing you need to do is leave and live elsewhere with your dc. I think your experience in your marriage is making all the difference in your response to the lockdown, feeling trapped etc. It is probably also making you feel very sensitive about being watched or judged when outside.

You can make it through this. You need support and the rules allow for support for someone in your situation.

He’d expect to see a shop then though and I wouldn’t have time for both. If I made a call and then had to sufficiently shop to cover being out for an hour. He wouldn’t believe that’s what I’d been doing. Unless I shopped and did the call at the same time but that would be hard and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on what I was saying.
I’m just trapped.

Does he leave the house to work? Just trying to work out the set up!

If your dh is at work in the day can’t you stick the kids in front of telly with snacks while you have online appointment? I’m sure it’s just your mindset right now but you seem to be creating excuses. There’s always a way.

But he could appear. Or he could be on the stairs listening. It’s really not relaxing - it’s not an excuse but the stuff I’m talking about isn’t great and I don’t want to be interrupted and nor do I want dh to listen to my call.

He can look after his own kids while you have an appointment and get a few groceries. Leave him with the kids!

No he’s here ALL the time.
If just dc here it would be fine.

Do you have the means/funds to live elsewhere?
Sorry OP, it sounds so tough for you.

Could the kids sit on screens in the back of the car while you do the call? Then whizz to the shops but claim you had to queue for 30 mins?

I wonder if you might get better advice about how to cope with the DH/marriage problems if this is moved to the relationships section.

I’m sorry but I really don’t understand what you mean by he could appear or be listening on the stairs if he’s at work? Don’t you hear the front door open?

He’s here. He works from home. He’s only in the next room.

If I knew someone in your situation even if I didn't know them very well, I would happily 'bubble' for childcare to help - is there anyone from DC school or your friends who could bubble with you?

Does it matter if he believes it? That's a genuine question- are you safe if he's annoyed?

My last 2 "hospital" appointments have been sat in my car on the drive to ensure privacy, and a few weeks ago I interviewed a woman for a job who was sat in a car in the supermarket car park as it was the only place she could get reception (she got the job). So as a venue a car isnt that unusual, sounds like the problem is your husband.

Ah right ok, you said he was at work in the day so I assumed he went out to work.
Either leave him with the kids and go have your appointment then get some groceries (if he can watch them for half an hour he can have them longer)
Or bring the kids with you, give them snacks and a smartphone in the back with cartoons while you have appointment
OR can you take them to your parents for childcare purposes where you are?
Also - have you explained to your solicitor how difficult it is for you? Can they possibly just communicate via email?

Walk the dog as much as the dog needs, go to the shop for milk, go and have a four mile walk on your own. Arrange to walk with a friend. Hi weekly big shop. There are loads of reasons to go out.

The government has given a long list of reasonable excuses to leave your house.
Your DH seems to have given a very short list.
Do you need to leave and not come back?
www.womensaid.org.uk