How to balance kids & work with 2 working parents if we end up in full lockdown

[Mangomumma]

If schools & nurseries close we'll have a 4 & 1 year old at home. Neither DH or I are key workers but both employers will need us to work (flexibly & at home) I was on maternity leave during lockdown 1.0 so how did other working couples with kids split the kids & work?

DH and I do 35 hours a week. One would do earlies in 'work' while the other did kids. Split the day into decent chunks depending on meetings etc, alternating roughly 8-10, 10-1, 1-4 family time 4-7 then 7-11pm work. This kept the weekends free but we had Friday nights 'off' and did a couple of hours over the weekend each.

Tiring but we kept our full salaries, kids were entertained and whoever was with the kids kept the housework ticking over. It can be done with total teamwork and commitment, DC are 2 and 4

We are in that boat now. Two DC, age 11 and 9. I already knew one was home schooling for two weeks, now it's both of them (announced today, he was due at school tomorrow morning). Me and DH WFH full time. We have one spare laptop for them to share.

DH is on the phone all day, can't be flexible, and has always worked long hours so it boiled down to just me. Last time, I got up at 6am and stopped work at 10pm and tried to look after them / teach them / feed them on and off all day. Then went to bed. Shelved any ideas of time for me whatsoever. Went on for months and I was exhausted. Not looking forward to the same again, for what I suspect will be months again.

People in my organisation split the mornings and afternoons and then caught up in the evening.
So you could work 7 -12 and DH could do 1 -6 And then if needed do your last couple of hours to catch up in the evening. You could alternate who does the mornings and afternoons which would make you seem a little more available. Would that work for you?
It's hard work. Don't kill yourself trying to do it all. Let your cleaning standards slip to the bare minimum. Quick and easy meals. It's not forever so if a little unhealthy so be it.

Last time me and DH split the day into two-hour chunks and alternated. Fortunately i’m freelance and he has an understanding boss. It’s bloody hard and i’m dreading it again

Last time we did DH working from 7-1 while I homeschooled three boys from 8 until 1. DH then played with the boys and took them for fresh air while I worked 1-6 and he parked them in front of tech from 4 each day. We both then started again after they were in bed.

The thought of doing that again makes me feel physically sick as I just had no time at all to breath and my stress/anxiety levels pushed through the roof.

This time we are doing 8-10 homeschool (me) then the boys get 10-12 in front of the tv while i work then 12-1 lunch inc a dog walk (which was great today in the freezing cold and 66% of the children cried - fun times). DH does homeschool 1-3 then they are due to be back on tech/tv until dinner at 6. pick up any additional stuff for the eldest between 7 and 8 while the others have baths.

its not ideal. they tend to get very feral if they don't have enough exercise but i simply can't do what we did last time.

lowering standards is also going to be happening this time. We just can't do it all and keep our sanity

also screen time and bribery with biscuits. It’s survival mode, so do what you need to do!

We didn't really manage it. I wfh but DH cannot, so my 2 year old was sat in front of the tv for the entire day with lots of snacks while I did my best to ignore him. I have to work 9-5.30 and although my employer is understanding, my job is very busy. It was pretty horrendous and I'm praying childcare stays open!

My other option is to speak with friends and see if anyone can take DS for the day. It would probably break lockdown rules but there's not much other option.

Like others at my work those with two working parents tended to split the day so each got a good chunk of working and then caught up in the evening.

Id agree to try and maybe ( if you can!) take the odd afternoon off as annual leave - or a Monday morning. As a single parent it nearly broke me last time even with a work that tried to be as understanding as possible. I’m thinking I may have to take unpaid leave or something some days this time.

I'm a single parent with an 8 year old. Last time it was borderline neglect. I work from home full time but have telephone appointments at set times all day long so I couldn't work early mornings or late at night. My child was shoved in a room for 7 hours a day with a laptop and lots of books, paper and craft stuff.

I hated it and I'm dreading schools closing again (although of course I understand why). I have no support bubble and the other "parent" is so useless he's practically none existent, he won't have our child outside of scheduled contact time which is every other weekend. I work Monday to Friday.

If there's two adults at home then it makes things easier and you can sort things out between you. Even if one parent can only take over the childcare for 1 or 2 hours per day, it helps.

Please note, I said if there are two adults at home it is EASIER, not EASY. It's bloody awful for all of us, regardless of household set up.

I've got my fingers crossed for everyone that it isn't as bad as last time.

It was hard :(
Some people have perfect children that sat and happily did all the worksheets that the school sent...my daughter hated it - she would only do it if I sat right next to her, even then it was a nightmare and it was bloody hard trying to WFH at the same time. I gave up homeschooling - I wasn’t achieving anything, work suffered, daughter resented me as a teacher and I felt my mental health suffered. Deleted Facebook - if I saw another post about the wonderful cakes or activities people ‘achieved’ screen time snacks worked and it was the best I could do.
After all that she restarted school and I thought she’d be behind....she caught up fine and ‘was’ doing well.

I’ve asked husband already that I need more support if it happens again and he has already spoken to his manager saying that he may need to split the day a bit (work later etc)

Hoping we all get a better balance this time - hopefully won’t be for months :(

Always want chocolate but your dc can entertain themselves?.

Op I can't imagine how challenging a 1 and 4 year old will be!. Your work places simply have to show some child care leniency.. Even if it's to just give the other parent a lunch break or something...

Employers need to step up and show some understanding and humanity.

Getting your employer needs to show some leniency... I find little and as often as possible was good for us... I had dd next to me on computer though.

I was a SAHP last time, but this time I have a job and I really don’t want to quit/be furloughed etc. Not sure what I will do. I’m expected physically in work 2 days a week, DH is a GP, he has two mornings off a week but no other flexibility, so I’m stuck for 2 afternoons a week.

Raar what ages are your dc, that's an awful lot of homeschooling!!

Dh is a key worker and I work from home (have done since before Covid, 4 year now).
I struggled for months. Dh worked 6 days a week and I condensed my week working hours to 2 hours Monday to Friday (plus nights) so I could home educate our dc (they were 7 then) and I had to work both Saturdays and Sundays which meant I didn't have single a day off work for 6 months. It was awful and there is no way I am prepared to do it again. DC will be sent to school this time around.

We alternated every 2 hours and worked in the evening. Tricky but manageable.

It's important if at all possible to make sure that both of you take shifts with the children, for your own sanity.

We moved in with my parents. This time will utilise a childcare bubble with them.

If you are both working from home you split the day between you. Half working, half childcare/home schooling.

If you normally do lots of phone calls and zoom meetings you’ll need to let your employer know of the hours you are available to work so that time is blocked out as to when you are available. Just make sure one parent doesn’t ends up with all the childcare and home schooling and then working all evening.

People seem to forget the parents who have to work and focus on the "well off", who can afford to give their children endless time and attention, or the "poor" who cannot provide their children with the learning aids etc. What about the people in the middle, who have to work, can't rely on their usual childcare and are time poor? This is so frustrating.

Single parent here (not a key worker). I’ll do what I did last time and do school work for an hour or two in the morning followed by unlimited screen time so I can work. It’s either that or we go hungry/be homeless. I am self employed and nongovernment support so if I don’t work we don’t eat!

Single parent of two kids here. Could only dream of having a partner to take over in the evenings or to do split shifts during the day. My children will fall behind in school work and be neglected all day, as before.

Another single parent who had to nearly give up on home schooling last time. We did the bare minimum . 4 year old was fine but 9 year old had to have me sitting with her and would put up a fight with everything. Just didn't have the time or patience do to both.
People in couples at my work did as others have suggested and take turns doing early/late shift and a bit in the evening.

Thanks all! Looks like splitting it will be the way to go. DH has lots of zoom meetings so I guess it'll revolve around him, my work is more flexible in terms of times. Our 4 year old would be ok with tv etc but it's the 1 year old that will need constant entertainment.

We were in that exact position, a 13 month old and 4 year old as of March last year.

It was hell. Our employers were both very understanding, I was only working 3 days a week at the time but still only managed about 50% of my usual work. DH was available on emails etc all day but still probably was only doing about 70%.

It was hell. This time we will have an almost 2 year old and a 5 year old, I'm back working my full hours and have home schooling in the mix as well.

It will be hell. ffs.