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So how the F are we meant to work?

656 replies

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 18:25

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 31/12/2020 02:43

I'm in a fortunate position in that I can be home with my primary DD. Really feel for working parents.

BertNErnie · 31/12/2020 03:19

@CountessFrog

Just out of curiosity, do you personally know these teachers in their 30s in ICU right now? I mean, do you know which hospitals, how many of them? Whether they caught it at work? There are presumably all sorts of professions in there. DH is an ITU consultant. I heard of only one person in their thirties in his unit in the first wave, a BAME accountant. Otherwise fit and healthy.

It’s an honest question. Because honestly, these types of statements get thrown around and when there’s no real evidence for them, it’s a shame to say it.

You’d think it would be in the news of true. It was in the news when young health workers died.

I know one.

Under 30
BAME
No underlying health conditions
Member of staff caught it at school - it went around the year group and took a number of staff and pupils out.
Not ill enough to be on a vent (thank goodness) but ill enough to be on ITU.

BertNErnie · 31/12/2020 03:20

This is turning into a parents vs teachers thread and that's completely missing the point.

DBML · 31/12/2020 03:32

Wow. Just wow.

Don’t people realise that the people making the decisions are high up in the government and both parents and teachers will do as they’re told. Teacher’s aren’t closing schools. Many of us don’t want to be there right now, but we don’t actually get a say.

But what good is name calling? Such vitriol coming through. Teacher’s couldn’t force schools to close, just as parents can’t force schools open. There are people making those decisions for us, but quite happy for us to be blaming each other.

Scottishskifun · 31/12/2020 04:04

Well this thread got nasty quickly!

Both sides are panicking be that parents or teachers as they are worried about the potential time period. Last time schools were off it was months not weeks.

Critically both have the same information right now which is not a lot and left scrabbling trying to work out what to do and how it's going to work. My teacher friends are just as concerned for their pupils as parents are about how to juggle it.

We can only muddle through the best we can it's rubbish but there is no other choice. I'm very thankful that DH and my work are very flexible and we have a covid parental leave policy. In the long term I think people will look at how their employers behaved.

In the short term order whatever is necessary from amazon, create a best a structure to the day as possible and try to stay sane.

moomin11 · 31/12/2020 04:19

@Nikhedonia

As a single parent, who home schooled a four year old and worked full time during the last wave of school closures, I can assure you that it was far from 'a dream'... Sad
Same here. It was awful. Whichever PP said they were able to tailor their home schooling around their work commitments, good for you, DH and I were flat out at work when the first lockdown happened and they closed the schools. Due to the sector he works in he was busier than ever. Our DD was lonely and when we did surface from work the last thing she wanted to do was some phonics, she understandably wanted to play. It was such a stressful time.
roundtable · 31/12/2020 05:42

Wow, the bile on this thread is awful. I don't know if it's drink related or not but completely uncalled for and over the top.

Back to the original op. I am buying my 2 boys workbooks as even though I am a teacher mine struggled with online learning. I'll chop and change as needed. I will be working alongside them so I do sympathise it's really tough. Hopefully it will be 2 weeks this time.

Mine won't be starting straight away though as we all have Covid - caught from primary school and we've all (including the children) been quite ill with it.

This is a stressful time - just what you can. It will all be memories one day.

Shelby10 · 31/12/2020 06:18

I would try not to pressure yourself too much on trying to home school. Especially for primary aged children. My DS is in the last year of his A levels and I have to say it’s this year and the GCSE year that are the concerns. He’s missed so much as last year hardly any work was sent and now him and many others are really struggling. Just a few weeks of missing A level work has a real impact.. and the months March to July were shocking

Clementine183 · 31/12/2020 06:35

@moomin11 same here, I actually wished I had two children so that at least she'd have some other company. I can see it would have been harder in terms of getting the work done, but in other ways it would have relieved the pressure. Actually, it was nigh on impossible getting the work done with my daughter (then Year 3, now Year 4) because the lockdown transformed her into a defiant, angry mess and we spent so much time one on one that it became a total pressure cooker.

I'm seriously thinking about asking my boss to go on furlough - we're a small company of 25 who managed to keep our heads above water in the first lockdown, I've been there for almost five years and have a really good relationship with them, so I don't think they'd use it as an opportunity to make me redundant, but the fear is still there at the back of my mind, so I'm not sure. But I get no support at home and I can already tell that we're shaping up to be busier at work in January than we were in April/May. I don't think I would cope.

moomin11 · 31/12/2020 06:52

Wow, the bile on this thread is awful. I don't know if it's drink related or not but completely uncalled for and over the top. It's basically just one person.

I really feel for the older children coming up to or in their exam years. My daughter is only in Yr 1 so it is more the emotional impact of all this that worries me, and the stress and pressure it puts on the 3 of us as a family trying to juggle work and parenting, let alone trying to fit in some home schooling.

BackwardsGoing · 31/12/2020 07:17

*BackwardsGoing
OP what would happen if you were hit by a bus tomorrow? Your husband would take the day off. It's possible. You are just prioritising his job over everything else.

In that case my DH would get bereavement leave and after that my family and friends would pitch in. However, that is not the case so no bereavement leave and my family and friends are in a similar boat to me and struggling with their own work and children situation so it’s not really comparable*

But if you were "just" injured and had a two week hospital stay? Or had a bad bout of COVID? Basically there is a threshold at which your H would step up and take some time off. He just hasn't reached it yet.

I think you have a very particular set of circumstances which make it very difficult for your family but it's not all the govt's fault.

LadyPenelope68 · 31/12/2020 07:19

Just deal with it, that’s what, work a way round it. Your husband will have to take on some responsibility for childcare, they’re his children as well, it’s not just up to the women in the family FFS. Be grateful that they have actually been back at school, many countries the children have been off and online learning/homeschool since March.

LadyPenelope68 · 31/12/2020 07:27

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Chessandcheese · 31/12/2020 07:28

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LadyPenelope68 · 31/12/2020 07:32

@Littlewhitedove2
It’s the rest of the day until 7pm keeping them from killing each other or doing something dangerous or them distracting me every 5 mins.
Well that’s not due to a pandemic, that’s a parenting issue. Stop blaming their gender for their behaviour - I have 3 boys, I work with boys, it doesn’t mean that they’re more difficult to handle or have worse behaviour.

coldplayfan · 31/12/2020 07:32

YR/y1 I would just focus on learning sounds and key red words and basic number work, eg with pebbles or Lego, anything to use to do adding/subtraction.

For sounds you can buy read write inc sounds off Amazon also the basic books.

Absolutely does not need to be more than an hour a day if that of formal learning.

MessAllOver · 31/12/2020 07:55

The OP started this thread to moan about having to wfh and home educate/do childcare at the same time and presumably to ask for suggestions.

The parents vs. teachers brigade are getting very tedious. I doubt she wants to hear how hard done by teachers are (even if it's true) or how lazy/awful teachers and schools are.

Oreservoir · 31/12/2020 08:06

It's a bizarre situation. Pre covid a parent keeping their dc home all day with no education and little interaction would have had social services on their doorstep.
And now it's deemed necessary with no thought from government into what actually this means for the families involved.

PrivateIndoorXmas · 31/12/2020 08:34

@Hercules12

So he has a poor employer rather than this being about women. If roles were reversed he'd be in your situation and you would be stuck with crap employer.
Not necessarily. In my DHs job, the office is staffed by women and all the technical staff are men. In the last lockdown, the women were all sent home and asked just to do what they can as the boss understood they had kids at home. They were very understanding and flexible. The technical staff were expected to get on as usual with zero flexibility. Yes they are different roles but that doesn't justify the differences in flexibility. It was definitely sexism.
CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 08:45

lady penelope

You tagged the wrong person. I didn’t say any of that, it was another poster.

I keep thinking about this case, it’s so tragic.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/12/01/baby-drowned-hot-tub-mother-working-home-inquest-hears/amp/

moomin11 · 31/12/2020 08:46

I'm not doubting that a lot of teachers have worked their arses off during this pandemic but there is quite a lot of variance between different schools in terms of what they did. We didn't get any work sent home at all which stressed me out as I had to find time to get resources together and work out what we should be doing, ontop of trying to teach it and work. Friends had a lot more from their schools but seemed equally stressed about keeping up with it and having to upload stuff every night. It's a stressful situation all round. I need to do something different this time round if my daughter's school ends up closing as it just wasn't sustainable last time.

CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 09:12

I think there was a massive difference between primary and secondary. I had a child in each at the time. Now they are both in secondary, I’m so relieved.

The head teacher at our secondary is particularly amazing, totally pragmatic. He has a sensible approach but his underlying attitude is ‘can do’ and ‘do what we can.’ The subject teachers are really good at providing specific, clear instructions about what to do - which means the kids can either do it themselves or with some guidance from parents (eg food tech practicals).

I think it’s probably harder to deliver a primary curriculum in such a specific way, and younger primary kids need more supervision than it’s possible to give if you are working, which might account for what seemed like a massive difference.

However my child was in Y6 during the first lockdown and perfectly capable of some self directed learning. In spite of this, the main correspondence we received from primary school was emails from the head using shouty capital letters about not using key worker places unless you were practically dying and another one saying that we could have a five minute phone call with the senco if our children were struggling emotionally (the senco was not a qualified teacher).

As per her request, we did not use key worker provision, mainly because she made it clear that key worker children could expect to be separated from their peers if there was any eventual return to school. With a child in y6, I expected a return to school (though she dragged that out until it wasn’t worth doing, too using some very spurious reasons) and didn’t want my child isolated from her friends in what felt like an unnecessarily punitive measure.

We were specifically banned from contacting the class teacher and left floundering around looking for online resources. I simply couldn’t understand how the school couldn’t at least point us in the right direction of resources, and I was particularly cross about this when I drove past the school and saw the staff sunbathing while a dozen ‘key worker’ kids played netball with the PE coach.

This thread isn’t specifically about teachers, it’s about having to work when your kids aren’t in school. The point is, this is a very difficult task if your children aren’t engaged in learning, and a huge number of parents experienced very poor offers from schools last time, contributing massively to their stress. I expect the thought of doing that again is intolerable to many, and they’re angry and scared, which will unfortunately spill over into anger misdirected at teachers, many of whom are doing a great job (my children’s secondary school included).

MessAllOver · 31/12/2020 09:20

@CountessFrog.

I keep thinking about this case, it’s so tragic.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/12/01/baby-drowned-hot-tub-mother-working-home-inquest-hears/amp/

I can't believe this...it's so sad. We had a couple of close calls with our toddler jumping off the sofa and hitting his head during last lockdown when I was teaching online.

This is why I'm not doing it this time. It's either a babysitter or unpaid leave for us. I'm not leaving a small child unsupervised.

Poor, poor mother.

CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 09:22

Dreadful isn’t it? Yet such little press attention.

MarshaBradyo · 31/12/2020 09:23

[quote CountessFrog]lady penelope

You tagged the wrong person. I didn’t say any of that, it was another poster.

I keep thinking about this case, it’s so tragic.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/12/01/baby-drowned-hot-tub-mother-working-home-inquest-hears/amp/[/quote]
I haven’t read it but children are more likely to come to harm with schools and childcare closing. The latter not in England this time but in Scotland. It’s so, so sad and we are failing them.

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