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Covid

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Original poster

Honestly, I wish people would think before going crazy over the rules

112 replies

WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 11:07

Just a little rant really.

Dh went to pick up my dad this morning. T4 area, 150 miles away.

My dad is in our support bubble. We see no one else, he sees no one else. We've all been isolating for nearly two weeks as a precaution. It's allowed.

My dad lives in a little development of housing for over 55's. As they were loading the car, two of the neighbours started bashing on windows shouting that it's tier 4, it's illegal to take him. One visiting carer started shouting from a doorstep that she was going to report him to the police, that she has taken the number plate.

Dh did very calmly call over that he's in a support bubble that it's allowed. He said she didn't listen just kept on shouting.

Fucks sake.

I now have a very upset 86 year old sat on my sofa. Dh said he was shaking all the way down and is dreading going home.

OP posts:

HelloMoto3 · 23/12/2020 15:05

Honestly if anyone challenges him about this on his return he should laugh in their faces.

We don’t need rules vigilantism - you never know why people might be travelling or meeting so people should mind their own business.

I hope you have a nice Christmas and know that all good sense is on your side!

MassiveSalad · 23/12/2020 15:06

Although it was an unpleasant experience, please have a little sympathy. For us older people this really is a matter of life or death, so we tend to be extremely cautious

What a load of nonsense. Don't use "age" as an excuse to be rude. It also really isn't a matter of life or death for the vast majority of older people.

TheDailyMailIsAFilthyRag · 23/12/2020 15:08

@WankPuffins

It's lucky I didn't collect him. I've had a really awful few weeks and I might have gone full on fishwife

(very unlike me and I probably wouldn't have, but it's made me very angry).

I would've too and I wouldn't even be sorry mwahaha!

Your poor dad .

CorianderQueen · 23/12/2020 15:12

@GetOffYourHighHorse

This is awful, I wouldn't ever shout at people and stick my oar in. Your poor Dad.

That said many people have given up any semblance of a normal Christmas and seeing others carrying on as normal clearly wound your Dad's fellow residents up. Travelling 150miles to a tier 4 area when you only see him only every couple of months doesn't sound a good idea tbh. Older people do stress about these things though, I would have perhaps gone when it was dark if I was adamant he had to come.

She shouldn't have to sneak under cover of darkness to get her dad legally. They went in the car, stopped at his house and drove back. Hardly catching al the T4 lurgy.

Plus, picking up an 86 yo at 9/10pm would likely be exhausting for him.

Delta1 · 23/12/2020 15:17

Oh your poor Dad. Please show him all the messages of support on here. Hope you have a lovely Christmas despite that shitty start.

GetOffYourHighHorse · 23/12/2020 15:18

'She shouldn't have to sneak under cover of darkness to get her dad legally. They went in the car, stopped at his house and drove back. Hardly catching al the T4 lurgy.'

Of course she shouldn't have to, as the df is upset it would have been an idea. Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's advisable. 150 miles away in tier 4 fgs.

Topseyt · 23/12/2020 15:23

@movingonup20

The biggest issue is that they didn't carefully define support bubble back in May, they suggested they are local but didn't define it in law. I am personally annoyed at the Londoners who have turned up in town over the last week claiming to be visiting their support bubble aka parent they ignore for months on end. Those of us who have sensibly not travelled to parents are now going to be banned from seeing them because of people travelling. If someone needs care and support that's fine but you can't do it from 150 miles away

Bollocks! I've done it from 130 miles away. No choice really because my very frail and immobile elderly parents were ill and at crisis point and their care package wasn't quite set up at that point. Of course it wasn't ideal, but what should I have done? Left them to starve and dehydrate, unable to move around safely or even get to the toilet?

OP, sorry to hear that your Dad had this experience. These people are fuckwits. Try to put them out of your mind.

When you or DH eventually takes your Dad home be armed with a clear note that you have written plus a printout of the rules regarding bubbles and tier 4. Then you can put it through the neighbour's door if approached again.

If they still threaten to call the police I'd be tempted to respond with "go right ahead, as we have done nothing wrong here."

I hope you can have a good Christmas and your Dad can calm down about it.

GetOffYourHighHorse · 23/12/2020 15:24

'Plus, picking up an 86 yo at 9/10pm would likely be exhausting for him'

A fit and independent 86yr old is perfectly able to travel after 4pm. Of course we don't have to sneak about in the dark but these are difficult emotional times, the other residents have probably done the right thing and feel aggrieved when others don't. Just use a bit of common sense and sensitivity.

Original poster

WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 15:27

I don't see what else I was supposed to do? I wish we lived closer. I wish my mum was still alive or I had a sibling to share the load. But it's just me. We can only afford to get him every 5 weeks as we are skint and it's the petrol cost.

I have to put up with quite a lot of emotional abuse anyway as the only child of a very difficult, elderly parent. If he was alone at Christmas it would be awful for all of us. I wouldn't be able to take the constant phone calls from him.

OP posts:

Original poster

WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 15:28

He doesn't meet the criteria for any mental health intervention. I just get the brunt of it as his daughter. He takes his situation out on me.

OP posts:

Topseyt · 23/12/2020 15:30

@Jaxhog

Although it was an unpleasant experience, please have a little sympathy. For us older people this really is a matter of life or death, so we tend to be extremely cautious.

We are all on the edge at the moment and liable to over-react. Let's all try and be patient with each other.

I understand what you are saying, but I'm afraid I still have zero sympathy for the Covid 19 Stasi.

LH1987 · 23/12/2020 15:43

Do you know the agency the Carer is from, can you complain. To harass an elderly man is appalling.

Pour him a drink, sounds like he deserves one !

Original poster

WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 15:49

@LH1987 no I don't. I wouldn't know how to go about finding out really.

OP posts:

AcornAutumn · 23/12/2020 15:53

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'Plus, picking up an 86 yo at 9/10pm would likely be exhausting for him'

Pot, kettle...

Hardbackwriter · 23/12/2020 15:55

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'Plus, picking up an 86 yo at 9/10pm would likely be exhausting for him'

OP has done the right thing legally. She might not have complied with the rules you've made up in your head, but that's irrelevant.

AcornAutumn · 23/12/2020 15:56

@Jaxhog

Although it was an unpleasant experience, please have a little sympathy. For us older people this really is a matter of life or death, so we tend to be extremely cautious.

We are all on the edge at the moment and liable to over-react. Let's all try and be patient with each other.

People daring to go outside is not a matter of life or death.

TammyHullfigure · 23/12/2020 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

queenofknives · 23/12/2020 16:12

So basically he lives in a street full of mumsnetters?

It's horrible, OP. I would have been furious too. Hate these self-appointed busybodies. Gross.

daisychain01 · 23/12/2020 16:17

Can people avoid the use of words like cretin and moron.

Don't you know by now they are derogatory and offensive words nowadays??

@WankPuffins we are in an identical situation to you re Tier 4, distance of travel and parent living in a retirement complex. It's very difficult and stressful to have to confront the anger of people who haven't got a clue about your life challenges and decisions you've had to take. We've had to completely cancel all plans for Christmas due to the complexity, risk of retaliation at my parent's retirement complex, and general stress involved. We're keeping in touch by phone, and at least we know our parent is safe where they are, but it's back to being emprisoned like Lockdown 1 which is another massive worry.

The main thing is you are safe at home now with your Dad and hopefully things will settle down over the coming days, so you can enjoy a peaceful Christmas.

GetOffYourHighHorse · 23/12/2020 16:29

'OP has done the right thing legally. She might not have complied with the rules you've made up in your head, but that's irrelevant.'

I agree. However I would have expected others to be pissed off tbh. Many, many people aren't seeing family. A support bubble 150 miles aways is a stretch unless he needs care which he doesn't.

People in tier 4 should stay in their own local areas, sad though that is. He could have perhaps been in an actual support bubble with one of the other residents.

AcornAutumn · 23/12/2020 16:34

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'OP has done the right thing legally. She might not have complied with the rules you've made up in your head, but that's irrelevant.'

I agree. However I would have expected others to be pissed off tbh. Many, many people aren't seeing family. A support bubble 150 miles aways is a stretch unless he needs care which he doesn't.

People in tier 4 should stay in their own local areas, sad though that is. He could have perhaps been in an actual support bubble with one of the other residents.

This is bonkers. He might not even know the other residents.

And what is local? I imagine you’d have a fit at my care visits to Mum involving public transport.

Original poster

WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 16:41

This is bonkers. He might not even know the other residents.

People keep saying residents like it's a care joke type complex.

It's just a street on a new build housing estate that's only available to buy in if you are over 55. It was a bit of a moot point to mention it.

He knows his neighbours as well as I know the people who live across the street from me - a hello and a wave in passing if you see them.

OP posts:

Original poster

WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 16:42

*care home, not joke.

It's like saying I could have a support bubble with the bloke who lives next door to me. I've never actually spoken to him.

OP posts:

partyatthepalace · 23/12/2020 16:45

That’s horrible OP. Your poor Dad. Sounds like your DH handled it well. Good idea to print guidelines out (should be pretty bloody obvious mind you). Perhaps you should put a formal letter through the relevant people’s doors, noting the legislation and referring to harassment being illegal in a mildly threatening way. I would. But perhaps your Dad would think it was too much.

Honestly, I think everyone is going nuts.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas, and that your Dad is staying for a while.

slipperywhensparticus · 23/12/2020 16:50

There will be a warden at the complex contact them explain the issue ask that they remind residents and care workers that you are well within the rules and they should be respectful

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