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Original poster

Honestly, I wish people would think before going crazy over the rules

112 replies

WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 11:07

Just a little rant really.

Dh went to pick up my dad this morning. T4 area, 150 miles away.

My dad is in our support bubble. We see no one else, he sees no one else. We've all been isolating for nearly two weeks as a precaution. It's allowed.

My dad lives in a little development of housing for over 55's. As they were loading the car, two of the neighbours started bashing on windows shouting that it's tier 4, it's illegal to take him. One visiting carer started shouting from a doorstep that she was going to report him to the police, that she has taken the number plate.

Dh did very calmly call over that he's in a support bubble that it's allowed. He said she didn't listen just kept on shouting.

Fucks sake.

I now have a very upset 86 year old sat on my sofa. Dh said he was shaking all the way down and is dreading going home.

OP posts:
Jrobhatch29 · 23/12/2020 12:46

This is awful. Your poor dad

tappitytaptap · 23/12/2020 13:07

@Jaxhog fear doesn’t mean you can be rude to people and threaten to call the police on them Hmm. Also don’t tar all ‘older’ people with the same brush. I know many older people who do not want to be shut away and are not scared of the virus.

LadyLazaruss · 23/12/2020 13:11

@Jaxhog

Although it was an unpleasant experience, please have a little sympathy. For us older people this really is a matter of life or death, so we tend to be extremely cautious.

We are all on the edge at the moment and liable to over-react. Let's all try and be patient with each other.

Sorry, but I wouldn't have an ounce of sympathy for anyone that came out and bellowed at my elderly mother for doing nothing wrong.
PhilCornwall1 · 23/12/2020 13:17

@Jaxhog

Although it was an unpleasant experience, please have a little sympathy. For us older people this really is a matter of life or death, so we tend to be extremely cautious.

We are all on the edge at the moment and liable to over-react. Let's all try and be patient with each other.

No. It's not just the older it's a matter of life or death for. A persons age does not given them a free pass to be an arsehole.
MistressoftheDarkSide · 23/12/2020 13:23

@WankPuffins Thank you and Flowers to you, and your Dad and anyone else doing their best in already difficult situations complicated by "the Rona" - and maybe a stiff Gin too! xxx

Lougle · 23/12/2020 13:44

[quote WankPuffins]@Lougle I think there are a lot of people in a support bubble with a parent who lives a distance away. I know it's not great but, what do you do?

Obviously we are going nowhere while he's here and neither is he. He's also been SI for two weeks. So we've been as safe as possible.[/quote]
That's exactly what I said:

"So you're completely right that as his support bubble, you can drive 150 miles to get him, but the guidance is that it's not ideal. However, if you are his support, there's not much you can do about that, because the alternative is an 86 year old man on his own."

yawnsvillex · 23/12/2020 13:45

God people are cunts.

This has brought out the worst in people.

I hope your dad is ok OP.

IloveJKRowling · 23/12/2020 13:53

Oh OP I hope your Dad is ok. What a horrible experience and he can't be looking forward to going back now and probably won't feel comfortable in his own home for a while - I do think it's a good idea to inform those shouting about the rules to try and make your Dad's life a bit easier once he goes back.

I wish the government would explain a bit more about the support bubbles - they really haven't explained it well at all IMO. People need to know there are exceptions to any rule.

And I agree with PP, if it was a carer from a company doing the shouting the company should be contacted. You don't want anyone hassling your Dad in the future.

It sounds like you're doing absolutely the right thing all along and the risks are as low as possible.

ClaireP20 · 23/12/2020 13:59

Your poor dad! This has broken my heart, bastards those neighbours. I really hope you can report that carer.

Original poster
WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 14:07

@Lougle I know, sorry wasn't aguring. Just agreeing in ain't winded way Smile

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 23/12/2020 14:09

@PhilCornwall1

It was a carer (in a uniform tabard), who was doing most of the shouting.

Well, if you can find out which company she is from, I'd put a formal complaint in. If she loses her job, tough luck, it'll be a lesson for her to keep her bloody nose out of other peoples business.

Too many are now deciding they can stick their beaks in to everyone's business, just because of this bloody virus. They can't and should be hammered out of sight (not physically!!) when they do.

This

It’s appalling behaviour

Lougle · 23/12/2020 14:10

Smile ok, sorry, didn't pick up on that.

I often wonder what the neighbours think. We're in a support bubble with Mum and Dad (Mum is disabled) and visit daily. So I think about it, but then realise I don't care Grin I'm a very strict rule follower, so I'm glad they've extended the bubbles.

oakleaffy · 23/12/2020 14:20

The neighbours sound like the Stazi
Meddling Daily Mail types, all bridling indignation.
Who would want to live near such fascists?

Tell your dear Dad to flip the bird at them!🙂

movingonup20 · 23/12/2020 14:22

The biggest issue is that they didn't carefully define support bubble back in May, they suggested they are local but didn't define it in law. I am personally annoyed at the Londoners who have turned up in town over the last week claiming to be visiting their support bubble aka parent they ignore for months on end. Those of us who have sensibly not travelled to parents are now going to be banned from seeing them because of people travelling. If someone needs care and support that's fine but you can't do it from 150 miles away

AcornAutumn · 23/12/2020 14:24

@movingonup20

The biggest issue is that they didn't carefully define support bubble back in May, they suggested they are local but didn't define it in law. I am personally annoyed at the Londoners who have turned up in town over the last week claiming to be visiting their support bubble aka parent they ignore for months on end. Those of us who have sensibly not travelled to parents are now going to be banned from seeing them because of people travelling. If someone needs care and support that's fine but you can't do it from 150 miles away
Why not?

Are you saying those people should have to hire carers and put their parents at greater risk having strangers in and out?

Original poster
WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 14:25

He seems to be okay now that we've gone over the bubble rules again and again. He's busying himself in the garage tinkering with my car so all is good now.

I've printed out things for him to take home if anyone tackles him as he will get confused and muddled without something in front of him and it's not fair to put him in that position. I'm just hoping that if anyone does say anything it's when Dh is dropping him off. He's going to unpack the car slowly to give them time to come out (I would drive him back myself as I'm a lot more forthright than Dh, but my baby will only take her bottle from me so the journey would be twice as long with her with me and stopping to feed).

I'm just so pissed off with people in general at the moment.

I posted the other day frustrated about my PIL not self isolating after they were told to, they were in contact with our niece the day before she tested positive. My SIL took my niece to the shops while she was positive and should have been at home.

And yet my dad gets some idiots upsetting him when he's totally within the rules and we've all been SI over the past two weeks and none of us will leave the house while he's here. So we're putting no one at risk anyway.

I'm just going to eat my own body weight in shortbread this afternoon and try and forget the outside world.

OP posts:
MRex · 23/12/2020 14:31

That sounds awful, your poor dad. It's horrendous bullying when they know nothing of the circumstances, hardly like he's holding a rave in the back garden.

Have you considered calling his local council's adult social services department? If it's a local authority carer, they can ensure the carer is told not to do that again.

Original poster
WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 14:31

If someone needs care and support that's fine but you can't do it from 150 miles away

Short of moving house, we've got no choice than to go and get my dad every 5 weeks or so to stay with us for a week.

I am his only family. If we didn't bring him to stay, his mental health wouldn't decline further.

We aren't in the position to have him live with us and he can't move at his age. Thankfully he's physically fine and fit so doesn't need care. So these visits to see his grandchildren are what keep him going.

OP posts:
Original poster
WankPuffins · 23/12/2020 14:32

*would decline further

OP posts:
MRex · 23/12/2020 14:33

You're doing the right thing @WankPuffins, there are many types of care and companionship is essential to mental health. Please don't feel you have to justify yourself any more than your dad should.

ComDummings · 23/12/2020 14:35

Honestly the morons screeching about the rules (always fucking incorrectly I must add because they don’t seem to understand how to read properly) are getting on my last nerve. There was a thread here the other day, a struggling mum with a young baby wanting to visit her parents. Perfectly fine to make a support bubble even though she is in tier 4 because she has a young baby. The amount of incorrect info on the thread and people calling her selfish was SO frustrating and so uncalled for when she was doing absolutely nothing wrong!
Anyway OP I hope your dad is OK and manages to relax a bit. I would definitely want to try and report the career, it’s not on for her to be shouting at anyone.

ComDummings · 23/12/2020 14:36

Carer* bloody autocorrect

HeyBaby2020 · 23/12/2020 14:54

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HeyBaby2020 · 23/12/2020 14:54

Have a nice Christmas with your dad and fuck them

GetOffYourHighHorse · 23/12/2020 14:56

This is awful, I wouldn't ever shout at people and stick my oar in. Your poor Dad.

That said many people have given up any semblance of a normal Christmas and seeing others carrying on as normal clearly wound your Dad's fellow residents up. Travelling 150miles to a tier 4 area when you only see him only every couple of months doesn't sound a good idea tbh. Older people do stress about these things though, I would have perhaps gone when it was dark if I was adamant he had to come.

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