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Original poster

Anyone else planning a fairly safe mixing at Xmas but feeling guilty?

66 replies

xxmassy · 15/12/2020 17:13

There's so much in the news and so many people saying it's a bad idea that I feel conflicted and quite guilty about carrying on.

We've planned a Xmas that's as safe as we can manage really. 2 households (2 x early 60s, 2 x late 30s and 1 x 12yo) - no vulnerabilities, none of the adults working out of the house (retired or wfh). Child is at SEN school with 8 to a class and no cases all term. Tier 2 with lower cases. Staying overnight but separate bathrooms. Plans in place to split food as best we can and no buffets etc. All adults at home largely from late last week til Xmas (walks only). Online shopping etc. We all feel quite relaxed about this being ok as we can make it.

But as I said, now just feel really guilty and like we're doing something really wrong....anyone else?

OP posts:

veeeeh · 15/12/2020 17:18

To be frank, no, we are just staying in our own families and doing a zoom video call.

Not worth it. This year is a write off, so hoping for better come Spring/Easter instead. Everyone understands.

But if you feel ok with mixing, go for it. It is not illegal.

mynameiscalypso · 15/12/2020 17:21

Yes - ours is slightly bigger as we have PIL and SIL (existing bubble), us and then my DP, DB and SIL (also an existing support bubble as they have a brand new baby). So we're totally within the rules, nobody is seeing anyone outside the group over the five days. DS is in nursery but it's so quiet, the rest of us are mainly at home. We won't be getting public transport or staying anywhere overnight. I'm the most vulnerable (immunosuppressed) but nobody else is high risk other than because of age (even then, it's only just as my DF is the only 70+.

Cookerhood · 15/12/2020 17:22

I think it sounds safe, so I would say go ahead & have a lovely time. We are keeping ourselves to ourselves as we have a vulnerable family member.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/12/2020 17:23

Yeah, we planned it ages ago, rented an air bnb with a huge open plan living area and invited my parents and brother who is part of my mum’s bubble. DH and I paid loads as our only holiday this year and thought it’d be a safe option...

I have said it’s up to them if they still want to come for Christmas dinner but they do. No hugging or kissing (we don’t anyway) but yeah the feelings of guilt have crept in...

Rae36 · 15/12/2020 17:24

Yes. The 5 of us and my parents. Kids finished school today, we both work from home. Not officially isolating for 10 days but not going anywhere except out for a walk or to the supermarket. Travelling by car, no overnight stays, no buffets, doors and windows open.

But I still feel guilty. But we're still doing it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 15/12/2020 17:24

I wasn't planning on seeing anyone but a friend has invited me over on the 27th and I'm probably going to go. I haven't done anything with friends since September and I'm not planning on seeing any elderly relatives so I'm thinking why not. It will just be the 2 of us, she lives alone. But yeah, there's that guilty feeling. I don't know why though when I hear about what everyone else is planning to do. I'll be on my own on Christmas day!

catnoir1 · 15/12/2020 17:26

Can you and your friend not do something on Christmas Day together pp?

LegoPandemic · 15/12/2020 17:30

Yes. Isolating 10 days from DS finishing school and will be private testing but guilty because our “Christmas Day” is after the Christmas bubbles thing ends! Safe but illegal it seems- what a nonsense.
We’re only 6- 2 bubbles - also.
Tempted to cancel it now, meet for Christmas drinks and presents outside and deliver dinner to them! Then eat over zoom.

Finfintytint · 15/12/2020 17:30

We are having two family members round for lunch but I don’t feel guilty. We are all adults who can think for ourselves, be sensible and take suitable precautions to minimise risk.

veeeeh · 15/12/2020 17:32

If only Christmas was in July.

OllietheOwl · 15/12/2020 17:33

I’m seeing my newly-formed support bubble. Me, DH and 2 kids (one under 1) joining parents (both aged 70), no health issues and 30 yr old brother. We’ve been all getting together anyway since 2nd Dec AIBU have no qualms about being together at Christmas. DD has been out of nursery for a week due to a case there and she was the only real risk tbh.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 15/12/2020 17:33

cat she is spending Christmas day with her parents. I have a DS but he's at his dad's this year (we alternate) and I would normally go to my parents house but my granddad is going there this year. I work in a pretty high risk environment (manufacturing in a busy factory) and I have to work until the 23rd so I don't want to risk giving Covid to my granddad as he is elderly.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 15/12/2020 17:34

Yes - going to see my father (vulnerable) and stepmum and staying for two nights with DP and baby. We're all isolating for 10 days in advance, online shopping only, DP will be going out for runs and I'll take the baby out for a daily walk in the sling but we'll be avoiding other people as much as possible. Still feel worried though! They are super excited about seeing us but a bit worried too despite precautions.

How risky do you think it is if we are all isolating in advance?

Ffsnosexallowed · 15/12/2020 17:36

Dmil is joining us. We're both working from home, dc both still at school and Dmil would be on her own otherwise. Dreading it.

MsAwesomeReindeer · 15/12/2020 17:44

My plan is technically against the rules, but if I need to isolate for 10 days before seeing my parents then I can't see them till the 29th, as I'm at work til the 18th. I work in a secondary school, so I'm the risk. Dh is wfh, dd1 is a uni student but all online atm, and dd2 is in a primary school so is a bit of a risk but not as much as me. We will be spending one afternoon with my parents around New year rather than Christmas, even though that's technically not allowed. If we need to make it an outdoor meetup then so be it, I've bought them both electric body warmers so they can cope with the cold outdoor socialising.

We will also spend one afternoon with mil, but as she lives alone and doesn't already have a support bubble we'll become her bubble and see her more often. We haven't done that so far because she didn't want to as I'm the risk, but now she wants to see us.

DirtyDancing · 15/12/2020 18:23

@xxmassy

There's so much in the news and so many people saying it's a bad idea that I feel conflicted and quite guilty about carrying on.

But as I said, now just feel really guilty and like we're doing something really wrong....anyone else?

Is this playing it safe? That’s the only thing you need to reflect on. Your 12 year old the most likely to have been exposed, if been at school. If one of you does have you’ll all end up with it. I guess that’s the risk/ guilt point. If that feels worth it, which totally understand for some families it does, then that’s the decision & risk assessment you make and take.

MaudesMum · 15/12/2020 18:57

Yup, me. Am with sibling and their partner on Christmas Day - they're my support bubble. So, that's legit. I'm then driving to see other family member - single Mum and teenage/young adult children - and will have to stay over as its a long drive. With the current rules, I'll be slightly out of the time period by the time I get home, but that does mean the youngest one will have been out of school for 9 days before I get there. The older two might have been socialising, though. I'll then come home and will arrange not to do anything social (even outdoors) until well into the New Year - I wfh so no risk to colleagues. I've calculated the first thing I actually have to do is an evening class 9 days after I get back. So, its pretty low risk in terms of spreading anything from their Tier 3 area to my Tier 2 area.

Glitterblue · 15/12/2020 23:03

We're seeing MIL in the morning for an hour (she's in our support bubble) then FIL for an hour then after lunch in our own house we will see my parents for an hour and then come home for Christmas dinner. We felt that was safer than all of us coming here which is what we'd normally do, but we're beginning to wonder even about that. However, it is all pretty safe. MIL and FIL are both currently staying at home all the time, and my parents only go out for the essentials. DD is off school for a week before Christmas, DH is working from home and I'm at home all the time.

GruffyLove · 15/12/2020 23:10

Everyone has to weigh their own risks. But asymptomatic covid is spreading like wildfire amongst primary school kids? How do I know? 6 kids in our class got 4 totally asymptomatic - their parents lied on the .gov as just wanted to see if their kids had it after the tww symptomatic cases in our class.
Long story short now plenty of parents and teacher has it.

I really wouldn’t mix any primary school kids/nursery age kids/any kids - etc without at least 10 days isolating. Honestly - one family has been very very ill.

StatisticalSense · 15/12/2020 23:14

@LegoPandemic
If you are planning on meeting outside the official days you need to cancel. You might be reducing the risk to your relatives by doing it then but you are increasing the risk to everyone else by reducing the time following the visit before you return to normal life.

Ithinkim · 15/12/2020 23:39

We had planned to go to my parents and sit in their very large conservatory for an hour or two.

Sadly, my aunt died of covid at the weekend. She had a little fall and broke her wrist and then caught covid in hospital. She was sent home to recover, on Thursday she was moaning to me that her washing was stacking up. She died less than 48 hours later.

My parents said they are desperate to see us but no one wants to take even the slightest risk after seeing what happened.

Be careful everyone.

WanderingFruitWonderer · 16/12/2020 05:25

Yes, totally. At the time the Christmas relaxation was announced, my area had one of the lowest rates in the country. It's skyrocketed in the last week. I don't have a car, so would be getting a train. I'm on the brink of cancelling plans. But don't want to disappoint family I'd be staying with. It'd just be two households mixing, and we've all been careful. But in both areas the infection rates have risen considerably in recent days. I just wish the government hadn't announced relaxation in the first place. I'd have been quite philosophical about staying here. But at this late stage it's tricky. I don't know what to do?

WanderingFruitWonderer · 16/12/2020 05:32

@ithinkim so so very sorry about your aunt
That was a sobering read

FedUpOfAllThis · 16/12/2020 05:48

Nope, I don’t feel guilty at all.

LegoPandemic · 16/12/2020 06:57

I can’t see how 2 households who have both been isolating meeting increases the risk to anyone?

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