Anyone else planning a fairly safe mixing at Xmas but feeling guilty?

[xxmassy]

There's so much in the news and so many people saying it's a bad idea that I feel conflicted and quite guilty about carrying on.

We've planned a Xmas that's as safe as we can manage really. 2 households (2 x early 60s, 2 x late 30s and 1 x 12yo) - no vulnerabilities, none of the adults working out of the house (retired or wfh). Child is at SEN school with 8 to a class and no cases all term. Tier 2 with lower cases. Staying overnight but separate bathrooms. Plans in place to split food as best we can and no buffets etc. All adults at home largely from late last week til Xmas (walks only). Online shopping etc. We all feel quite relaxed about this being ok as we can make it.

But as I said, now just feel really guilty and like we're doing something really wrong....anyone else?

No guilt here whatsoever

No mixing here, it's just not worth it.

Ithinkim I am so sorry about your aunt.

@LegoPandemic

I can’t see how 2 households who have both been isolating meeting increases the risk to anyone?

I think if both households have truly been isolating for 14 days (i.e not going to shops etc.) and won't be using pubic transport to get to their Xmas destination, then it's pretty safe. But not many people are going to be able to do all that?

Me. DH and I are secondary school teachers. Not seeing DPs. dMiL and dFiL are fine with it, my parents want to see us but I don't want to take the risk. All in their 70s. My parents are seeing my sibling and their family.

We are seeing our disabled DC who lives in a care home though🤞

I'm seeing my parents and don't feel guilty - our kids schools closed on Friday and we're working from home. Apart from a weekly shop we're not going anywhere. I've stopped my gym visits, no longer meeting friends outside. I feel it's pretty safe. I would have cancelled if I had to work outside the home or the kids were still in school this week though.

I feel guilty even though if I look at it pragmatically it’s ok. I’m working in a patient facing environment up to xmas eve, my dh is the same, my mum works in a customer facing role in a city centre and my stepdad lives with her. He also has my primary age DC’s whilst I work and is having them over the holidays. Us meeting on xmas day is no more likely to spread it than us going to work on a daily basis. We aren’t seeing anyone else.

Get a bit sick of people who have been protected from all this saying that no one should be mixing when some us haven’t had a chance to wfh or even have adequate ppe whilst we were working.

My parents and sibling (still living at home) will join us for Christmas Day. Both parents are just turned 60, DM works in a secondary school. We thought this was the safest option for us family wise as she would likely have already been exposed and we have DC in primary school.

DH is 1 of 4 siblings so we won't be seeing his parents. One of his brothers lives at home so it's only three households for them. Usually my sil's would be with their own parents in the USA, so it'll be nice for PIL's to spend it with them as I imagine BIL's and their wives will be with their families next year. The only major issue is DH and I have the only grandchildren and everyone is desperate to see them, but there will be an elderly bubbled relative there and I don't want to risk DS1 spreading it to him.

Me, although it'll just be me and DF. We'd both be alone otherwise, but feeling guilty about travelling on the train (car not an option), and sharing a bathroom etc.

We are going away to a holiday cottage booked in February last year. Me, H and C's. Mum and Dad. Bro and SIL. Taking precautions, will be safe over there. Looking forward to some family time.

Can't get any safer than nuclear family. Just having dinner ourselves as usual.

We’re seeing my sister, her DP and toddler. We’ve decided not to see my mum and step dad which feels hard so no I don’t feel guilty for seeing my sister.

We're supposed to be going to my parents, one of whom is higher risk. I work in schools but finished last Friday. My kids are going to their very small nursery this Friday but it's not many kids, Dh has been working from home. We're in tier 2 and not far from them anyway so not travelling across the country.
Theres times when I feel a bit guilty, but then I realise that my sister has been in a childcare bubble with my parents, every week since September. She's still working, in a school that has had asymptomatic cases, till Friday. Fairly sure even if they 'cancel Christmas' they will meet anyway, and my other sibling lives with them, so basically it would just be me and my children that miss out on seeing grandparents.

We are not seeing anyone inside this year. We have decided to play it safe and wait until the summer. Do what you feel comfortable with op.

No I don't feel guilty, but I am fed up of being made to feel like I should be (not by you op) and that I will be responsible for wiping out four secondary schools and one primary.

If you want to do it safely then read this article about how covid is transmitted.
english.elpais.com/society/2020-10-28/a-room-a-bar-and-a-class-how-the-coronavirus-is-spread-through-the-air.html

My husband is ecv so it will just me DH and I and our 4 yrs old and toddler. We will have to see in January if it’s safe for the 4 yr old to go back to school. It’s a really balancing act between our 4 yr old mental health and DH physical health.

I feel guilty and in two minds whether to cancel. Plan is to travel the 200 miles to DMs (she's by herself so has already joined DBs support bubble).

I'm currently working from home and both DC (primary age) are self isolating due to positive cases in their classes. DH is on annual leave from Fri and we're in tier 3 so won't be doing anything other than staying at home or going for walks/bike rides until we go to DMs.

We all had covid at the beginning of Nov so not sure how the whole immunity/carrying the virus works but we'll all have had 7-14 days of no contact with anyone else before going to DMs so I'm confident we'll be safe.

It's actually DB and his family that are the risk but they're already in DMs bubble and she provides childcare for them so is in close contact regularly with them. So why I'm feeling guilty I don't know!

Also, with my DP’s both under sixty and DH in early thirties, we all won’t be getting the vaccine until 2028 or something anyway. So when will people say that it’s safe for us to mix? If we’re not coming into contact with anyone vulnerable (shopping delivered, no school until 6th of Jan) and being careful then what’s the problem?

Thank you for the nice messages about my aunt, she was diabetic and 70 so just very unlucky to catch it I think.

It was just very shocking how quickly she went from no symptoms to dying and there was very little that could be done.

I hope you all have a good Christmas whatever you decide.

We are having my parents here but we aren't a high risk household. We don't have school age kids and work from home, and we aren't going anywhere between now and Christmas Day.

@MarisPiper92

Me, although it'll just be me and DF. We'd both be alone otherwise, but feeling guilty about travelling on the train (car not an option), and sharing a bathroom etc.

Don't feel guilty, Maris. Even though personally I think mixing if you don't have to is unwise, people who live alone should absolutely get together with another household. No-one should have to be alone if they don't want to be. Have a nice time with your DF.

Our family are having one other family over (related to us)

We're all minimising contacts with others as much as possible beforehand (other than school- though one DC gets regular testing at school)

I do not feel guilty at all. We will not SD at all once they are here either.

We are mixing with one other couple who don't have underlying health conditions etc. I work from home, DH has finished for Christmas now and the kids finish school on Thursday.

So many people I know are in childcare bubbles, support bubbles etc and we have no one. I really can't see that three days spent with relatives who we haven't seen since September is any different to my friend's mid 60's mum picking her kids up from school everyday or another friend who has her single dad round a few times a week. In fact, I would argue our plans are less risky given they are a one off.

In answer to your question, yes, the constant media coverage is making me feel guilty even though logically I know I have had far less contact than many people I know.

@RosesinGranGransgarden

Also, with my DP’s both under sixty and DH in early thirties, we all won’t be getting the vaccine until 2028 or something anyway. So when will people say that it’s safe for us to mix? If we’re not coming into contact with anyone vulnerable (shopping delivered, no school until 6th of Jan) and being careful then what’s the problem?

That's a good point, for some family groups, vaccines are a LONG way off - the wider societal risk will be lowered by general vaccination I guess but the inter family transmission is still a risk - does that mean it'll be frowned upon for years?

@RaggieDolls

We are mixing with one other couple who don't have underlying health conditions etc. I work from home, DH has finished for Christmas now and the kids finish school on Thursday.

So many people I know are in childcare bubbles, support bubbles etc and we have no one. I really can't see that three days spent with relatives who we haven't seen since September is any different to my friend's mid 60's mum picking her kids up from school everyday or another friend who has her single dad round a few times a week. In fact, I would argue our plans are less risky given they are a one off.

In answer to your question, yes, the constant media coverage is making me feel guilty even though logically I know I have had far less contact than many people I know.

Same - SO many people are in different bubbles and legitimately needing to mix indoors etc and if I only had 1 parent, we'd be bubbled with the other parent and seeing them regularly the whole way through instead of not at all, so it's hard to see what's risky anymore and the constant media coverage makes me feel like everything I do is wrong!