Anyone else planning a fairly safe mixing at Xmas but feeling guilty?

[xxmassy]

There's so much in the news and so many people saying it's a bad idea that I feel conflicted and quite guilty about carrying on.

We've planned a Xmas that's as safe as we can manage really. 2 households (2 x early 60s, 2 x late 30s and 1 x 12yo) - no vulnerabilities, none of the adults working out of the house (retired or wfh). Child is at SEN school with 8 to a class and no cases all term. Tier 2 with lower cases. Staying overnight but separate bathrooms. Plans in place to split food as best we can and no buffets etc. All adults at home largely from late last week til Xmas (walks only). Online shopping etc. We all feel quite relaxed about this being ok as we can make it.

But as I said, now just feel really guilty and like we're doing something really wrong....anyone else?

It is not the media making you feel like you are doing something wrong op, are you sure you are as comfortable as you say you are with this?

If I had made a decision like yours, then it would be based on facts. Your parents are, from what I can see, the most likely risk factors to your set up given their age. You all need to be happy with what you have arranged.

The media are highlighting the very real concerns that many thousands will die because of christmas get togethers. If that is making you worry then make a different plan. There is real concern, and it is not based on the media whipping up drama, but the view of the scientists, and basic common sense.

No I don’t feel guilty at all.

If you’re doing it, then you shouldn’t be feeling guilty as you know it’s the right for you to do in your situation. If you’re feeling guilty, maybe don’t do it.

We had only planned to see 2 people, my daughters best friend and my sons girlfriend, as my husband and I have had each other through this but they’ve gone without company of their own choosing.

Daughters bf has now gotten a boyfriend who she’s not social distancing from so I plan to move her to the garden and open up the garden room doors, have a fire pit etc but not have her indoors other than the toilet.

Sons girlfriend has just returned to work after a bout of covid and is weekly tested, I can’t decide if this now makes her very low risk of infection? She’s meant to be staying the night and they’ve not had time alone for months (they’re adults). She also has a close relative in hospital with covid so needs support and love right now. However I’m cev and in Kent, I’m struggling to work out how risky this is for me.

No idea what to do. Being cev means they’ve both sacrificed so much over and above to keep me safe, I just wanted to give them some happiness.

Thanks @tinselearedcow . Neither of us are particularly vulnerable and I'm sure it'll be fine, but the constant messaging (not on this thread, just generally) that anyone who wants to meet up is irresponsible and feckless is quite draining!

That's crossed my mind too @xxmassy. I'm mixing with a couple in their 40's so they, like me, aren't even on the vaccine schedule at the moment!

I do think there is some context needed to statements like 'not worth the risk, there's a vaccine on the horizon'. That's all very sensible if you'd be mixing with an elderly person who is due to be vaccinated soon. The logic falls away for younger people who have a very long wait for a vaccine.

Maybe guilty is the wrong word then. I don't feel like we're doing anything wrong - we're within the guidelines, everyone is happy and I feel like it's safe based on risk factors, situation, mitigation's etc. I think I feel a bit shamed maybe for having that opinion? Or that I'm some sort of mug for going along with the government advice?? I don't know. Time to switch of the news I think!

I don't think you would have posted if you were not worried about your plans.

Personally you would be insane to blame the media, when you must know that the risks for many families is going to have consequences, fatal consequences in some cases.
If you are okay with that potential outcome, cool. Don't blame others for being truthful. We are in the middle of a pandemic, christmas for many people is the very least of their worries. Reporting about the many deaths christmas will cause is valid and reasonable.

You can turn off the news, but that won't change the facts on the ground I am afraid.

Yes, and quite frankly I'm sick of being made to feel guilty about it. I've worked from home alone since March, don't have any family locally, we've had tighter restrictions up here than much of the country despite our numbers being lower. I'm driving to my parents and right now I'm of the mindset that I'm going regardless of what the government says. They haven't been out anywhere apart from walks with one other person at a time and I'm home alone until I go there - I will have to go to the post office and I have a hospital appointment but apart from that I'm basically self isolating since Sunday.

@houseinthesnow

I don't think you would have posted if you were not worried about your plans.

Personally you would be insane to blame the media, when you must know that the risks for many families is going to have consequences, fatal consequences in some cases.
If you are okay with that potential outcome, cool. Don't blame others for being truthful. We are in the middle of a pandemic, christmas for many people is the very least of their worries. Reporting about the many deaths christmas will cause is valid and reasonable.

You can turn off the news, but that won't change the facts on the ground I am afraid.

I think you're being quite disingenuous here and using my thread for your own agenda.

We are meeting with my partner's parents and sister. We have all been isolating throughout, all working from home and only going out for walks etc. Definitely going a bit ott with precautions, probably! But yes I still feel guilt at seeing them.

No I dont feel guilty. We're all adults who are aware of the risks and possible consequences.

This is the wrong site to expect any sort of reassurance. It's not a reflection of the real world (not mine). I don't know anyone who has been at liberty to 'isolate' throughout.

I agree, turn off the news. The media scaremongering is disgusting.

We're having MIL & my dad over for about 5 days but we've taken kids out of school this week & we're working from home & the parents don't go out, so no risk of passing anything on. They're in their own & we have all abided all rules since March so no guilt felt at all!

Yes. Our bubble will be our existing support bubble - 3 adults (2 late 60s, 1 late 30s) and 2 children (aged 11 and 13). No major vulnerabilities, though my mum and I are hovering around 40 BMI and my mum has high blood pressure, well-controlled. Kids go to the same school (Tier 2), no cases in their year groups to date, one year group was sent home towards the end of term but in total only 6 cases in school. I live in Tier 3 but in a low incidence pocket of a Tier 3 area, I've been working from home, my parents live in a Tier 3 area, have not isolated as such but haven't been out much, had shopping delivered etc. We've seen each other every few weeks since support bubbles were allowed, including staying overnight.

My parents are having my room so they get the en-suite and we don't have to share a bathroom. We bought an extra armchair so we don't have to squash together on the sofa. Will keep a small window open in each room. One person plating all food. Our cleaners are coming the day before my parents arrive so everything will be fresh and clean.

Logically it's lower risk than when we were seeing each other when the girls were in school, but I still feel a little guilty. Not enough to change the plans though.

I’m already in a support bubble with DM, DSD and DNan (who live together, I’m a single adult household) I’ll be spending Christmas with them, and maybe my DF, DSM and you get sisters. But I do feel extremely guilty. I think I’ll probably just stick to my support bubble

We are technically mixing as we have dp's dd splitting her time between us and her dms despite being (just) over 18 (under 18s can split time) but that's it. We think allowing her to split her time is important as she's struggling mentally. I also saw my parents outdoors and ate with them despite me being in tier 3, I hadn't left the house in a week prior except to shop in a mask! We will perhaps see other family but outside again

Excuse me?

Using the thread for my own agenda?

What agenda is that exactly??? I am telling you my opinion which you have asked for, the scientists and everyone else on the news are telling you how it is, that mixing at christmas is going to cause a third wave and thousands of deaths.

I am sorry it does not play into your own story that all is fine and there is no need to worry. There is EVERY need to worry this Christmas, and if you are not worried, indeed you must have your head firmly lodged in the sand xxmassy.

If you have made your peace with your risks, then chill and enjoy yourself but you can't pretend the risks don't exist and expect us to agree with you!!