So sad, but right decision about Xmas

[DirtyDancing]

Feeling awful in my heart but relief in my head.
My Mum who is on her own, in her 70s and incredibly close to her 2 young Grandchildren won’t be coming for Xmas.

We’ve had a lot of family tragedy over the years. My kids and I are all she has. But, after a big heart to heart, she’s staying at home for Xmas.

We’ve had a bad outbreak at the school this week, (fully shut) and she would need to travel between tiers on public transport. We will not take the risk.

What a shit bloody year. We lost her brother and uncle to covid and now we can’t be together.

It is shit, I know. You'll have to plan a Christmas like party at Easter time (fingers crossed).

Can you facetime/zoom?

Mind you I find the low when the call ends can be overwhelming. You know, the sudden quietness.

OP do you not drive? Could you go and collect her?

I'm assuming not due to your OP. If that's the case it is really sad.

This year sucks

Well, ha.. I have thought about collecting her, but a. Don’t have a cat the moment, so I would need to borrow one and get insured; it’s an 6.5 hour round trip. I don’t generally drive that distance and she won’t travel on the motorway (long story) which makes the journey a nightmare. Her area is having a lot of fog this winter (so are we actually, it’s pretty foggy at the moment!?) and she just doesn’t know if it’s all a good idea on Xmas eve. She is very happy on the train normally & meet her half way to help with bags usually. So not really an option without added stress

But the truth is, I’m petrified she will come into an area with increasing cases with grandkids that are asymptotic or something. Will the fear and stress even be worth it? Bollox isnt it

Car not cat!!! Lol

Can you get the train to her?

I’d go. Sorry but if your kids are off now why can’t you arrange a car hire over the festive period and go to her? Isolate from now and then make the trip. I wouldn’t and couldn’t have my mum alone at Xmas if it was at all avoidable. My in her 70s mum had covid and was fine as was our family. My dad who has many many of the high risk factors either was asymptomatic (most likely) or didn’t catch it from her despite living and sleeping together... he didn’t isolate.
Life needs to be lived and sadness and loneliness is also a killer and destroys the immune system and lowers life expectancy etc.

It’s not about the car hire, the travel, it’s about that it’s not worth the whole risk.

I could go, of course I could. But she doesn’t want me to. She’s due at the thought of something terrible happening on Xmas eve (back story I won’t go into on here) It’s the whole risk. The vaccine is here, it’s just not worth it. She’s scared we both are and whilst I am so glad your mum was fine Isadora, she probably doesn’t have severe asthma like my Mum. Her brother was fine but it didn’t stop him dying cold on a hospital bed of covid.

So I don’t need to be convinced another way. It’s sodding hard but decision is made.

you are right, it is not worth the risk. You are doing a good thing. You can do Christmas in a few weeks when she has been vaccinated. tree and everything.

I mean.. it’s rife in the school. It’s like wildfire and how do I really know that, come 23 December we Defo won’t magically have it??

It is the right decision OP but it must be very hard for you both.

Thanks BlackeyedSusan. We will keep isolated now.. I hope we can do something in early Jan. She can stay for a month! Hurah! Grandma here will be like a holiday for us all

That is hard, OP, but it sounds like you've made absolutely the right decision for your circumstances. There's no point getting together for the sake of being physically in the same room if you're constantly worrying about whether one of you is infectious, so you can't actually relax and enjoy being together.

You can communicate multiple times on the day in different ways - what about timing the ends of the evening calls for the start of a Christmas special or something like that? Feeling like you're all leaving the call then going off to watch the same thing on TV even though you're in different houses might make your mum feel more connected.

Such a sad situation but you've made the right decision. It would be so awful to pass it on at this stage with the vaccination round the corner.

It’s stunned me tonight to have had to come to this decision. I just want her around for many, many more Xmas’s x

You don't know that you don't have it. I wish the message would get through (not you OP, you get it totally ) that covid is mainly spread asymptomatically. By the time people get symptoms its too late.

Turns I love the idea about watching the same things. I have not had a radio times for years but maybe I’ll get one and send it to her to mark out some programmes to watch + zooms. We said we will have Xmas dinner together on video. I must send her a cracker I made, plus a bit of my Xmas cake. I’ll do a SOS Xmas day box of things x

Have you asked her what she wants to do?

@Northernsoullover

You don't know that you don't have it. I wish the message would get through (not you OP, you get it totally ) that covid is mainly spread asymptomatically. By the time people get symptoms its too late.

This, you have eloquently said what I haven’t been able to convey in all the stress of the moment. We just do not know

Is she going to be on her own for Christmas?

I’ve made the same decision op. My mum is 80 with t2 diabetes and copd and I’ve 2 kids both at different schools, the elder in a “bubble” of 270. It’s t3 here and cases have been consistently high throughout. I feel dreadful she will be alone at xmas but I know I’d feel worse if she was in hospital alone in January. We will do xmas after she’s had the vaccine and she will join in our day via FaceTime

Purple yes. I discussed it with her on Sunday initially. She thought about it for 3 days. Yesterday I told her about the school and she came to the decision herself this evening. It is her choice with all the facts in front of her.

Sorry to hear this. So many hard decisions this year.

Same decision for us. It just is not worth it.

It's the right decision OP. I really don't get people that so far have been steadfastly been sticking to the rules but want to throw all that out the window for a few days just cos it's xmas. Personally I've never agreed with lockdown but I'll be staying away from my elderly parents this xmas (because common sense)

I get it. I’ve had to have the same conversation with my mum. I think people’s responses on here will depend on what tier they are in and what their experiences have been so far - it’s hard for people with lower risk to understand.
Fact is, it’s ripping through my kids’ school and my mum is vulnerable. I have to choose between their education and seeing her, and it’s sad. But how could we live with ourselves if we passed it on?
Tier 3 since July, so I do understand.
Does your mum have any kind of safe bubble, so she won’t be totally alone?