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Covid

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Original poster

Not seeing family until vaccine

107 replies

Covidarsehole · 09/12/2020 10:56

Hello as a family we have decided not to see our respective families until we are vaccinated.
We live in a tier one area separate to family they are tier two they wont adhere to sd and will expect kisses and hugs etc my family have kindly accepted this but my partners parents have really hit the roof.
They are blaming me and calling my partner names. We have three small children and are miles from family and if we were to fall ill we basically have each other so we've made the hard decisions not to see them as we are so close now to this all being over.

Is anyone else choosing to be separate from family this Christmas due to risks?

OP posts:

Hunnihun2 · 09/12/2020 13:41

@SendHelp30

Are your children home schooled then? Neither you or DH going to work? Shopping delivered and left on the doorstep?

It makes you wonder doesn’t it

womanaf · 09/12/2020 13:41

I don’t think you’re an arse, I think you’re being quite pragmatic. If there was no vaccine, you’d have to take the risk. But there is, so you can hang on a month or two.

We’re doing the same - not waiting for us to be vaccinated but waiting for our elderly relatives to be vaccinated. Their risk, their choice. We also live at a distance so don’t have the option to pop round for a cup of SD tea.

epythymy · 09/12/2020 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/12/2020 13:41

@merrygoround51

Well everyone has a different perception of risk so do what you wish.

I have a friend acting like this, my worry for her is that she won’t come out of it and when she does her relationships with family and friends will be irreparably damaged, which is so sad

If her family and friends can’t understand her worries maybe the relationships aren’t worth saving anyway.

ChasingRainbows19 · 09/12/2020 13:46

Also my dad is a fully informed adult who can make his own decisions. He has decided he doesn’t want covid! And would rather keep his distance for now..... While vulnerable medically he has a good few years in him yet!

Of course he could get run over at any time but he tends to take precautions like looking when going to cross the road, using crossing ms etc being careful and taking precautions in a pandemic is the same!

RidingMyBike · 09/12/2020 14:08

Yes, we have taken the same decision. DH is CEV and I'm not prepared to take the extra risk until he's had the vaccine just for unnecessary Christmas visiting. It isn't like any of our relatives are potentially at their last Christmas etc.

DD is at school but seeing family would expose us to kids at another 3 schools with very big bubbles plus a Granny who is taking far more risks than we are. Plus all relatives are at least a 3-4 hour drive from us so couldn't see them without breaks in journey.

SendHelp30 · 09/12/2020 14:09

My grandpa is 96 and we have continued to see him at his request. He stated many times he would rather spend 3 weeks surrounded by his loved ones then 3 months alone.
I don’t think those trying to take the moral high ground are actually taking into consideration the mental health of their elderly relatives. Loneliness is real!!
What if they die anyway? Could you really forgive yourself for not seeing them for god knows how long just because of a risk? You might never see them again? Like the ones you’re already taking by continuing to go to work and sending your children to school- especially those of you that state you’re vulnerable??

SendHelp30 · 09/12/2020 14:10

@RidingMyBike how can anyone ever state the fact that it’s nobodies last Christmas? Very naive

SendHelp30 · 09/12/2020 14:11

@RidingMyBike funnily enough, I didn’t think it was my cousins last Christmas in 2019 being as she was 19 and in good health but the car still hit and killed her!!!

TheKeatingFive · 09/12/2020 14:15

What if they die anyway? Could you really forgive yourself for not seeing them for god knows how long just because of a risk?

Yeah, a lot of people seem to gloss over this. There’s a lot more than Covid out there that can kill you.

I am influenced by the fact that my FIL died last year of a heart attack, he was a fit and healthy 71 year old. Gone in 30 mins.

TheKeatingFive · 09/12/2020 14:16

It isn't like any of our relatives are potentially at their last Christmas etc

You couldn’t possibly know that. Surely that’s occurred to you?

peboh · 09/12/2020 14:18

Are you eligible for the vaccine? You could be waiting months if not years to get get it.

SendHelp30 · 09/12/2020 14:22

@TheKeatingFive exactly! Some people have no perspective. Sorry for your loss.

PuzzledObserver · 09/12/2020 14:24

We are doing the same, OP. My DM (mid eighties, heart condition, lives 2 hours away) has decided that much as she would love to see us, she has waited this long, she can wait a bit longer.

She (and my DH, who works in a care home) should both be vaccinated fairly soon, maybe even before Christmas. I (over 55 but CV) should be done before the end of Feb, and my siblings (late 50’s/early 60’s) not long after - so for us it is likely to be a good Easter.

merrygoround51 · 09/12/2020 14:27

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss Yes perhaps and that is a good point. When does someone’s neurosis veer into selfishness?

My friend has ‘form’ so i certainly won’t hold her completely unreasonable behaviour against her but another friend just might - she refused to meet her in the park after her mother died.

We all need to get a grip of our neurosis and think of others and also consider longer term relationships - but that is just me, I follow the rules but don’t do more or less iyswim

AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii · 09/12/2020 14:33

Pretty sure I heard that the government are saying you’ll still have to social distance and wear masks even once vaccinated because they don’t know if it stops you spreading it 🤷‍♀️

MotheringShites · 09/12/2020 14:39

If your children are so you that they aren’t yet at school then I do think you are running a serious risk of them never forming a bond or loving relationship with their extended family. That’s sad.

MotheringShites · 09/12/2020 14:42

*young.

dudsville · 09/12/2020 14:48

We're doing the same. My parents have significant health complications. They would love to see me but it would worry them, so we don't go. My OH's parents are not fully able to grasp the concern. Their health is also seriously compromised and we isolate for a week before going to them, stay in the garden and then come back home. We couldn't live with ourselves if we passed CV19 to them.

chipsandgin · 09/12/2020 14:50

We aren’t, but it is for their benefit not ours - we’ve got two kids in school, one of them a teenager & we both work and rules allowing are out & about doing whatever. Our potential exposure risk is massive, therefore our parents and older relatives would be put at risk if we saw them, so we haven’t and won’t until they are vaccinated & feel comfortable with it.

It breaks my heart that I haven’t been able to hug my Dad since March, but it would break it more if we killed him because we wanted to eat Christmas dinner with him so that’s just the way it is.

RidingMyBike · 09/12/2020 15:29

Because I've been through two last Christmases. My Dad's and my best friend's. Both were awful but we knew it was expected both times.

I'm not prepared to put family and extended family at risk and cause their last Christmas because of Covid. They aren't any more likely to be at the end of their life this year?! None of them is frail or extremely elderly, it's just they're much higher risk for Covid. They live too far away to do a socially distanced meet up in a park so that means we can't see them. They're likely to be vaccinated by Easter which means seeing them becomes much more feasible.

RidingMyBike · 09/12/2020 15:33

And we [I!] already decided that DH's health takes priority over grandparent seeing DD. He's CEV and DD needs her Daddy around, even if it means not seeing Granny for most of a year. We only saw Granny 3-4 times a year anyway pre-Covid so it's not like they're missing out on vast quantities of time together.

TheKeatingFive · 09/12/2020 15:37

Because I've been through two last Christmases. My Dad's and my best friend's. Both were awful but we knew it was expected both times.

Erm, you do realise people can die without much warning, don’t you?

Thethingswedoforlove · 09/12/2020 15:40

Do you mean until the elderly parents have had the vaccine? In which case I can totally see why. If you mean until you have all had the vaccine then I think you are going to be waiting for a very very long time.

Stellaris22 · 09/12/2020 15:40

It's already been over a year since we have seen our families, so we have already said we are waiting for a vaccine before seeing any family again. Both families live 300 miles away and we'd rather be safe than rush things now.

I don't think that it is unreasonable at all.

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