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Original poster

Not seeing family until vaccine

107 replies

Covidarsehole · 09/12/2020 10:56

Hello as a family we have decided not to see our respective families until we are vaccinated.
We live in a tier one area separate to family they are tier two they wont adhere to sd and will expect kisses and hugs etc my family have kindly accepted this but my partners parents have really hit the roof.
They are blaming me and calling my partner names. We have three small children and are miles from family and if we were to fall ill we basically have each other so we've made the hard decisions not to see them as we are so close now to this all being over.

Is anyone else choosing to be separate from family this Christmas due to risks?

OP posts:
helloxhristmas · 09/12/2020 11:40

We are seeing them outdoors only at the moment, DF and MIL are both ECV. Kids are in school where covid is rife and DH is a teacher so not worth the risk of that imo.

We will follow 'the rules' as they are but waiting for everyone to be vaccinated is very extreme and a very different proposition to not spending Christmas indoors together.

WankPuffins · 09/12/2020 11:53

That's quite extreme.

I mean, you could get run over by a bus before you get a vaccine.

Firenight · 09/12/2020 11:55

I should point out that we live a fair distance from them and that ganging around outdoors for long isnt an easy winter option for my mother. I have considered day tripping.

divafever99 · 09/12/2020 11:58

Be prepared to wait a long time. I don't know your age or medical history, but I don't think anyone not in an at risk group or under the age of 50 who doesn't work in care will ever get one.

SheeshazAZ09 · 09/12/2020 12:00

Hope all those relying on a vaccine to give them back their courage realises that no one has any clue how long any vaccine will protect for? And in some people, vaccines don’t ‘take’ so they are not protected at all.

Trousersareoverrated · 09/12/2020 12:06

Unless any of you are vulnerable I would say that you are being over the top but it is obviously your decision. Tell the family members calling you names that you now don’t wish to see them because of the way they have spoken to you when you are just trying to protect your family and you will see them once you have been vaccinated and they apologise

Reindeermayhem · 09/12/2020 12:11

Wonder if or when under 50’s but on flu jab list will get a vaccine? As that is me.

pastandpresent · 09/12/2020 12:15

I don't thing there's no right or wrong about what to do in this pandemic. I think you should do whatever feels right for you, and others have no right to guilt trip and change the way you live.

rosie39forever · 09/12/2020 12:15

hope all those relying on a vaccine to give them back their courage
What a flippant thing to say, many people don't have much of a choice about waiting fo a vaccine , my dh is ECV, my in-laws are in their early 80s with many co-morbities and my parents are in their late 70s with health issues. It's not a matter of courage it's about not wanting any of them to become seriously ill or worse, maybe I should tell them to be a bit braver and crack on.

ifonly4 · 09/12/2020 12:16

Not strictly until everyone has been offered the vaccine, but we haven't socialised with any family inside, ie it's been a socially distanced walk or we met my bil&family for a meal outside, sat at slightly separated tables and moved around for an SD chat. I have been in my elderly Mum's porch twice as she needed me to look at paperwork and it was pouring with rain (she chose to stand back about 6m in her lounge).

It's just us for xmas (couldn't live with myself if we passed it onto anyone), but I have said I'd be up for a walk if anyone wants.

You have to do what you feel is rightm have to say I wouldn't be comfortable with hugs etc though. Don't know how far away you are from family, but would it be an option to meet for a walk, perhaps taking some soup which you can have while standing around for a SD chat together?

Jrobhatch29 · 09/12/2020 12:17

I can understand not seeing older relatives until theyre vaccinated to protect them but not the other way around unless you have medical conditions. It will be a long time until under 50s are offered vaccine.

merrygoround51 · 09/12/2020 12:20

Well everyone has a different perception of risk so do what you wish.

I have a friend acting like this, my worry for her is that she won’t come out of it and when she does her relationships with family and friends will be irreparably damaged, which is so sad

Mulhollandmagoo · 09/12/2020 12:31

Could you not explicitly tell them you will see them but you will be social distancing? I am seeing my family but within the guidelines, but you do raise a good point in terms of if myself and my husband catch it and become quite ill, as in can't get out of bed ill, we have a toddler who we will still need to take care of. In that respect I think you're being careful, however stating they you're waiting for a vaccine will likely upset them, as some posters have said that could be months and months down the line and a tad ott

nicky7654 · 09/12/2020 13:09

I have visited my mum since day 1 and would never not choose to see her. She said she would rather die than be left alone and I agree.

palacegirl77 · 09/12/2020 13:14

My dad is 75. But until he is vaccinated I wont go in his house or vice versa. I cannot wait for him to have his jab so I can give him a cuddle but I love him way too much to risk it until he is vaccinated.

HairyToity · 09/12/2020 13:15

We have discussed this. DH's family are being very cautious, and chosen outdoor meet ups only. My parents don't socially distance, they would rather take their chances with covid, than not see friends and family. We tend to see them about once every six weeks, when we take our chances with them. We were outside only, but now they insist on it being indoors.

We reduce our risks by seeing them less often. Also we have school age children, so are a risk to them.

It's tricky.

TheKeatingFive · 09/12/2020 13:16

so we've made the hard decisions not to see them as we are so close now to this all being over.

Well I hate to break it to you, but unless you're nhs/care staff you may not be close to getting the vaccine at all.

How long are you prepared to wait?

What if something happens while you're waiting (non-Covid illness/death)?

Lumene · 09/12/2020 13:21

My parents decided to go and stay over with my sister for Christmas. They are both ECV and still in the shielding list. My sister has kids in two different schools and her husband works on a primary school,

They can’t see us as no room in the bubble but I am pleased not to be putting them at risk.

It is their choice so I won’t interfere, but I feel pretty angry at my sister for inviting them when they could all get together in a few months once my parents have had the vaccine - they will be near the front of the queue given their age and medical conditions.

TheKeatingFive · 09/12/2020 13:26

but I feel pretty angry at my sister for inviting them when they could all get together in a few months once my parents have had the vaccine

I don’t understand why you’re angry with her. They’re adults and can make their own decisions.

Tfoot75 · 09/12/2020 13:29

There's no guarantee that under 55s who aren't CEV/otherwise prioritised will receive a vaccine, it's all about the cost vs benefit and although the Oxford vaccine is very low cost, we don't know what the supply is like and perhaps astrazeneca should really be supplying at risk people in poor countries before they supply excess to us for groups that don't really need it. The fatality rate in under 55s is something like 1 in 10,000.

For a question someone else asked re flu jab vs covid jab, there's a detailed priority list available and it is more restricted than the flu jab group. For instance I have mild asthma and receive a flu jab, but won't be prioritised for the covid vaccine as only asthma patients with recent hospitalisation or steroid treatment receive it - I haven't needed steroid treatment for a few years so wouldn't qualify (I've interpreted this as oral steroids rather than preventer inhaler)

lljkk · 09/12/2020 13:31

Your partner should deal with with his unhappy relatives, OP.

Original poster
Covidarsehole · 09/12/2020 13:32

Hi thanks for replies
My family have health conditions that put them at a risk from us and it just not worth it and I'd like to know they are safe before I risk it. In respect of do my children attend school only one does as they others are too young so we are taking risk we think are worth it.
My partner has health issues and is a key worker so I would have thought will be offered the jab.
If I could arrange with the inlaws to meet outdoors and sd I'd be ok with that but they are not! So yeah I'm a covid arse

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 09/12/2020 13:34

What about your partner’s parents? Do they have health conditions?

I feel bad for these competent adults who suddenly have their decision to meet their family within the covid rules taken away from them.

ChasingRainbows19 · 09/12/2020 13:38

I’m seeing family, outside or on doorsteps. Ive had walks with friends at a distance. I’ve hugged no one but my partner who I live with since the first lockdown. I’ve been in no ones house.

My dad is very vulnerable to covid so we are waiting for him to have the vaccine early next year hopefully, I’ll probably have it early next year with work too (NHS ward staff) we will have a family gathering when we can. We would rather dad be here this time next year.

This can’t go on forever we are of course all fed up and tired of it. Vaccines aren’t a miracle cure but they will help the most needy and help us get back to normality vulnerable and elderly along with better treatments. I’m happy to wait a little longer to see people inside. I’m still seeing people just not as close quarters as normal. I’m looking forward to gigs, shows and nights out again,

We’ve still got to get through winter. January is grim in the NHS normally so I’m not expecting much to change jan/feb as cases rise from Christmas. I’m looking towards spring/summer. No not everyone will be vaccinated but hopefully the most vulnerable will!

Agingdisgracefully · 09/12/2020 13:38

We'd planned just to have Xmas on our own due to in laws in late 80,s having serious health issues and my parents living a few hours away

Mil has invited herself. So DH in a very difficult situation as he is unable to self isolate for ten days and I will be visiting my grandchildren although outside