Are Christmas bubbles causing huge arguments for other people too this weekend?!

[CarryOnWalking]

Nobody wants to have my mother-in-law. My parents will only bubble with us if we don’t see anyone else.
BIL and family have booked a holiday to take themselves out of the equation.
SIL has told MIL (her mother) that she’s not welcome this year, even though they normally see her —and are happy to accept free holidays each summer with her—
We are her third choice but possibly only option. Argh. Everyone is behaving so badly.

It’s a nightmare.

My FIL wants to come and see us and our children and he also wants to see his other son and his children too. The problem then is that my brother-in-law’s wife won’t be able to see her parents, which she’s obviously saying is unfair.

Even if I tell my FIL to just go and see my BIL, which in turn means my sister in law can then see her parents, it means her parents can’t then see their other daughter.

It’s a total mess.

Why the Government thought the rule of Three Households was the answer to all this, I have no idea.

I wish they’d either announced a free for all or extended the window by a week.

We usually alternate between my family (200 miles away) and staying at home since we had kids. (DH has no family, before anyone accuses me of being a terrible DIL). In theory, it’s our turn to travel. We have one DC in school and one baby. We both have to use public transport and work in offices at various intervals over the next few weeks. So more risk factors than some people.

DM is CEV but wants us at hers. She really wants the DCs for Christmas. Various levels of emotional reasons and pressure which I won’t go into but it may be her last Christmas (or may not). DB (no kids) wants to be with my DPs too.

DSis doesn’t know what she’s doing but always sees my DPs on Christmas Day (and is in a childcare bubble with them). DBIL has a rather overbearing set of DPs and I’d be very surprised if they’re not there for Christmas - wherever possible, my DSis aims to have everyone hosted so DBIL doesn’t have to tell his DPs he’s not coming for Christmas lunch.

DSIS thinks it would be quite convenient if we didn’t travel as then she might be able to persuade DPs and DB to celebrate Christmas with her in-laws (two households of in-laws so that would be five households without us).

Originally I wanted us to visit between Christmas and New Year to reduce the risk of passing anything on, but of course that will be against The Rules even if it’s more sensible. The roads are clearly going to be a nightmare as well.

The sensible thing is clearly that we stay home. Would anyone like to tell my DPs that for me?!

My extended family have stuck to the rules throughout they aren't at Christmas.
I feel like I'm being awkward they think I'm being awkward there is a lot going for dinner 5 families.
From what I can gather most people are going to do as they please.
I'm scared of catching covid and dying.

@DeltaFlyer

Arguments all around here.

Db and wife have hijacked dm for the last 5 years and as they live 2 hours away and dm doesn't drive they usually have her (at her parents house) from Xmas eve until the 28th so dsis and myself don't really get a look in. This year they want a break as it's too much for them. Dsis, who is usually working but has this year off said she will have dm if I have df to prevent them being alone. As dm and df can't stand each other anymore after bitter divorce. Dsis won't take df as he's not her father too. So now dm is unhappy that df gets to see my ds for 2 years in a row. Dsis is unhappy as she doesn't get along with mum at all. And db is unhappy as no one has begged him to take a parent.

We also invited pil as we didn't get to see them last Xmas and ds is now getting to the excited about it age and they can see him open his presents but they want to see what Sil (golden child) is doing first as they didnt want to be away from her at Xmas if they didn't have too. This made dh get upset and said don't bother then.
Sil would normally alternate between pil and her dps family but dps family didnt want to commit and were waiting for announcements about Xmas before making a decision. They are now hosting sil and family.
Sil is now unhappy about the fact that pil are together at Xmas but not seeing anyone else and wants us to have them.
Dh is unhappy about re-inviting them. So I'll be the one to do that.

I, on the other hand, am just happy to go with the flow and crack on with it.

It's a bit like a fiendish logic puzzle isn't it. Would this be a solution.

You host DM who will then get to see your DS
DB hosts DF (you say hosting DM is too much for them but if he's put out about not being asked then he must be open to some hosting)
DSis hosts neither (if she doesn't get along with DM - why is she offering if this is the case? - and won't host DF) and makes her own plans

I'd quite understand letting everyone else sort it out and going with the flow though

Yep. My DPs usually go to my DBros on Christmas morning then come to us for lunch/the afternoon. When they get to us there will be 3 households, DPs, my household and adult DD who lives away.

They don’t understand that they have then exceeded the 3 household rule as they think it is 3 households at a time.

My MIL is single and in our support bubble and she’s extremely vulnerable so we suggested that if they wanted to flex the rules (which I understand as they have 2 DCs) they come to us first having not seen anyone so we aren’t exposed to more than the 3. DBro and SIL are not at all bothered about breaking the rules and will have 5 households in total. I don’t want my DPs to go there with all those people then come to us.

Everyone is making me out to be difficult.

Gannet - db and wife want it to just be the 2 of them apparently. And sil has a very close family so I imagine they want to see them without one of our parents in the way. Db feels very welcomed by her family which is lovely as he always felt the outsider growing up as he has behavioural issues.

Dsis doesn't want dm to be on her own.
There's a lot of backstory surrounding Dm, mainly that she was an unfit parent because of severe mental ilness and her family enabling her criminal activity. df had custody of db and I, And dsis lived with our gm, it's more sense of duty to look after dm's needs where dsis is concerned. And gosh she does become the martyr about it.

I prefer to be with df anyway as he is the parent that raised me and db singlehandedly and it feels right. but as I say it's easier to just fall in line sometimes to save arguments

@StanfordPines

I misread it as baubles and was wondering why so many people would be arguing about decorations.

Me too and thought it was about decorating the tree the nearest weekend TO 1st Dec or AFTER 1st Dec

Yes! but not with my Partner as we're on the same page.

Both my DSis's and their partner's, are planning on visiting Mum & her partner, whilst also spending time with their partner's families on a different day. There's no closing of the households Christmas bubbles and it's a free-for-all.

I'm now being called out for trying to do the right thing and have been batting away emotional blackmail texts since this was announced last week.

Yes we're trying to sway my parents into an garden visit but my mum is in denial. We usually stay at their house a few days but our kid has started school in a bubble of 60. Trying to convince my dad next. All our friends have told their folks they are staying home too (we're in our mid to late 30s in Tier 3).