Are Christmas bubbles causing huge arguments for other people too this weekend?!

[CarryOnWalking]

Nobody wants to have my mother-in-law. My parents will only bubble with us if we don’t see anyone else.
BIL and family have booked a holiday to take themselves out of the equation.
SIL has told MIL (her mother) that she’s not welcome this year, even though they normally see her —and are happy to accept free holidays each summer with her—
We are her third choice but possibly only option. Argh. Everyone is behaving so badly.

We haven’t had issues with Christmas bubbles with mine or DH’s family. We had decided that we would see family but only outside over the Christmas period and luckily everyone else has thought along the same lines, so no dramas. The vaccine is just around the corner now, I feel it’s worth holding on for that bit longer.
One of my siblings is also being induced just before Christmas, and the baby will have major heart surgery at a day old. For me, it puts things into perspective. Christmas will come and go and I’m hopeful that life will improve as we head towards Spring.

Not an issue for us but those living abroad won't be visiting.

There's been a thread about people secretly being happy they cannot see some of their family- perhaps OP this may be you if no MIL.

No drama here.

We've all decided to stay in our own homes - admittedly helped by the fact that no one will be alone.

Like PP's we are going to have a summer family reunion and are having a great time via the family WhatsApp group looking at potential holiday cottages for 12, with the aim of booking before Christmas as we expect a lot of families to do similar.

The idea of all meeting up for a week somewhere nice is keeping everyone's spirits up and given none of us have been on holiday this year we've all decided to splash the cash and find somewhere really special ,

@CarryOnWalking

And everyone lives 3 hours drive away from each other (in different directions) so there’s no option of just popping to see family for a short time.

My parents no longer drive and have nowhere for me to stay.

MIL wants us to go to her because our house is too cold.

I’d rather stay at home and see nobody.

MIL won’t be left on her own, even if we all have a miserable day together. Her and DH wind each other up and he reverts to being a stroppy 13 year old in her company.

I would tell everyone they are welcome to come to you but it's up to them if they want to.

Perhaps your parents and MIL can bond over their disappointment of their children!

And you stay in kitchen slowly roasting things, washing up things, with radio on and glass of wine in hand counting down the hours.

I'm not bothering my arse about what the rest of my family are doing. I announced that we were hunkering down on our own at home. Everyone else can suit themselves, but they are welcome to come over for an alfresco cuppa in the garden. My house, my roolz. 😉

No arguments. The silence from pils speaks volumes. They know I'll say no to forming a bubble with them so they are saving face which makes my life easier (and happier).
My parents are vulnerable and are happy to wait a bit longer to spend time with us.

Nope. Luckily all parents and inlaws dead.

Nope we, as in my side of the family are all going alone as parents elderly and DF not well; DSIS vulnerable and DH's family all live abroad so can't see them anyway.

Yes we could mix but doesn't mean we should.

@dinglethedragon couples can join different bubbles. Yes I realise that’s ridiculous but them’s the rules!

This is what the guidance says:

1.4 Forming a different Christmas bubble to the people you live with normally
You are allowed to form a different Christmas bubble from the people you live with normally. If you and the people you are living with want to be in different Christmas bubbles, you can choose to stay somewhere else with different people for this period and form a Christmas bubble with that household and one other household (this will count as three households). You should check the guidance on households where everybody is not in the same Christmas bubble below.

1. Households where everybody is not in the same Christmas bubble

If you have chosen to form a different Christmas bubble from other people in your household - the people you live with normally - you should take additional steps to prevent the opportunity for the virus to spread within your household, and between bubbles. This might include: staying with another member of your Christmas bubble between 23 and 27 December where possible taking extra precautions such as cleaning surfaces and contact points like door handles and letting in as much fresh air as possible after someone has visited your household

that's useful @NewLockdownNewMe - thanks - one more variable to add to the spreadsheet 😂. Not sure we can make that one work though - xmas lunch with this person is one thing, but 5 days .... Though the talk of cleaning and "where possible" seems to indicate greater flexibility - but do we want to risk it is the big question. Some of them are from a county with a much higher infection rate than us.

No drama. I’ve said we need to see each other a few days after Christmas as safer (longer isolation beforehand ) and everyone has agreed readily. I was worried MIL wouldn’t but she’s fine. There’s only 6 of us anyway- effectively 2 households as MIL is in our support bubble.

No arguments

We aren't taking the risk and everyone is staying in their homes

This.

Yes it is crazy carry on.
My siblings meeting and dad make up 5 families they are pissed I'm not going for a Christmas family meal in Dbro's I said I'd get a taxi over after dinner he has outside heaters I really don't feel comfortable with it.
9 adults 8 DC all different ages and schools.

We're sticking to our household because I really can't be bothered to get into endless discussions about who's seeing who and who's offended. Everyone can sort themselves out.

We’ve had a bit of tension because we’ve all been trying to be very reasonable and saying “hopefully we can see you but need to check what X is doing” which meant that people were trying to read between the lines “does this mean they don’t want me?” But we’ve got something that works and means I’m not seeing MIL so works for me!

@Lifeispassingby - I thought the rules would let you see DSD -or is she an adult rather than child!

My parents will probably go to my sister's but will do a risk assessment closer to the day. She has one kid, I have 4 (3 in school). We're very close as a family but practical over emotional.

DHs family all live near each other, Inc us. 5 households. Oh the drama. I'm planning just us at home so my SILs can go to my in-laws (which they are REALLY keen to do). They're planning to pull kids out of school for two weeks. No way I'm doing that. But DH thinks he's going down for a few hours anyway as his mum will be devestated if not. I just don't get it. For me I want them to have an acceptable Christmas with lowest risk possible. But apparently I just don't get how important that everybody is there is.

Not arguments but it's shit being put in a position where I'm the bad guy and I have to upset my parents and tell them we're not seeing them this Christmas - when government advice should be 'don't have multi-generational gatherings this Christmas'

Assume your MIL is on her own? Poor lady - you should have them at yours and tell your parents that you are not leaving a single women alone!!

No arguments here so far but that’s largely as it would be my mother laying on the guilt trip normally but she’s too high risk, 100% shielded for months and largely still is, and she has effectively accepted defeat on the usual who sees who when Christmas arguments.

Then on other side of the family it has been silent, I suspect they have decided to bubble with each other and not tell us! Which is fine and saves us the hassle of travelling etc but also sums them up a treat to not even think to ask us if we had a view on it etc

I am very happy with Christmas at home just my little family this year

No thankfully. Looks like we are lucky

No arguments here.

MIL lives alone so she's in our bubble anyway. BIL suggested we meet with them too but we said we're only comfortable doing outdoors and they were fine with that.

I won't be seeing my family at all as they're too far to do a quick outdoor meet up.

@MrsBrunch

No, we're just staying home and treating it pretty much as any other day off except with decorations and extra food. Bliss.

This. We might have a zoom call in the afternoon

I must say I am slightly jealous at how other families just accept the wishes of others at Christmas. I know that if I said I didnt want to see the PIL my MIL would have an absolute meltdown. Tears on the phone, posts on facebook, comments about how her kids dont love her to anyone who would listen, emotional blackmail. She hounded us during the first lockdown to meet and it caused problems as we refused. It would be a nightmare. Its easier to just give in, see her on Christmas eve, and enjoy the rest of my christmas without her black cloud hanging over us.

No arguments but can tell MIL isn’t happy. We usually have my DM and SF come to us on Christmas Day. Then we usually travel to Liverpool on Boxing Day to see DH’s family, staying at PIL’s house alongside his other brothers family and his other single brother (who is now bubbling with PIL). Then there is another brother and his family who live in Liverpool that we see on Boxing Day but they don’t stay in PIL’s house. There are 15 of us in total split in to 4 households.

DM is very vulnerable and has already told me that they won’t be coming as she’s worried about contact with my 2 secondary school age children. Both us and one other BIL who lives down south have decided that it’s not worth the risk to PIL with us travelling to them and not feasible with the dates and too many of us anyway.

I think we will just see BIL and family on the 26th or 27th but other than that no-one. PIL will have their single son with them and see the other brother and his family who live in Liverpool. So they won’t be alone. MIL would flout all the rules and have us all under one roof if we let her. Tbh I think DH would too given half the chance so I’m glad that he’s been tempered by other more sensible brother.

Arguments all around here.

Db and wife have hijacked dm for the last 5 years and as they live 2 hours away and dm doesn't drive they usually have her (at her parents house) from Xmas eve until the 28th so dsis and myself don't really get a look in. This year they want a break as it's too much for them. Dsis, who is usually working but has this year off said she will have dm if I have df to prevent them being alone. As dm and df can't stand each other anymore after bitter divorce. Dsis won't take df as he's not her father too. So now dm is unhappy that df gets to see my ds for 2 years in a row. Dsis is unhappy as she doesn't get along with mum at all. And db is unhappy as no one has begged him to take a parent.

We also invited pil as we didn't get to see them last Xmas and ds is now getting to the excited about it age and they can see him open his presents but they want to see what Sil (golden child) is doing first as they didnt want to be away from her at Xmas if they didn't have too. This made dh get upset and said don't bother then.
Sil would normally alternate between pil and her dps family but dps family didnt want to commit and were waiting for announcements about Xmas before making a decision. They are now hosting sil and family.
Sil is now unhappy about the fact that pil are together at Xmas but not seeing anyone else and wants us to have them.
Dh is unhappy about re-inviting them. So I'll be the one to do that.

I, on the other hand, am just happy to go with the flow and crack on with it.