Christmas poll

[Thorilicious]

We as a family have decided that, regardless of what the government allows mixing wise at Christmas, we aren't spending Christmas with anyone else. We will pop over to my parents, and have a chat through the window, but that's it. DH and I are both key workers, so don't want to risk spreading the virus for the sake of one get together.
Will you mix if they say it's allowed?
Yes-I'm seeing my family if it's allowed
No-We aren't mixing.
No arguments from me either way, just curious what everyone else is thinking.

No we are not mixing.
However, before covid we had decided to stay home this year. We have spent the last 2 years at pil's house and never had a christmas in our home.

There wasn't a box for:

Initially I agreed to meet family but now a few weeks have passed I don't want to. It's just not worth it.

My elderly DM is our bubble because she lives alone and needs care and company. We’ve been avoiding even permitted activities to minimise the risk to DM. We didn’t dare eat out or go to the pub etc because that would introduce a risk for DM.

Anyone we mix with over Christmas could infect us and we’d immediately infect DM. The in-laws want to see us and DH wants to see them, but frankly they’ve been going all over the place and taking huge risks. I don’t feel they’re safe to be in contact with.

DH is complaining that we’ll see my DM at Christmas but not his. He thinks we should spend Christmas with his family then isolate for two weeks. But I don’t think it’s fair to tell 80yo disabled DM that she has to sit in her one bed flat alone for a fortnight with no care provided, just so we can isolate after seeing the in-laws.

We won't be mixing (and haven't done so for 21 years!).

@Friendsoftheearth

What is worrying is how many very elderly at risk people seem to be 'desperate' to continue with christmas, regardless of the awful risks they face on this thread.

Are they very lonely most of the year or alone perhaps?
Or are they just stubborn?

It just strikes me that the responsibility is removed from the hosts, if granny is 'desperate' and comes anyway, but I wonder if granny has truly considered the outcome of the covid ward waiting for her if indeed she is one of the thousands that will catch it over christmas, or does she think covid happens to everyone else but her.
Over 50,000 of the dead must have thought the same at the time.

I am absolutely dreading these threads come January when it becomes clear the price of christmas with granny and grandpa. Because lets face it - it is going to be happening to some of us, many of us I imagine.

DH has had his very frail and elderly grandmother on the phone in tears because we’ve said she can’t come and stay for a week like she usually does. We have DC in 3 different schools and just can’t take the risk. She’s adamant she’d rather die a horrible death than continue to live like this, but I don’t want the DC to have that on their conscience. She’s just so terribly, terribly lonely. She has gone from a cheerful and sociable lady who loved her day centre and clubs to isolated and incredibly depressed.

We will visit her, but visits will be kept to under and hour and the windows will be open. It’s a 3+ hour round trip from us and her other family, so she will mostly be completely alone.

If allowed, we will have my parents and brother over. Parents in their 50's, DM works in a school so has been permanently exposed since the beginning and DS1 goes to school each day.

We have explained to the IL's that we will not be visiting on Christmas Day as their house will be too busy - and they, along with two sets of BIL's will have flown in the two days before Christmas. They will have MIL's elderly uncle over and it all just seems a bit much to me.

I'll be hosting my brother, his wife, their toddler and 8 month old as well as my dad, regardless of whatever the government decide to "allow us"

I'm happy to see family within their comfort zones.

The only plan so far is seeing BiL/ cousins at a country park.
As the news gets clearer in the next week or so, I'll sound my family out.

I'm very glad that it looks like it won't be illegal to see loved ones over Christmas. It should not be illegal over such a prolonged period anyway.

I'm used to a quiet Christmas Day and our plans vary each year, but Christmas without family (and minus proper church services) is just another of the hundreds of tedious days of lockdown that we've endured this year anyway.

I won't be doing a normal Christmas (11 people from 6 households at the same time) but am likely to meet up with 3 of those households individually over the course of December, but we will wait to see what the rules are before planning. I'm comfortable with a quiet one, but am happy to meet up with the people who want to see me. For my 94 year old grandmother (and my uncle who lives with her) that may just be dropping things at her door (or potentially self isolating for 14 days first) whereas I'm more relaxed about seeing OH's parents inside. The plan is to do the big meal in the spring instead.

DH has had his very frail and elderly grandmother on the phone in tears because we’ve said she can’t come and stay for a week like she usually does. We have DC in 3 different schools and just can’t take the risk. She’s adamant she’d rather die a horrible death than continue to live like this, but I don’t want the DC to have that on their conscience. She’s just so terribly, terribly lonely. She has gone from a cheerful and sociable lady who loved her day centre and clubs to isolated and incredibly depressed.

Each to their own.

But my goodness - personally I would listen to her and have her over. Without a moment’s hesitation.

No. 3 kids at 3 different schools in bubbles with hundreds of kids. All grandparents in their 80s. I assume GPS will be vacinated early on, so we think it would be stupid to risk seeing them at Xmas if we only have to wait another 6-8 weeks to see them safely.

No mixing in-laws usually see us in December not happening this year.

@Rolopolo2000 thats what we are doing letting my nan decide , my auntie goes in twice a week to help me nan clean etc and do her shopping anyway so they Are exposed to each other , plus she has to take her to drs etc several times a month throughout
So if my nan wants to go to my aunties who will have her older dc there one who works in a school that will be my nans choice , when she visited pre this lockdown as the rules allowed ,this risk was there the n, plus even though nan is 87 she never had a shielding letter ever.
She also has drs appts from time to time so again a risk , nothing is normal no one hugs her now they keep distance , have a window open and take as many precautions as possible , but family has decided my nan makes ultimate decision , she may choose to stay home and thats fine too ,

Ultimately I don’t want someone’s death on my conscience. So I will be keeping away from anyone that is vulnerable. Even if they say they are fine with the risks of anything happens I will never forgive myself. Unless I test myself on Xmas day I do not know if I have Covid with no symptoms or just not showing yet.

No. My parents are in their 70s and I don't want to put them at risk as my DP is a teacher and DC at secondary school and won't break up until the 18th. We're going to talk about it tomorrow, after the announcement but I think my DM is of the same mind. MIL and BIL have both had Covid recently but I don't want them coming if my parents don't because it wouldn't be fair (usually we all meet together). It's all or nothing as far as I'm concerned.

I might be more inclined to say yes if we didn't know for sure that the vaccine was on its way. I'd rather have a lockdown Xmas then have a massive Easter get together once everyone's had the jab.

@Rolopolo2000

*DH has had his very frail and elderly grandmother on the phone in tears because we’ve said she can’t come and stay for a week like she usually does. We have DC in 3 different schools and just can’t take the risk. She’s adamant she’d rather die a horrible death than continue to live like this, but I don’t want the DC to have that on their conscience. She’s just so terribly, terribly lonely. She has gone from a cheerful and sociable lady who loved her day centre and clubs to isolated and incredibly depressed. *

Each to their own.

But my goodness - personally I would listen to her and have her over. Without a moment’s hesitation.

Agreed. How bloody sad.

Yes. We will be seeing my DM, and then DH's family. Nobody is elderly, nor vulnerable, and we're happy to be together if allowed.

No plans to at the moment.

No

We're going to see my inlaws, who have decided to take the risk. I would prefer not to because I'm a teacher and we have a child in primary school. They live in Manchester, and have been abiding tightly by the rules. They are not a risk to us, but we are to them. It makes me nervous.

We are doing Christmas with my family (older parents) on 2nd January. We will only have seen in the inlaws in the two weeks since school finished. That's the safest we can do it.

DH has had his very frail and elderly grandmother on the phone in tears because we’ve said she can’t come and stay for a week like she usually does. We have DC in 3 different schools and just can’t take the risk. She’s adamant she’d rather die a horrible death than continue to live like this, but I don’t want the DC to have that on their conscience. She’s just so terribly, terribly lonely. She has gone from a cheerful and sociable lady who loved her day centre and clubs to isolated and incredibly depressed.

God love her. I think I'd listen to her. Or at least promise her she's welcome to visit the second shes had the vaccine. Fingers crossed that the vaccine starts rolling out for the elderly in December but if not could you have her for February half term?
Get her hope and something to look forward to.

BIL already has a message on the group chat inviting everyone over. No thanks!

@Bikingbear

DH has had his very frail and elderly grandmother on the phone in tears because we’ve said she can’t come and stay for a week like she usually does. We have DC in 3 different schools and just can’t take the risk. She’s adamant she’d rather die a horrible death than continue to live like this, but I don’t want the DC to have that on their conscience. She’s just so terribly, terribly lonely. She has gone from a cheerful and sociable lady who loved her day centre and clubs to isolated and incredibly depressed.

God love her. I think I'd listen to her. Or at least promise her she's welcome to visit the second shes had the vaccine. Fingers crossed that the vaccine starts rolling out for the elderly in December but if not could you have her for February half term?
Get her hope and something to look forward to.

Does she live local? My children have not had contact with their grandma but they have done a few dance shows and plays on the garden for her while she watches through the window on the phone lol

Yes. I'm in Wales where we are already allowed to have an extended household. I'll be seeing my own parents from lunchtime onwards, and hopefully my sister, BIL and nephew for a portion of the day. We are all either working from home, retired, or on maternity leave. My DC are in school and nursery but eldest DC is reception age and there haven't been any cases at the school at all. Even if there had been, the odds of him having it and passing it on is very low.

We will see in laws briefly in the morning but I'm hoping either for dry weather so we can all go for a walk together, failing that we will have them sat right by the patio doors with them wide open, adults keeping their distance, to give them a chance to see DC and open presents. They are all working out of the home in various settings as well as mixing indoors with friends etc so we have only been seeing them outside.

@Bikingbear

DH has had his very frail and elderly grandmother on the phone in tears because we’ve said she can’t come and stay for a week like she usually does. We have DC in 3 different schools and just can’t take the risk. She’s adamant she’d rather die a horrible death than continue to live like this, but I don’t want the DC to have that on their conscience. She’s just so terribly, terribly lonely. She has gone from a cheerful and sociable lady who loved her day centre and clubs to isolated and incredibly depressed.

God love her. I think I'd listen to her. Or at least promise her she's welcome to visit the second shes had the vaccine. Fingers crossed that the vaccine starts rolling out for the elderly in December but if not could you have her for February half term?
Get her hope and something to look forward to.

In a normal year she’d be with us for about 6 x 1-week stays. Obviously we’ve promised her that the minute it’s safe for her to visit she can. Other family have told her the same. She would normally only spend an average of 3 out of every 4 weeks in her own home, with lots of activities (all currently cancelled) to enjoy in between. So this year has been really hard for her.

It’s a 3-hour round trip to her house. Longer in poor weather. Other family are similar distances. She will have at least 1 visitor per day over the Christmas period but unless something changes between now and then, the visits will be fairly short to minimise risk.

It’s very hard to know what to do for the best. It might be a selfish thing to say, but I don’t want her death on the DC’s consciences. We are a high risk household. 3 DC (one whom lives in a different household Mon-Fri) at 3 different schools and DH works out of the house in a job where he comes into contact with a lot of people. Covid is tearing through the middle child’s school at the moment. It’s a matter of time really.

She is over 90 so should be in one of the first groups to get the vaccine.

Of course she could die before then and then we’ll regret not having given her one last Christmas. There is no easy solution.