Covid taking away special times with kids that will never get back

[beammeupsc0tty]

It may be trivial, and i know people are going through so much worse but the longer this goes on the more I feel robbed of such a special age with my kids. Obviously we are still making the most of it and trying to be inventive with activities but i can't lie it really isnt the same and it makes me sad.

This is just a rant really there's nothing we can do as the situation is what it is. I just think my 5 year old is at such a lovely age where if life were normal, we'd be doing lots of lovely things together - bday parties, playdates, family holidays abroad, even just a fun day at the soft play without worrying about social distancing / hand santiser, being paranoid!

Obviously people going through so much worse but it just sucks sucks sucks all the same. Anyone else feel like a rant?!

I had DS just before the March lockdown and also had DD (2.5 at the time). It was a mental few months that I didn’t enjoy one bit! I mourn for those precious “4th trimester” months where I should have been nursing my newborn in bed with biscuits, watching rubbish TV, Enjoying visits from friends and family, snuggling my new baby day and then kissing my big girl when she got in after nursery. Maybe that’s looking at it through rose tinted glasses a bit! It might still have been stressful even without lockdown.
I’ll never get those days back now so it is all a bit sad.

My kids quite enjoyed lockdown. We did lots of walks, including meeting others outdoors. We also went on bike rides most days. The kids even took up a new hobby - wild swimming. We visited three castle ruins, went pond dipping and walked to a waterfall.

I've booked a drive through Santa. Also got some Christmas surprises planned around the home.

IMO rather than think about what they are missing out on, you have to try and make the most of what can still do.

OP I have a 5yo and teenager doing GCSES so I understand from both angles. Im upset about the nice exciting things we are missing this year but I'm hopeful any missed education he will have time to catch up and hes still young enough to be able to have the experiences of birthday parties, santa visits , and all the magical things that happen in the next few years.
I'm massively worried about older DS and his education he really can't get this time back. His school are fantastic and his teachers really do go above and beyond so I know he will get a lot of extra support but I do worry about what results he will achieve which ultimately sets him up for adult life and what opportunities he will get.

In conclusion, its massively shit for all children and I think in the end they will be the ones impacted from this pandemic the most.

I'm sad for the children who've missed out.

I keep thinking about my son missing out on his last term at university, missing after final fun and graduation. We didn't have enough celebration.

I can't say it's worse than any other age. It's all just our sad personal experiences.

I agree OP and you aren’t minimising others experiences at all.

We had a little Halloween party (just our household) and our toddler was so impressed at having ‘party food’ and playing musical chairs. In reality it was some sausage rolls on paper plates but it hit me that he actually has no memory of a birthday party with anyone other than us. He literally only knows about what happens from TV.

It’s really sad for younger children, even if they know no different. I know different, and I know my toddler is missing out and it sucks.

Don’t even get me started on kids with SEN - the impact on them is life changing and for many devastating.

Just fairly crap all round

My youngest dd is 5, she missed the last bit of reception, won't get to go on the yearly pantomime trip, won't get to do a nativity, has only been to a couple of parties, can't meet with friends socially, it's rubbish.

Maybe it will shape them for the better. Let them appreciate things?
I don't think it is all doom and gloom.
I am also a teacher.
I see children who are a bit behind but they will be ok. Yes, they will have a lasting memory. Its been hard on my youngest. She has been deprived from seeing her gran but you know, she will be fine. They will have the rest of their lives. Im not especially worried about it.
As for exams well so what? They will be assessed by teachers generally. I really dont see the big deal.

Oh is it character building for a 7 year old to be depressed because the only child they have played with in 3 months was their sibling with a social and communicaton disorder?
That was the point that we started climbing over the locked gates of playgrounds to let them play and do something beyond our walls that was not yet another fucking walk.

They haven't seen granny for a year now. I hope granny survives the general perils of advanced old age until it is practical to fly over and see her. Due to distance, they've barely seen family at all.

People we know have been extra conservative about meeting up so they have been deprived of social contact even when conditions eased.
It's illegal for them to maintain friendships out of school because they developmentally can't handle doing it remotely, and the rules do not respect childrens' social needs.

I've done everything I can to manage the impact. Day after day of trying to make our pathetic attempts at home learning happen without making it a total battle, or give in and neglect their learning. Trying to keep them fit. Getting out to as many places as we could. Supporting them when they've been upset or anxious. They are very fortunate that I stopped teaching to make time for them and have had time to meet our needs. That our home life has been stable.

Many have not had those benefits. Some did not even survive lockdown at the hands of those supposed to care for them, more than the number of healthy children lost to Covid.

OFSTED has found that education has been impacted more severely than they anticipated.
Especially SEN students.
Mental wellbeing is plummeting without access to services that were always inadequate.
This stuff matters.

You’re not alone in your ‘trivial’ sorrows and I do t think they are trivial. My DS was born at the beginning of this year so when I was ready for baby groups everything shut down, then summer. It was only September when I finally managed to make some mum friends and now we can’t go round for coffee mornings so our babies can play.

Going back to work in January so I’ll not have much chance for a normal maternity leave. I adore the bond we have with DS, I just wish he’d had more time to play with kids his own age. And that I had stronger friendships with their mums.

It’s been hard on all of us, regardless of age or circumstance.

There is nothing wrong with being sad at the trivial things. It’s life’s little pleasures that make us enjoy life.
And empathy for all aspects of this tragedy, big, small, financial or health, make us better people I hope
But also makes us value things more when we slowly get them back again

I do think it may (hopefully) change some things for the better.

Like proms, which had become ridiculously expensive, a bit like a mini wedding.

And Christmas, which plunges some families into a years worth of debt.

I just think how horrendous things are for the children of Yemen.

It is tough. There hasn't been any play center or cinema open since March.
We managed to go for 1 meal throughout. I am hoping the DC forget DS is 5 he is fed up.

@Oneliner

I just think how horrendous things are for the children of Yemen.

So anyone who doesn’t thank god don’t live in a war zone is selfish?

At risk of sounding smug, I feel the opposite, that I’ve had more quality time with my children because of covid and lockdown.
Maybe it depends what you enjoy. I don’t enjoy the parties and play dates and it all feels like a bit of a frenetic whirl where I have no time to enjoy the children and chill.
I do enjoy crafting and baking and walks in the fresh air. And a slower pace. And I feel that my five year old has been the perfect age to enjoy that time.

But if you enjoy the busier stuff then it must feel like missing out because they don’t enjoy the same things forever. And nobody can force you to enjoy the staying home. Personalities are different.

DS was born in September. He's not aware of what's going on, of course, but I do feel sad about the things we're missing, especially as our family all live abroad so we have no idea when they'll get to meet DS. Nobody except me and DP have held DS, and he's rarely even seen anyone other than us.

During pregnancy, antenatal classes were online and DP couldn't come with me to scans. I know I'm lucky to have a healthy baby and maternity leave to spend with him, but it hasn't been at all how I imagined when we planned to have a baby.

In our family, we need external motivation.
DS1's ASD mindset is that home is where you relax. So he can't handle doing led things like home learning, or Zoom Scouting in his place of rest. It's gaming/ youtube. He needs to get out to be active. He can't handle PE with Joe Wicks type stuff. (Oh and his physio has entirely been done remotely which was interesting.
With dyspraxia, I long accepted that crafts were a frustrating disaster.

I gave up my career for him when he was 5 and struggling to cope with wrap around care and needed more time at home.
But too much time at home is no good for him either.

And DS2 needs things like football as a physical and social outlet and it's no wonder that autistic, dyspraxic DS1 thinks that that sounds like hell.

At present, I'm trying my best to get them out of school, into the car and off to a park to do something active before darkness falls at 4:30.

As their mother, I'm important to them, but I can't fulfill their every need, and access to some of those systems that meet those needs has been partly or wholly missing for a long time now within the life of a child. I remember being 7 forever!

And we're in a comparatively "good" position...

I’m glad so many people feel the same. There’s nothing wrong in feeling sad how things are/ will be for young children.
As mentioned,having pods at schools and not having play dates.
Not being able to take my kids swimming, on the water flumes.
Not being able to go abroad.
No Christmas assembly or parties, no taking my kids to Santa’s grotto this year.
Not being able to see elderly relatives.
No parents evenings- it’s not the same having a zoom call.
People viewing schools virtually, again not the same as actually physically seeing a school.
I’m actually quite worried that things like parents evenings and school tours will be done virtually and never go back to how they were... I hope I’m wrong though.
I’m worried that our children won’t ever experience certain things prior to covid 19.
I’m thinking of festivals, parties, concerts, sport events etc etc.

I don’t think you’re being in anyway unreasonable for being upset for both yourself and dc missing out on experiences due to lockdown. These things are important.

Also, I’m head of early years at my school. This year’s nursery and reception cohorts are probably the most ‘difficult’ I can remember. Obviously this is very pronounced with those who have missed out on SALT and child development team appointments/referrals etc but it’s not just them. Listening and attention, PSED and physical development are very low across the key stage at my school, and from speaking to colleagues both locally and nationally my school is nowhere near alone in finding this. Young children have definitely been effected by lockdown. Hopefully for the majority of them the gap will be closed fairly quickly, but with restrictions still in place it does still feel like an uphill battle currently.

I think it is sad for the young ones. And sad for the slightly older young ones and sad for teenagers and young adults whose next steps have been put on hold. It has been rubbish for many children and young people. It’s not a competition for which age group has had it worst.

My 4 year old really struggled during lockdown. She is social and sporty and being stuck at home felt like a punishment. I very much doubt she’ll remember it as quality time with parents. She used to make up songs about being in prison. But, I was able to get her back into a childcare setting in the June so proper lockdown was shortlived.

I’m a bit sad that there will be no Santa visits, no nativity, no carol services etc. Christmas is so magical at that age and the nativity is often one of those milestone moments that is remembered for decades. I still remember mine.

@BrrrIsland That is disturbing about your new nursery/reception cohorts but I’m not at all surprised; hearing exactly the same from my friends in Early Years.

I get that there’s no real alternative to lockdown, and that all this is for the ‘greater good’, but the broad lack of acknowledgment so far of the negative impact on children and young people is starting to make me really angry. We need to recognise the detrimental effects of lockdown on these groups and then take steps to help mitigate them wherever possible.

OP it may be ‘trivial’ but it’s also hugely important. I had a baby in February and have just gone back to work. Whole maternity leave was completely taken over by covid/lockdown. Baby hasn’t met a lot of my family and most of my friends which is so sad. I also have an older DC (3) so was out going on walks and trying to entertain her with a tiny newborn all day in our small house with yard it was awful. I feel better now I’m back in work as DC2 is in nursery and actually getting some interaction with other children in her bubble. Neither kids seem affected by it (yet) but I’m certainly struggling with what a difficult year it’s been vs what it could/should have been. I’ll never get that time back. I had severe PND triggered by the whole situation and lack of support from my family (due to restrictions they were amazing via phone/FaceTime but it’s not the same) and I’m only just recovering. I want my 3 year old to have swimming lessons and go to parties and visit Father Christmas and hug allll my family and we can’t do anything. I don’t know how long we can all do this for as it’s so depressing.

I think a lot of people aren't talking about what they are struggling with because we all know we're fortunate to have our health, a job and not have lost loved ones. It's doesn't mean you don't feel what you feel. I'm not at a special age I'm 35 but still kind of feel I've lost the last year. I've missed out on lots with my baby niece and I'm not as close to her as my older niece who I looked after from weeks old.

But what can we do? We can't stop the pandemic. I supposed like many people are saying it cements what is important. So build your life in future around these things and make the most of them.

"This is what the one and only 2020 is like. People are grieving the loss of something that never existed"

What a load of fucking shit

TJ17 - thank you! I was starting to think it was just me not getting the sanctimonious drivel.

I have run out of words to describe the despair I feel at what he been done to children and young people.