Covid taking away special times with kids that will never get back

[beammeupsc0tty]

It may be trivial, and i know people are going through so much worse but the longer this goes on the more I feel robbed of such a special age with my kids. Obviously we are still making the most of it and trying to be inventive with activities but i can't lie it really isnt the same and it makes me sad.

This is just a rant really there's nothing we can do as the situation is what it is. I just think my 5 year old is at such a lovely age where if life were normal, we'd be doing lots of lovely things together - bday parties, playdates, family holidays abroad, even just a fun day at the soft play without worrying about social distancing / hand santiser, being paranoid!

Obviously people going through so much worse but it just sucks sucks sucks all the same. Anyone else feel like a rant?!

I have a 5 year old and feel the same OP but it is definitely all me that is missing out, he knows no different. He's loved endless bike rides, paddling in the woodland streams, movie nights and now schools are back we're going to the park after school where he can run off steam with his friends. Usually there are clubs and activities so we are not rushing about so much.

BUT I do feel very sad for my 9 month old. He's spent most his life in 'lockdown' and we've not been able to do the fun things I did with my eldest. No baby play dates or proper time with family. Babies and toddlers study their parents and surroundings intently and are like sponges, being at home all day I worry for his development.

I agree teenagers and early 20s are missing out on their rights of passage.

Please let us be back to normal next year. I drove past the garden centre with all the Christmas displays, it's great for kids to visit and they have the nicest cafe. I just wanted to take the kids in for a hot chocolate and cake, a look around all the lovely displays. It's not the same now, no spontaneity.

Its hard for kids. However there have been other challenges like war.
Children will get through it. The times we have just now in lock down will be a memory in itself. Talked about for years to come i am sure.

I think they are all in it together. I dont worry about it personally. It is what it is.

..and yes mine are 9.12 and 13.

I agree,,,and it really struck me today how much these young kids are sacrificing for something that does not affect them.

That said as someone said above I suspect for the younger ones it will soon be a distant memory...it is for the older ones..15 plus that this will have a life-changing impact with exams etc.

Op I get it, we are all in the same storm but we aren't all in the same boat.

Yes I feel for the older kids struggling with lack of exams, moving to uni no freshers week, etc etc.
But young kids are missing out too there are only a few years kids really believe in Santa and preschool years are short enough without missing out on the fun that's to be had.

The comment that 7yos were worse hit. I can totally believe that.
My 9yo struggled with the first lockdown because of lack of interaction with other kids. Not great at holding conversation on the phone, nothing to talk about. I count my blessings that we were able to get him an xbox to open up a communication channel. My friend sorted her DD out with a phone.
The older kids mainly already had phones and consoles and managed to have Zoom parties etc.
So I can totally see why 7yos, too young for tech but needed friends were the people who suffered most.

I know 2020 has been awful but you haven’t been deprived of anything: this is just what 2020 is like, was always going to be like. Everyone who lives through bad times wishes they didn’t have to. But it’s not for you to decide what times you live in. You only get to decide what to do with the time you’re given.

I’m a teacher of 11-18, and I have a 7 and 9 year old. It’s all individual circumstance. For us it was a generally positive lockdown u TIL I had to do zoom lessons, then it was a nightmare for us to work around but the kids were on the whole accepting of the situation. My students had a tougher time mentally I think - it was them rather than their own parents who knew what they were missing..

What struck me today was how new mums must have coped - that’s got to have been a spike year for PND 😥

The majority of u25s who are not through the education system and in stable employment have been buggered about far more than working age adults.
Babies and toddlers deprived of contact with extended family and the support of structured groups.
School age children who need supervision who can legally only interact with their friends on the school playground (can't leave their seat in lessons). Denied access to family and friends through rule of 6.
Teenagers missing out on stable education and preparation for critical assessments.
Uni students holed up in halls, and having a 2D education via a screen.

The loss of socialising and extra curriculars for all.

A year is a long and distinct time developmentally to any of these ages and time that is not going to be repeated.

I promised DS back in March that he could have his 7th birthday party when this settled down and everything was open again... he may well have a delayed 8th birthday. At least being tardy in organising anything, things began to look too dodgy to be worth a booking so there wasn't anything to cancel. He took it well, but how shitty will it be when I can't promise a proper 8th birthday on top of a 7th birthday where the highlight was sitting in bed with popcorn to watch a film because the weather was too crap to enjoy The Daily Walk, and the presents were hurriedly bought days before lockdown, and internet deliveries to top up had a 6wk+ plus lag time for "non essentials".

At 7 and 10 by Christmas, time is thin on the wide-eyed innocence of Christmas.

More seriously homeschool for a 9yo with multiple SENs and an immature 7yo was a disaster. I wanted to go to open evenings this year to get my head around what secondary will suit DS's needs. Now at best, it will be a rush job in y6. Application for EHCP has been delayed because he wasn't in school for 5.5 months.

Energetic DS2, and routine driven DS1 are both struggling with limited and disrupted activities. Neither copes with Zoom, both are disengaged from scouting since March and the loss of the skills, social and physical that that involves.

DS2 was showing depressed behaviour in the summer. He needed more company than 3 months continuously of a sensitive, autistic sibling. My sunny, cheerful child was lethargic, ininterested, angry and rude. Fortunately that eased in July as groundhog day eased.

It's not a competition, there are far too many losers in so, so many ways.

Young children remembering is irrelevant; the loss of experience still shapes them compared to others who have not faced a year+ of disruption. For some children, the full legacy will take years to emerge where children with underlying SENs have been understimulated and faced delays in check-ups and assessments to identify that they are even further behind a delayed cohort.

@BogRollBOGOF

The majority of u25s who are not through the education system and in stable employment have been buggered about far more than working age adults. Babies and toddlers deprived of contact with extended family and the support of structured groups. School age children who need supervision who can legally only interact with their friends on the school playground (can't leave their seat in lessons). Denied access to family and friends through rule of 6. Teenagers missing out on stable education and preparation for critical assessments. Uni students holed up in halls, and having a 2D education via a screen.

The loss of socialising and extra curriculars for all.

A year is a long and distinct time developmentally to any of these ages and time that is not going to be repeated.

I promised DS back in March that he could have his 7th birthday party when this settled down and everything was open again... he may well have a delayed 8th birthday. At least being tardy in organising anything, things began to look too dodgy to be worth a booking so there wasn't anything to cancel. He took it well, but how shitty will it be when I can't promise a proper 8th birthday on top of a 7th birthday where the highlight was sitting in bed with popcorn to watch a film because the weather was too crap to enjoy The Daily Walk, and the presents were hurriedly bought days before lockdown, and internet deliveries to top up had a 6wk+ plus lag time for "non essentials".

At 7 and 10 by Christmas, time is thin on the wide-eyed innocence of Christmas.

More seriously homeschool for a 9yo with multiple SENs and an immature 7yo was a disaster. I wanted to go to open evenings this year to get my head around what secondary will suit DS's needs. Now at best, it will be a rush job in y6. Application for EHCP has been delayed because he wasn't in school for 5.5 months.

Energetic DS2, and routine driven DS1 are both struggling with limited and disrupted activities. Neither copes with Zoom, both are disengaged from scouting since March and the loss of the skills, social and physical that that involves.

DS2 was showing depressed behaviour in the summer. He needed more company than 3 months continuously of a sensitive, autistic sibling. My sunny, cheerful child was lethargic, ininterested, angry and rude. Fortunately that eased in July as groundhog day eased.

It's not a competition, there are far too many losers in so, so many ways.

Young children remembering is irrelevant; the loss of experience still shapes them compared to others who have not faced a year+ of disruption. For some children, the full legacy will take years to emerge where children with underlying SENs have been understimulated and faced delays in check-ups and assessments to identify that they are even further behind a delayed cohort.

Maybe it will shape them for the better. Let them appreciate things? I don't think it is all doom and gloom. I am also a teacher. I see children who are a bit behind but they will be ok. Yes, they will have a lasting memory. Its been hard on my youngest. She has been deprived from seeing her gran but you know, she will be fine. They will have the rest of their lives. Im not especially worried about it. As for exams well so what? They will be assessed by teachers generally. I really dont see the big deal.

So what if they are graded in a different way. Some children dont do well in exams. When i was at uni, it was all assignments and rarely exams.

Its more of an issue for children who are having to self isolate but what can you do? Nothing is easy right now. Just make the best of it and appreciate what we have instead of focusing on what children are missing.

I think we have all been robbed of normality. We are all allowed to grieve what could have been and just because others may have it worse, you shouldn’t feel guilty. It is a horrible situation all round. I am also trying to be grateful for what I do have but I am not going to deny that I am struggling and grieving what could have been. My DD finished primary school with no leavers party, her trip to France was cancelled, her music trip solo in a castle was cancelled, no birthday party, no proper goodbyes to old friends (hugging not allowed!) - I am grateful she has embraced year 7 and not complained once, I am so proud of her but also sad for her. Similar stories for all my DC and for myself. I miss my family and friends so much and I am privileged. The whole situation is hard. Just hope we come out of this sooner rather than later! I couldn’t go to my grandmother’s funeral etc etc.

Ah, you see I feel the total opposite - COVID has given me time with my 5yo to do loads of lovely things - making a bug hotel, playing dinosaurs, hide and seek, making crafts, growing veg, cuddles on the sofa, den building. He has LOVED the increased time with me. It isn't increased time in hours (I'm NHS, work hours have increased) but in times I am not doing something else - I don't care how the house looks, no one is coming over, I can't go shopping, or out with friends and I'm not trying to pack our weekends full of "fun" soft play and museums and stuff, which whilst, yes is fun on one level, takes me away from focusing so much on DC. So we play, and play and play!

And I know DC have really valued it to - on facetime with my mum all he talks about is how much we play and how awesome it is. We've always facetimed because of the distances (so not new because of COVID) and previously he'd rarely mention stuff we'd done or places we had been.

I know 2020 has been awful but you haven’t been deprived of anything: this is just what 2020 is like, was always going to be like

Do you mean the OP specifically, or people in general?

Oh, and I am not saying that COVID has not taken anything from me - it has, or that I haven't missed out on things because of it, because I have. But special times with my kids is one thing it has given me.

It’s just so rubbish for all concerned. Everyone is missing out on something, it’s time none of us will ever get back. Time and memories.

For me it’s little things like all the lovely baby activities we did with my 3 year old, my 1 year old hasn’t had- baby sensory, toddler sense, swimming. Her first trip on a plane. My three year old has missed out on playgroups and toddler gym before going to school next year. All the Easter, Halloween and Christmas activities and experiences. We haven’t christened our little girl, our son had the most beautiful day with family and friends. Cancelled holidays, no birthday parties, story time at the library, play dates, our first family ski trip was meant to be this year. So much time with grandparents lost. Not really getting to know extended family. I even miss the grubby soft play!

I know these things are really insignificant compared to the crisis of health, financial loss, mental health, education and loneliness that the bloody pandemic has brought but like you say, it’s time we’ll never get back

Everyone I suppose. This is what the one and only 2020 is like. People are grieving the loss of something that never existed.

I feel sorry for the year sixes who missed a right of passage having sat through 6 other 6 six leaving events.

the current year 6 who have had to chosse secondary schools on virtual look rounds,

I wonder if last Christmas ws the last one with my mum and whether she will survive to this Christmas even. It's in her care home on her floor.

poor first year uni students who are self isolating and not had chance to make rfiends yet.

it hits everyone in different ways.

I totally agree OP. I have lost a parent recently, so I know it feels trivial, but it doesn’t stop me being gutted for my DC for all they have missed out on. All the school trips, birthday parties, school discos, special assemblies, etc. I’m also devastated for the poor teenagers who have had their GCSEs/A levels messed up, and are missing out on so many rites of passage. It might be trivial, but it still matters, and it’s horrible.

I do feel sorry for those just starting school, that first year is normally a whirlwind of whole class fifth birthday parties. Lots of kids also start out of school clubs, some of which they continue (my son started karate aged 5 and got his black belt aged 11). Add to that starting school without the normal setting in sessions, no buddies with older children as kept in bubbles and none of the usual parents in school days that I remember being a few times a term at this age.
It doesn’t take away from any other age group but for those children this year is a fifth of their lives so it has a big impact.I say this as the parent of older children.

This is what the one and only 2020 is like. People are grieving the loss of something that never existed

But it did exist. People aren't talking about wild or extravagant plans. I get the point you think you're making, but it's intensive and sanctimonious to suggest expecting 'normality' this year was some sort of whimsical expectation.

*insensitive

I'm on the fence with this. I was sad that my ds didnt get to leave primary school properly but he had been so stressed and emotional over his sats it was absolutely lovely to have my real ds back. My dd missed school terribly but my DH and I were both furloughed and spent all that time together as a family which was absolutely priceless for us. I know some are not so lucky