Covid taking away special times with kids that will never get back

[beammeupsc0tty]

It may be trivial, and i know people are going through so much worse but the longer this goes on the more I feel robbed of such a special age with my kids. Obviously we are still making the most of it and trying to be inventive with activities but i can't lie it really isnt the same and it makes me sad.

This is just a rant really there's nothing we can do as the situation is what it is. I just think my 5 year old is at such a lovely age where if life were normal, we'd be doing lots of lovely things together - bday parties, playdates, family holidays abroad, even just a fun day at the soft play without worrying about social distancing / hand santiser, being paranoid!

Obviously people going through so much worse but it just sucks sucks sucks all the same. Anyone else feel like a rant?!

Mine is 5 so started school this year, after missing months of preschool. Lost friends as they went back and she didnt.
So now at school i know hardly any parents and theyve worn masks from the start, no parties to get to know them, ive avoided the park too. So dc has struggled settling in. There will be no nativity or singing shows. But worst really is the risk is still very high to parents as they are mixing with 60 plus teachers and sharing all toys...

Dc1 has drifted from her friend as they meet up with another friend. Brownies she got 2 in person ever as just joined but glad there is zoom.. Dc1 got 1 rainbows as was ill sept.

However i think the bigger loss for kids will be that most will have parent's not in the vax categories and some will die or get long covid

I missed uni finals due to illness years ago so that could happen to anyone normally.

The lockdown has shortened the time that my disabled son can stay living at home. I always knew he would end up in residential but hoped it to be between 16 & 18. He hasn’t recovered from the first lockdown and the violence from frustration has left school and his respite unable to cope. All the gains he made have now regressed and he can no longer behave in the community appropriately. Not only has he missed special times the damage is stopping him future special times. Sadly he is not the only one is his special school.

I'm mostly ok with things but occasionally I get a vision of what this year should have been and it makes me very sad, particularly for my 16 YO DD, all the things and experiences she has missed, is missing and all the memories we would have made together. But you're right OP we can't change it and I try not to let myself think about it too much, but I understand how you feel.

I think that we've been quite lucky as mine were Year 2 and Year 4 for the bulk of it, so 'young enough' for it not to really affect them. I wholeheartedly agree though that it's been such a shame for those who were due to take exams and those who had the awful experience with A-Levels followed by a rubbish start to uni. The whole thing really has been awful, but there are brighter days to come.

Is it possible that you are missing these things more than your DS OP? I enjoyed all these when DC were young just to get out and see other adults. Younger kids are unlikely to really remember this time and whether they went on holidays, soft play or to birthday parties or not. I try to think of it as being more like my own childhood where parents were a bit less focused on children having lots of experiences. We didn't have soft play, huge birthdays or lots of travel abroad but seemed to survive without all of this ok. Also agree with PP that it is older ones that will really suffer in all this.

I get what you say, but at 5 they are probably quite happy to just have you around a lot and their normal routine. Kids love and remember the everyday stuff more than outings ime.

I am spending every evening with my teen DC, when really they should be out with their friends, girlfriend or sports ... instead they are stuck at home again with mum and dad.

It’s almost quite nice for me, if I weren’t worried about their GCSE and A level being cancelled this year... they miss out on all the fun stuff too

Who knows, our kids may all remember this period of cocooning fondly

It is quite trivial in the grand scheme of things but I do feel for my teens

DD1 is in her first year of uni. She didn’t get to take the A level exams that she’d worked so hard for, final year of schooling ended in a bit of a damp squib - all those plans for prom, Reading festival with her mates, the camping trip to Cornwall. No Freshers events, no parties, confined to her halls with people she’s only just met - just none of those normal markers of leaving school, starting uni

DD2 is in year 11 and having a spectacularly shit time. She has Tourette’s and a social phobia. The school are working hard with mocks and more formal assessments in case the exams do get cancelled. DD’s access arrangements include a scribe which school just can’t provide for the mocks as half the staff are off sick or isolating. Pretty much every exam so far has been spent trying and failing to pick up her pen, or jabbing random keys on a laptop. DD is just one big anxious mess. I wish they’d cancel the exams now and be done with it - at least they know where they stand

They are both healthy and we’re very lucky not to have lost anyone we love, but I do feel very sad for them.

I agree. DS1’s 4th birthday party a few days after lockdown started was cancelled this year. He won’t be able to have a 5th birthday party either I imagine, and he’s desperate to have one. I don’t really know any parents in his new reception class either cos of masks, distancing, no play dates. He doesn’t know any different though. I am grateful at the moment that under 5s are exempted from the meet up rule so my 2 year old was able to play with a friend in the park and I chatted to his mum. A much needed slice of normality. I agree with a PP that our kids have enjoyed spending a bit more time with us (and their grandparents, childcare bubble) but I cannot wait for play dates, soft play and birthday parties to return! We had one soft play this summer before they got closed again as we went into tier 3 and I’ve never enjoyed soft play so much

"It may be trivial, and i know people are going through so much worse but the longer this goes on the more I feel robbed of such a special age with my kids."

I don't think it is trivial at all. Both you and your child have missed out immensely. My children are older now but I have such fond memories of the fun we all had when they were younger. Contrary to what others say about 5 years olds not remembering my children do too. I hope that doesn't make you feel worse because I do think the fact that you know what an important time it is will mean you will doing your best to make things as fun as possible (in the circumstances) for your child. Children are resilient but life shouldn't be just about being resilient and surviving hard times it should be about pleasure and happiness.

My advice would be to acknowledge what your child is missing and try and do as much as possible. Hopefully when this lockdown is lifted invite as many friends around as allowed and have a party to celebrate something (party food, games etc), play dates in the park or whatever is open, a weekend away or variations within the limits of all the things you would like to do. Good luck and have as much fun as possible.

I get you OP. I feel ridiculous that the thing that upsets me most is that my youngest missed out on all the end of Y6 milestones. They have watched the limo leave every single year and that’s something they will never have.

Younger ones will have less memories of this time and many won’t really notice much difference if doing things at home with parents. Lots also aren’t following the rules and think children don’t have to SD so some won’t even realise rules are in place.

The older ones who are worried about the effect passing the virus onto vulnerable family and children who have lost parents to it are the ones affected most, missing a holiday or birthday party simply doesn’t compare.

I don't think you minimised other things OP, you acknowledged it's harder for other peoples with other things, I actually think everyone minimised your experience. It's not always a competition, you're allowed to feel upset and annoyed by it.

I have a three year old with a vocal tic and separation anxiety and a five year old who chewed all the white paint of her bed frame and has to touch every door frame 3 times before she passed through it. Both were happy, healthy girls before lockdown. They don't understand why they can't see their grandparents. They have no routine as dancing/ nursery/ school and gymnastics are randomly cancelled from one week to the next. My friend's daughter is pulling out her hair and hiding it in her room. We do lots of baking and going to the park and we are quite a laid back family. My young children may not remember but the effect on them has not been positive overall. 🙁

Is it possible that you are missing these things more than your DS OP?

Well yes, and what's wrong with that? Are mothers not allowed their own feelings? Are mothers not allowed to want to shape their parenting experiences? Are mothers not allowed to want to enjoy their children's childhood to what they consider its fullest? OP is a person in her own right and is entitled to miss things.

@FippertyGibbett

It’s taken away education, and my DS will never now get the GCSE results he would have got if he’d had a proper education. He and his fellow year 11’s will be damaged by this for years to come. He worked hard through lockdown but he wasn’t ‘taught’ , he worked through it on his own mostly.

Well said. And not many years left before they’re off to uni and so much we wanted to do before then which has had to be cancelled.

It's hard for everyone kids, adults everyone.

We all have a right to feel upset what ever age you are, We are all losing time out of our lifes.

Yep it’s totally shit. It’s hard for everyone and all age kids will be impacted, just in different ways.

I have 2 toddlers (turned 2 and 3 in September) and although they have no idea what’s going on and are perfectly happy I feel like they’re missing out on so much socialisation and fun. They went to nursery 1 day a week last year but I haven’t sent them back since first lockdown as they were only really going to give me a bit of a break and I don’t want to deal with whole self isolating thing that’s bound to happen at least once if they’re there.

I’m really lucky to have 2 as they love each other’s company so at least have someone to play with - but when another kid got really close to my DD at the park the other day she totally freaked out which is really unlike her, so I’m worried it’s affected her confidence etc.

Obviously very minor in the grand scheme of covid shitness but it’s definitely a valid concern. I also feel really sorry for school age kids and their parents as it must be a nightmare worrying about them bringing covid home/ missing school / not being able to lead a normal child/ teenage life etc

Let’s face it, this is a shit show for just about everyone ...

I feel more for teens tbh little children are home focussed anyway but teens naturally want to pull away see friends meet others etc and all of this compromised. I loved my sixth form and student years I really feel for young people missing out on that 🙁. My own two in the middle year 7 and 10 sad we had zero leaving primary stuff but on balance still think it’s worst for 16 plus.

I understand op.

My youngest dc is in year five and is ten, I'm very conscious that we don't have many years left of nativity shows, sports day, school fairs and all these memorable events. It makes me sad. I know worse things happen but it's how I feel.

@HeyMoana So sorry your children (and your friend’s) have been struggling. I’m hearing so many similar stories from friends and former colleagues (I used to be a primary teacher and many close friends and family members still teach). Lockdown is taking its toll on young children, however many platitudes are spouted about them not remembering things and being content at home with mum and dad (whatever happened to ‘it takes a village to raise a child’?) I hope it’s not long term and you see some improvement soon.

As for older teens/students, my university experience (including a year abroad) was the making of me. Without it my horizons would be so much narrower, and I really feel for those who are missing out on similar experiences at the moment.

I hear you OP. My DS is only three and it sounds silly but I missed the freedom of last summer, when we could just go to toddler group and the library, go swimming, go to a museum.

On a more serious note, my mental health got really bad from about April and I hate myself for putting DS through that. I don’t know how much he picked up on but he’s a perceptive wee guy. I feel like I lost much of the first year of his life to PND and though things have been better recently I really was in a state for months over summer. I lost two stone because I couldn’t eat. I hate that I felt that way for so much of his life.

He’s due to start nursery in January and I worry how he’ll cope, after not having been around other kids in any serious way since March. Playing in the park doesn’t really give you the same exposure to other children as toddler groups do.

This year I had my last child finish primary school-so 16yrs of primary school gone puft. My youngest child didn’t get to do SATS/have a leavers party/leavers performance or transition to high school. My eldest was in year 11-no sweet 16th/no exams/no prom/no picking exam results up/no summer of their lives. But, it’s shit for everyone and everyone has missed and lost something and more. There’s no race to the bottom so let’s not start one.

My kids are teens now but I was just saying recently to DH that I feel really sorry for parents of small kids. We moved to a new area when my oldest was 2 and I made lovely local friends when they started school as everyone used to have a chat at the school gates and that led to playdates for kids and coffee etc for parents.
Now at the cars line up and drive to the gate and the kids come out one at a time to the cars. It must be very hard for the parents to have no social contact at all, specially any who are SAHPs or working from home.