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Original poster

Supporting DD with new baby

58 replies

DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 31/10/2020 21:24

My DD is due to give birth to her first child next week. The plan was I would move in with them for a while to help out. Her DH works long hours and won't have much time off. Anyone know if this would be okay with the new restrictions? Does it count as child care or caring for a vulnerable person? DD doesn't need any more stress, having a baby during a pandemic is bad enough. She's really upset.

OP posts:
SideEyeing · 31/10/2020 21:31

Congratulations on your soon to arrive grandchild. I don't actually have the answer, but given that in the last lockdown people were allowed to move home, assuming you'll be staying there for a good while I imagine it'd be allowed?

What I'm saying is just do it, it'll be fine. Assuming you've avoided unnecessary contact etc for the last few weeks.

Original poster
DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 31/10/2020 21:37

Thanks for replying and for the congratulations. We're very excited to be grandparents! I've told her I'm coming come what may, but she's really worried about breaking the rules. Her DH can't work from home and leaves the house at 6.30am, returning 7pm. They also have dogs that need exercising. I'm trying to stay strong and positive for her but tonight's news has come as a bit of a blow.

OP posts:
ChristmasCantComeSoonEnough · 31/10/2020 21:39

Yes I think this counts as a childcare bubble. If you live alone then it’s a single person bubble otherwise a childcare bubble.
Then again if you actually live there you are part of the household so I am saying yes on three fronts!

Hellothere19999 · 31/10/2020 21:41

It’s childcare

Emelene · 31/10/2020 21:45

Childcare bubble and/or providing care to a vulnerable person (post natal)?

Original poster
DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 31/10/2020 21:56

Thank for your advice and suggestions. I'm hoping it's classed as childcare bubble. I'm not worried as I will be going to stay whatever, but DD is stressing that she'll be on her own.

OP posts:
Original poster
DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 31/10/2020 21:59

Flowers for any other families going through this. Pregnancy, childbirth and having a young family during this pandemic is just so stressful. My heart goes out to anyone struggling to cope.

OP posts:
PearPickingPorky · 31/10/2020 22:04

You are providing care so it's fine.

Hope all goes well for your DD

KitKatastrophe · 31/10/2020 22:11

If you're planning to move in with them anyway, why not just move in a bit sooner (before Thursday) and then you'll all be considered one household

sunshineandsea · 31/10/2020 22:13

I had a baby during the last lockdown, it was so hard not being able to see family for ages after LO was born. Although I had DH with me, I just really really wanted my mum there too! I was so sad about it, and my mum was very upset too about not being able to meet her brand new grandchild and look after us both. That is time we'll never get back and a period that was much harder than it needed to be. We both say now we regret that we didn't just do it anyway, since neither of us were really going anywhere and we live in areas with low cases, so the covid risk was really tiny. I think it would count as care of a vulnerable person and you should definitely be with your DD if that's what you both want.

Original poster
DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 31/10/2020 22:54

@sunshineandsea

I had a baby during the last lockdown, it was so hard not being able to see family for ages after LO was born. Although I had DH with me, I just really really wanted my mum there too! I was so sad about it, and my mum was very upset too about not being able to meet her brand new grandchild and look after us both. That is time we'll never get back and a period that was much harder than it needed to be. We both say now we regret that we didn't just do it anyway, since neither of us were really going anywhere and we live in areas with low cases, so the covid risk was really tiny. I think it would count as care of a vulnerable person and you should definitely be with your DD if that's what you both want.
That must have been so hard for you all. Such a strange and isolating experience during what is normally a busy and family oriented time. I hope your mum has caught up on all the cuddles she missed out on.
OP posts:
Nowisthemonthofmaying · 31/10/2020 22:58

It's fine - counts as caring for a vulnerable person

Hugosmugo · 31/10/2020 22:59

My brother is having a baby next month and we are all incredibly sad about not being able to be there for them.
I am hoping my sister in law will at least allow her mum to break the rules and help. It is really important to have support as a new mum and I feel this is all so cruel.

Racoonworld · 31/10/2020 23:00

It’s so hard, I had a baby this summer and struggled with not having any help. But I did manage and your dd will too.

McCheney73 · 31/10/2020 23:04

As others have said go ahead and support her. Comes under childcare bubble and care for vulnerable. I had a baby in the last lockdown and it wasn't allowed but my mum came and supported me. She was single and didn't go anywhere and my husband worked. We decided the risk was minimal. I wasn't a first time mum but can't imagine how touch it must of been for first time mums on their own 😢

MrsH497 · 31/10/2020 23:12

Please tell your DD not to worry about the rules. You will be looking after 2 vulnerable people (her post natally and baby)

I had my first baby in May during the first lockdown. It's been incredibly hard, my husband is an emergency service worker so does long shifts and I'm alone a lot of the time. My mum and step dad decided to form the childcare/supporting vulnerable person to help me when he was working. Honestly without them I'd have been a mess, mentally being alone a lot I've found very hard. You're doing the right thing and she mustn't worry about the rules and concentrate on looking after herself mentally and physically. It's tough having a baby in lockdown

Enjoy every minute of being grandparents I know my mum and step dad are in their element with my little girl.

Chessie678 · 31/10/2020 23:27

Please just go. You very likely come within one of the exceptions and it is very very unlikely that the police would intervene and fine you and even less likely that a court would uphold the fine if you challenged it.

I had my first baby one week into the first lockdown and lasted about 3 weeks before breaking and seeing my mum. It was absolutely the right decision and I think I probably would have ended up with pnd if I hadn’t, particularly as there was almost no support from midwives, health visitors etc after birth. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed about a week in when I was very sleep deprived and still recovering from the birth and just felt completely alone. I know plenty of people who had babies at the same time who did the same.

Original poster
DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 31/10/2020 23:37

Thank you all for the reassurance and for sharing your stories. I keep thinking, one day we'll look back on this and laugh! My daughter is calming down a bit. I've been sharing the information you have given me and she's feeling more positive about things. I feel sorry for her DH too. It's just really rubbish at the moment.

OP posts:
Nicknamegoeshere · 31/10/2020 23:46

Do you live on your own, OP? If yes then you can form a bubble with your daughter no problem.
I had my third baby end of May and it was bloody tough. Still is. My parents live in the same village but I couldn't see them during lockdown so couldn't receive any help. OH works ft in social care and I have two other children. As my parents live together the rules of the support bubble did not apply.
However, when my OH was admitted to hospital urgently and in for 2.5 weeks my Health Visitor advised that I was classed being alone for thst period of time and so I was able to form a support bubble with my parents and have my mum help me while OH was poorly.

Original poster
DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 31/10/2020 23:51

No I don't live alone, I have a DH. Plan was I would move in with DD and her DH for a couple of weeks after he goes back to work. They live a 2 hour drive from us, so I wouldn't be going home at all, I'd effectively become part of their household temporarily.

OP posts:
HotToCold · 31/10/2020 23:52

Yes. Move in with her !

Dixiee · 31/10/2020 23:55

Yes op it counts as childcare and general care bubble as you never know how the birth will go. You're not going their for a holiday and party, you will be there to help your daughter. I had my first 2 years ago and I'm so grateful of how my mother supported me and the baby. Don't worry, you won't be breaking the law. Enjoy and take good care of your daughter and grandchild.

Dixiee · 31/10/2020 23:55

*there

Nicknamegoeshere · 31/10/2020 23:59

@DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe In that case I'm not sure? I know you can only technically form a "bubble" if you live alone. I know end of May I couldn't see my mum because of that reason but it may be different this time around?
I'm having similar issues re childcare. My dad has been collecting my youngest from primary school while I go and collect my eldest from secondary, but not sure this will be allowed during lockdown?
Hoping it comes under "informal childcare"?