Supporting DD with new baby

[DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe]

My DD is due to give birth to her first child next week. The plan was I would move in with them for a while to help out. Her DH works long hours and won't have much time off. Anyone know if this would be okay with the new restrictions? Does it count as child care or caring for a vulnerable person? DD doesn't need any more stress, having a baby during a pandemic is bad enough. She's really upset.

To clarify re the latest guidance...

You must not meet socially indoors with family or friends unless they are part of your household - meaning the people you live with - orsupport bubble.

Asupport bubbleis where a household with ONE ADULT joins with another household. Households in that support bubble can still visit each other, stay overnight, and visit outdoor public places together.

So you can't create a support bubble if there is more than one adult in a household.

You can provide childcare and support

You are moving in with her
You arent risking any body else
Do it!

Please do it.
I have a friend who gave birth in June and her mental health has suffered immensely. Her husband works long shifts out of the home and I think her mum should have done more to support her and help her.
New mums have been abandoned during this whole pandemic.

Why are people giving out the wrong advice? You can support her.

Sorry to jump on your thread op but I have a similar question. I'm due a c-section early December. The plan was my mum (who lives an hour away) is coming to stay just before I go into hospital so she can watch our other kids, take ds to school etc as DH will be (in theory) with me in hospital (I know not likely for long but still). And then she was planning to stay 10 days or so and then go home.
So technically this isn't allowed. But then surely I still need childcare for my other two kids whilst I'm in hospital so if that is allowed and she comes to stay and have the kids whilst I'm in hospital why can't she stay for a while once I'm out?

@strawberrymelons Totally agree re new mums. I have a five month-old baby girl (as well as two older children) and in retrospect, as terrible as it sounds, I wish I hadn't had her. Well not during this time anyway. It's been truly horrendous.

@DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe Firstly Congratulations ! Secondly good on you for telling your daughter come what may. I had no4 the week before lockdown and, like your daughter my DH was gone all day working long hours the day after I came home from hospital. My Mom couldn't help as she's a Nurse and I can tell you it was a testing time and I really missed the help I'd had with the others. If anything mostly the company ( and cups of Tea!) But, at least I knew what to expect and what to do feeding and caring for a newborn! through it all I thought often of the brand new Moms having their first babies and being on their own. You go and be with her, if nothing else, and regardless of the rules, accessing any sort of support is nigh on impossible for new Moms ( where I am anyway) so she'll need you more than ever!

Mums supporting there daughters with babies and childcare....

Just do it

Your not harming anyone, there is no wider risk to the public.
Childcare and support is allowed.

Just do it ! Who will know if they stay over
If anyone asks! Theve moved in and joined your household !

Will the DH be entitled to paternity leave?

I am due on Monday. My mother was due to fly over from ireland in 2 weeks time to stay with us and help me when DH goes back to work. I also have a 1 year old and I had pretty bad post natal depression last time around. Now, they are saying international travel is for work only. I must admit, I am very upset. I have no idea if she will even see my daughter until lockdown is over. I am going to try be brave with whatever comes, and see the bigger picture, and focus on the health of my baby being the most important thing. It's tough.

Go to your daughter if you can. You will never have this time with her again. She needs you.

@GlitteryFluff Some of the mums I know that had hospital births around the same time (end of May) made the heartbreaking decision to go in alone so that husband could look after the other kids. It's not right but technically the rules meant that is what had to happen. I very much hope it has changed now.

They also had to labour alone until in "established" labour, most usually determined by a vaginal examination.

I know some partners missed the births of their new babies altogether because this isn't of course an "exact science."

So, in a nutshell, labouring women have had to consent to fingers (unecessarily) put into their vaginas in order to allow for any partner support.

What an absolute disgrace.

I am extremely fortunate in that I was able to have my baby at home. I know that for lots of women this isn't an option and how expectant mums and their families have been treated simply isn't OK.

@MummaBear4321

I am due on Monday. My mother was due to fly over from ireland in 2 weeks time to stay with us and help me when DH goes back to work. I also have a 1 year old and I had pretty bad post natal depression last time around. Now, they are saying international travel is for work only. I must admit, I am very upset. I have no idea if she will even see my daughter until lockdown is over. I am going to try be brave with whatever comes, and see the bigger picture, and focus on the health of my baby being the most important thing. It's tough.

Go to your daughter if you can. You will never have this time with her again. She needs you.

Oh MummaBear, that's so tough. Is that Irish restrictions that are already in force, or are they coming in with the English lockdown on Thursday? Could she get to you before Thursday? Are there compassionate grounds for travel? Surely this qualifies? A new mum and baby qualify as vulnerable surely? The whole thing is such a mess. Good luck 💐

Move in and stay there for the duration

What they won't want is people shuttling between households.

My DBro moved in with my elderly mother, because we all thought it was safer for her than to have careers visiting, and he can almost entirely WFherH.

Do it no matter what your daughter needs you more then ever. You are helping provide care for her and your grandchild.

Enjoy the time together

@DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe under irish restrictions she could still travel because it was care of a vulnerable person but now with the UK governments restrictions on specifically flights, it's going to be difficult. I dont know how how would even prove that she is travelling to care for me and not just for a holiday. We will wait and see what happens, and if she actually needs to prove her reason when flying, and if there even are flights. I am trying not to panic. It's just another hurdle at the very last minute. It's been a difficult time to be pregnant.

This is from the guidance:

“8. Childcare and children’s activities
Parents will still be able to access some registered childcare and other childcare activities (including wraparound care) where reasonably necessary to enable parents to work, or for the purposes of respite care.

Early years settings can remain open. Parents are able to form a childcare bubble with another household for the purposes of informal childcare, where the child is 13 or under. As above, some households will also be able to benefit from being in a support bubble, which allows single adult households to join another household.

Some youth services may be able to continue, such as 1-1 youth work and support groups, but most youth clubs and groups will need to cease for this period.“

I think you fall into the childcare bubble part of this guidance and moving in so you are also part of the household helps too. After the initial period when you move back home you can still form a childcare bubble.

So am I correct in thinking...

You can only form a support bubble if one household has ONE adult eg a lone parent family, but that if you have a partner you are still able to use grandparents etc for informal childcare?

@Nicknamegoeshere I think that is correct, but you are not meant to socialise if providing childcare, just provide childcare. So no having meals with the whole family etc

I know lots of families who have childcare bubbles with their children’s best friends so they can do play dates and help each other out childcare wise.

@Nicknamegoeshere
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!!
My heart is breaking for my friend, it's her first and I hate that this is how she has experienced it.

Us mums are strong and you will get through this- but I can only imagine how difficult it has been!

I’m currently due and we’ll be moving in with my parents after baby is here. I have a toddler and am prone to depression, even with DH around it would be tough.

MIL is actually on her way to us now as my parents are self-isolating until mid week anyway so she’ll stay until they’ve completed their isolation.

Good luck @PolarBearStrength. It's great that you have both sides of the family working together to help out. My daughter seems less stressed now she knows I can move in when her DH goes back to work. She's overdue now so every day is nerve wracking! Also positive news that infants don't count towards numbers of people mixing, so she'll be able to arrange a walk with one of the mums she met at antenatal class, which is a relief.

My daughter is 4 months, we didnt follow the rules last time because they were stupid. Basically just isolating new first time mums and babies, so we saw both sides of the family and I will be again. People arent supposed to parent solo. It's why they says it takes a village! X

Especially when they give you post natal support. My daughter has never been weighed except for when she was 5 days 🤷‍♀️ we exclusively breastfeed too so no idea whether shes gaining weight okay. I'm in a June due date group and everyone pretty much did the same, new mums are most defiantely vulnerable!

They have now passed the regulations and they have put new parents into the list of people able to receive care under the exemptions.

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/1200/pdfs/uksi_20201200_en.pdf