Having my son’s friends over during half term?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

It’s half term here and tomorrow I have invited over one of son’s best friends who is in his class at school.

My mum was pretty outraged when o mentioned it as apparently I shouldn’t be having other children in my home.

I explained that they spend all day together at school so what difference does it make whether they’re together in school or in our home?!

She wasn’t convinced though.

I am right though aren’t I?

It’s fine for him to have a friend over isn’t it?

We don’t live in an area of heightened restrictions.

Posted by accident also meant to add.

In school there is frequent hand washing and cleaning of services, windows and doors open etc. Also they are not allowed to touch either or hug. Will they be doing this in the play date?

The 'Rule of Six' ie. Allowing 6 people from different households together indoors is completely pointless if you have to 'socially distance' as well, as obviously if 6 people are gathering at someone's house, for whatever reason, the chances of them socially distancing is pretty much zero.

OP, don't cancel this for your son. If both you and the other child's family are happy to do it, and you are in Tier 1, you are not breaking any laws. I am in Tier 1 and most people I know are still going to someone else's house at times as are some of the people I know who are in Tier 2 as well

Also they are not allowed to touch either or hug. Will they be doing this in the play date?

The children in my son’s class have lots of physical contact with each other.

@QueenofmyPrinces

It's not allowed unless they distance and you've said they won't. However what is allowed and what people actually do is another matter.

But they don’t socially distance in school - so what’s the difference?

Yes he will be playing with my sons toys, but he would still be doing that even if he was socially distanced.

This is why I hate the rules.
My son is so desperate to have his friend over and I’m going to hate having to tell him that he can’t come

The difference is partly viral load. You have a higher chance of catching Covid and getting worse symptoms the longer and closer you are in contact with someone. So if your son is incubating Covid but doesn't have symptoms, he will have given the other boy some dose of Covid by being close to him in school but the dose will be increased by them being close during an additional play date. Also what if you have picked up Covid? You would be exposing another boy and potentially another family which at the very least would require him to self isolate for a fortnight. At worst it could spread unnecessarily to another family. Your son might get it from you but get symptoms before school starts again so wouldn't be in school to pass it on to others.

OMFG.

Your DS can have his mate over to play.

You’re happy with it.
The other parent is happy with it.
They’re both at school together anyway.

What does your mum (or randomers of MN) have to do with it?

You’re breaking no rules. Everyone concernEd happy. Anyone else should butt out.

I would totally have the playdate OP. I could bang on for hours about the value of letting your son have that normality and the importance of that v the risk and blindly following the roolz & the erosion of our privacy and civil liberties this year...but I won't!

Also the other thing I always think is this: the kids are already at school together, not really SD, having a playdate out of school isn't going to materially change anything if one of them does get Covid. If your sons friend gets it, your son will already presumably have to SI for two weeks anyway because they've been together at school? So just have the playdate!

I hope he has a great time!

I read this: ‘ a teacher is preventing VERY close mixing‘ and thought er no they’re not everywhere. I have a reception aged child and while they are being kept apart from other year groups, washing hands etc, there is certainly no social distancing.

I would do the odd play date at home with very close school friends as long as I could social distance from parents but have met less good friends/children outside of school outside.

It is impossible to explain this stuff to those that don't want to understand it.

There is deliberate focus on 'they are in school together all day' but the children are not in school all day with the parents from another family.

Scotland's general ban on in house mixing is the correct approach I think - and is what epidemiologists advise.

Indoor mixing is foolish at the present time.

The parents who do it are sadly making schools less stable and increasing spread. However there is no telling them as they do not see it this way, whether because they can't or they won't.

@practicing - i think everyone understands the risks. Its just that for many people the benefits of providing normal an existence as possible for their children v the risk of covid for their circumstances are worth it

Secondary school kids are jumping all over each other too. I actually think they’d be further apart in a household setting.

I think you have to assess for yourself OP. I’ve judged it’s ok as it’s just me and dd and I do nothing, far less than is actually permitted.

We are only doing it with dd’s best friend though. She will definitely get whatever the other child has. And I will stay a distance from and have good ventilation while the child is here .

Do you always ask your mums permission when inviting people to your house?

There is deliberate focus on 'they are in school together all day' but the children are not in school all day with the parents from another family.

But if the parents of both children are OK with it, and it breaks no government guidelines or rules, then why should it be a problem?

Fine, don’t break the rules of your are/tier.

But otherwise carry on if both families are OK with it.

Do you always ask your mums permission when inviting people to your house?

I think you have to assess for yourself OP. I’ve judged it’s ok as it’s just me and dd and I do nothing, far less than is actually permitted.

Same here, I’m currently off work and apart from going to the corner shop every few days I’m pretty much home all day. My husband goes to work every day and my youngest son goes to a childminder 3 days a week. In fact, two days ago my eldest son (the ones whose got his friend coming over) went out with the childminder too.

The only time I’m in close proximity to other adults is when I do school pick up where it is rammed, lots of us all huddled together whilst waiting to enter the school grounds. However, during that role we are outside and masked up so not as risky.

But if the parents of both children are OK with it, and it breaks no government guidelines or rules, then why should it be a problem?

Because of scenarios such as:
1 child is already infected but asymptomatic (has picked it up from somewhere other than school).
Passes infection onto other child at play date
By Monday child 1 is no longer infectious and returns to school
By Monday child 2 is still nicely infectious.
On Tuesday child 2 starts showing symptoms, takes a test and is positive. Whole "bubble" now has to self isolate.

Or even
Child 1 is infectious and asymptomatic but due to measures taken at school (which mean less than continuous close contact despite the children not socially distancing all the time) does not pass it onto any other child
Child 1 goes on a playdate with Child 2. They are in close contact in a small indoors room continuously for 3 hours, touch a lot of the same surfaces/toys, shout in each others faces ... Child 1's younger sibling and mother are also there and in close contact for some of the time.

Child 2, mother and sibling become infected and passes it onto his child 2's father who passes it onto colleagues at work and his sibling passes it on to other children that he is in contact with

This is the compromise I’m thinking of:

Sending my youngest son to his Grandad’s so that’s one less person in the house.....especially someone of an age who will definitely not be able to social distance.

Boys to wash their hands before going to play.

The boys can play in the playroom but only the playroom, no going anywhere else in the house.

I will not be up there with them and the windows in the playroom will be in open.

Instead of him coming over for the planned 4 hours, he will only come for two so less chance of him needing to go to the toilet. Plus less exposure to each other.

@QueenofmyPrinces

It is only allowed if there is social distancing. OP has ( understandably) said that there won't be

But they don’t socially distance at school?

The difference is that going to school is necessary. Going to a friend's house isn't.

Anyone who really believes that children are in any way SDing within school are very naive.

I know what the government and the DfE say is happening in schools but if you truly believe there is ANY form of SDing, especially in infant age classes then you are massively mistaken.

I work in an infant school and within classes there is NO social distancing at all. None. And it isn't expected either.

These children are sat directly one another. They don't always sit next to the same child. During continuous provision and playtimes they mix in close contact with even more. There is no attempt to keep them separated. They are always within touching distance.

It isn't even possible for the teacher and TA to SD from the children in these classes. I know. I teach across 9 classes of this age, again no SDing is possible between them abd between them and staff.

Even though I've taken extra care as I'm clinically vulnerable, I have now tested positive for Covid and have spent the past 10/11 days in bed so far. It was inevitable sadly. Chances of me having caught it elsewhere are minimal.

The SD thing is the only issue. They are not SD at school. The parks and playgrounds will be heaving at half term. Kids won't be expected to SD. Many will be coughing and spluttering over each other. Play date at home seems safer BUT it is a slight breach of the rules over SD. I really don't see a problem with it.

Anyone who really believes that children are in any way SDing within school are very naive.

I know what the government and the DfE say is happening in schools but if you truly believe there is ANY form of SDing, especially in infant age classes then you are massively mistaken.

I work in an infant school and within classes there is NO social distancing at all. None. And it isn't expected either.

These children are sat directly one another. They don't always sit next to the same child. During continuous provision and playtimes they mix in close contact with even more. There is no attempt to keep them separated. They are always within touching distance.

Agree with all of this - that’s exactly how it is at my son’s school.

There's definitely no SD in primary schools. When I picked my reception age son up the other day, he was in the line with his friend whilst the teacher was dismissing them to parents. The 2 boys had my sons water bottle balanced between their two foreheads trying to keep it up and laughing their heads off 🙈 but that's 5 year old boys for you.
Honestly OP if you are happy to have the child in your house and so are the other parents then I would do it

I discussed the Rules () with my son and the other mom and she’s more than happy for him to come over.

So he’s going to come over this afternoon.

I hope they both have a lovely time, OP. I would have made the same decision. (And there is no social distancing within bubbles in my dcs' primary school either!).

I’m so pleased you are going ahead with this. Children need some normality amongst this and to see and play with their friends.

For me it's about reducing the chance that I (and the kids) have to spend 14 days SI at home.

If the little boy develops symptoms (and subsequently tests positive) within 48 hours of being in your house then you and ds will have to self isolate at home for 14 days from today.

If you are happy to risk that, fine. At least Dh And DC2 will be able to go out for shopping etc.