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Original poster

Having my son’s friends over during half term?

131 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 21/10/2020 16:26

It’s half term here and tomorrow I have invited over one of son’s best friends who is in his class at school.

My mum was pretty outraged when o mentioned it as apparently I shouldn’t be having other children in my home.

I explained that they spend all day together at school so what difference does it make whether they’re together in school or in our home?!

She wasn’t convinced though.

I am right though aren’t I?

It’s fine for him to have a friend over isn’t it?

We don’t live in an area of heightened restrictions.

OP posts:
Legoandloldolls · 21/10/2020 18:41

I'm having my sons friend over. It's under 6, they are all over each other at school and no one else except them and me will be there.

If your ok, his mum is ok and the boys are ok with it then just do it. We haven't had any play dates since March and this wont be over by March either.

Sweetchillijam · 21/10/2020 18:50

Its entirely up to you and other mum in tier 1. But if your mum lives on her own, sees a fair bit of you and or your DC, helps out with childcare then why put your mum at risk for a playdate?

Or if the playdate is so important explain this to your mum and have 10 days off from seeing her after the play date to help protect your mum and help minimise her risk.

We are in a tier 1 area. My elderly father died of covid. My best friend, her parents and two of her teen children tested positive and got off fairly lightly with Covid recently. However, she passed it onto her partner. He is in his mid 50’s and has not been so lucky. He has been very poorly with it and went into hospital with it this week and my friend is understandably out of her mind with worry.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 21/10/2020 18:56

Or if the playdate is so important explain this to your mum and have 10 days off from seeing her after the play date to help protect your mum and help minimise her risk.

I rarely see my mom - we speak on the phone every few days but I probably only see her once a month and she doesn’t do any childcare for us.

I don’t know what to do now.

It didn’t even occur to me that I would be something ‘wrong’ by having him over but I guess from seeing these replies I’m taking risks that I shouldn’t be Sad

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/10/2020 19:04

It didn’t even occur to me that I would be something ‘wrong’ by having him over

There has been nothing in the news or announced by the government that SD has been abolished so not sure why it wouldn’t occur to you that guests still need to SD.

Sweetchillijam · 21/10/2020 19:07

If your and your DC are healthy and you don’t have any contact with elderly or vulnerable people then its up to you and the other mum.
Regardless of the school bubbles it depends how much other contact you, your friend and your offspring have outside of the school bubble with others. The more contacts with others you each have the higher your risks are.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 21/10/2020 19:08

There has been nothing in the news or announced by the government that SD has been abolished so not sure why it wouldn’t occur to you that guests still need to SD.

Because a 6 year old child is different to an adult “guest”.

And like I said, they spend all day at school together not socially isolating so I assumed it would be fine for them not to be socially isolating at other places (with each other) too.

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 21/10/2020 19:17

@Clareflairmare

Social distancing is a (wise) guideline, rule of six is law. So you are allowed to in tier 1, and personally I wouldn’t bother attempting social distancing with a young child meeting another child in their bubble.
This.

OP is in tier 1 so it is legal to have DS’s friend over. Playing together means not SDing, but that is NOT illegal.

OP’s Mum thinks it’s wrong - well, she is mistaken, but she has the absolute right to manage her risk within the bounds allowed by law. IMO that means if she thinks the (legal) risk OP is taking in the interested of DS’s well-being is too much for her, she will need to stay away from them for 2 weeks.

flumposie · 21/10/2020 19:27

We've done this and vice versa.

LST · 21/10/2020 19:31

FYI social distancing is guidance. NOT law.

NaturalLight · 21/10/2020 19:32

It might not actually be against the law but it’s against the guidance of the experts. I guess you make up your own mind if you are happy to ignore the Guidance, I personally wouldn’t as I’d be worried of passing Covid to the friend.

Playdoughcaterpillar · 21/10/2020 19:33

I think the pendants will continue to say you shouldn't but you're not breaking any rules and children's mental health is an important consideration too. I would do it.

PrivateD00r · 21/10/2020 19:37

OP I don't know why you keep saying they aren't SD in school. Yes they sit close together in the classroom, but only a few children will be within 2 metres of your dc and it will be the same few children everyday. They will likely be SD when lining up etc and in the toilets. When playing outside they won't, but shouldn't be touching each other and being outside is obviously safer than inside. When in the classroom, they will be regularly washing their hands and won't be touching each others things. Surely you can see how this is different to inviting this child into your home? The evidence clearly is showing there is little spread in schools but lots of spreads in private homes.

Obviously it is totally up to you what you do and not your mum, however it is a bit silly to say you didn't think there was anything wrong with this arrangement.

(I have 3 DC at 3 different schools and all work in this way)

namechanged984630 · 21/10/2020 19:42

The chief medical officer literally explained why schools are more covid secure - a teacher is preventing VERY close mixing, plus what everyone else has said about the OP being close to this child, him using her bathroom etc. It's not just your risk, OP. That's the thing.

CKBJ · 21/10/2020 19:51

If all parties involved are happy and you live in tier 1 I don’t see what the problem is. Even more so because they are in same school bubble. Whatever is said about primary school bubbles children are close together for at least 6hrs. Yes they wash their hands but they can do that while on a play date. Children need to be allowed to behave like children. I hope your sons play date goes ahead and has great fun!

esmethurst · 21/10/2020 19:54

Oh dear OP.

It doesn't matter that they're not socially distancing at school.

It matters because then you are coming into contact with the child, and the rest of your family are.

It's really not that confusing.

You're breaking the law.

Your mother is right.

wondersun · 21/10/2020 20:00

And this is why the school guidelines are utter nonsense. And dangerous.

Up and down the country people will be doing this and all the little risks will add up.

I am not blaming OP at all or anyone having friends around whatever the tier tbh (although I think only legal in tier 1) but I’m so cross at how the return to schools has been mis-sold.

They’ve decided the risks are worth taking for education/childcare/socialisation. They should have been honest about the reasoning rather than telling people that schools are magically safe and free from transmission.

Of course people will make this jump when they’ve been told schools are safe. Because it doesn’t make sense. If they can’t catch it at school, how on earth are they going to catch it in a different location??!

I do accept the argument that they will have seen more people etc because it’s the holidays, but this anomaly will have existed throughout the term for after school play dates etc.

LST · 21/10/2020 20:02

@esmehurst wrong wrong wrong. She is NOT breaking the law. You are totally wrong. (How embarrassing) she may be breaking guidance. But not the law. HTH

LST · 21/10/2020 20:05

My 6yo is not socially distancing AT ALL in his bubble. Not in class rooms, not on the playground and not queuing up. The teacher may not be having close contact (except his is because he fell over and she cuddled him, which I am 100% ok with) but pp saying that sd is happening in primary schools.. Well not my experience

esmethurst · 21/10/2020 20:13

[quote LST]@esmehurst wrong wrong wrong. She is NOT breaking the law. You are totally wrong. (How embarrassing) she may be breaking guidance. But not the law. HTH[/quote]
Not really embarrassing.

Guidance then. By scientists. Actual people who know more about this virus than the OP who can't even understand why social distancing should happen.

LST · 21/10/2020 20:17

@esmethurst Where has she said that she won't be socially distancing? Her DS and his friend are in a bubble so don't need to.

esmethurst · 21/10/2020 20:19

[quote LST]@esmethurst Where has she said that she won't be socially distancing? Her DS and his friend are in a bubble so don't need to. [/quote]
It doesn't matter that they're in a bubble in school

They should still be distancing outside of school to reduce the amount of time they are near each other

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 21/10/2020 20:19

OP I don't know why you keep saying they aren't SD in school. Yes they sit close together in the classroom, but only a few children will be within 2 metres of your dc and it will be the same few children everyday. They will likely be SD when lining up etc and in the toilets. When playing outside they won't, but shouldn't be touching each other and being outside is obviously safer than inside.

The children sit on tables of four, and the children can switch seats during the day. He sits next to lots of other children each day and they do share paper, paints, activities etc.

When I drop him off at school the children are in a line (of sorts) but the children are jumping all over each other, holding hands, hugging etc etc.

At break time they all play together - yes they are outside so risks are reduced in terms of air droplets, but they are all still touching each other.

OP posts:
LST · 21/10/2020 20:23

@esmethurst my mum has my dc and my db dc they aren't even in bubbles but because its childcare its allowed. There is nothing wrong with that, but you are saying that it is worse for 2 children who are in a bubble for most of the week cannot play together outside the safe haven of a school for more than a few hours?

esmethurst · 21/10/2020 20:29

@LST

I'm saying the guidance, based on science and evidence, states that they should be socially distancing outside of school even if they're in a bubble in school because if they aren't then that is further exposure together which further increases the risk of covid.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 21/10/2020 20:29

The bubble thing is completely irrelevant.

OP is effectively asking if it is permitted to have a non socially distanced gathering at her house with someone who is not part of the household. It just so happens that the someone is a child in a school bubble with her child. Doesn't change the guidance. Just changes her perception of the risk.