If you are upset/frustrated about restrictions, why? anyone else not bothered or become numb to it?

[grette]

I get some restrictions are a bit rubbish. Can’t travel, limited numbers to places etc.

But people saying they can’t cops? They’re upset? I don’t get it and starting to worry maybe I’ve become numb to life?

I suspect it’s because I haven’t really felt the impact of say, not seeing an elderly relative for example (none in close family anymore).

But aside from that, I’ve enjoyed working from home, the quieter roads and traffic, the limited drinking hours and even the restrictions on big groups when at dinner! I say this as an employee of the corporate world and who spent lots of time in bars and restaurants and socialising...and I enjoyed it very much but I don’t yearn for it back. Maybe I’ve forgotten what it was like? I read posts saying people are at breaking point and it just seems like a quieter way of life with small inconveniences? Am I some numb shell of who I was and have forgotten life pre covid?!

I should reiterate that pre-covid my very mentally unwell teenager was on an 8-month waiting list for CBT. He was very unwell and couldn't get any treatment on the NHS except Prozac.

It was shit before Covid - totally underfunded and understaffed and the staff were rather disillusioned (and that is being generous, they were so short-staffed they weren't actually interested unless the child was suicidal and ill enough to be admitted as an inpatient).

There were at best 2 CBT practitioners for the CAMHS for the whole town/county (not sure which) and the waiting list was ridiculous and kept being extended and I don't know if we would ever have received it.

Snoringferret, as I said, I am ok, I accept the circumstances. And that's my true feeling. What is wrong with that? Of course I want to see my parents. Of course I want my dc to see the dr so I feel reassured he is ok. But I came to terms with it, so maybe in a way I am the lucky one. Maybe that's my coping strategy, by saying I'm ok, I am being positive. I don't even know it myself.

Earlier on the thread someone talked about being truly afraid of their life, maybe same for me. I experienced that with my dc, so I can cope with most of the things in life.

I really don't understand this statement. Why would you go out of your way to say that you're ok on a anonymous forum in a thread asking why people are struggling if you secretly weren't ok?

I'm not enjoying this at all. I am really missing my elderly parents and worrying about how much time we'll have left with them before this is all over...desperately hoping that we will have some time left when it's all over.

I'm also sad for my dd, and the many things that she has missed out on over the last few months, not to mention the things that she will miss out on in the months ahead. I'm worried about her GCSEs next summer. Worried about DH's lost income (he is self employed). Worried about the potential impact on my own career. Worried about what would happen if DH or I were to catch Covid because we're both in vulnerable categories.

So not enjoying it at all, but I would still say that I'm ok. I am ok. I am reasonably resilient and accept that the situation is as it is, and that we just have to get on with things as best we can. Me falling apart over it all is not going to make things any better.

I'm in an area that is basically back to full lockdown at the moment, the only difference being that schools are open (but that doesn't affect me in any way).

I suffer with anxiety, and usually cope by keeping busy with work, going to the gym, going to my hobby, and spending time with friends and family.

I've had very little work since March as I'm freelance and my clients have not wanted/needed/been able to afford my services. I am now unable to visit family, unable to go to the gym (the little one I use is still closed and I can't afford another membership), I can't get out and about as much as the first lockdown as the weather is now rubbish and my partner needs to take the car to work (sitting in the garden the first time round or going out for nice sunny walks made a HUGE difference), my partner is at work much longer hours than normal meaning I'm literally on my own until the evening, and I can no longer go to my hobby, but it's still going on because it's in an area that's not in lockdown, and it was only me who travelled from outside of the area - so whereas in March we were doing Zoom calls and the like, now everyone else is back to the hobby and I'm sitting at home on my own. My family work during the day, and I have very few friends.

So surely you can see why it's a bit frustrating for someone with anxiety?

I literally feel like tearing my hair out (it's something I do when I feel anxious).

The main thing that gets me down is not seeing my elderly parents or family who live too far away for a day trip.
I really thought by now the over-70s would have had a vaccine so I stayed away from them over the summer when numbers were low but not zero just to be really safe, and thought I'd see them in the autumn or winter.
Now that seems unlikely and I am so sad.
But no-one makes any profit from me seeing my parents or family, so that is of little interest to the very prolific anti-lockdown posters.

We’ve been in local lockdown since July. Rule of 6 is something we can only dream of!
DH and I both wfh, having no commute is the only benefit, I’m struggling with the lack of interaction and with not being able to switch off.
DC are in school (no class closures yet thankfully) and have returned them to some kind of normality as things like football, dance has started up again but I am fearful that these will be stopped again soon if the “tier one, two and three” is applied. Other than that they and we have no social contact with anyone. The DC usually love this time of year with Halloween, they have birthdays coming up and then Christmas but clearly all that is off and we are trying to make the best of it.
Haven’t seen my parents since March as they are both very anxious and don’t want to take the risk of us going there with the rates as high as they are in our area.
Overall it’s pretty shit but I am acutely aware that compared to some we have it easier due to being able to wfh and not in the kind of jobs that are at risk.

I think it’s definitely a stage of life thing. We have two young children, so past the going out late loads so the 10pm curfew for example hasn’t really affected us (though would be lovely to go out in a group bigger than 6!), we have managed meals out including adult ones. Think my area may go into local lockdown soon though and we really miss certain friends and having to book everything grinds you down. My eldest has just started reception and is loving it so I’m just crossing fingers on the bubbles bursting as working from home in a busy job with kids is impossible (we moved in with my parents during the lockdown - couldn’t have coped otherwise). Not enjoying full time working from home but as another poster said, I’m trying not to put my life on hold. We are moving house to somewhere bigger which will be lovely, and I’m trying as hard as I can (within the limitations at the moment!) to do well at work and work towards a promotion. We have been lucky that we aren’t, at the moment, impacted financially and we both in reasonably secure industries. I really feel for people who have lost jobs, businesses, houses and it makes me so angry when people scream for restrictions not realising what others have to give up. We have been trying to support local businesses, cafes and restaurants wherever we can, and taking the kids out to do things within the rules. Maybe having kids is helping as we are trying as hard as we can to make life ‘normal’ for them.

past and alexa

I'm glad you're ok! It sounds like you both have a really healthy and productive attitude to it all and that's great.

I have no issue in the slightest with people being ok (that would be deranged if I did) in fact I am ok the vast majority of the time.

My point is that it's ok to find the small things hard too and you don't have to be a refugee or have something major happen to you to not be coping. And that this isn't down to a lack of perspective but simply because that's how mental health works.

Have to also add I feel so sorry for young people and students though and glad it’s not me or my kids at that time of life. You never get your university days back and they aren’t even high risk for the virus so are being asked to give up an awful lot for very little direct benefit to them (yes I know the wider impacts before anyone jumps on me)

I'm fed up with a lack of things to do with the family. Dh and I are working crazy hours all the time, we've not had one full day off (including weekends) since march. I have a toddler and when we do have an afternoon to do something there isnt anything local anymore. Libraries, soft played leisure centres are all closed. So we spend more time at home which we are all utterly sick of.

LindaEllen I can relate to some of what you say. I am also freelance and for reasons related to the virus/pandemic (but not the lockdown) my work has greatly reduced and sometimes I am bored and lonely at home.
It was easier before the schools went back as my DC were at home and we would go out for walks in the countryside. Now they are (thankfully) back in education and have masses of homework, so even in the evening and weekends they don't have time for walks or even their usual sport (I think the teachers are frontloading the work in case of school closure later in the winter).
My DC has severe anxiety and I have some - I also pull out my hair by scratching my scalp when anxious.
I can also agree with some of what the OP says - personally I don't miss pubs, restaurants, in-store shopping, gathering in large groups. But that doesn't mean everything else is OK - less work, less money, not seeing family, elderly parents stuck at home keeping safe on their own.

We haven't seen family for ages. We're in Scotland and they're in NI.

My side of the family: wise up and get over - ummm no.
DH's: don't come! Ok.

I miss everyone but not enough to get on a bloody contagious boat or plane and some of the oldies are v old and others vulnerable and have been shielding so it's a no brainer.

secretly glad I can have Christmas am in my jammies with NA Buck's Fizz and with DD and her Santa gifts

Waiting to see what Wee Nic says later.

I did have a cuppa with a friend on Monday, one earlier and another planned today after lunch, so I'm getting my head round socialising. It feels weird though and I want to hug my friends, though I can't.

We're lucky in that we have full cupboards, plenty of green space close by and DH is WFH... I'm job hunting but not confident to sign up for anything right now. I want to get Christmas over and feel I can take a breath before getting my work dresses on.

The whole situation has really made me realise how other people live in ways that I never understood before. I've never experienced the big family gatherings and parties and stuff because I was brought up in a very small family (6 was the maximum number we ever had round at Xmas anyway, for example). I've also never been part of big friendships groups and mostly meet people individually.

It's been about 2 years since I was anywhere indoors with a group of more than 6 people (a party/gathering at someone's house). So the restrictions have had no impact on me really. The main problem for me is that I don't have a car and don't want to get on public transport now so that means I can't go anywhere even if the place itself would feel safe as the journey there wouldn't.

My point is that it's ok to find the small things hard too and you don't have to be a refugee or have something major happen to you to not be coping. And that this isn't down to a lack of perspective but simply because that's how mental health works.

Yes, I do agree with this. As it happens, I work with people who have suffered major trauma, so I have an abundance of perspective in that sense, but you're right that this isn't how mental health works. Seemingly small things can easily push people over the edge.

I do really empathise with anyone who isn't coping with the current situation. It's difficult. I guess I'm fortunate that I have a fundamentally optimistic outlook which helps me to believe that things will get better at some point further down the line....just hoping that will be sooner rather than later.

One thing which really helps me is to think about what I can learn from each situation. Yes, things are shit at the moment, but I try to look for the positives that I can take away from what's going on...I find that there is something to learn from any adverse experience. I'm aware that this probably sounds trite and dismissive, and I don't mean it to be, but it does really help me to find a positive way through.

I'm the same, OP - not really bothered by it tbh. My nearest extended family are 4 hours away so I don't see them often anyway. Dh and I don't socialise much and are still able to do pretty much all the things we'd usually be doing. The dc can see friends in accordance with the rule of 6 and are seeing them all day at school.

The only real inconveniences have been missing a holiday to visit family in Spain at Easter and the prospect of not being able to see dsis and her family at Christmas due to the rule of 6 if it's still in place. We'll be able to visit my parents and PIL.

It doesn’t bother me in the slightest I don’t have any friends or family close by so I m used to only seeing them a few times a year. We tend to just go out as a family so nothing has really changed for us. I quite enjoyed the march lockdown my mental health was great as my work stress had gone and I made more money as I had no travel time or costs and nothing else to do!! I missed our days out and holidays but it was nice to chill at home. I think the impact of the restrictions depends on how much they have changed your life and I do empathise that for many it has been really horrible but for us our life isn’t that different to this time last year just masks and a bit less spontaneity and more pre booking!

Up until the end of summer I would have agreed with you. I met one friend at a time and was happy going for a quiet meal out or a walk, I saw plenty of my family and managed a little camping holiday. No problems at all. Now, I'm a high risk person working with special needs children who bite and spit and can't distance at all, in an area with massively high numbers. My child is in school with no wrap around care so I'm juggling that with working full time. I'm preparing for home learning in the evenings so do a 7.30am to 10pm day each day. We're often short staffed because people are isolating so the day is stressful and I often miss breaks to cover people. I'm in local lockdown so can't meet up with anybody and I live alone so with my child so no chance of doing anything "adult" in the evenings or weekends.
I'm coping and I know in a lot of ways I'm luckier than many.... but yes I'm tired, scared and lonely and I cried on my way to work this morning because I don't see an end in sight.

alexa

That is good advice.

I'm normally a really optimistic person too, and am definitely a member of the 'make the best of what you've got crowd'.
But this has just been relentless and shows no sign of stopping and I'm just bloody shattered.

I'm in Newcastle and the numbers here are rising and rising. We're already in a very strict local lockdown and there's no way that's being lifted this side of Christmas and I wouldn't be surprised if they make them tighter within weeks.

I feel the stress of getting the virus when my business is open when i have to get public transport to work then serve the public, (obviously it's all covid secure but who knows what protection that actually gives you) combined with the stress of what happens financially if we shut.

I support the lockdowns and comply to all the rules both guidance and law, but it's hard when all around you people aren't.
I wouldn't break the rules but it's disheartening.

I'm ok 99.9999% of the time and I am so lucky in so many ways but I think we need to support each other however big or small people's problems may seem to you.

Lots of people have had little things that have been keeping them going.

Lots of people have had little things that have been keeping them going.

Yes, definitely. We need to try and find those little things that help us to hang in there. And I agree that we all need to support each other as best we can.

I've now just got to the "I couldn't give a shit what they do anymore" stage. The whole situation has been a farce from the beginning. I don't think there is anything they could do now that would surprise me.

I've stopped listening to or reading the news on covid. If the news is on now, I either tune it out, or leave the room and do something else.

The rules could have changed by now and I'd have no idea. It works for me.

Thanks BeNice

I work in community mental health services myself.

I think it very much boils down to what sort of person you are and how the restrictions affect your life. At the start of lockdown most people were in a very similar situation to a degree, no socialising etc but now with the different areas with different rules as well as the partial opening it affects everyone to a different degree. As others have said their life is relatively back to normal (with masks, social distancing and curb on numbers) but there are others, like me, who’s life is nothing like what it normally is so feel more fed up and low by it all. I’m not affected by schools being open. B groups are very limited in the area and fill up quickly. My baby’s swimming class still hasn’t restarted as they can’t get the pool time. I’ve never been a person who goes to the pub so them being open or shut doesn’t affect me. I can’t browse round the shops for ages or have a lunch out as masks with a baby who screams when you are wearing one or tries to pull it off is a disaster. My grandmother is in a care home And has never met her great grandchild due to the distance to travel and lockdown. My family and most of my friends are key workers so seeing them is limited to evenings (difficult with a baby and no option for childcare) or weekends, the weather turning makes it harder to get out the house to even go for a socially distanced walk with one of the two mum friends I made before lockdown so my life doesn’t look anything like it should. Covid has robbed me of what my maternity leave should of looked like, this year is full of significant family birthdays/events including mine in a couple of weeks that won’t be celebrated in the same way as they would have. I feel selfish saying that as people are dying but it doesn’t change the fact I am sad, fed up and some days I do feel like I can’t cope anymore. I think it is wonderful that some people are not feeling the same as me and that their lives are regaining a lot more normality but that doesn’t mean the rest of us should just suck it up and get on with it. We all do benefit from a good moan some days.

@CountessFrog

Thanks BeNice

I work in community mental health services myself.

Sorry if I have caused offence then! And I guess you know better than me how CAMHS work. But my experience was that my DC got seen quickly (with a lot of GP and parental pressure) at the suicidal stage but then when the at-risk phase lessened, the CBT never materialised, but he was still deemed suitable for Prozac (just requires a prescription rather than hours and hours of staff hours). I am quite disillusions. The care coordinator even suggested that I was a clever person and could try and teach my DC the CBT myself . I am sorry for anyone whose DC goes through anxiety. It is greatly misunderstood, particularly by those whose DC are simply stressed and under pressure, rather than mentally unwell. My DC's friends didn't get it at all and were a bit crap really. A couple of female teachers were amazing and some other teachers just saw it as a lack of resilience and rather inconvenient. I hope your DD starts to feel less anxious. It is overwhelming and takes over the DC's whole life.

I have young children so don't tend to socialize much in the evenings so that has been okay. My problem currently is planning ahead. I have a hotel break booked soon and find the uncertainty that it might suddenly be cancelled quite unsettling. I want to organise other things too but I worry about what the future holds in terms of another lockdown .
Obviously first world problems compared to what others are going through.
On a societal level I'm quite worried though ;the lack of freedom the government incompetence, the economic issues...

For me its the small things, the joy has been sucked out of life. Its my biethday today and usually I would take cakes into my office, go out for lunch with my whole team and have drinks or a meal planned with friends for the weekend. I can't do any of those things at the moment as my office is indefinitely shut, my team are all WFH and i can only meet 1 friend at a time in a pub or restaurant and noone at my home as the Scottish rules prohibit more than 2 households meeting and noone is aloowed to meet at home anymore. I was coping fine and quite upbeat until July but the last couple of months have been long and disheartening and I feel like there's nothing to look forward to.