If you are upset/frustrated about restrictions, why? anyone else not bothered or become numb to it?

[grette]

I get some restrictions are a bit rubbish. Can’t travel, limited numbers to places etc.

But people saying they can’t cops? They’re upset? I don’t get it and starting to worry maybe I’ve become numb to life?

I suspect it’s because I haven’t really felt the impact of say, not seeing an elderly relative for example (none in close family anymore).

But aside from that, I’ve enjoyed working from home, the quieter roads and traffic, the limited drinking hours and even the restrictions on big groups when at dinner! I say this as an employee of the corporate world and who spent lots of time in bars and restaurants and socialising...and I enjoyed it very much but I don’t yearn for it back. Maybe I’ve forgotten what it was like? I read posts saying people are at breaking point and it just seems like a quieter way of life with small inconveniences? Am I some numb shell of who I was and have forgotten life pre covid?!

DH industry hasn't been able to operate since March so we do quite miss having a household income. So there's that.

Maybe a perspective thing – volunteering in refugee camps where families have been separated for years, with GENUINELY no light at the end of the tunnel and no idea if their loved ones are even alive, made me a LOT less tolerant of Western whinging.

This is really unfair. You can't expect people not to be upset because they're people worse off, that's not how it works.

In the northeast the guidelines are you're not even allowed to meet someone for a socially distanced walk.

Not being able to see your family and not knowing when you will be able to again IS really hard.
I don't think it's whinging to say that.

I had a good work/life balance and enjoyed the out of doors before lockdown (e.g. walking to work every day through all weathers). Then people thought I was slightly weird.

I find it slightly ironic that those people are now raving about the less stressful lifestyle and how great it is to go for a daily walk. Whereas for me, I've just lost elements of my life that I liked whilst not losing any that I didn't.

Honestly? It's fine for us. I don't expect it to be fine for everyone else. Some of these restrictions will have a serious impact on other families. I will admit to an internal eye roll though when people wail about the lack of theatre and festivals though. We are all the product of thousands of generations surviving through the worst of war, pestilence, famines, thousands of generations of people adapting and making do and putting up but the arts, the arts, will someone think of the arts!

I don’t think you’re numb. I think you’re just lucky.

You haven’t experienced the sharp end of job losses, restricted health care options, inability to see elderly family, family abroad, loss of loved ones, inability to hold proper weddings and funerals...I think it’s easy to be resilient about the rule of six or whatever if that’s the only thing you’re dealing with, for other people on top of all the other stuff it can be the last straw.

I can't see my gran and I expect I may well never see her again. Because I'm in Wales, I can only socialise indoors with three other families who are in my "extended household", so no going to any one else's house for coffee. The swimming pool has closed again, and I have a back problem that worsens when I don't swim. I don't like WFH and our internet is poor so it's stressful. Church is still not open and even when it is, I expect it'll be weird.

When I give birth I will have to choose between being in hospital and having my husband there for all the labour. I've never wanted to have a home birth and I'm terrified of both options.

I could go on. To be fair, some of this is caused by organisations (like our council) going beyond what the government have made law, but it still wouldn't have happened without the law.

It bothered me to start with, i really didn't like it when I couldn't visit my parents or partner, but I can see them now so I'm happy.

I also missed seeing friends/colleagues at work and the general banter, and going on holiday but that's not the end of the world.
I've got used to that now.

I'm very lucky I still have my job, my kids have left school and they have got jobs too. I've never liked socialising in big groups - so whilst 6 is a bit too small, I prefer that to big crowds.

I think it's much harder for those that can't see elderly relatives or those with young children etc

And I find it even more bizarre that people don’t care about the arts. It’s thousands of jobs AND the result of thousands of years of culture in this country. But sure. Who needs art and theatre and beauty and joy and anything at all really? When we could be sitting at home on our laptops grinding away the days. Of course I know there are people who are worse off - and I am very sorry for them. But the idea that we should all just wave away everything apart from basic survival is just ludicrous.

Isn’t your hospital allowing birth partners at all, Piccadilly? I know it’s different for different areas but I wasn’t aware of any who weren’t letting anyone in.

TBH it's not bothering me - I think because in any situation I just look for what I can do, what's the best I can make of it and how I can introduce other things into my life that replace some of the things I'm missing.

Both me and my partner lost our jobs = we started new businesses over lockdown

We are totally skint and can't pay our bills = doing the best we can, keeping the mortgage, council tax and utilities paid and just accept that our credit history will be screwed for six years. On the upside (seeing the positives) this will mean we'll learn to live within our means!

Very social person = am catching up with people for virtual coffees who I haven't seen for years to replace some of the things I'd be doing in person

Can't do our big Christmas dinner with friends = making a virtual equivalent that I think done right will be fun and one to remember!

Miss some of the hobbies and things I'd have done when we had money = replaced them with gardening and painting which don't cost as much

I live 200 miles away from my family anyway so although I'm really close to my DM I would usually go weeks or months without seeing her. We see PILs regularly.

I think being in a local lockdown area would be harder though, but in the South East right now it all feels very manageable for the purpose of protecting people from death and long COVID.

I think a lot of it comes down to the extrovert/introvert divide.

I strongly disagree and think that this is often down to our circumstances not our personalities.

I'm an introvert but also a lone parent of three, with sole responsibility for the children, from toddler to early primary age. My parents are shielding and live in a lockdown area, and the rest of my family lives overseas. I have a full time job and cannot drive due to a health condition, which also makes me vulnerable to covid.

I can't become numb because so many days are such a slog - trying to keep working around children and illness and childcare issues. Not being able to drive means I have seen the same two local parks endlessly for 6 months. I have zero help with the children, beyond very limited covid-safe playdates, I'm spending in many ways less time with them as work is so busy and there is more to do around the house with them always here, and it feels like my life is getting smaller and smaller. We had lots of lovely walks and baking days at the beginning, but homeschooling was so hard, back to school was a lift in mood but now with cases rising, many days I just want to scream and scream. But then I put a smile back on my face, get kids to nursery and school, dial into another bloody Teams call and try to forget this is my life for another 6 months.

Fuck this smug 'oh you extroverts struggling with lockdown, we introverts are fine' thing. It's not about that.

Yes, jobs. Of course, but they are no more special than all the other jobs being crushed by this pandemic. Art and beauty will continue -these are not the preserve of a monetised art industry.

It’s often dismissed as frivolous on MN but for me, travel was such a big part of my life, along with the arts – cinema, theatre, concerts, spoken word and stand-up comedy gigs. Our life (DH and I, no DC) before covid did not centre around the home. We went out at least two evenings in the week and at the weekend would get up early and spend the whole day somewhere, doing something. It feels like my entire life, everything that makes me me has been ripped away. I’m doing all I can to make the best of the situation – have found a new love for gardening, for example. But I get really down and tearful at random times because of the way my life has changed so abruptly. On top of all of this, my job is at risk and I’m really struggling to figure out how we’re going to cope (DH’s job is as safe as can be but I earn 3 x his salary).

The service I attend for PTSD closed at the start of lockdown and although it has reopened now, it is all conducted by zoom and I’m finding this a very difficult situation – I feel stiffer and can’t really open up and talk about issues in the way I could f2f. It also brings my past trauma into my home and I’ve tried so hard to make home a safe place knowing that I do have a clinical location where I can let the issues rage. It’s hard to explain but this situation is really fucking me up.

Yesterday I found out that my dad’s cancer has worsened and there are no more treatment options. He has about 3 months left. He lives abroad and there is no air bridge with the UK. As things currently stand my father will die without full family there. We will not be able to attend his funeral. I will not be able to console my mother who is already not coping and seems to be in a worryingly dark place.

I hate this situation for all these reasons. Those who are sailing through are lucky. Weirdly though, and I don’t expect many folk to understand this, you would think that the situation with my dad would put the inability to travel, go to the cinema etc into perspective but it doesn’t. Yes, my dad and my health are worse situations and I can recognise this but I am still hugely upset about the other smaller stuff too. So I can’t get too worked up about some people getting upset about missing birthday parties. Yes, there are “bigger” issues but it’s all part of the bigger whole which is the loss of life as we knew it, future plans and expectations and the things we took for granted.

@ladybee28

Some of it seems very first-world problems to me.

Not all of it – people who have genuinely lost livelihoods or family members, or who are battling real mental health challenges, I have all the time for in the world.

But "I can't have dinner with my whole extended family at once" or "We haven't been able to go to museums for six whole months", or "Masks make my face sweaty so I don't like going to the shops anymore" makes me want to scream. It's not ideal, no. But it's hardly suffering.

Maybe a perspective thing – volunteering in refugee camps where families have been separated for years, with GENUINELY no light at the end of the tunnel and no idea if their loved ones are even alive, made me a LOT less tolerant of Western whinging.

I agree with this.

Especially - well, we're a family of four so can't meet our friends who are a family of three.

Just do things differently for a bit.

Women meet for coffee or walk without the kids = some great kid free time

Women or men meet without partners but with kids = nice play date

It's not exactly something to get depressed about and just sit at home sulking.

"I don’t think you’re numb. I think you’re just lucky."

I get what you are saying. As for me, my family lives abroad, I was planning to go see them this summer after a quite long time. That's cancelled. My parents are elderly. So I don't even know if I get to see them again.
My dc has chronic illness, the regular 3 monthly check ups has been cancelled, only the meds are sent direct from hospital.
I still feel fine, I accept it. Am I lucky? Maybe, I don't know. But I feel I am fine, and I feel for the people who say they can't cope. Everyone's different.

@Snoringferret

Maybe a perspective thing – volunteering in refugee camps where families have been separated for years, with GENUINELY no light at the end of the tunnel and no idea if their loved ones are even alive, made me a LOT less tolerant of Western whinging.

This is really unfair. You can't expect people not to be upset because they're people worse off, that's not how it works.

In the northeast the guidelines are you're not even allowed to meet someone for a socially distanced walk.

Not being able to see your family and not knowing when you will be able to again IS really hard.
I don't think it's whinging to say that.

I don't expect people not to be upset –I'm saying I find it harder to be upset, and to listen to people be upset about small things, when I've gained the perspective I have.

I live in a country which had the harshest lockdown in Europe and was completely alone inside my house for 3 months. I haven't seen my family in 2 years. You really don't need to tell me about not being able to go for a walk.

And the examples I gave weren't of people not knowing when they'll be able to see their family again; it was of things like "I can't go and see any live music any more."

Not the same thing.

I feel the same OP. The restrictions don't bother me too much, and I say that as an extrovert.

I agree that there's a lot of luck involved. I have a nice house and a lovely DH and DC, which helps when we're spending more time than usual at home. My job is not imminently at risk and neither is DH's (although they're not completely secure either). I'm generally more into seeing friends for dinner, which we can still do in small numbers, than going out to clubs or gigs. I'm seeing much less of my parents than usual, but I'm speaking to them on the phone a lot instead. We haven't been on holiday this year but that's not the end of the world.

I think for me it's that I've been through so much worse than not being able to be social. I've been truly scared for my life, so although I've been scared about CV at times it's nothing compared to how I've felt before.

I've spent a long time waiting for anything and everything I could imagine to go wrong, so again compared to those fears CV is serious but not particularly scary for me.

I don't rely on others not even close relatives, so I don't actually need them around and am fine with phone calls, etc.

I fully understand that this is my situation and it's different for others, but I do think sometimes that it sounds so wrong to complain about the little things when so many people have lost people, their health, their jobs, etc.

I'm struggling. I've been juggling work and two young DC - one with SEN - for months. Time alone has been nonexistent and I'm desperate for some space. My marriage is suffering.

At the same time, I'm worried about my parents, have no idea when I'll be able to see my DBro and his family.

DC haven't been able to have the specialist appointments they need, I haven't been able to get dental care I need. I'm on two waiting lists and the wait times are now in years.

With all the disruption and illness for the kids they sleep very badly so I rarely get a night in my own bed, at worst I have 2 hours sleep on the sofa in my clothes.

I'm a mess and more restrictions are going to prolong the time it takes us to get the help we need.

I don't give a damn about pubs (it's no surprise to discover I'm not social at the best of times) and if that's all people feel they're giving up then I'm glad, because I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I just accept it's got to be done, and try and make the most of things or adapt, ie went for a walk with a friend yesterday rather than coffee - U know we can meet for the latter, not we'd prefer to be more careful and protect eachother.

I have also been through some truly horrific things in my life, including the death of a sibling in very tragic circumstances, but I don’t think that means I’m not allowed to be upset about the current situation.

I am not frustrated by the restrictions but I am very disheartened and saddened by the continued need for the restrictions.

I tend towards exceeding the current guidelines, I am not for example having any other person in my house, but I am happy enough outside meeting others, and at work.

But it is very sad we are here and will be for a long time to come.

Not bothered by restrictions. I do feel more restrictions are needed now with cases rising.
I wish schools were optional. Havent sent ours back but feel underpressure.

If restrictions tighten i will struggle if we cant continue to bubble with parents. Children will also find this very hard.

I dont think some of the restrictions/permitted activities are logical

Every time I look at our local newspaper, more businesses have gone. The hospitality, tourist, heritage, arts and sporting industry which this city relies on are dying . Several will never recover. So many jobs lost. These are pubs/ clubs/ restaurants/ cafes/ galleries etc that were thriving until the pandemic hit.
Retailers and salons have closed for good. Three of my friends that, are self employed, and operating completely different services to each other have called it a day. Another has just sold a van and laid off staff to try and keep afloat. Two old people's homes are closing here soon with family not knowing where the hell their relatives will go.
My dc's vocational courses came to an end in March and won't be restarting. DC2 has been applying for jobs every day for months to no avail. DC3 returned from furlough but is now facing redundancy. DC1, who graduated this summer, may not got a job in their specified field as that industry has also taken a hit.
My mental health has worsened. I'm on a cocktail of new medications (including anti psychotics) without physically seeing a psychiatrist or CPN. Suffered horrendous side effects. Struggling to pay bills and keep the roof over our heads.
Added to this is the stress of us all not seeing parents/ grandparents and other relatives all year. Not seeing friends or going out.
Schools in the whole county are having frequent outbreaks. DN's year has just been sent home again. That's one whole week he's completed since September.

I could go on...

I think it is very individual and depends on your circumstances such as where you live in the country as many places have tighter rules due to local lockdowns, how your work, home life and finances have been affected as a result of the pandemic.

Personally I am frustrated with a massively increased work load and an attitude of we are back to normal in the work place with very few practical mitigations to risk versus restrictions everywhere else I go.

I’m frustrated because can’t meet with close friends from 1 household at home because we will be a group of 7. I feel trapped in a cycle of just going to work and being at home.

I personally believe the restrictions are necessary to protect myself and others so will continue to follow the rules.