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To feel really shit about how people judged me for no mask.

333 replies

DidSheReallySayThat20 · 04/09/2020 21:31

For the record. I've previously tried wearing a mask until today. I have ptsd relating to being suffocated in a DV relationship. I spent years in therapy and on meds to cope daily.
The last few times I've come over funny and feeling like I'm goi g to have a panic attack which I haven't had one in 4 years.
I also suffer with anxiety shopping in a store where I don't normally shop.

The gp said I do not need to wear a mask and I have valid reason for exemption

Today shopping two different sets of people were vocal about it.. One was a mutter I could barely catch but I heard.. that's 4 no masks today and continued out of ear shot

I kept my head down I felt awful. Then a couple said excuse me, you are aware of the rules or Are you another young one who thinks they're above the law.. I ignored them. I wish I'd come back with a reply now.
Only ' good' thing was being called young at nr 40.

Its been on my mind since and I honestly have tried but the anxiety and stress they caused and thinking about it days up to shopping day and after wearing one I woild of ended up back on anti depressants because it affected me so badly.

OP posts:
HeIenaDove · 12/09/2020 14:58

@PhilCornwall1 @LangClegsInSpace im back after being suspended for a week due to what i said on this thread.

Aridane · 12/09/2020 16:21

Welcome back, @HelenaDove

HeIenaDove · 13/09/2020 01:07

Ta @Aridane Smile

HeIenaDove · 13/09/2020 19:54

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-54075771?at_custom1=%5Bpost+type%5D&at_medium=custom7&at_campaign=64&at_custom4=D344D7DC-F26D-11EA-81F3-D58C96E8478F&at_custom3=BBC+News&at_custom2=facebook_page&fbclid=IwAR0LfSd8FJMpjC7aN34X-H_-lU1qItChlkA2MkKQyKi7DkGo7BbWp8FpnyI

Coronavirus: Man with chronic asthma 'forced' to wear mask on plane
By Anna Collinson
Health correspondent

A man with serious breathing issues says he was "ambushed" into wearing a face covering on a plane.

EasyJet has apologised after one of its pilots was filmed threatening to remove the passenger from the flight.

The man was carrying an exemption card - but it was rejected by the crew on his journey from Jersey to Gatwick.

Face coverings on UK public transport are mandatory but some people are allowed not to wear them, due to age, health or disability reasons.

Wearing a face covering is "strongly recommended" on the Island of Jersey, but certain groups are allowed not to wear them, including those with breathing difficulties.

The BBC has also been told of cases where people with lung conditions have been turned away from shops and other types of public transport because they were unable to wear a mask.

Charities say exemptions must be respected by companies and understood by the public.

With masks now a part of daily life, the challenge for many is striking a balance between safety procedures and protecting vulnerable people

Nick says he can't wear anything around his face or neck because he has chronic asthma.

"Whether it's a polo neck or a scarf round your face, the sensation is stifling. I just find it increasingly difficult to breathe," he says. "It's like a steel belt round my chest."

Research suggests face coverings can help reduce the spread of coronavirus, particularly indoors where physical distancing is difficult.

The Department for Transport for England says those who are exempt can choose to carry a card, badge or a homemade sign.

However, providing documentation is a personal choice and not necessary in law.

Storm of abuse'
Nick had printed off an official exemption card from the government's website before flying to the island of Jersey to see his family in August.

The card was accepted on the flight out, but on the return journey the crew said it was not valid and he would have to wear a mask.

Nick refused. He says: "The staff came to speak to me around six times. The 30-minute delay was seen as my fault and each visit whipped up more hostility among the passengers.

"I was insulted, shouted at, laughed at. It felt like everybody was against me."

Nick says he became so desperate he started filming on his phone.

Footage shows the pilot refusing to accept his exemption card and saying if Nick didn't put on a mask, he "was off".

Nick eventually agreed, but says it caused him to hyperventilate during the hour-long flight.

"I would do anything to avoid wearing anything that restricts my breathing. That's more terrifying than being insulted by 100 passengers, but eventually I felt like I had no choice."

Shaken by the "storm of abuse" he says he received from other passengers, Nick requested partial anonymity when speaking to the BBC.

EasyJet says all customers are required to wear a face covering but acknowledges some passengers may not be able to.

A statement from the airline said: "We have recently updated our policies in line with recent UK government guidance so that as well as a medical certificate, customers can alternatively provide a relevant document from a government website or lanyard.

"We are sorry that this new policy was not recognised by the crew on this occasion."

The airline described Nick's behaviour as "disruptive", but a passenger, who did not want to be named, said he behaved "calmly" in a "stressful situation".

"No-one seemed to care about his condition. The staff should have taken him away from the other passengers to have the conversation in private," he tells the BBC.
Impossible to breathe'
Asthma UK and the British Lung Foundation called Nick's story a distressing case, but says there are others like him.

"The government is really clear there are exemptions from wearing a mask," explains Head of Policy, Sarah MacFadyen.

"The vast majority of people with lung conditions are fine wearing a mask, but for a small number it is impossible for them to breathe. That's why these exemptions are in place, so they can still go out and live their lives.

ROBERTCHARLES · 04/04/2021 18:34

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OpheliasCrayon · 04/04/2021 18:39

I'm sorry you're going through this. I have ptsd for another reason and it is absolutely fucking horrendous to deal with, let alone then dealing with something like this.
I just wanted to say that your reason is valid no matter what strangers make you feel. There are plenty things that I absolutely cannot do as a result of having ptsd - I understand completely why you can't do this .

Redburnett · 04/04/2021 18:45

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Springingintospring · 04/04/2021 18:45

If you don't want to wear the lanyard because you don't want to stick out, I'm afraid that you already stick out. Everyone notices when there's someone not wearing a mask. Most people know there are very good reasons some people don't wear masks so don't judge or comment, most of the rest may judge you but wouldn't be rude to you. But I'm afraid they'll always be a rude, vocal minority.
At least by wearing the lanyard you're saying, I acknowledge I'm not wearing a mask, it's not because I don't care, its because I can't.
I imagine you'll get fewer people judging you.

XenoBitch · 04/04/2021 18:51

@Springingintospring

If you don't want to wear the lanyard because you don't want to stick out, I'm afraid that you already stick out. Everyone notices when there's someone not wearing a mask. Most people know there are very good reasons some people don't wear masks so don't judge or comment, most of the rest may judge you but wouldn't be rude to you. But I'm afraid they'll always be a rude, vocal minority. At least by wearing the lanyard you're saying, I acknowledge I'm not wearing a mask, it's not because I don't care, its because I can't. I imagine you'll get fewer people judging you.
I wear a lanyard... up until recently, I had no problems. Then some guy in the supermarket felt the need to come up right into my face and mumble something. When I asked him to repeat it, it was "the reason we are in lockdown is because of people like you not wearing a mask". My story is not unusual at all.. the lanyards/cards/neon sign on your forehead, do not stop people being utter twats and feeling the need to accost you.
XenoBitch · 04/04/2021 18:54

@Redburnett

Why should other people be left feeling at risk because you are not wearing a mask? You could be exhaling air containing the virus. Why should your personal history allow you to be excluded from protecting other people? Is it fair that if you happen to have asymptomatic Covid you could be passing it on? Etc etc.....Get over yourself and accept you need to wear a mask in public places or stay at home.
Unlike the other lockdown measures, there is no end date in sight for masks. So it is very unreasonable to expect people who are exempt from wearing them to just "stay at home". We need to go to work, got to appointments, get public transport, and go shopping. I am curious as to what you think people that are unable to take the vaccine should do... stay home until some distant date in the future, or be allowed an exemption?
xDragon · 04/04/2021 18:58

Wear a face shield if you don’t want to wear a mask. If you refuse to wear a lanyard how can you not expect comments? The rest of us aren’t really allowed to go mask free as much as we’d like.

countrygirl99 · 04/04/2021 18:59

Zombie thread

XenoBitch · 04/04/2021 19:01

@xDragon

Wear a face shield if you don’t want to wear a mask. If you refuse to wear a lanyard how can you not expect comments? The rest of us aren’t really allowed to go mask free as much as we’d like.
Face shields don't' do anything at all. And it takes a certain kind of awful person to accost someone without a lanyard. What happened to minding your own business? What do you seek to gain by approaching someone? Making them feel like rubbish? If so, give your head a wobble.
MercyBooth · 04/04/2021 19:17

the reason we are in lockdown is because of people like you not wearing a mask

Or its because you went on holiday and brought the virus back here. Ski trip was it?

MercyBooth · 04/04/2021 19:22

My previous post is just to show that anyone can play the blame game.

WombatChocolate · 04/04/2021 19:46

Lots of people are very anxious about Covid and some are only just venturing out.

I think those who are exempt would help themselves and others too if they worse a badge or lanyard. People do understand some are exempt, but also that some choose not to wear them. Of course they can’t distinguish between them. In some places, 50% of people aren’t wearing masks and it’s highly unlikely 50% are exempt.

I honestly think it does those who have good reasons not to wear them a favour to have a badge and avoid the snide comments (plus if people do make a comment or not notice the badge you can just point to it..no conversation needed) and it helps those who are anxious too.

Yes, those who are exempt have a right not to wear a mask. But more of those could also help those who are anxious about Covid too with a badge. No-one is a mind reader.

LucilleTheVampireBat · 04/04/2021 19:47

@xDragon

Wear a face shield if you don’t want to wear a mask. If you refuse to wear a lanyard how can you not expect comments? The rest of us aren’t really allowed to go mask free as much as we’d like.
If you can't control yourself and are incapable of refraining from making comments then perhaps you should get yourself a special badge. That way, you clearly identify yourself as an arsehole to other people.
QueenOfTheDoubleWide · 04/04/2021 19:50

@annabel85

There's two types of people who don't wear a mask: people (rebels) who don't give a shit and can't be arsed to wear one; and people who medically can't for whatever reason.

The problem is the latter get labelled with the former. and probably don't look as intimidating as the 'don't give a shit' brigade so will be challenged by the jobsworths.

This is exactly the problem. I saw somebody I vaguely know, be extremely rude to an assistant in the local pharmacy who asked him had he got a mask when he marched in without one on. He proclaimed loudly and theatrically that he had rights, she was not allowed to question him, etc. She apologised and explained she thought he might have just forgotten so he did his loud and pretentious speech again, all the time with one eye on the queue behind him while he revelled in his own self-importance. He has no valid reason for not wearing a mask, brags about not wearing one and "knowing his rights" on social media. Twats like him are making things far worse for those who genuinely are exempt I know clear face shields do very little in terms of Covid but they might save you from the sort of anxiety you suffered today and as, sadly, we cannot control others, I'd be tempted to get one if I were you
XenoBitch · 04/04/2021 19:50

@MercyBooth

My previous post is just to show that anyone can play the blame game.
You had me confused for a second! I actually wish I had the balls to respond to such people, but I cry instead.
Northernsoulgirl45 · 04/04/2021 19:53

Sorry about your experience op. Those who chose not to wear a mask as a protest etc and encourage others to do the same are partly responsible for this.

XenoBitch · 04/04/2021 19:55

@WombatChocolate

Lots of people are very anxious about Covid and some are only just venturing out.

I think those who are exempt would help themselves and others too if they worse a badge or lanyard. People do understand some are exempt, but also that some choose not to wear them. Of course they can’t distinguish between them. In some places, 50% of people aren’t wearing masks and it’s highly unlikely 50% are exempt.

I honestly think it does those who have good reasons not to wear them a favour to have a badge and avoid the snide comments (plus if people do make a comment or not notice the badge you can just point to it..no conversation needed) and it helps those who are anxious too.

Yes, those who are exempt have a right not to wear a mask. But more of those could also help those who are anxious about Covid too with a badge. No-one is a mind reader.

No one should ever have to wear a lanyard, badge etc to avoid abuse from other people. Victim blaming at its finest! There is an obvious sign that someone is exempt from wearing a mask. I hope you can figure it out.
WombatChocolate · 04/04/2021 20:06

And it is a reality, that in most places at the moment, by not wearing a mask you will stand out. People do notice and it makes them anxious. There’s no getting away from this.

You can decide you’d like people to understand that you’re exempt, or you can decide they don’t deserve any information and leave them to wonder if you’re exempt or just one of those choosing not to wear one . In the end that’s your choice and you aren’t obliged to wear a badge or lanyard, but if you don’t, it’s difficult to then say you feel unfairly judged.

If it really does make you feel awkward and you really hate standing out, a badge or lanyard would reduce this a bit and also avoid the need for conversation as you can point at it if needed. There are some people who don’t wear a mask and it’s actually some kind of attention seeking behaviour (not saying this is case for you OP) or a 2-fingers up to the world kind of comment. People will at least wonder if you’re one of those if you do t have a badge.

And to people who say well it’s no-ones business but the individual who is exempt, on one level that’s true, but as Covid is a disease we catch from others and encountering those without masks makes transmission more likely, it does become the business of others too and people will notice no masks.

I’m of the view that if we have exemptions from some of the norms of society, we should look to help ourselves and the rest of society understand. People don’t need to know the details of the reason, just that there is a reason. You wouldn’t expect to park in a disabled badge parking space without a special badge without being challenged. Why is this any different?

User133847 · 04/04/2021 20:15

You're braver than me. i wouldn't be able to go in a shop without a mask (or wherever they're required). I'd be terrified of what someone might say or do to me.

Sockwomble · 04/04/2021 23:34

"I’m of the view that if we have exemptions from some of the norms of society, we should look to help ourselves and the rest of society understand."

So you are saying people who are in any way different should walk around with labels on themselves to make other people feel better.

Ohnomoreno · 04/04/2021 23:37

Just tell them to crawl back under the busy body stone they emerged from. Masks are pretty much pointless anyway.