Made to feel I’m overreacting about a meal out

[40somethingJBJ]

I’ve not been in a shop/pub/restaurant etc since March as I’m vulnerable plus I’m a carer for my extremely vulnerable dad. Some ex-work colleagues, who I normally go out with every few months, have arranged a meal out this weekend (7 households in total) and are ridiculing me for not going. They think I’m being silly for refusing to go, but I’m fairly sure the rules say only 2 households inside? I might be wrong though, I’m losing track of the changes! I’m just cross that they’re making me feel bad for being cautious. Am I in the wrong here?

The guidance does say two households (my social media feed suggests otherwise). Fair enough to people and establishments that wish to stretch the rules, that's their business, but I think you're making the right decision for your circumstance. They shuld understand.

Well, if it is any consolation, I don't think you are over-reacting. People have dismayed me this year, with their fatuousness and ignorance, and these ex-work colleagues sound rather horrid to be making fun of your sensible caution. Whatever rules are in place or are being ignored, I wouldn't go to this restaurant to sit in close quarters with these people who don't care about your health or your father's health, and mock you for taking this virus seriously.

Your not over reacting but people seem to be forgetting there are any rules and think this pandemic is over. Time will tell but you don’t have to part of it.

Sounds like the same mentality that won't accept someone not drinking.

You are correct. Here is the updated guidance
www.gov.uk/government/publications/staying-alert-and-safe-social-distancing/staying-alert-and-safe-social-distancing-after-4-july

Your ex coworkers are risking a fine. The pub may also turn them away.

You are right about the rules.

And even if you weren't, what sort of people ridicule their friends? Go with your instincts. If you aren't keen, sit this one out. ,

You are right. You should call the police on their dinner and get them busted 😂😂😂😂

I don’t think you’re overreacting and have been equally cautious about going out. That said, from next week I will no mixing with 30 households inside my classroom for six hours a day as will each of my children so we will jointly be ‘exposed’ a total of 90 households. After that I might actually feeling more comfortable about a small group of familiar people who I trust to act sensibly rather than a full classroom of people.

You are right. I have a similar issue with a night out.

Being CV, pubs in a Friday night are somewhere that I’m not likely to go anyway. But there are 7 households so either we’ll get turned away everywhere or the pubs aren’t following the guidelines. In which case I don’t want to think about what other guidelines they aren’t following.
Getting people to take no for an answer is very like people accepting that you aren’t drinking.

They sound like arseholes - not necessarily for meeting up (maybe they misunderstood the rules) but for ridiculing you for not joining in. That's disgraceful behaviour from adults. I can't imagine making fun of someone who is vulnerable and also caring for an elderly person just because they are taking precautions to avoid catching a virus that might kill them and the person they are caring for.

They sound like the people I used to work with before I left the UK. I don't miss them and I feel sorry for whoever took my old job.

You’re not in the wrong. Given that the pub/restaurant has presumably taken a booking contrary to the guidelines I’d be particular concerned about how much notice they’re taking of the rest.

You are clearly right. I suppose you could try to feel flattered that they want your company so much.

i dont think they could accommodate more than 6 people?

how ridiculous to ridicule you

I'm sorry but they are not friends. You're factually correct about the current guidance. More importantly you are caring for someone very vulnerable.

What did they say to ridicule you, OP?
Is there a difference between comment, teasing & ridicule?

I would consider a complaint to HR. Ridiculing you when you are vulnerable and a carer? Very very not ok.

I agree about if the pub are allowing it what else are they allowing?

They're not really friends then are they?

& yes, they're breaking the guidelines & so will the pub be if they let them sit together

Do any of them have children?

I've been to lots of shops and restaurants but definitely wouldn't do this either. How horrible to ridicule you, especially when you're caring for someone very vulnerable. This sounds like a social event well worth missing!

Definitely not friends to be doing that. A friend would respect what you say even if they may not agree. You’re definitely not overreacting

You are being very reasonable. For some reason people can't sustain reasonable risk management and are being very all or nothing. The papers are starting to mutter about second national lockdowns and it is only our (sensible, getting on with it, but minimising contacts especially if we are high risk) caution now that will keep this thing in check.

Forget whatever the rules are it's the fact they're ridiculing you for not going that would firmly make me stand my ground and never go out with them again anyway! They're not friends.

It is easy to see why people can be made to forget there are rules though. I start back at work next week and will be with 4 children from 3 families who have other children all at school and parents who work in hospitals and care. Once I'm around these people the rules seem to mean nothing to me.

DH was gleefully organising retirement event and colleagues were enthusiastic. However he thought he'd better check the guidelines and when he saw the two household limit, he felt he had to cancel. Must admit we hadn't realised that was still in place. YANBU

No you're not in the wrong. I think a lot of people think things are reasonably normal now and act accordingly. They forget that there are still rules in place.