Made to feel I’m overreacting about a meal out

[40somethingJBJ]

I’ve not been in a shop/pub/restaurant etc since March as I’m vulnerable plus I’m a carer for my extremely vulnerable dad. Some ex-work colleagues, who I normally go out with every few months, have arranged a meal out this weekend (7 households in total) and are ridiculing me for not going. They think I’m being silly for refusing to go, but I’m fairly sure the rules say only 2 households inside? I might be wrong though, I’m losing track of the changes! I’m just cross that they’re making me feel bad for being cautious. Am I in the wrong here?

What on earth are the rules? My office is arranging a Christmas meal for 40+. I can only conclude that they haven't told the venue yet how many will be attending.

I've not attended any social events since lockdown ended- because people can't be reasonable. I would, for example, go to a friends house if 2-3 others were also going. But she invited 20+ (12 turned up). Another friend wants to go to lunch- would be fine if just 4-5 people.Nope. Invites 15. Why?

Meant to add- most people I know are being a little more cautious. Meeting in groups of 2-3 households outside. Lunch with 2-3 people, not a whole gang.
But some are gallivanting around like the pandemic is over with no precautions whatsoever.

I understand your circumstances and they’re out of order for having a go

However apart from Mumsnet, in the real world no one is distancing

People are shopping, eating out, going gym, going on holidays to risky areas etc

Businesses aren’t bothered as they need the customers

I’ve eaten out twice a week this month on the new scheme and been pub couple times

Seen loads of groups and more importantly have only had my details taken once and even then it was only mine in a group of 5.

Dispite all the lack of distancing and the fact society is almost back to normal (defo once schools back) we have t seen a huge increase in hosp admissions

Cases have gone up slightly but given the fact most people back at work, kids and families mixing all summer etc, it’s bren pretty minimal

Most cases currently are asymptomatic

We really should be looking at hosp admissions

The plan was never to stop people getting it full stop
I’m north west and even tho in a risky area technically, none of the nearest 4 hospitals have had a single admission in the last two months!

Therefore people are now not as worried about catching the virus

"Some ex-work colleagues, who I normally go out with every few months, have arranged a meal out this weekend (7 households in total) and are ridiculing me for not going."

Ridiculing? Then they are a bunch of arses.

I wonder if it's because they know they're in the wrong. One person standing firm means they can't pretend even to themselves that what they're doing is fine.

It is up to you what you do @40somethingJBJ. Ignore them, perhaps just say you don't feel up to it. You really don't have to explain yourself about anything.

@Vinoonasunnyday

I don't know whereabouts in the country you are but we are in an area where the pubs do track and trace and you must fill in contact forms or no admittance. The shops are doing SD and masks. The vast majority are taking very seriously even though we have a really low number of cases

I think shops near me where doing it initially and still promote it

It’s more that people don’t distance now they’re wearing masks - lean over you etc whereas previously people moved out your way

I was in Alton towers last week and it was jam packed and no one cared - people pa led into small narrow queues etc

Most are relaxed now as cases are so low and even if people get it most aren’t getting that ill

You only have see pics of all the resorts and beach areas uk over the summer to see people aren’t keeping 2m

But society has opened almost fully now and cases are still rock bottom is my point.

Honestly tho I know people who’ve eaten out in Manchester, I’ve eaten liverpool loads and I’ve had weekend in Edinburgh and none took my details

(Apart from one in Edinburgh I booked online so they had by default)

Before we went into lockdown, cases were massively high and people were dying in their dozens per day, yet life was still going on as normal at that point.

now when it’s practically just a background buzz, people are panicking like it’s on every corner

Yep these are the rules. DH is in the clinically venerable group and I’ve been into 3 shops since March, one to buy fence paint I couldn’t get online, another for shoes for the children and a throw at National trust because other than 1 member of staff it was empty. My friends also don’t seem to understand that I need to follow the rules carefully but they are either ignoring the rules or not following them.

They are being dicks .

Iv worked throughout all this and have been to pubs , salons, etc Etc all that As they have reopened ( always following measures in place mask etc ) But it’s easy for me to do that because I’m probably in a very low risk category and I don’t have any vulnerable people who live / work with me or rely on me or anything .

Some people really don’t seem to get that others are more vulnerable or have people around them that are and this obviously affects confidence levels around doing certain things such as going for this meal !

I don’t blame you for being cautious op . Some people need to be a bit kinder I think

@Vinoonasunnyday

I understand your circumstances and they’re out of order for having a go

However apart from Mumsnet, in the real world no one is distancing

People are shopping, eating out, going gym, going on holidays to risky areas etc

Businesses aren’t bothered as they need the customers

I’ve eaten out twice a week this month on the new scheme and been pub couple times

Seen loads of groups and more importantly have only had my details taken once and even then it was only mine in a group of 5.

Dispite all the lack of distancing and the fact society is almost back to normal (defo once schools back) we have t seen a huge increase in hosp admissions

Cases have gone up slightly but given the fact most people back at work, kids and families mixing all summer etc, it’s bren pretty minimal

Most cases currently are asymptomatic

We really should be looking at hosp admissions

The plan was never to stop people getting it full stop
I’m north west and even tho in a risky area technically, none of the nearest 4 hospitals have had a single admission in the last two months!

Therefore people are now not as worried about catching the virus

I mostly agree but it's not just MN it's all social media and the mainstream media are fuelling it with clickbait headlines.

The old maxim 'No News is Good News' it's now more like 'Good News is No News'. Things are so much better, we had the lockdown, got the numbers down in the NHS AND THEN the goal posts were changed to eradication.

The first made sense the second makes no sense. If you chose to go you would be more likely to catch flu and take it home to vulnerable people who it could kill. - But in this world that wouldn't count because only Covid matters any more.

Despite all that you have the right to make your own mind up and you should not give anyone the power to make you feel bad about it.

Thanks to this thread, I’ve only just found out that only 2 household can dine out together thanks to the unclear guidance.
I haven’t dined out yet, yet my social media is full of pictures of group of people dining out with at least 7 people from different household so I thought that was okay as far as the covid rules go. Turns out it’s not.
So restaurants are allowing it and people don’t know right from wrong because of the unclear rules.

You're not overreacting. They're breaking the rules and being poor friends.
As for the PP who say everyone is ignoring the rules - not here. Social distancing in shops, everyone wearing masks, etc. Perhaps that's why some areas have low rates and others are having localised lockdowns.

@Rhianna1980

Thanks to this thread, I’ve only just found out that only 2 household can dine out together thanks to the unclear guidance. I haven’t dined out yet, yet my social media is full of pictures of group of people dining out with at least 7 people from different household so I thought that was okay as far as the covid rules go. Turns out it’s not. So restaurants are allowing it and people don’t know right from wrong because of the unclear rules.

I agree the rules are not been promoted but they are easy to find and clear when you read them. The rules should be promoted but people have a responsibility to educate themselves.

apart from Mumsnet, in the real world no one is distancing
The plan was never to stop people getting it full stop

The plan if you are the government, and have everybody plus the economy to think of, is rather different from the plan that individual people might have for themselves, though. Some people really can't risk catching it at all.

In the real world - where I am as well as on MN - plenty of people are still distancing, either if they themselves need to but also if they have any consideration for those around them who might. The fact that not everyone can be bothered doesn't make that less true.

Richard, no said people were not living alone, and one was actually living with a shielded relative, not just that, as you are more likely to die on the road, you could well be involved in an accident and end up having to burden the NHS further.

They should let you make your own decision, without any bullying
it is indeed rather like bullying someone to drink

You're vulnerable and a carer for someone vulnerable, so your risks are likely very different to theirs

You are allowed to dine with 6 households outside - from what I have seen most take advantage of this and have set up gazebo/tents lots more outdoor seating

Regardless of what the rules are you should only do what you are comfortable with and your friends should respect that. Its pointless going anywhere thats not going to bring you any enjoyment.
The main issue I see here is not you not wanting to go but them ridiculing you for it, that is not what friends do.

not 6 households its 6 people

You are absolutely right if you are vulnerable and caring for a vulnerable elderly person.
I wouldn’t go if I were in your shoes.