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Original poster

Are some of us just going to lose friends?

97 replies

Lelophants · 03/08/2020 18:58

I'm not sure what this post is about really, perhaps more of a reflection on what has changed and is continuing to change. And how different we all are. Does anyone feel in a similar position to me?

Lockdown was hard, but we were pretty much in it together (I felt). Things have eased and understandably. Understandably due to government seriously needing the taxes, not due to high safety. Again I get that. People starting to hug everyone and do nothing at a distant I find harder, but I can see why they'd want to. Everyone is trying to find a new normal. And I suppose enjoy themselves before another lockdown or something similar.

Myself, dh, baby and neighbouring inlaws are all being extremely careful. We have our shopping deliveries and get the odd takeaway to support local business (heating up in oven and throwing away all bags, washing hands etc). No plans to go shopping, restaurants etc although feel quite deflated. No travel anywhere (used to be a big part of out lives).

I'm in my 30s and I feel like friends tend to flock to one of two camps - those who are similar (often with children and busy anyway) and are very cautious and those who are basically back to normal. I haven't seen so many of my friends for ages, but there are a few who are in the second camp. They are doing everything and really dont care. Even if I wasn't worried for myself I spend a lot of time with vulnerable in laws, so it's just not fair for me to be at risk. They're all asking at meeting up again and I dont know how long I can make excuses for.

If there is really no vaccinne until 2023/24 , I'm really wondering how these friendships can continue.

It's like the brexit/remain debate but feels even harder in some ways. It's like a slow burn of difference pthan just keeps going.

I am also wondering for myself, what is my new normal? Having a baby has put me in a bit of a bubble anyway.

OP posts:
FluffyKittensinabasket · 03/08/2020 20:36

The government is telling us to eat out, go back to work, use public transport etc. Why are they telling us to do this if it’s too risky?

labyrinthloafer · 03/08/2020 20:39

@FluffyKittensinabasket

If the virus is airborne, surely any indoor setting is risky?
No, 2 people in a very big room is different to 20 people in a very small room.

Plus 2 people is less risky than 20 anyway.

The virus spreads three ways - droplets, airborne, touch. If you are exposed to all these three your risk is higher.

Plus the length of time.

Plus the number of times you take a risk.

Risk is not binary, it is cumulative. An NHS doctor would still have benefitted from distancing outside of work.

LividLaughLovely · 03/08/2020 20:40

@FluffyKittensinabasket can you really not think of a reason?

💰

labyrinthloafer · 03/08/2020 20:44

@FluffyKittensinabasket

The government is telling us to eat out, go back to work, use public transport etc. Why are they telling us to do this if it’s too risky?
Because they wanted to see if we could restart the economy without cases rising again. Evidence so far suggests we can not!
foamrolling · 03/08/2020 20:47

Surely you'll only lose friends if you're busy judging each other? Why can't you all respect each others positions? But then I'm friends with someone who voted for brexit despite being a remainer and with someone who is an anti vaxer homeopath despite me having a completely opposite point of view....

labyrinthloafer · 03/08/2020 20:47

Also 'too risky' is a judgment. But everything is a risk.

MummaPI · 03/08/2020 20:53

OP, know exactly what you mean. We are being over cautious which is our choice and it's hard when people who are back to normal want you to do the same. I'm not making them be over cautious so knob off!!Grin

labyrinthloafer · 03/08/2020 20:56

Grin at knob off!

I had to tell a family member off yesterday, should have said that!

Pingu21 · 03/08/2020 21:01

I have started meeting up with some friends in pubs, gardens etc. However, if a friend only wanted to meet up outside in a park, or was only happy to do drinks via Zoom I would respect that. It seems a shame to lose friends on top of all the other misery at the moment!

redcarbluecar · 03/08/2020 21:11

I don’t think any of us should be putting pressure on friends to do things they’re not comfortable with- we all have different circumstances, vulnerabilities etc. If a friend can’t accept your preferences, they’re not really being a friend. I hope that by meeting up where you can and keeping in touch via the normal channels you won’t lose people.

sirfredfredgeorge · 03/08/2020 21:16

Things have eased and understandably. Understandably due to government seriously needing the taxes, not due to high safety

No, this is just garbage, and you're so close to understanding because you're actually asking about the reason why lockdown doesn't work. Isolation itself kills - it's linked to metabolic disorders, depression and "all cause mortality" - you won't fight off anything if you're isolated. In the old it's hugely correlated with dementia.

It's not just about the economy (although of course that kills people too) lots of people are at risk from lockdown too, particularly the longer it is.

lljkk · 03/08/2020 21:16

Nothing feels normal. Who in the world can have life back to normal?? I wonder who in the world had a 'normal' life before that was like things are now. Excluding residents of Taiwan or NZ...

If this is "normal" then You have to be someone who doesn't (recently never did) use public transport, doesn't use gyms or leisure centres, never goes to physical shops, doesn't have a kid in school, doesn't go to barbershops or hairdressers nor gets any personal care. Didn't pay attention to news so doesn't mind what the news is always about nowadays. Probably always worked from home? Lacks international connections so wouldn't have to think about quarantine. Never goes on holiday. Who has had a life like that?

Wait! I've got it. People in prisons. Their lives haven't changed at all.

Original poster
Lelophants · 03/08/2020 21:20

I'm aware of that too @sirfredfredgeorge.

OP posts:
Kaiserin · 03/08/2020 21:24

I wish people understood you don't have to agree about everything to be friends. When did we all become so intolerant? Agreeing to disagree is OK.

The current social climate is insane, and it predates COVID. It probably predates even Brexit, this was just the first "great divider" that people noticed. Maybe the seeds were long sown by social media and its echo chambers. But surely we can be more grown up?

Original poster
Lelophants · 03/08/2020 21:25

@foamrolling I respect a lot of their choices. It's just not for me. Some things however e.g. meeting in large groups with no distancing are going completely against advice and I do find that selfish.

Saying all that, I still understand why they will be doing things I deem selfish. I'd rather not lose friends, I just think it's becoming increasingly difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lelophants · 03/08/2020 21:26

I hope so @Kaiserin

OP posts:
katy1213 · 03/08/2020 21:27

Surely you can socialise and keep a distance? Would you normally be sitting on each other's laps? We're washing hands on arrival, pulling chairs a bit further apart - then carry on as normal. Be sensible, you don't have to be obsessive.

Happymum12345 · 03/08/2020 21:30

I’m a very worried and cautious about the virus and today was the first day I met up with my friend who is the complete opposite. It was refreshing to see someone with such a different take on everything.

sirfredfredgeorge · 03/08/2020 21:31

So you must understand that yes, friendships will not survive, some people will have to prioritise friends they can keep - some people only express friendships through shared experiences, they're not ones for phone calls or zoom calls or anything like that, you cannot maintain those without those experiences.

It's not that they don't like you, it's that they have to prioritise their own health so the activities they can do is there, it's great if people can survive with just a virtual connection (although I doubt all truly can, as someone who never left my house for 2 years at one point, but was very active virtually with lots of friends, I just ended up obese even ignoring the mental reasons why I was at home)

I've not met up with friends, my friends are still mostly virtual anyway, so no hugging or anything here, but I can so understand why people would need it. And have it just dismissed as "for the economy" or "selfish" is so insulting.

WouldBeGood · 03/08/2020 21:33

I feel the same but in the more back to normal camp.

Bluewavescrashing · 03/08/2020 21:37

I'm in the middle really. Having shopping delivered, washing hands lots, not meeting friends indoors, no hugs. But we've had a day out today, went to a tearoom and ate scones outside, kids played in the park. Kids went to holiday camp last week. Small bubbles, good distancing and all outside. They had an amazing time and it was great for them to socialise, take (actually safe!) risks on the zip wire, kayaking etc.

For us as a family we need to have some fun this summer for our mental health. I won't take risks with covid that I feel are too much eg visiting great grandparents indoors, going to gatherings etc but a change of scene and fun experiences has helped us all a great deal.

lifeafter50 · 03/08/2020 21:39

Interesting thread.
I have triaged my friends and culled lots.
The doom/mongers /nah, they can go.
The one who tentatively wanted to hug but were afraid I might not play /yes / you are in.
Wasn't who I predicted but don't want to know the coronaphobes -will not waste any more time on them.

Bluewavescrashing · 03/08/2020 21:40

But in response to the OP, my friends have various different stances on what they are happy to do. If I'm planning to see them I sound them out first. Eg I went to the zoo with a friend, she was happy to share our massive picnic rug as we were outside, eating our own lunches and not sharing utensils. I just said, are you OK with this, she was, it was fine. If a friend asked me, are we doing hugging, I'd say, I'm not comfortable with that yet. But let's meet up again soon for coffee.

cantkeepawayforever · 03/08/2020 21:44

Lifeafter 50,

Do you think it is reasonable fro ANYONE to be afraid of coronavirus?

I have isolated myself very substantially for the last fortnight, after being in school full time until the end of term, as i wanted to visit my parents (they live in Wales, i am a long way away, so the only way to see them was to form an 'extended household' and stay with them).

Am I a coronaphobe for not wanting to run the risk of infecting my ()very high risk, because very elderly) parents? Would the very elderly or immunocompromised (e.g. shielding until the weekend) be coronaphobes if they do not want to be physically close to you?

WouldBeGood · 03/08/2020 21:47

I don’t mind if someone is a coronaphobe, I just don’t want to be friends with them just now. And probably vice versa.