I hate this, I absolutely hate it :'(

[bessiboop]

I hate this new "normal".

I hate it. I hate seeing everyone with facemasks on.

I hate the fear I feel leaving my house.
I hate that I'm paranoid to go anywhere.
I hate the anxiety, the uncertainty, the worry, the distance I have to maintain from my parents, nieces, nephews and friends.

I hate that my future doesn't seem bright because I'm really struggling to adapt to the new way of life.

I don't want to go to a a shopping centre
worrying about what I've touched, if If I've gotten to close to anyone.
I don't want to go to have my hair and nails done paranoid about a virus getting me.

I don't want to spend time worrying about symptoms, worrying if I'm going to die form the virus.

I want to leave my house, be relaxed, enjoy life again, go for a carefree coffee, meet a friend for dinner.

I don't feel like any of that is ever going to be possible for me because I absolutely cannot adjust to this normal, it's too hard.

Lockdown was easier for me. This is just too hard.

Incase you haven't guessed - I HATE IT.

I also don't say NN (would normally type it out but as you don't like it I won't!) - not because I am anxious really but because I don't think we've got to normal yet. I prefer 'new reality' because it is new and it is real. But I hope for a better normal in due course!

OP I agree with previous posters, you need to see your GP about yoir anxiety. It is not normal to feel the need to wash the inside of the car plus shower once you come home from the supermarket. Perhaps a quick wipe of the trolley handle, yes - although many supermarkets are doing that anyway - but not the rest.

I don’t find the masks pleasant, not least as they make my glasses steam up, but we will get used to it if we have to, and it probably won’t take long to do so. Other nationalities seem fine with it, so it is just a question of learning to put up with it.

Can I suggest you plan some social visits outside with friends? Even if it is just a cup of tea in the garden? (bring your own if necessary!).

Don’t forget, being female hugely reduces your Covid risk factor, as does being young-ish (making the assumption you are under about 70 here which I’m pretty sure you are from your post).

@lockdownalli

I have just told myself that this is how it will be now forever, so I either adjust and get on with it, or don't ever go anywhere or do anything.

For me this is a better option than worrying about it as some kind of interim phase.

I agree with PP OP, it does sound like maybe you need some help and should see your GP.

It won't be like this forever it wasn't after other pandemics so why this one ?

I think I'm at the point where I don't even know what's considered normal anymore.

At the beginning i'd seen all sorts of things I should be doing and did do, like washing shopping, changing clothes & washing hair after the supermarket, quarantining Mail, leaving shoes outside.
The problem is I've been doing those things for months now and it's hard to just suddenly stop

I wouldn't even say I'm particularly anxious, I've done those things as I thought that's what was necessary for protection.

@3cats

I just can’t get over the hysterics. I bet you have a nice home, food in your stomach, clothes on your back. People in the UK who are crying because they can’t go on holiday in the sun or meet up with friends for coffee. Do you know how many people in the world live? Genocide, wars, earthquakes, tsunamis, plagues, drought, starvation. I bet they are fed up of life too. Lost their homes, lost their families, poor, starving, cold, no access to medicine. I’d bet they’d be happy to swap lives with you any day. You should be embarrassed by yourself.

@3cats really?!

I'm mentally struggling, having a tough time and I should be embarrassed by that?

I'd be more embarrassed if I replied to thread of someone clearly struggling, with a response like yours.

If think we're all entitled to feel how we feel.

This is a completely new situation for all of us and we will all deal with it in different ways!

@choli

Wah wah wah. You have it so harder than the rest of us.*

I didn't claim to have it harder than anyone, just that I personally am finding it hard to cope!!!!

I think most of us feel the same, but I can totally sympathise.
I almost lost my youngest child to swine flu in 2010, and the memories of him being on life support in an induced coma makes me terrified to leave the house with him.
He's still vulnerable due to his disability.
I'm too scared to go to public places, and the thought of sending him back to school in five weeks time is making me feel sick with fear.
I too suffer from severe anxiety/ panic attacks and agoraphobia (at the best of times).
I'm a single mum and feel completely cut off.
I agree, it feels like this situation will never end.

Two reasons for hope OP

1. Things will change and probably be much better relatively soon

1. Even with the ways things are, your feelings about it will change....you aren't thinking quite straight right now but that can change. I would speak to your GP about anxiety.

Remember, no one can ensure they don't get covid, and to try and do so will drive you mad and probably damage your life more than catching covid would. 100 % security is never possible, and so it must never be your goal. Your goal is to take precautions to protect yourself and others as much as you reasonably can, and have greater security than if you did nothing. That is all you can do. It reminds me of advice given to people with ocd relating to cleanliness who get stuck in the shower for hours...remember that your goal in showering is not to be completely clean, it is to be cleaner than you were when you got in. Same with this, your goal is not to eliminate the chance of getting covid, it is to make the chances much lower than if you took no precautions.

We have to live with uncertainty and that's life, you've been living with it all your life in many other ways. What is certain is that things will not stay the same re covid, no one knows exactly what will happen or when but the status quo will not be permanent.

It does sound like you have anxiety that may be worth speaking to someone about. There's also no point in feeling guilty for feeling how you do, as some posters seem to be trying to achieve. Everyone sees the world through their own lens, and changes to each individuals sense of "normal" can seem massive and insurmountable, despite being relatively minor in the grand scheme of things.

My own advice and experience probably won't help, but I'm very overweight, and there's a part of me that's terrified of catching it. I also work in an industry where there was no furlough, no working from home, so I've been out and about this entire time, with no mask (shock horror), and I had to deal with that fear quickly.

Somethings going to get me. Hopefully it's not for another 40 years, but eventually it will happen. I'm more likely to die in the day to day course of my job than I am from covid, so I just need to get on with it.

That doesn't stop me hating it, doesn't stop me hating those bloody phrases "social distancing" and "new normal" that got quickly picked up by the media/politicians. I hate seeing people wearing masks, I hate seeing people cheering wearing masks as some great noble act and I certainly hate the smug fuckers that exist all over social media at the minute. My bigger fear than dying, is that these societal changes will be a much longer term thing, that they will become engrained and normalised, and that in 10 years time there will still be people."shaming" people for not wearing a mask, or whatever new measures get brought into place.

Fortunately, Europe seems alot better in that regard and maybe we just have to ride the initial wave. I've just spent 12 days across Europe for work, and mask use in Germany and Poland seems much more choice based. About half of any given establishment had them on, the other half didnt. I didn't see anyone giving dirty looks or screaming about people literally killing others with their selfishness, so there's likely hope that this will pass in the UK also.

When you’re in the midst of those heavy feelings, your mind tricks you into thinking small things won’t make a difference ! They will ! Face timing, all of these suggestions, chatting to your gp, asking for help with kids etc etc

I live in WA In oz and we no longer Have restrictions. This does end eventually.

@3cats

I just can’t get over the hysterics. I bet you have a nice home, food in your stomach, clothes on your back. People in the UK who are crying because they can’t go on holiday in the sun or meet up with friends for coffee. Do you know how many people in the world live? Genocide, wars, earthquakes, tsunamis, plagues, drought, starvation. I bet they are fed up of life too. Lost their homes, lost their families, poor, starving, cold, no access to medicine. I’d bet they’d be happy to swap lives with you any day. You should be embarrassed by yourself.

Not a nice comment at all !!! Obviously you don't suffer mental health.... OP cannot help the way she feels as so I and many many others ... suicides are double and they probably have nice homes etc

Honestly these comments anger me as when you suffer anxiety etc you can't think straight

Ignore @3cats @bessiboop 99% of people feel the same mental health has gone up 50% just a very ignorant comment

Go to the chemist and get yourself some Bach Rescue Spray. Take it continuously throughout the day.

The OP has said repeatedly that her mental health is fine. It’s just whining. Everyone is in the same boat. Everyone is just getting on with it without the drama. I admit that I don’t get it. The OP is so lucky and privileged that if she gets sick she will have access to some of the best medical care in the world. So many people in the world can’t say that. Life is not returning to normal any time soon, even the PM admits that a second wave is likely in the next few weeks. So, what can you do? I haven’t been able to visit my parents at all this year, but we skype and send each other photos of what’s going on in our lives. At least they are healthy.

Hi op.

I've developed an absolute weird type of anxiety. I can't enjoy days out. I wrote a post yesterday. I could barely cope taking my kids to the zoo! I felt anxious and flat. Whilst I'm not scared about the virus. My head's a mess after being told I can't do anything for so.long other than walk.

Not seeing people and not mixing has massively changed my mindset. I can't just get back out there now and love life.

Sounds like nonsense to some but I can't drive. So I'm always 30-40 minute walks away from everything. So I don't have the energy. My body is tired. The stress about queing and not being able to just get things done. Wearing masks. Needing a hair cut. The kids being ok. My toddler is a nightmare to take out at the moment. He's in full blown terrible twos!

I get you. My mind has really created a negative thought pattern. I've had nighttime anxiety too. I can't just snap out of it either. I'm even scared about the school runs. A mile walk. Loads of queing. Not being allowed to chat to the mums anymore at the gates.

I hate it too. X

@3cats

You clearly don't understand mental health. Go and Google agoraphobia and coronavirus. Go and Google anxiety and lockdown. Educate yourself on this! Because I'm another usually happy to go out and now it puts me in fight or flight mode. I don't do my shopping in the supermarket because I don't drive. But I used to nip to the coop or into Asda to look at things. I haven't been to a shop since lockdown. I went out yesterday and could only manage a very short stay out at a zoo. Technically wasted my money. But I couldn't settle. I would love to think of someone with it worse and get over myself. But actually I can't. Do you think people would commit suicide if it was that simple. Or do you think you are ignorant to how humans work?

From what others have told me all a gp will do is put you on a waiting list that's rammed for months for therapy or CBT. They also say diazapam etc is not a good idea and can be one addictive.

I think op based on what I need to do aswel you need to start small. Baby steps. I pushed myself too far with my first attempt at normal. Something close to home that you like....

Perhaps a garden centre for ten minutes. Or a bottle of milk every couple of days from a local shop. Take handgel with you. I don't panic too much about the virus but I just feel phobic of being too far from home.

We all hate it. I moved to a new county miles away from all my relatives and friends for work just before lockdown.
I've not been able to go out and see anyone or explore it just feels 100% lonely all of the time.
Haven't seen any relatives since February and still can't because I work in the NHS and they are afraid I will give it to them.

OP I am sorry you are feeling this way.

Your feelings are valid, you are finding it hard to cope and need support not condemnation.

Life is topsy turvy at the moment, so much fear, so much uncertainty, so litte we know about the long term effects on the economy, health of society.
So much we can't change, so much we don;t know.
And so much out of our control.

BUT.

And this is a huge but- we can control our response to this situation- that is something we have a huge amount of control over.
I have suffered anxiety over the years, and currently going through a really tough time with a family member and his MH issues.

My personal situation has not changed and my beloved family member still struggles on a daily basis, like us all I am living through this Covid situation, but I claim the right to be calm and have joy in my life.
It takes work, but I prioritise my own internal emotional landscape very highly.
Without that then I would be in tatters.

Like others I would suggest you speak to your GP.
Anxiety can be improved hugely, and your own personal path may be different to another individual.
For me what worked was CBT ( a little), and I still practice mindfulness, I didn't take medication ( although I know it works for some), yoga ( a lifesaver), and building routines of self nurture and care into my day to sooth and calm.
Lighting a candle, playing some calming music, drinking some herbal tea. All these things stacked mean I don;t spend a great deal of time with anxious or worrying thoughts.
There is a great deal of horror in the world, but we can't take on all those burdens. They are too heavy and life is short. Seek help in finding permission to lay down the heavy load you are carrying, focus on what you can do, and what is achievable, and spend the rest of your energy finding ways to make good the parts of your life that you can.
I hope you find some calm in your day today.

Imo that weird and anxious feeling is understandable. When I do new things now, I get that the first time, but it diminishes each time after that. The issue is whether it remains and stops you doing things or fades. Only trying will tell. But feeling it in the first place is not abnormal imo.

Large numbers people are feeling an expected mixture of shock, loss and worry.

I am lucky to have had previous experience of counselling, which means I can recall my counsellor's voice in my head, and that cancels out the 'bossy boots buck yourself up stiff upper lip other people have it worse' voice that can be there.

I'd encourage people to be very kind to themsves, keep trying and read resources from experts in this area like www.mind.org.uk/coronavirus-we-are-here-for-you/

If you have someone kind to talk to then do that, or speak to a counsellor if you can afford it, and keep an eye on whether you're getting better or worse.

As other people have said, you need to focus on getting some control over your anxiety. Coronavirus is a part of modern life now - but with sensible, simple precautions we can get on with living without it being at the forefront of our minds all the time. I barely ever think about it, and I’m certainly not frightened - and I don’t think I’m unusual. Talk to your GP, try meditation or breathwork (if you can with your asthma). Focus your energy on something you do have the power to change (your anxiety), not on something you can’t (the virus). Life is full of little risks that you manage without even giving them a second thought - this is just one more. Don’t let it overwhelm you.

I hope I don't sound patronising here, but the only way through these kind of feelings is, in my opinion, to practice gratitude for the things you do have. Plus a focus on the general good - we're living through what is very likely to be a temporary challenge (as a previous poster says, things have got better after previous pandemics - why would this be different?), with better healthcare than at any other time in human history, loads and loads of vaccine research ongoing etc etc. When I have a wobble I remind myself to thing of what the people of Yemen or Syria have been going though this past decade. They'd swap with me anyday, I am sure.

@speakout that is one of the loveliest things I have read on mumsnet. I too am struggling with a family member with severe MH issues and I love how you have phrased this. It's how I hope to live but I have never expressed it that well. Thank you

Please do speak to a GP or someone about some CBT therapy. I don't know anyone who loves this new normal but what you are describing is very intense and there may be tools and techniques you can develop to manage things.

You won't know unless you try.