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Absolutely heartbroken and furious

177 replies

calzone2018 · 27/07/2020 20:47

We had to put my cat to sleep around 2 hours ago. He was an old boy and he was clearly suffering, wasn't able to go to the toilet this morning so we guessed his body was shutting down but it was still a shock for it to be so sudden. I have had him since he was a kitten but the past few months he's lived with my mum and dad when I had my baby.
My dad phoned and made the appointment and I took him alone. When I got outside (with mask) they told me they had to do it indoors and there was no way I would be able to go in - I didn't know this as my MIL recently had her dog put to sleep but they did it in her car so I figured they would do something similar. I burst into tears at the thought of him being alone and scared but I handed him over and waited in the car. It was a young lad who took him and he was saying some really harsh things about what would be done, basically stuff I didn't want to think about. We've just gone to bury him and my dad asked how it went and I said I couldn't go in, only for him to tell me that the vet on the phone said I could go in and be with him as he passed. I'm so heartbroken and furious that this man said different when all I wanted was to be with my boy. I am so angry that people can go and get a takeaway and get their hair done but I couldn't be with him when he's been my whole world for the last 15 years. I got him when I was 7. I don't been know why I'm posting this, I guess to see if someone can help me to figure out what to do, I know they can't bring him back but I'm so beside myself that I could have been with him. I'm going to be calling in the morning ASAP to hopefully stop someone else going through this. I know this is nothing compared to what some people go through but I'm just so upset. Sorry it's so long.

OP posts:
contrary13 · 27/07/2020 23:16

Can you talk to the practice manager? Say that your father and you were told completely different things, tell them how the boy/man spoke to you as he took your (very beautiful) cat from you, and how it's left you feeling? If only to stop them from doing this to other people.

My daughter's cat passed last Tuesday, same age as yours, same sort of "body shut down" symptoms, and not only was I able to be in the consulting room when he passed - both of my children (well, young adults) were able to be in the consulting room to say "goodbye" to him once he'd been sedated. It was my big dread that he'd be on his own, with strangers, calling for us at the end and terrified, too... so I can sympathise completely with you.

Just know that you did the right thing by him (even if the vet didn't) and that he knew, without doubt, that you loved him. Flowers

Happymum12345 · 27/07/2020 23:19

Bless you. I understand that you must feel awful. All I can say is, I’m sure your cat wasn’t scared or worried as he was so poorly. It’s a good idea to get to the bottom of the situation so nobody else has to suffer in this way. Flowers

Sinter · 27/07/2020 23:19

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Sinter · 27/07/2020 23:20

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Sinter · 27/07/2020 23:23

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Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 23:24

Well, that's certainly a point of view...

nannybeach · 27/07/2020 23:25

I am so sorry, for what you went through, thats the trouble with anilmals, my last dog was 17 when we had to put to sleep, I couldnt take her, I got my youngest DD. Have been going to the same vet for 20 years, and know they would treat her with kindness and dignity. Had to take my dogs to the vet last week, I also had mask and gloves, but wasnt allowed in. Had a horrible experience with my H s last dog, when I met him, he had her, she was 18, in pain and lots of problems. Rang the vet said he had had her half his life (she was his baby, no kids) asked for the last appointment of the day, and not to be kept waiting, we were kept waiting, then he stayed with her after she had the injection. Then we were sitting in the reception area, young male receptionist came over and said "Are you going to pay or what". We never went back there, and for quite some months, my H was suicidal.

biglouis · 27/07/2020 23:30

It can be heartbreaking to have a shit experience at the vet when you take a much loved pet.

A relative took a beloved cat last year. She was old, having fits, and had become blind and confused so it was time to say goodbye. She had only ever been a small cat and was well taken care of. When she took her the vet remarked on how small and thin she was and implied she was not well looked after. My relative was deeply upset by such a thoughtless assertion but said nothing. If I had been there I would have had a good go at her for her insensitivity.

Horehound · 27/07/2020 23:30

@sinter Well, not really. Maybe people on here are activists trying to stop people eating meat. Maybe they are vegan etc etc.
It's not the right thread to take your anger out. Jeez

nannybeach · 27/07/2020 23:30

I am actually a veggi, we live in a village, where the animals from the local Butcher live in the fields over the road, they have a decent life. I dont have any problem with other people eating animals as long as they are well treated, humainly put to sleep. Even Gordon Ramsey says if you take an animal quietly and calmly to slaughter, they do not product cortisol, stress hormone. Having a pet for many years is completely different

StarUtopia · 27/07/2020 23:33

Sinter I have reported your nasty, unnecessary posts. OP please ignore.

I really feel for you. I lost my 12 year old cat when I was 19. I'd had him since I was 7. I can still cry about him now, and I'm nearing 50!

Please make a complaint, even if just to stop this happening to someone else. I honestly think sometimes vets become a little blasé about all this, because it's day in and day out to them. Unless they know you, and the animal, on a more personal basis.

Thinking of you.

contrary13 · 27/07/2020 23:33

@Sinter - are you okay?

Where on earth have you deduced that the OP (or any of us, for that matter) doesn't care about farm animals being sent to slaughter? Has she said that? Have any of us? Have you got your facts straight...?

Or are you a militant vegan who is pissed off that a cat doesn't love her, knowing damned well that you're less likely to be loved by a pig, a cow, etc. Not including chickens in this, because they look beyond the protest waving banners, and form very strong attachments to their humans.

Perhaps you'd be best off talking to your avocado friend as it trots out the plight of the sourdough slice of toast you're about to murder it for, just so as you can have a tasty topping... rather than being nasty to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one?

Horehound · 27/07/2020 23:34

Oh I see @sinter is new to Mumsnet and is also comparing being a paedo to horrible humans eating meat too on another thread. Confused
I think they are having an existential crisis tonight.

Sinter · 27/07/2020 23:37

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MadameMeursault · 27/07/2020 23:37

I’m so sorry OP, that is terribly sad. I’m crying reading this. Your beautiful boy looks so lovely. That person you encountered at the vets was awful, he should not be in that job. Complain definitely, but please try not to focus on that. Please try and focus on all the lovely times you had with your beautiful boy, and how you did for him the very best you could because you loved him so much. Flowers

Lozz22 · 27/07/2020 23:39

@Sinter Oh do piss off!! OP is grieving the loss her much beloved Cat and all you're doing is ripping her apart basically telling her she has no right to be upset. Yes of course pigs cow sheep goats, birds insects and whatever else matter too but right now I'm pretty sure The OP doesn't really care too much about anything else!! OP I'm so sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful Boy Thanks

Horehound · 27/07/2020 23:40

But this thread isn't about pigs and cows. It's about a woman who loved an animal and is grieving for it. So as far as caring for animals, surely this is more in keeping with your values? An animal lover...

So you could have legit points to make but the two issues aren't relatable in this context.

Sinter · 27/07/2020 23:40

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Horehound · 27/07/2020 23:41

@mnhq can you just hurry up and ban sinter for trolling.

Horehound · 27/07/2020 23:42

Oh look. A man telling a woman how to act and how to feel. Hmm
Yawwnnnnnn

Sinter · 27/07/2020 23:43

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HuggedTheRedwoods · 27/07/2020 23:44

Your vet treated you appallingly and I would complain, to at least flag it up how truly hurtful it was. It can't change what you're going through but hopefully will make them think long and hard about their approach.

I'm so sorry for your loss, having to make that final decision to let them go is heartbreaking but you did the right thing by him as he was suffering. Flowers What a handsome and sweet looking boy he was and I love the straws story!

Pop over to the Litter Tray if you want to talk about him some more.

Sinter · 27/07/2020 23:44

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DoIneed1 · 27/07/2020 23:45

So sorry for your loss, Op. He was such a handsome boy.

Flubber88 · 27/07/2020 23:46

OP my thoughts are with you as someone who has rescued older cats and lost many. I had a similar experience with my mothers cat in lockdown. He collapsed and she called a local emergency vet and they came to the house (she is 83 and shielding) and he had a suspected blood clot and they took him away. She then had a phone call from the vet saying they were putting him down with him wailing in the background (he was a Bengal so loud) and was this ok as she could not sign a form because of lockdown to consent to having him put down. It was very distressing for my mother who has since been ill and had a hospital admission I am totally sure was associated with this. I went to the vets and collected has carry case and blanket and it sits in our spare room as I cannot show it to my mum it will distroy her as she could never say goodbye. OP i wish you to find peace and happy memories about your beloved feline who sounds as though they had a truly wonderful life with you 💖

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