Absolutely heartbroken and furious

[calzone2018]

We had to put my cat to sleep around 2 hours ago. He was an old boy and he was clearly suffering, wasn't able to go to the toilet this morning so we guessed his body was shutting down but it was still a shock for it to be so sudden. I have had him since he was a kitten but the past few months he's lived with my mum and dad when I had my baby.
My dad phoned and made the appointment and I took him alone. When I got outside (with mask) they told me they had to do it indoors and there was no way I would be able to go in - I didn't know this as my MIL recently had her dog put to sleep but they did it in her car so I figured they would do something similar. I burst into tears at the thought of him being alone and scared but I handed him over and waited in the car. It was a young lad who took him and he was saying some really harsh things about what would be done, basically stuff I didn't want to think about. We've just gone to bury him and my dad asked how it went and I said I couldn't go in, only for him to tell me that the vet on the phone said I could go in and be with him as he passed. I'm so heartbroken and furious that this man said different when all I wanted was to be with my boy. I am so angry that people can go and get a takeaway and get their hair done but I couldn't be with him when he's been my whole world for the last 15 years. I got him when I was 7. I don't been know why I'm posting this, I guess to see if someone can help me to figure out what to do, I know they can't bring him back but I'm so beside myself that I could have been with him. I'm going to be calling in the morning ASAP to hopefully stop someone else going through this. I know this is nothing compared to what some people go through but I'm just so upset. Sorry it's so long.

Poor kitty. I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm surprised they wouldn't let you be with him though. My mum had to have her cat put down recently for similar reasons - he had a lot wrong with him, he was off his food and sleeping a lot and just in decline in generally - and she and my stepdad were allowed to stay with him while he was having the injection.

I’m so sorry

I am so sorry, what an awful thing to happen anyway, and then what an awful way to be treated.

I saw my cat put down last year. It was very quick, he wouldn't have known anything.

@calzone2018 I have nothing to add except to say that - he wouldn't mind, you know. He had all those good years with you. He knew he was loved, he was loved every day of his life.
Better to say goodbye to him in your own place and your own time than in a vet's surgery with strangers around you.

But definitely complain. Sounds like the young man that came out to you and was such an insensitive ass, is in the wrong job.

so sorry for the loss of your lovely boy, and for the way it happened. That is truly heartbreaking. Sending you a hug and flowers.

I am so sorry OP I lost my cat earlier this year and it still hurts, but I can almost guarantee that a nurse would have held and comforted him in his final moments, but definitely complain, speak to the practise manager.

I can completely understand the idea that a small vet would obviously need to maintain their health for the sake of the pets and livestock in the area but what upsets me is that my dad was explicitly told on the phone that I would be allowed in to say goodbye, or I would be able to have him in my car and they would bring him out sedated and I could say goodbye then. I respect their practice but I just don't understand how they could be telling two different stories in such a short amount of time. I know that complaining will do me no good personally but it might help someone else so I want to in the morning.

How heartbreaking - I’m so sorry for you. You must be reeling from the shock of expecting to be there and being told you couldn’t, and that is devastating. Please try to focus on the unconditional love you had for each other. Perhaps light a candle for him tonight in his favourite spot and have a little quiet time thinking about the lovely times you had together.

You are absolutely right to ring the vets tomorrow. You were treated badly.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, it is such a hard thing to have to do and the vet should be kind and supportive. I had to have my 15 year old dog put to sleep during lockdown and wasn't allowed in with her so they did it in the boot of my car. It wasn't how I would have wanted it to be. They also suggested sedating her inside and bringing her out to me to say goodbye and then giving her the injection inside without me. It was all a bit confusing as that's not what they said on the phone. I would definitely give feedback to the practice and ask for an explanation.

I’m so very sorry, this is awful. The way you were treated is just dreadful.

I can’t imagine what could have possessed anyone to speak to you that way. Surely anyone involved in pet care understands what they mean to their families. No matter the circumstances he could have been kinder.

His photo is lovely, what a gorgeous boy who gave and received much love.

I'm so sad for you. I'd be no good, I'd ring up crying and possibly swearing. Someone got it wrong somewhere and the attitude of staff sounds shitty...

One of our cats was put to sleep recently and we had to hand her over in the car park. We then just got her empty cat carrier back. It was heart breaking and you have my sympathies, OP. As horrible as it is for us, they don't know what's happening. It is the last, best thing that we can do to repay the love they have given us.

I'm so sorry he's gone, it is SO difficult. It's a dreadful thing to lose a much loved pet and one you've had since you were a child must be devastating.

Please send them an email - he deserves to lose his job for the way he spoke to you and for not following their procedure as per what your Dad was told. It's unforgivable.

However, whilst your lively boy might have been a bit upset that he was carried in by a stranger & you didn't go too, he wouldn't have known what was happening - it was far worse for you, than him and he's had a wonderful life with your family for his whole life!!

You do have friends, you have us lot! We might be a 'nest of vipers', but there's lots of kindness & love too!

Take care of yourself - squeeze lots of cuddles out of your human baby. Xx

I'm so very sorry for your loss, OP. This is just absolutely appalling. Please don't beat yourself up about it. This is not your responsibility, you acted as requested in good faith. I agree that talking to the surgery tomorrow will probably distress you even further but if and when you can please do complain if only, as you say, to ensure other pet owners are spared your pain and distress.

He looks like a gorgeous boy. Obviously very much loved for all his time with you and now out of pain. Please try and remember his long and happy life with you

Calzone, I haven't much to add as others have said it all really, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what happened to you. I've lost two cats, one of whom I'd had for 20 years. You gave your beautiful cat a lovely life. for you x

So sorry OP, it's heartbreaking. We lost our girl a year ago and the house still doesn't feel quite right.

I don't know whether you should or shouldn't have been allowed to stay with your boy, but either way the vet's attitude was shit. If he really said "I'll bring him out when he's dead" he should be dragged over the coals. Our lovely vet said that the day he stops being emotionally affected when he has to put a much-loved pet to sleep is the day he will know he needs to find a different job.

I am so so sorry. Please do complain. Vets usually pride themselves on their sensitivity - they absolutely failed you and I know it will take a long time to get passed the anger,.

My cat was over treated by our vet when she should have been pts. I am still angry twenty years later.

Speak up, be angry. They can’t go this again.

My cat is 20 and had a fit recently and I had to hand her over to be checked over. I would desperately want to be with her when she was pts. There have been continuous scares this year so it’s not going to be long . I’m just hoping things improve in time and they allow me in.
But OP, I did say this to one vet and he said by the time they need to go they really don’t notice who is there, they just want to sleep peacefully x

What a beautiful cat I am so sorry for your loss xx

Our dcat suddenly fell ill and was pts in April. Dh took him as I couldn't face it - being 2 months since we lost ddog...
He organised the appointment and took him. I listened to dh relay the awful experience and I knew he was lying. The vet hadn't told him he could be with dcat as he had claimed. I could see it in his eyes. He chose to not let me be even more distressed by knowing dcat was alone..
Our dcat was fading fast and probably didn't know.
Sorry your last memories are so awful op...
Covid 19 has destroyed so many lives.

I have had another cry at all the lovely comments, they are so sweet and I am sitting looking through my pictures of him and thinking of all the funny moments. We did bury him earlier in the garden and we wrapped him up and gave him a straw - he always used to punch them out of people's glasses and he would play fetch with them like he was a dog. I don't think I have the heart to be angry anymore, I really don't think he meant to be hurtful and as much as what he said was inappropriate I'm more upset about the communication error than anything. I'm sure someone was with him giving him a cuddle when he passed but I just wish that person was me. Really sorry to hear about everyone else's pets, they are so lovely while they are here but it kills to live without them.

Just to let you know that Cats Protection offer:

Paws to Listen grief support service
If you’re experiencing pet-related grief you can call our free and confidential phone line on 0800 024 94 94 to talk to one of our trained volunteer listeners.

They also have a Memory Wall to celebrate the lives of cats that have passed away.

www.cats.org.uk/what-we-do/grief

I'm so very sorry for your loss, he looks like a lovely boy and I'm sure you both loved each other very much.

I had to have my old boy pts this week too, he's been with us for fourteen years and has been back and forth to vet over last few months and I haven't been able to go in with him. I took him on Friday fully prepared to not be able to go in this last time too but they offered and I was able to be with him.

I hope you do make a complaint to the vet, even if you couldn't be in there it sounds like there was a complete dearth of compassion in the way you were treated outside. Take care of yourself.

We had this with our lovely cat a few weeks ago but I spoke to the vet to arrange and paid extra for them to come to our garden. Rules changed the day before and they actually came into our house wearing ppe and it was really nicely done. Cost about £100 more but it was completely worth it. I’d have been devastated handing her over on the doorstep. I’m so sorry you had to do that. I’m sure the staff would have done all they could to ensure she felt calm and cared for but I know that will be small comfort.