difficult situation with party invite and current social distancing rules

[Abitannoying]

Hi

Would be grateful for people's opinions please - my daughter's friend (they are all 14) has invited her to go camping for two days and a night. There would be 8 kids and her friend's parents in a mini bus all sitting apart with face masks on apparently.

When they get to the campsite the kids would be 4 to a tent and spaced apart. There is a kitchen they will be cooking in and there is no mention of only eating outside. The message goes on to say that there will be hand sanitizer and masks aplenty, but the kids will hardly be wearing masks while sleeping 4 to a tent. Nor are eight 14 year olds likely to socially distance.

So aibu to say no to my daughter, who is cross with me and begging? Am I also unreasonable to be a bit annoyed that I have been put in this position? If/when I say no (I am going to say no), my dd will be upset (and says she will ask her Dad since we are divorced) and I will probably come across like an arse to the parents (though I will be polite of course).

I know that a month later they will all be at school probably not socially distancing, so there is that, but on the other hand, it's a pandemic and if anyone was infected amongst that group of kids, there is no way that it wouldn't be passed around and then to the various people in their bubbles when they go back home.

Also, when I say no, how can I phrase it without sounding passive aggressive or blaming? The end of the message says about confirming that you are happy for your child to go, but I don't know how to say no without sounding like some kind of killjoy.

My DD (12) has been invited to her best friend’s birthday sleepover in a tent in their garden, at the start of August, with a couple of other friends. We have said no, despite it being her best friend, because they will clearly be really close to each other for many hours, and a tent is definitely not well ventilated. DD is sad about it but it seems to me quite a long way outside the current guidelines. You are allowed one other household to sleepover in your home, but you should maintain social distancing. Four (over-excited and giddy) friends from four households, in one tent, is definitely no way near to those guidelines.

Why can't she go if you'll be sending her to school? What is going to be so different between now and September?

Four (over-excited and giddy) friends from four households, in one tent, is definitely no way near to those guidelines

Yes I agree.

What is going to be so different between now and September?

I guess all we can is follow guidelines as they currently are, and government plans for school haven’t yet been announced / confirmed in terms of how SD will work.

(Is my thinking, but I am interested in other people’s opinions as well).

Feel very sorry to the children whose parents are saying no to be honest!! There have been bubbles of 15 in schools for weeks - she is only with 8 friends?! Let them be kids it's one night - they have been through enough!!

Children should not be asked to social distance from each other when they return to school in September which means I will be saying yes to all invitations mine receive - they only get one shot at a childhood.

@Abitannoying

Four (over-excited and giddy) friends from four households, in one tent, is definitely no way near to those guidelines

Yes I agree.

What is going to be so different between now and September?

I guess all we can is follow guidelines as they currently are, and government plans for school haven’t yet been announced / confirmed in terms of how SD will work.

I honestly think she will be with less children now than she would be in sept. Not letting her go seems pretty harsh

Why are any of us bothering with the guidelines then? Genuinely asking as I am trying to do my best. In normal times would be very happy for her to go and posted here to canvass opinion as I haven’t yet said anything to the parents.

In fact would like nothing better than to be able to get back to normal not only for my kids but for me too we it’s been a lonely 4 months - like for everyone.

To answer your question, I think most people are now doing their own risk assessments based on the activity in front of them.

Some are choosing to hug grandparents, others are hosting small children's parties etc.

Some, like Independent Sage, want the world to be at Covid Zero before schools are allowed to reopen. You have to decide where you are and make your own decisions accordingly.

I would say no - and have to a party request at the beginning of this month....saw the pics and it was 15 or so kids from different classes/schools not distanced at all and having a buffet together. I do judge people who don’t follow the rules and I wont’t be forced to collude....they may only get one shot at childhood, but my husband (with pre-existing conditions) and mum in her 60s also only have one shot at life....I wouldn’t risk that for a stick of candy floss.

There will be other parties, there will be more years.

Are these children in her class at school? If so, I would consider them to be her safe bubble and let her go on the basis she will be with them daily during term time.

Two are from her class (including my dd), 5 are from other classes in the school, and one is from a different school completely.

Think about it logically. If she has it, she will pass it on to everyone there. Who has already presumably decided that they're happy to take that risk.

So you have to consider the risk to her catching it from one of them. Is she in a high risk category? Is anyone in your household?

If the answer to those is no, would you agree if she agreed to self isolate for two weeks when she came back? Would the whole be prepare to self isolate for two weeks?

My eldest is sleeping in a tent with his best friend tonight. They have been at school with each other for the last few weeks and will be with no social distancing in September.

Oh no, my DD would not be going.
It's get-togethers like this that will push up the numbers and s hook won't be able to bloody open in September.

School.
I'd simply reply saying thanks for the invitation for DD but you're not comfortable with sleepovers at the moment.

How many cases are there in your local area? In most areas the risk now is very low.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-51768274

How many cases are in your local area? There are 8 in mine, out of a population of 300,000.

I'd be fine with it.

I guess the other option is they all get tested prior to the sleepover?? That’s what I’ve discussed doing at Christmas with my family if the rules are still in place.

Life is too fucking short to say no to kids doing fun things after 4 months of fucking lockdown based on a tiny risk that they will pick up a non dangerous (to them) virus.

I feel sorry for your DD not being able to go, kids have missed out on so much. If adults can go to bars, sit on packed public transport and gather at protests then why shouldn’t your daughter go camping with friends? Really unfair on her and will segregate her from her peers.

I wouldn’t take the risk especially given that six of the kids are in the group she would normally be with. It’s just not worth the risk. It’s not an easy decision for you to make, but at the end of the day I think @AgnesNaismith has hit the nail on the head.

Thanks @PotteringAlong - 7 (recorded I guess but still) - out of a population of roughly 330,000. It did have a large number of cases at the beginning. Not sure if the 8th child lives in this borough or elsewhere.

If the answer to those is no, would you agree if she agreed to self isolate for two weeks when she came back? Would the whole be prepare to self isolate for two weeks? Yes this might be an option but wouldn’t it be 7 days that we had to isolate for? She definitely wouldn’t be seeing her Dad in that time (he lives elsewhere) because he is older and more vulnerable but that’s doable. Following that logic we should also isolate the week before. Just thinking aloud.