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Original poster

difficult situation with party invite and current social distancing rules

57 replies

Abitannoying · 20/07/2020 17:31

Hi

Would be grateful for people's opinions please - my daughter's friend (they are all 14) has invited her to go camping for two days and a night. There would be 8 kids and her friend's parents in a mini bus all sitting apart with face masks on apparently.

When they get to the campsite the kids would be 4 to a tent and spaced apart. There is a kitchen they will be cooking in and there is no mention of only eating outside. The message goes on to say that there will be hand sanitizer and masks aplenty, but the kids will hardly be wearing masks while sleeping 4 to a tent. Nor are eight 14 year olds likely to socially distance.

So aibu to say no to my daughter, who is cross with me and begging? Am I also unreasonable to be a bit annoyed that I have been put in this position? If/when I say no (I am going to say no), my dd will be upset (and says she will ask her Dad since we are divorced) and I will probably come across like an arse to the parents (though I will be polite of course).

I know that a month later they will all be at school probably not socially distancing, so there is that, but on the other hand, it's a pandemic and if anyone was infected amongst that group of kids, there is no way that it wouldn't be passed around and then to the various people in their bubbles when they go back home.

OP posts:
lljkk · 20/07/2020 18:56

If it's legal I would let mine go.

OpheliasCrayon · 20/07/2020 19:04

@Abitannoying

Why are any of us bothering with the guidelines then? Genuinely asking as I am trying to do my best. In normal times would be very happy for her to go and posted here to canvass opinion as I haven’t yet said anything to the parents.

In fact would like nothing better than to be able to get back to normal not only for my kids but for me too we it’s been a lonely 4 months - like for everyone.

I'm not bothering with them!
SunshineOnATrainToday · 20/07/2020 19:13

I'd be asking where they had found a campsite that is taking groups of that size from several households. Highly irresponsible of the campsite to be allowing that. Also it's quite possible the campsite haven't been told this group is from so many households. So can the parents be trusted?

I would be saying no to this also. I would just say I don't feel comfortable with it in the current situation.

PuzzledObserver · 20/07/2020 19:13

It’s not just the risk to her, or the other children though, is it? It’s the risk of keeping the virus circulating, until eventually someone catches it for whom it will be severe/fatal.

If you stick with the decision to say No, then just say you appreciate the invitation but you are not comfortable with it even with the safeguards outlined. No need to shame the parents.

(But, yes, they would be breaking the guidelines doing this)

Original poster
Abitannoying · 20/07/2020 19:19

The campsite is run by friends of theirs and they have a private area reserved for them.

I guess if we all isolated the week before and the week after that would make it safer - not sure if my other two dc would be up for that (though one is always at home in any case), and it would mean I couldn’t go and do my volunteering for two weeks running or even meet anyone in the park. Seems like a lot for a weekend camping trip which has put people in a difficult position.

OP posts:
DottyDuvet · 20/07/2020 19:44

I mean, I wouldn't if it was me personally. There are a lot of people who are being very ignorant of the guidelines that have been put in place for public safety, giving a wide range of ridiculous excuses for not following guidelines. This is the time where everyone is feeling a little bit over confident - the sun's out, the death rate is down, the pubs are open and people are not adhering to social distancing. The parents of these children could have been doing a range of these activities - and probably have been - and they could be asymptomatic.

It is your decision at the end of the day OP, if you feel comfortable. Just don't send her on the back of peer pressure for the people saying you're being harsh because that is the so far from the truth when you're looking out for other people!!

Bringonspring · 20/07/2020 19:48

They are no guidelines and not the law. You should make a risk assessment, eg is she is a higher risk category? Eg BAME or underlying condition? If the answer is no I would let her go.

Mite and more coming out about the secondary impact due to mental well being of children etc

SengaStrawberry · 20/07/2020 19:52

I would let her. There are believed to be 700 people with the virus in Scotland. The chances of any of a small group of friends having it to spread must be absolutely tiny.

Uhoh2020 · 20/07/2020 19:54

If they were at home and hanging out every day they wouldn't be social distancing so being sat around a camp fire isnt going to make much difference.
I have a ds similar age I'd probably let him go although I would be apprehensive like you are too. Send her with plenty anti bac wipes and hand gel and put her belongings and her on a boil wash when she gets home. She will be in a bubble in school with her friends every day in a few weeks anyway.

Rossaloony · 20/07/2020 19:54

I would let mine go.

I think it's a really personal decision - are you shielding? As PP have said would you be happy to self isolate for 14 days should any of the other children come down with something? Would letting her go fill you with so much anxiety it would affect your daily life and therefor have an affect on your kids?

ScissorsBike · 20/07/2020 19:56

You should let her go. It would be a big memory she is missing out on if you say no. The risk is minuscule. Incidence in the population is hovering around 1 in 5,000 people having it.

WitchDancer · 20/07/2020 20:03

Could you send her with her own tent or ask that she shares with just the kids from her school? To me that would be a good compromise.

Wigeon · 20/07/2020 20:04

@OpheliasCrayon

Why can't she go if you'll be sending her to school? What is going to be so different between now and September?
Because 12 hours in very close proximity/touching each other repeatedly, in a poorly ventilated very small enclosed space, is very very different, in terms of infection risk, to being in a well-ventilated classroom, with some distancing and a stringent hygiene regime (DH is a secondary teacher, so am very familiar with what his school’s protocols will be in Sept).

I know the risk to children is low but it’s still not a good virus to get (eg the potential loss of smell/taste, the stories of some healthy, relatively young people suffering for weeks or months with it), and a young person can definitely be spreading it to more vulnerable people.

UntamedWisteria · 20/07/2020 20:05

I'd let her go, unless there is a vulnerable person in your household. The risk currently is very small - and if she gets it, she is unlikely to be very ill with it.

I've given up trying to stop my 18 yo DS having a social life. He had 4 friends round last night. They were going to camp out, but ended up sleeping in the house. I kept my distance from them but they did not keep their distance from each other.

The night before he went to a party with 30+ teenagers. It was supposed to be outside but it rained so they all ended up in the tent.

I don't know anyone now who is following the rules to the letter.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 20/07/2020 20:09

I'd agree with you. The thing is, the numbers are small (though higher than the official number as not everyone gets tested), but they were also tiny at the beginning of the year, all it takes is one social event where 8 teenagers all catch it, take it home and pass it on to families, a few of whom then go to their grandma's place for a holiday stay (because who's following the rules anyway, these days, right?), before numbers shoot up again.

We're doing play dates and seeing family, I'm not being overly cautious, but also trying to do our bit.

I think the test is if you found out in a week's time that one of you had coronavirus, would you feel bad or worried about your choices in the last week? Personally I'm hoping for covid zero (or near zero) over summer because schools going back properly and avoiding a second peak over winter is way more important than a few summer sleepovers.

rookiemere · 20/07/2020 20:10

I would let her go - it sounds like a great weekend.

Teens especially have had to sacrifice so much for this virus, if there is a second wave - and if there is it will be much more likely to be caused by letting flights in and people in pubs getting to close - then we'll all be locked up again and she'll have a grim winter.

I don't believe in abandoning all the rules, but people have to be allowed to live a little and it could be quite significant in terms of her friendship group if she's not allowed to go.

LucyFox · 20/07/2020 20:12

It would be a no for me. Schools & Youth groups like Scouts & Guides aren’t yet allowed to go on residentials as the risk of sharing a sleeping space is deemed too high. A campsite is pretty safe, but only with people in your bubble ...

DottyDuvet · 20/07/2020 20:14

@UntamedWisteria 30+ people is actually illegal at the moment though, so that's pretty irresponsible.

winterisstillcoming · 20/07/2020 20:17

Just be honest and say that your not comfortable going against guidelines at the moment.

I can imagine how hard this is for you in the face of a teenager begging not to be left out.

Another option is to wait and see what the others are doing and pray someone else bails first.

MynephewR · 20/07/2020 20:22

I'd let her go. Teenagers have suffered enough for the past 4 months, no need to put her through being the only one missing out Sad

HipTightOnions · 20/07/2020 20:24

To everyone saying “well they’ll all be at school together soon”...

Do you understand that the ONLY protection available to teachers and pupils (and by extension their families) will be everyone being cautious elsewhere?

School is considered so important (for education, childcare and child protection) that we are expected to live with the risk, but this is only remotely reasonable if people are prepared to stick to the guidelines.

cologne4711 · 20/07/2020 20:26

I would say no. School is school, a trip away is quite different.

Though I'd be more worried about them having a road accident than catching covid I think.

cologne4711 · 20/07/2020 20:27

It would be a big memory she is missing out on if you say no

She's got the rest of the her life to "make memories".

Onestepup · 20/07/2020 20:35

I think you are doing the right thing OP. If everyone gave up on distancing, there would be many more deaths and serious cases of the virus. Everyone who thinks 'just once won't hurt' is wrong, because when too many people think the rules don't apply to them, inevitably there will be a rise in infection rates in the population.

If everyone is sensible then lives will be saved, both now and in the winter when a second wave of the virus is likely.

flowerycurtain · 20/07/2020 20:43

My instinct would be to say yes. However on reflection I'd say no to so many families. However I would be taking her camping with one friend to compensate.

I would seriously be worried about a teens mental health right now. And if we're in for a shit show of a winter they need to be (within reason) building some resilience right now.